Lost In Space
by DanH2010
Summary: A tragedy in the family will test the bonds in the family more than ever. Another installment to Growing pains. neccesary secrets and ties that bind. i know MORE bt i love this story so much R&R please x
1. Twin Arguements

**Summary - It is 2 years in the future. Lexi Liv and Ethan are 18. Daniel is 2. Ethan and Thabo are 20. Alice and Danny are 34. Danny and Alice have a year old daughter named Amie. I have decided to get straight into the story instead of setting it up slow since my last one was soooooooooooooooo long! Can't say too much incase if goves my story away. anway people enjoy and see if u can guess wot is gonna happen :)**

**Disclaimer. Again I wish I owned WAH but I don't and never will unfortunately.**

Danny and Alice were stood in the surgery. Working on a lion. They were discussing Ethan.

"Danny Ethan can't read that letter we received!" Alice panicked. Danny's heads were steady as he stitched up the lion.

"If he finds out that his dad is being released he'll kick off. And I still remember his promise on how he'd kill him!"

"Alice he is gonna find out eventually. I mean his dad expressed an interest in getting in contact!"

"Well he can stay away from my boy!" she said fiercely.

Danny smiled. "Speaking of kids." he started. "Where are Dee Jay and Amie?"

"Nursery!" She replied.

Alice smiled at the thought of their youngest children. Daniel was 2 years old and got into everything. He was so curious. Had to look at everything. Just like his father, and little Amie Amanda. Alice had wanted Amanda Amie but Danny had declined for some reason. Anyway Amie was a year old and hadn't been planned. Daniel wasn't even 3 moths old when she'd been conceived. She and Danny had tried to be careful but 10 years of not having to be careful was a hard habit to break. Anyway they had slipped a few times and of course when you slip there's a chance you'll fall. And that is exactly what had happened. She'd fell pregnant again. They drew the line at 4 kids though. Danny had offered to go and have the operation but shed said no. Instead she was using contraceptives. Not the pill she was too unreliable. She had the IUD. Lasts 10 years. He'd been there the whole way with her pregnancy like with Daniel and this time Amie had arrived on time in a hospital with Danny by her side. He'd filled up when he saw her. His mini Alice he'd called her. He was so proud of all of his babies.

Lexi cancer had been in remission now for 2 years. Still taking her pills although the dosage was lower now as she was being weaned. She and Ethan's' relationship had survived and Ethan was being traditional asking Danny before he took her out anywhere. She hoped they kept their promise about waiting for that year but it was obvious something physical would have happened by now. She remembered the kit Danny had bought from the internet. Peter the penis he called him. She chuckled softly remembering Lexi's pale face as she walked out of the living room.

"HIM! He's…. O god!" she said shakily. "And Ethan's no better encouraging him!"

She walked away shaking her head.

She'd then walked in and saw Danny and Ethan sat on the floor. The erect penis in front of them.

"It's defective!" Danny had grumbled. She saw a pile of split condoms on the table.

"What about some lubrication or something?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah we could try that!" Danny told him. So they did. Tried again and the condom split. Again.

Tried again. It split yet again.

"Well Ethan everything we did here. Don't do it ok. Better still never have sex yeah." Danny then whacked the penis with the back of his hand. It fell on the floor.

Alice had known the problem.

"Hey guys." She'd said.

"What's his name…" she pointed to the penis.

"Peter," Ethan supplied.

"Yeah peter, he's too much of a man for those condoms if you know what I mean."

Danny picked the penis up and opened a condom. Compared them.

"O yeah!" he said.

She'd laughed at them.

"And make sure you buy ones that fit too!" Danny told Ethan.

"Danny!" Ethan exclaimed.

Danny's voice brought her back to reality.

"Earth to Alice. You have been stood there smirking for 5 minutes."

"Just remembering the Peter penis fiasco."

Danny grinned.

"You traumatised her you know." Alice said.

"That was my intention!" he admitted. "I was freaked that Ethan was cool about it like. I just don't want them making the same mistake we did. They were too young for sex then. They still are now but there's nothing we can do. They aren't having the best of time at the moment are they?"

Alice shook her head. "Lex is very focused. She knows what she wants as a career. Ethan doesn't. he's content with his boxing. He's good too. They bicker coz he goes away more and more."

"Whatever they had has fizzled out I think. Too close quarters. If they have lived apart it might have been better." Danny said. They were washing their hands at the sink.

"We practically lived together when we were younger. We didn't fizzle out." Alice mentioned.

"Yeah but we had 5 years apart. If we lived together like we planned we probably would have got on each others nerves too. So I suppose the years apart can be seen in a good light in one way at least."

Wrong thing to say Danny after he heard Alice gasp. Back-pedal. Do it now and do it fast!

"Oh so the fact that I raised our daughter alone is a good thing?" she asked.

"Of course not but…"

"Well what was good about it then?" she asked angry.

"What I meant was IF we had stayed together we might have broke up by going to quick. Then we wouldn't have all this. I just think we would have fizzled out. The years apart gave us time to grow up and allow us the maturity to appreciate a steady relationship!" that sounded pretty good to him. Not to Alice obviously.

"O I had to grow up alright. I was raising a child while you matured at your own slow pace!" she stormed off.

"Way to go Danny!" he muttered. He followed Alice from the surgery and saw Alice climbing in a truck.

"I'm going to collect the kids from day care. You wanna come or am I doing this alone?"

"Alice stop acting like a child!" he said stiffly.

"Well I had to grow up quick. Maybe I'm reverting back to my childish ways I didn't get the slow pace like you did!"

He climbed in the truck. "We'll talk later huh?"

(X) Meanwhile in the kitchen

"Ethan your going away again?" Lexi asked.

"Yes Lex I am. I box, it's what I do." he said. "It's something I'm good at."

"Well it's not a proper job!"

That remark stung. He floundered abit when deciding what his career is. He wasn't good at anything. Except maybe boxing. Or fighting. "hey I get paid when I win!" he shouted back. Insulted.

"I want you to stay home. Please." she asked softly.

"Lex this has been planned for months."

"So it's more important than me?" she yelled.

"No of course not but…"

"If you go then it's over!" she interrupted.

"Lex don't start this again!" he threw his hands in the air. A gesture of impatience and frustration.

"I mean it Ethan!"

"I won't allow you to emotionally blackmail me like this! You've been clingy with me the last couple of weeks. Is it this new medicine your taking?"

"That's your explanation for everything!" she snapped.

"Please Ethan." she pleaded.

"No Lex I gotta go." he said. Picked up a couple of letters addressed to him from the table.

"Fine then we are OVER!" she yelled. Crossed her arms.

He walked over and kissed her. "It'll just be 2 days. If you asked me earlier I would have stayed. But I can't cancel this late. I love you."

He heard a car horn. "I'll phone you tonight."

"Don't bother!"

He touched her face softly then walked from the house. Lexi walked to her room and slammed the door. Felt her cheeks wet with tears. God why was she crying? He was right. That new medication was messing with her. She hated that he had to go away too. The last time 2 days had turned into 4 because of storms. She was just so sick of playing second best to boxing. Something she couldn't compete with. She wouldn't even know where to start. Boxing was all he did. He needed to focus on other stuff. Like a proper job. Instead of getting his head kicked, or shall she say punched in for a living.

She felt sick and tired. Literally. She'd lie down. She'd had nightmares recently and wasn't sleeping well so some sleep would do her good.

**A/N straight in with the story. Poor Danice. And Lex/eth. Everyone is bugging each other atm x**


	2. Shocks

Lexi walked from the bathroom. She'd had all of 5 minutes sleep. Well probably more than that but it felt like 5 minutes when she was suddenly awake and running to the bathroom.

Her mum was giving Amie a bottle at the kitchen table. Well Amie was on her mums knee while she held her bottle.

"Another month and then you go on the sippy cup Ames." Alice said stroking her short black hair.

"Mum I think I need to change my medication. This new one is making me sick." she said.

"Ok sweet I'll sort it our next check up."

"Thanks." she walked towards Liv's bedroom.

After she heard a muffled come in she walked in and sat down.

"Are you bothered that Thabo leaves you behind to go boxing with Ethan all the time?" Lexi asked without preamble.

"Yeah of course but he isn't gone long and he makes time for us when he gets back." Liv replied.

Lexi nodded.

"Me and Ethan argued. Again. I told him we were over. Again. I just feel sick and tired and weepy and just lethargic you know. Stupid medication!" she muttered. Lay on Lexi's bed holding wrapped her arms around her stomach.

"Yeah maybe Lexi!" Liv said sarcastically.

"What?" Lexi asked frowning.

"Well what was your mum like with your dad with Amie?"

Lexi thought back. Clingy emotional. Shattered. Being sick. Her hand clapped over her mouth.

She shot up from lying on the bed. "Nooooooo." she drew the word out.

"Well have you two been careful?"

"Sort of." she said uncomfortably.

"Lexi!" Liv said.

"Well I'm on the pill. The doctors didn't tell me whether my medication would affect it. I sorta lured him to a hut and seduced him. He didn't have a condom. We thought we'd be fine. Plus it was only once…well twice, and the doctors told me I might have problems conceiving as chemo can damage fertility!"

"Did they give you a definite you will not be able to have kids."

"Well no." Lexi said.

Liv shook her head. Went in her drawer pulled out a test.

"Me and Thabo had a scare. Here!"

She took it. "I know I'm fine. it's the medication!" she said defiantly. "I know I'm not…." she couldn't even say the word.

"Well then Lex, you have nothing to worry about!"

"You think I should wait till he gets back or do it now?" Lexi asked.

"Whatever you want!"

"I'll do it now. Be back in 10."

10 minutes later Lexi walked into Liv's room. Pale. And she felt sick. At least she knew why!

"I guess congratulations are in order." Liv said softly.

"I'm…I'm…" she stuttered. She looked at her friend. "I'm in big trouble Liv."

She sat on the bed. Clutching the box. "I can't be pre…pre…pregnant!" she forced herself to say it. "I mean it's not possible is it?"

"Well seeing as you are I'd say it's pretty possible.

"I can't bring a child into this relationship. We argue all the time and I'm in college. He boxes for a living for Gods sake. And I work at Fatani's with you."

"You've got some money saved right?"

"Yeah but that's for university."

"Well." Liv said.

"But it's for medical school in Jo'burg Liv. You know I wanna be a paramedic. That will never happen if I'm…."

"There's no if Lex. You ARE pregnant deal with it." Liv quieted. "There's always one other option." she added .

Abortion. Lexi winced. "I couldn't do that to his…to my…to our child. He'd never let me anyway."

"Technically he has no rights till after it is born." Liv told her. "I'm not condoning this mind just giving you all the facts."

"I couldn't do that to him. It would break his heart he'd hate me and I'd hate myself."

"You just made your decision then."

"Liv I don't think I'm ready though."

"It's here now. You have no choice. And next on the to do list tell daddy!"

Her head dropped and she looked at her stomach. Her and Ethan's child was nestled there safe and warm.

"I'll get on of your mums old pregnancy books they're in Dupe's office."

Liv walked from the room and into the office was looking through the books. She just picked the one she needed when Alice walked in.

"Hey Liv." Liv sound around and his the book behind her back.

"Hey Alice."

"Lex do you know where dupe keeps his invoices. Since he and Caroline moved in Mr Okotto's place I can't find anything!" Alice muttered looking drawers.

"Me, um no sorry." she walked backwards away from her. Hiding the book from sight.

Alice looked up. "Liv you ok sweetheart?" Alice asked.

Liv nodded vigorously.

As she walked backwards she walked straight into Danny and dropped the floor.

"Sorry Liv." he said and picked the book up. Noticed the title.

Danny looked at Alice. Alice looked at Liv. Liv smiled apprehensively.

"Look that's…." Liv nearly said the book wasn't for her but then she realised who she was talking to.

"Are you?" Alice asked. "It's fine you know. We'll help you out if you are." Alice said softly. Taking a step towards her.

Lexi owed her for this! "I dunno. I'm gonna do a test when Thabo gets back. I wanted to read up on some of the lesser known symptoms. I know the obvious ones but…"

Alice nodded. "You can come to me if you need help you know. I mean I know your mum isn't here but I know what's it like…"

"I know Alice. And thank you. O and PLEASE don't tell gran. She already hates Thabo!"

She hurried from the room with the book letting them think it was her was definitely the lesser of two evils. At least for the time being.

She closed the door to her room. Saw Lexi frowning at her stomach. Like she was trying to figure it out.

"Am I doing the right thing? Do you think?" she added.

"I'm with you on the no abortion bit but I can say that since it's here you got no choice. The way I see it you have 2 choices. Adoption or bring it up together."

An image filled her head. Ethan holding their baby. A perfect mix of him and her. Him smiling at her lovingly. More images quickly followed. Him holding their child's hands as it took their first step. First mama and dada. Birthdays. The 3 of them happy together. A family she smiled widely she wanted that family!

"C'mon then gimmie a look at that book."

"How long you late? Then we'll be able to read the right chapter!" Liv said.

Lexi thought. She hadn't even realised she hadn't had a period this month. She calculated. "A week."

They flicked to week 5. And read.

"Aw Liv it's only slightly bigger than a millimetre!"

As she read on she grew more worried. It had mentioned speaking to doctors about any medication they were taking. She flicked to back and checked the index to search for cancer. She found the page and read quickly.

"O god Lex it says woman with leukaemia have a higher risk of premature labour! And I have to discuss with my doctor medication coz it could harm it!"

"Makes sense." Liv said. "Just make an appointment to see your specialist and carry on taking your meds."

"No. I'm stopping the tablets now. It's heart and spine are developing. I can't risk it!" Lexi said. Her hand resting on her stomach. Protecting the baby.

"But you'll risk your cancer returning? C'mon Lex that could kill you both!" Liv hissed.

"I'd live long enough to give birth to it. It would have Ethan.. Plus what would you do Liv?"

"I would have been more freaking careful for one thing! I knew I was wrong lying to your mum!"

"What?"

"She saw me getting the book. I knew her and your dad would flip so I told them I might be pregnant. I think I should go and tell them. Especially since your being so stupid and reckless with your health!"

"Do that and I'll tell Evan Thabo has hit you. A few times. Got you convinced no one else will have you!"

"But he hasn't." Liv said.

"He doesn't know that!" Lexi blackmailed. "Look Liv this is my body and my baby. Let me deal with it my way! I know what I'm doing."

"Your being an idiot!" Liv said.

"Thanks for your support!" Lexi spat and walked from the room.

**A/N there we are so cloloveswah u were exactly right. keep readin this story gets more complicated as it goes on x**


	3. Big Mistakes

Ethan sat in the changing room of some ratty gym. Thabo had finished his fight. That man is scary sometimes. He's just so quick. They were both professional boxers now. Had turned professional 6 months ago. The fights were definitely harder but he'd had his first victory on his last fight and was feeling good. Well not totally good. He missed Lexi. He hated leaving her. He thought about her loads. She was right. He couldn't box for the rest of his life. I mean eventually he'd have to go and get a proper job for when he was married and he had kids. But what was he good at? Right Eth, put this out of your mind! Think about it later. Pulled his phone from his bag. He wanted to hear her voice. The letters he had picked up fell out. He'd forgot about those. He picked up the top letter. Hand written. The handwriting was vaguely familiar. Tore it open.

_Dear Ethan._

_This is your dad. I know your wondering why I wrote to you after all this time. I mean how old are you now? 15 16? No, younger I think! Anyways it's been a while since that day and I wanna tell you I might be getting out soon. Hopefully. And I wanna see you again. I'm not the same man now. I'm bi-polar. Struggle to contain emotions when I'm not medicated. But I'm great now. Calm. I know what I did was wrong and I can't take it back but your mum she provoked me if I'm telling the truth. You might know what it's like if you have a girlfriend. I remember you were always like me when you were young. Losing your temper easily. Fighting. I wish I could take back what you saw too. I should never have did that to you. I'm sorry for what I did to you and Lauren. I now know how much I love you both. It's too late for Lauren but I hope we can mend bridges. All I can say is sorry. Easy said but if I do get out I want to try and make this up to you._

_I'm sorry son._

_Dad_

Ethan went from shock to white hot anger to all encompassing rage. Did he realise what he wrote? Mum deserved it. He was sorry Ethan saw what he did but not sorry he did it! He got up and paced. Ethan was like him? Like hell. That's a freaking insult! Did his dad really think he would hit the woman he loved? The mother of his children. Obviously by the tone of the letter! The letter crumpled as his fist clenched tightly. His dad didn't mean it! He thought sarcastically. Well he wouldn't mean it either when he pounded his face in! He's changed? He'll change alright. He'll be rotting in hell by the time Ethan finished with him! He's getting out? That was the worst. How dare they let out his mothers murderer. Overcrowded jails so give him some pills and send him out to kill again? With each statement he felt his blood boil hotter. If he gets out mum he's dead. I swear on everything I have! I promised you then and I promise you now! He walked and punched his locker. Felt pain streak though his hand.

"Hey Eth 5 minutes yeah." Thabo said popping his head in. "Hey man you ok?"

"I'm fine!" he said coldly. Pulled on his gloves. The ones Lexi gave him at Christmas. They had Ethan embroidered on the Velcro. He pounded his fists together. Walked out of the changing room and into the ring.

He smiled as he saw his opponent. The Ivan Drago look-alike. His first final.

"He's out for blood mate. Be careful!" Thabo warned.

"Good!" Ethan replied.

Thabo knew something was wrong Ethan wasn't his usual bouncy chirpy self. He looked cold, hard remote, serious. And his face was deadly.

"I'll have him down in one round!" he vowed.

"Whatever mate!" Thabo scoffed.

Ethan stood in his corner. Walked to the middle.

"I'll have you this time kid!"

They touched gloves.

"Whatever!" Ethan turned his back and the boxer pushed him.

Ethan spun quickly and his fist connected with the boxers jaw. "Don't push me!" he spat.

Thabo was in the ring in seconds and had grabbed Ethan. The other boxers trainer had grabbed him

"Cool it mate. What's up with you?" Thabo asked.

Ethan's face was mean as his eyes narrowed. "One round!" Ethan repeated.

The bell rang.

(X)

Ethan walked out purposefully. He didn't bother with any preliminaries. Went straight in there. Drago hit him but he wasn't feeling it. His opponent frowned. Ethan distracted him with his left then uppercut him with his right. Got in a combo of 3 punches to his face, firstly a right then a left. The boxer went to block with his right but Ethan hit him with another left. Flung the hardest right at him he could. The boxers eye exploded. Ethan looked and saw Drago wobble. One more punch had the boxer on the floor. Suddenly Ethan was over him hitting him. He was having an out of body experience. Like he was stood outside his body watching it pound an innocent person. The ref was trying to pull him off be he couldn't. And Ethan couldn't stop. The other trainer came over and Ethan started on him to. Thabo grabbed him from behind.

"He's a disgrace! He should be banned!" the other trained yelled as he saw to his young protégé .

"Come and stop me then!" Ethan yelled. Straining against Thabo.

Thabo pushed him in the corner. Stood in front of him. "You want out Eth then you hit me. C'mon kid do it!" Thabo warned.

Problem was Ethan was angry enough to try it. He swung his fist. Thabo ducked and then tried to engage in a fist fight. Ethan pulled his gloves off.

"C'mon then Thabo." Ethan taunted pushing him. "Take a swipe at me!"

Thabo was tempted. He took less then this for a man to get a slap. But this was his friend and something was obviously wrong so Thabo refused. Ethan was pissed that Thabo wouldn't hit him. Pound his face in.

The police had arrived. And the judges pointed to him. He was restrained and then pulled away.

(X)

Ethan was in the changing room pacing. The police were stood outside. He needed to do something. Hit something. Have the hell kicked out of him! Anything to get rid of this murderous energy he felt. Thabo hadn't rose to it so someone else would have to. His opponent? He smiled. He knew a bar that all the boxers frequented. He'd bet that's where he was going tonight. He walked over and punched the mirror on the wall. It shattered and split all his knuckles. Thabo walked into the room. Had his gloves in hand.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm fine Thabo. Leave me!" his fists clenched and blood dripped onto the floor.

"You won by the way. KO'd him in the first round. Got a bonus on your winnings for that. They were reluctant to give you this. I persuaded them seeing as you KO'd him then kicked off."

He put the check in Ethan's bag.

Ethan paced still.

"Ethan tell me what's wrong mate. I might be able to help you. I can have Liv talk to Lex if that's what it is."

"Go to hell Thabo. OK leave me alone!" Ethan walked towards the shower.

Thabo shrugged then left. Phoned Liv immediately.

"Hey gorgeous is Danny or Alice there? it's important."

Danny came on the phone.

"Hey Danny is Lex ill or have Ethan and Lex broke up or something?"

"Everything is fine. Why?"

"Ethan lost it. I mean really lost it. KO'd his opponent in less than a minute. Started on the trainer then me. He was completely gone. Enraged wasn't the word!"

Oh God he knew! Was Danny's only thought.

"I'll phone him Thabo. Thanks for the heads up. I can sort this."

Danny rang Ethan but his phone was off! Dammit!

(X)

Ethan was calm. Well calmer. He was sat in his hotel. He needed Lexi but she wasn't here. He longed for her. She would hug him and keep him calm coz that's what she did. She was everything to him. He phoned her.

"Hello Lexi, you have no idea how much I needed to hear your voice." he blurted as he picked up.

"Hey eth. How'd your fight go?"

"Not too good. I don't wanna talk about it." he told her. Savouring her soft tone.

"Oh Eth did you lose?"

"In a way." he admitted.

Lexi felt irrational anger rise at his evasive tone and funny attitude. "What does that mean?" she asked. A angry tone in her voice.

"What?" he asked. He didn't wanna deal with this now. Don't let her argue with him please!

"Your cryptic comments!" she spat.

"O I understand now. It's the time of the month isn't it?" he asked. Annoyed.

"Why'd you phone me Ethan. To provoke me? Job done!"

"No I miss you so much. I needed to hear your voice. You calm me."

"Well Ethan if that was true you would never have gone!"

"Oh no Lexi. Please I don't wanna argue I just need to sit and talk to you. To hear your voice." he pleaded. She didn't hear the tone just the words.

"Well if you remember I told you we were over!" she disconnected.

So she didn't wanna talk to him. Fine! Didn't wanna be with him Even better. If that's how she wanted to be then she can go to hell! He was better off alone. This is what happens when you rely on people, they bail on you when you need them the most! He left his hotel room and went to the bar, showed his id and asked for the strongest drink they had. It was nasty but doing it's job. He felt wramth rushing through him.

After a couple of hours had passed a tall slim woman came to talk to him. She smiled at him predatorily. I like your muscles. She said. You look hard. Dangerous." she'd purred.

He shrugged and sat down.

"I'm Alesha." she told him.

"Ethan." he replied.

They were chatting and he was buying her drinks.

"Your very handsome." she told him.

"And your beautiful." he told her slurred. What you doing Ethan go to your room and to bed ALONE! You can't do this to Lexi. A voice told him.

"Go away." he muttered. Head fuzzy.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing darlin'."

She beamed at him at the endearment.

"Where you staying tonight?" she asked seductively.

"Hotel." he said. "I go back home tomorrow."

She smiled climbed from her seat opposite. Sat beside him and kissed him softly. He responded without thinking.

"Let's go then." she told him.

She got a taxi and they went to the hotel.

(X)

Ethan woke up. His head hurt. Pounded like a bas drum actually. He couldn't open his eyes. They felt like they melded shut. He opened one a crack. "Arghh! Too bright!" he muttered.

He turned and rolled into a warm body.

"Huh?" Lexi had to get out of here. She wasn't allowed to stay with him at night. He couldn't even remembering being with her last night actually.

He finally felt his eyes open fully. Was looking at an unfamiliar woman's face. His jaw dropped. Who the hell is she and what the hell is she doing in bed with him naked? Work it out brainiac! Yesterday rushed back to him.

His partner on bed woke up and smiled at him seductively. "Good morning."

"Yeah, good morning." he replied nervously.

"I'm glad your awake. Last night was amazing. I'm intrigued how you'd do it sober." she dived on him and he kissed her.

"Really sorry but I've got a plane to catch!" he said pulling away.

She smiled and nodded. "You don't have to worry I don't want a relationship either. Just mutual satisfaction!" she purred.

"Sorry but I really do have a plane to catch!" he pulled his ticket from his drawer and showed it to her. He also wasn't for casual sex.

She shrugged. "Oh well. Can I borrow your shower?"

He nodded.

As soon as he was gone he searched the room. Found the empty condom wrappers. Collapsed on the bed. "Thank God!" he whispered.

She appeared fully clothes.

"It's nice knowing you Ian."

"Yeah you too." he replied not meaning it at all.

She closed the door as he closed it behind her.

He heard the muffled tone of his mobile. He rose from the bed and pulled on his boxers. Rifled around for his jeans. As he pulled his mobile out Lexi's smiling face flashed indicating who was calling him. He was filled with a deep feeling of guilt. God he had betrayed her! He picked up the phone.

"Hey Ethan." she said happily.

"Hey Lex." he said neutrally.

"Look Ethan the first thing I wanna say is I'm sorry about what I said last night. I was just being soft and hormonal. We've got stuff to talk about when you get home." he missed the subtle hint and excitement in her voice.

"Yeah I agree." he said sadly.

"I just really love you and want us to work you know. I don't wanna break up."

Guilt ate at him. "I love you Lex. We'll talk later."

He already knew what he had to do. And say. He walked to the shower.

**A/N oh ethna ethan ethan wot did u do? and that last line. wot on earth is he gonna say? hmmm the plot thickens**


	4. Gone

Danny was in his room packing a bag. Daniel was helping.

"Hey Dee Jay daddy needs 3 socks. 1,2,3"

"Won too fee sox!" Daniel said happily.

"That's my boy." Danny said.

Daniel handed him the socks. Then carried on handing him more.

"That's enough son." Danny picked him up from the floor and blew raspberries on his cheek. Daniel giggled and scrunched up his face.

"Where Am Am?" Daniel asked.

Am Am was Amie Amanda abbreviated.

"Am Am with mummy at doctors. She'll be back soon.

"Where Le…Le…Leeiy?"

Danny smiled at his son's face frowning with concentration trying to say Lexi.

"She's in her room son."

"Eean?"

"He's away but he'll be back some time today." he looked at his son. Amazed at the resemblance. All except the eyes and hair. The child was all him completely. The Alice touches were there though. Which made him better looking than he would ever be! All his kids inherited a little bit of Alice glamour. Bt Amie. She is Alice! Completely. Back hair. Blue eyes. Her face. Smiles everything! Where he had dominated with Lexi she had dominated with Lexi. She was gorgeous just like her mother. The people in question walked in. a distraught Amie in her arms.

"Dada." Amie said and thrust her arms to him as soon as she saw him. Her blue eyes swam.

Needle? He mouthed. Alice nodded.

"Momma!" Daniel shouted and wiggled to be down. He put Daniel down and took his daughter.

"Aw Amie was the doctor naughty?" he lay her head on his shoulder and rocked her. "Daddy go bash them huh?" she sniffled and put her thumb in her mouth. She was so tiny compared to Daniel having inherited Alice's height. He rubbed her back and her eyes closed.

"She's all for you! Screamed da da all the way home."

"My daughters do seem to be like that. Lex was the same. But Daniel is definitely a mummy's boy."

Amie was limp on his shoulder. He laid her in her cot and pressed a kiss to her head.

"What's with the bag?" Alice asked.

"Daniel is helping daddy pack. Aren't you son."

Daniel smiled. "Won too fee sox!" he repeated.

"That's it Dee Jay gimmie five!"

Daniel frowned at 5.

Danny took his hand opened it and hi-fived his son.

Daniel smiled. "Fife, fife!" he said happily bouncing in Alice's arms.

"He's so clever for his age you know Danny. He counted to seven the other day. Lining up his cars. Recognises numbers up to 5. Can sing most nursery rhymes now with only slight prompts. This type of stuff doesn't usually display till 3 and half 4 years old. Well it didn't with Lexi anyway. He's only turned 2."

"He's my boy!" Danny said proudly. Ruffling his black hair. Pulled a pair of jeans from his wardrobe.

"I repeat Danny what's with the bag?"

"I booked myself onto a flight to Bristol. I phoned Ethan's solicitor yesterday. And he thought it would be good if Ethan could talk at the panel about keeping his mums killer in prison. I haven't been able to get in touch with him and he's not due home till tonight. At least that's what I think I'm not sure. Anyway I can't risk it. I phoned this morning and his solicitor said the best next people would be me or you. The only available flight goes out in 2 hours time. I'm gonna take all our documents. Along with the stuff from the therapist he saw when he was younger. You know documenting what he was like when he first came to us and now that's he settled. His fathers release could be detrimental to his progress. The panel meeting is tomorrow. I have to get there in time."

"And you never thought to discuss this with me?" she snapped putting Daniel down.

"You weren't here!" he said and zipped his bag.

"Yeah so you jump on your white horse and gallop off to save the day!"

"There was no time Alice. I had to make a decision!"

"I agree but you don't make those decisions without consulting me!" she fumed.

"You weren't here!" he repeated angrily. "Look I've got a plane to catch!"

He picked his son up. "Be good for momma. You're the man of the house while I'm gone ok!" he said smiling in a serious tone.

"Fife!" Dee Jay said.

"Five!" Danny said. "Good man!"

He went to kiss Alice. She took a step back. "Goodbye Danny."

He grabbed her hand and pressed a kiss to it before she could pull away.

"I'll phone you when I'm on the flight!"

He left the room. Alice heard him walk into Lexi's room. Kiss her and tell her he'll see her in a few days. 3 tops.

She heard Lexi say ok and that she loved him.

"C'mon lil man we'll get you a drink sorted." she flicked the baby monitor on and attached hers to her belt.

At the mention of a drink Daniel did his potty dance. "Potty momma! Then euice."

Ok son. She walked him into the bathroom. That was another thing he was good with. They had only started him on the training pants and it clicked in the first month. He had the occasional accident but he was doing great.

(X)

Ethan arrived at leopards den. It was quiet. He had hid out at the gym till 6 o'clock but he had to go home. It was quiet so grabbed the biggest bag he could find and put all his tracksuit bottoms and a few pairs of his jeans. All his t-shirts and jumpers but no dress shirts. Filled it with his underwear and socks too. Spare trainers too. CD's. laptop. He left his mobile though after phoning a taxi. He walked into the study and grabbed his passport. He'd decided to travel for a while. He had money saved. Do some soul searching and hopefully get over this infatuation he and Lexi had. He walked out of the study straight into Lexi. She saw him smiled and pulled him close.

"Hey." she said smiling and kissed him. Butterflies pooled in her stomach. "I've missed you. But we got a little time alone for once."

"Lex come in my room. We need to talk." he said gravely.

"This sounds ominous!" she said worriedly.

He sat her on his bed and paced. He stopped and looked at her. "Look Lex, I think it would be best if we had a break." he told her softly.

"Your breaking up with me? What? Why?" she asked voice wobbling.

"Lex all we do is argue and I hate it! Sometimes we don't even know what we're arguing for!. I love you I do but I'm not gonna fight with you all the time!"

"But we always make up."

"And we fight again. Sometimes only hours later! Do you really want that? Do you wanna spend our time screaming so much that we hate the sight of each other?"

"No but…"

"But nothing Lex. I've decided I'm gonna go travelling for a bit. Figure out what I'm gonna do with my life. I shouldn't be long 6 months a year maybe."

"No Ethan you can't leave now! I need you! You don't understand I'm…"

They herd the beep of a taxi so he interrupted her. "Sorry Lex I've made my decision. I'll call you maybe. Bye."

He walked passed her grabbed his bag and left the house. Climbed din the car.

"Ethan NO!" she said and followed him. Her brain screamed at her to yell to him about the baby. She opened her mouth but no sound emerged.

She stood at the top of the veranda. Watched the car pull away.

"Ethan." she whispered. "My period is late. I'm pregnant."

It made no difference. He never heard her. Her hand was rested on her still flat stomach as the taxi disappeared taking the father of her child with it. She suddenly felt very afraid of what the future held.

"Don't worry." she whispered. More to herself than the baby. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was pregnant and alone. Her face turned to one of fierce dislike. "I hate you for this Ethan!" she yelled.

Ethan climbed from the taxi and withdrew his money at the Jo'burg bank. Headed towards the airport. His heart felt heavy. There's till time to go home Ethan. You don't have to leave her. Just go home. Say sorry and everything will be fine! But he couldn't. coz that would mean telling Lexi the truth about what he did to her. About his father. And he couldn't do that! Plus he had a score to settle! He spotted a phone and decided to ring Leopards Den. Say goodbye to Alice.

"Leopards Den." Alice said as she picked the phone up.

"Leads Den." Daniel parroted. Ethan smiled.

"Hey Alice it's Ethan."

"O hello son. How'd your match go? I thought you'd be home by now actually."

Ethan thought back with disgust at his loss of control and then after with some girl. "Alice I'm at the airport. I've decided to go travelling."

"What!" Alice exclaimed.

"Look I know about the business with my dad. My head is just all over. I'll write and send postcards I promise. I love you all."

"Ethan promise me you won't go to Bristol please!" Alice pleaded.

He heard his flight announced.

"Alice my flight has been announced. I'll be in touch bye!" He said and disconnected.

"But where you…." Alice heard the dial tone.

Ethan walked towards the terminal. He had stuff to do here. Then maybe after a year or something he'll go back. He just had stuff to sort out. His life included!

(X)

It was 10 o'clock and the house was empty apart from her and the kids. Lexi brooded in her room., obviously having spoke to Ethan. Liv was in her room too. Her gran had asked her if she wanted to live with her and dupe at Okoto's but Liv wanted to stay at leopards den which was fine with Alice and Danny. Alice heard the phone ring.

She ran and picked it up.

"Ethan!" she asked panicked.

"No it's Danny."

"O Danny hello honey."

"What's up Alice?"

"It's Ethan. He phoned me from the airport a few hours ago. He's going travelling and he hasn't told anyone where he's going!"

"Alice honey he's a man now. If it gives me perspective then it might be good for him!"

"yeah and he's away from Lexi too!" She replied nastily.

"I didn't say that!" Danny told her defensibly.

"You didn't have to. Danny admit it you never fully accepted their relationship!"

"Alice please I don't wanna argue. I phoned to apologise. I understand I have a save the day complex. But I'm not sorry for leaving. Ethan would be a wreck if his dad got out. I'm gonna put a stop to it!" Danny said stubbornly. "I was just listening to a snow patrol song and it just hit home that I hate arguing with you. He murmured the words to the verse of the song called make this go on forever.

_Please don't let this turn into something it's not_

_I can only give you everything I've got_

_I can't be as sorry as you think I should_

_But I still love you more than anyone else could_

_All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight_

_Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right_

_This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long_

_Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong_

_The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could_

_First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything_

_The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned_

_T__he final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love_

"Oh I know honey. I didn't mean it either. I guess we've just been getting on each others nerves a little. It happens to everyone. We'll get through it. I mean we've been married for nearly 15 years and I can count on one hand how many times we've had a serious argument so I guess we were due."

"I know I love you and I know you love me too. And we'll have fun making up when I get back."

"I have more pressing things." Alice said.

"Like?" he asked.

"How I'm gonna sleep without you tonight."

"That I can't help you with. But it's only for one and half nights. The half comes from the fact that I arrive back in Jo'burg at 1 o'clock in the morning not tomorrow but the next day."

He looked at the flashing light on the phone.

"I'm sorry honey I gotta go. The phones beeping feed me and I don't have any more change. I won't phone you when I land as it'll be like 2 in the morning on your end. And you have Amie and Daniel. Not to mention Lexi and we both know she ain't a morning person. I'll phone you before the meeting. I'll definitely try anyway. Love you Alice."

"Love you too Danny."

The phone disconnected. Alice walked into their room and changed into her pyjamas. Checked to make sure the 2 little ones were fast asleep as Daniel was known to wake up at odd times. Nope both asleep. So she climbed into bed and lay on her stomach. Danny's pillow under her head. It smelled like his shampoo. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. It was still a while before sleep claimed her.

**A/N the danice have made up. danny is adorable aint he. awww cute. but eth had gone poor lex. :(**


	5. Tragedy

"Dada." Amie chortled the next morning.

"Danny!" Alice grumbled sleepily.

All was silent in the room.

"Danny your daughter is shouting!" Alice said eyes closed.

"Dada!" Amie repeated.

"Danny." Alice turned over and noticed the bed empty. Then remembered that Danny was in Bristol. She was so tired she'd forgot. Daniel had woke up at 2 am and hadn't went back to sleep till 5. It was now 6 o'clock and she hadn't actually fell asleep till about one so all she had was 2 one hour naps. She was literally dead on her feet!

She rose from the bed and picked Amie up. Looked at Dee Jay in his cot beside Amie's. Still asleep. She flicked the monitor onto on and went to change Amie and give her morning bottle.

"Mama!" Amie sang.

"yeah baby mama."

She was staring into her coffee cup 30 minutes later while Amie was making a mess with her wheetabix when Lexi walked in.

"You took your remission pill this morning Lex?"

She nodded. Unwilling to tell a lie to her mum. She flushed them these days.

"Wow Lex you look terrible, they really are affecting you aren't they?"

"I'll be fine mum." Lexi said weakly. She didn't mention that she had spent the last 15 minutes resisting being sick in the bathroom. Hadn't worked.

Lexi poured herself some cheerio's and picked at it.

"Lex you ok baby?"

"yeah mum. It's just the medication. It makes me weak. And I wanna be sick all the time."

Seems she had given baby the name medication for now. She would tell them when her dad got back.

"Are you sure your ok?"

"Mum my cancer hasn't returned. I promise I'm fine." she handed Amie a cheerio which she put in her mouth with enthusiasm then spat straight back out when she tasted it. "I feel abit down about Ethan which can't be helping. He just left." her eyes filled. "Excuse me." she bolted from the table and slammed the door as she walked into her room.

Alice heard Dee jay stirring over the baby monitor. Amie was in her high chair. Nothing dangerous close so she quickly left her and went to get Daniel. She held his hand as he walked into the room. Lifted him in his booster seat and gave him breakfast. So the kids were eating/making a mess she was engrossed in her to do list for the hospital. Looked like the playpen for the kids for a little while anyway, she thought.

(X)

It was 10 o'clock and Danny hadn't phoned. He must of slept in and had to rush to the meeting. Alice was down in her surgery. The phone rang but she allowed the house to pick it up. She was busy.

The phone rang and Lexi picked up.

"Leopards den. Alexis Trevanion speaking."

"Hello." the caller said stiffly. He looked at his sheet. Alice Trevanion. Alexis Trevanion. Might be a misprint or funny pronunciation the caller decided.

"Hello it is my understanding you are the next of kin to Daniel Trevanion."

"Yeah I am." Lexi said confused. She supposed she was being his first born child and all. Anyway why the hell did this man wanna know that?

"I'm sorry to inform you that the plane he was flying in crash landed 2 miles outside of Bristol."

"Cr…cr…crash landed?" Lexi said. "Well how is he? Is he ok? In hospital?"

"Look miss there were no survivors."

"What do you mean no survivors, there has to be!" she screamed.

Alice walked in the house. Saw her daughter hysterical on the phone.

"Your wrong!" Lexi yelled.

"I'm sorry miss. His seat was at the front. There is no possible way he survived. The plane nose dived. The fire burned hottest at the front."

Lexi saw a graphic image in her head. Her dad burning. She gasped and fell to the floor. The phone clattered to the floor.

Alice knocked on Liv's door. "Watch the kids for me please Liv." then ran to Lexi.

"Lexi baby." she murmured.

Her eyes fluttered. "Dad….plane….phone." she sat up looking dazed.

Heard someone's voice at the other end of the phone.

Alice picked it up. "What the hell have you said to my daughter?" she demanded standing up.

"Who is speaking?" the caller asked.

"Alice Trevanion. Mother of the child who just passed out so tell me what you said."

"O God!" he muttered. "Look Mrs Trevanion are you wife and next of kin to Daniel Trevanion?"

"Yes I am."

"Well I'm sorry to tell you that the plane your husband was flying on crash landed 2 miles outside of Bristol. There were no survivors."

"What?" Alice asked shocked. "I don't understand. What happened?"

"At this point we don't know how or why this happened. We believe the plane was struck by lightning. We believe it was on fire when it went down."

"I'm sorry but I really don't know what your trying to tell me!" Alice told him. The information hadn't penetrated her brain yet. Why would a plane crash affect her ad Danny?

"Miss, your husband Daniel Trevanion was killed in the crash."

"What?" she shouted. "Danny? No way!"

"On behalf of our company we are deeply sorry for your loss."

Only single words were recognised. Company, sorry, loss.

"No way!" she repeated. "This is wrong!"

She slammed the phone down. Then phoned his mobile. Have this cleared up in 2 seconds. Unable to connect the call. She felt fear. She shrugged she'd ring the solicitor. He's tell her that Danny was at the meeting this morning. The battery on his phone had died that's all.

"Hello Mr Briggs, is Danny there. Can I speak to him?"

"Mrs Trevanion Danny never made it to the meeting. I have been unable to get in contact with him. Without his contribution Mr Bell had been released."

Alice only heard that Danny hadn't arrived. The rest faded in obscurity. She slumped till she was sat on the floor beside her daughter. Danny hadn't made it. He would never have missed it unless… she started breathing heavily. Placed the phone back on the cradle.

"Mum they're wrong aren't they?" Lexi asked terrified.

Alice had her mouth covered with a hand. She was frowning. "I gotta see to the babies." she said calmly. She got up and walked to Liv's room.

"Thank you Olivia." she said. "Come on Daniel Amie."

She picked Amie up and walked into the kitchen. She got things wrong. Put Daniel in the high chair and Amie in the booster seat. it's a good thing the booster seat had straps. Gave Amie the beaker and Daniel the bottle. She mashed up too much banana and gave it to both of them instead of cut chunks. She was about to cut some apple when the knife sliced through her finger. She stood and watched the blood pour from her finger down her hand and trickle down her arm. Lexi walked in the kitchen eyes full of tears. Saw the blood flowing down her mum's hand.

"Mum what happened?" she ran over and thrust her hand under the running water.

"I cut my finger. I was bleeding." she said simply.

Lexi fetched the first aid kit. Sat her mum at the table.

"What we gonna do mum?" Lexi asked. Eyes filled as she opened the first aid kit.

"About what?"

"Dad. Him being…." Lexi face crumpled ad tears fell.

"Being what?" Alice repeated blankly.

"Dead." she whispered.

Alice jumped up. "Your father is not dead!" she shrieked., "He will be back tomorrow at one o'clock."

Alice felt tears fall and she swiped at them. Alice tears dried. "Why am I crying? Like I said he's FINE!" she said calmly. Stuck a plaster on her finger and methodically began clearing Daniels and Amie's trays. "You shouldn't cry either Lex. He's fine. You'll see!"

Lexi stared at her mother. Worried about her attitude. "Ok mum sure!" she practically ran to her room. Picked up her phone,.

"Nana it's Lexi. Can you come down here please?"

"What's the matter baby are you ill?" she asked panicked.

"I'm fine. But you know the plane that went down outside of Bristol?"

"Yeah baby it's a shame. The plane is gutted. A shell. It burned so hot and quick. They haven't been able to identify people by their dental records it was so bad!"

Lexi gasped loudly.

"Lexi?" Mrs Elliott asked.

"Dad was on the plane!"

"Oh God!"

"Nana my dad is dead!" she sobbed. "And mum. She's pretending like he's fine and gonna come home. She's scaring me!"

"I'll be there as soon as I can baby. Try not to worry. We'll sort this." she vowed.

**A/N anyone see that cumin? i hope not i wanted it to be a surprise. sorry i killed him off :( poor trevanion family how r they gonna cope?**


	6. Family Rally

3 o'clock the next afternoon. Missy Shauna and Mrs Elliott walked into Leopards Den. They strode in the house together in a line. Saw Lexi looking distressed in the kitchen. Alice was cleaning. The 3 woman looked at each other. Alice cleaning not a good sign. Her baby monitor was on the table.

"Mum about the call yesterday…" Lexi started.

"It's ok sweetie. His flight is delayed. Don't worry."

Missy looked at Shauna. Shook her head. Alice was clearly out of it.

Shauna Missy and Mrs Elliott walked into the kitchen. Alice looked at them then returned to cleaning like she hadn't noticed them. 5 minutes later she looked up. "Hello Mrs Carr. Melissa. Shauna. Danny isn't here at the minute.

They kept looking at each other. She wasn't calling them by there usual names. Hadn't ran over to greet them. It was like they showed up like this all the time. Something was seriously wrong. And they knew what. She had switched off.

Lexi walked over to them. "She's off her rocker. Did you hear her? Not once in 18 years has she called Missy Melissa! And she only calls Shauna, Shauna when they're carrying on! And Mrs Carr I mean you've been married for like 10 years or something now!"

"Lex, do me a favour. Go in your mums room. Close the door. And turn the baby monitor off." her nana told her seriously.

She nodded.

As soon as Lexi was out of sight the 3 woman looked at each other.

"Alice?" Mrs Elliott started.

"Gotta get this place clean. I'm gonna ask Danny is he wants to bring his mum down. She's just had chemo so this stuff has gotta be clean if she does come."

"Alice Danny's mum had been dead for over 10 years."

Alice looked at her like she was stupid. "Don't be daft Mrs Carr!"

"Alice sit down!" Missy said seriously.

"Why so serious Melissa?" she asked sitting down.

"We're here for a serious reason!" Missy said.

"We heard about Danny." Shauna said. Eyes glistening. He was like a brother to her. They provoked each other but it was only banter. She loved him like she loved Alice.

"His flight it late!" Alice spat angrily.

"Alice his flight isn't late." Mrs Elliott told her

"Then where is he then?" Alice asked smugly.

They surrounded her. Closed ranks. "Alice. Danny's plane crashed. He's dead."

"NO!" Alice stood up. "I won't listen to lies!" Melissa out her hands on her shoulder and sat her back down.

"We're really sorry. We know how much you love him. We all love him too!" Shauna said a tear fell.

"There is nothing to be sorry about because he is not dead!" Alice said angrily.

"The phone call…" Melissa started.

"Was to tell me his flight wasn't going to be in on time!" She told them slowly.

Mrs Elliott nodded. "Ok Alice. When does he get in? Did they say?"

Alice frowned. "Um…soon."

"What EXACTLY did the operator say?" Mrs Elliott asked calmly.

"He said…. The operator said….." the conversation rushed back to her. Crash landed. No survivors Danny dead.

"NO! they are wrong. Everyone is wrong! OK!" her breathing changed. she was standing again. Missy went to hug her. She pulled away and pushed till she broke their circle. "Danny promised never to leave me!" her breathing grew more laboured and tears gathered. "He wouldn't do that to me!" she crumpled. "He wouldn't die!" she collapsed on the chair. She sniffed breathing heavily. "He wouldn't leave the kids! He just wouldn't." her composure evaporated. "Oh God my husband is dead!" she whispered. Her head dropped on top her arms on the table and sobbed. She inhaled deep breathes shudders wracking her body.

Her mum got up to pull her close.

"Leave me!" she said heart breaking. Still sobbing uncontrollably. "I just wanna die!"

The 3 people looked at each other worried about her state of mind.

Alice didn't move just carried on crying. Heart breaking as more tears fell.

They let her cry a little longer.

"Alice you have 4 kids in there worried about their dad. Grieving. You need to pull yourself together for them!" Shauna said and pulled her arm.

Alice snatched it back. She wasn't crying loudly anymore but her shoulders still shook slightly.

"At least she was still functioning before!" Shauna muttered. "Now she's shut down. Frozen."

"Right Missy Shauna go get Lexi and the babies out of Alice's room. Move them to Lexi's room or the living room."

"Ok mum." Shauna said.

"Alice is Ethan around. To help Lex with the kids for the time being."

Alice didn't answer. Her shoulders shook more. And she inhaled deeply.

"Alice, why was Danny on the plane? Has this got something to do with Ethan? Was he on the plane too?"

No answer. Then she looked up. "He left too. He could be on the plane." she covered her face. "My baby boy too mum!" her face was tortured. She started crying again. Deeper and harder then before.

Mrs Elliott went to the bathroom. Got her some sleeping pills. Maybe the best thing for her would be to sleep the initial shock off. She returned.

"The kids are in the living room with Lexi. Her room isn't baby proof. We asked Liv to help coz Ethan wasn't around."

"Ok Shauna you sort the kids a drink and Missy you help me."

They got to work.

"C'mon Alice." Missy said lifting her arm.

She yanked it back.

"Alice your kids can't see you like this!" Missy said softly.

She sat up and looked at her with dead eyes. "Does it matter?"

"To them yes. I mean god the babies are too young to understand why their mum is crying!"

"To be honest I don't care!" Alice said soullessly.

Melissa snapped.

"ALICE Get out of that chair and get the hell out of here now!"

Alice eyes sparkled with anger. "Who are you talking to like that?" she got up and pushed Missy hard. Melissa pushed back automatically.

Shauna was walking back into the kitchen.

"You shouldn't of done that!" Alice launched at her. Melissa head had cleared and she was ready to stand there and take it. Shauna and Mrs Elliott had grabbed her before Alice could hit her.

"Think about it Alice. She's our best friend!" Shauna pleaded. Alice's eyes were trained on Missy's.

"Let her go Shaun's. Mrs Elliott. If this is what she needs to get it out of her system then I'll take it. Just let me take my coat off. It's new." she shrugged out of her coat.

"No way Miss look at her, she'll kill you! Then me when I try to stop her!"

Melissa shrugged. "She's already pushed me from a second story window." she winked. "Let her go. Trust me."

Shauna and Mrs Elliott wore matching looks of dubiousness. Then they reluctantly released Alice. She was in Melissa's face in a second.

Shauna shrieked. covered her mouth with her hand.

"C'mon then Alice." Missy said calmly.

Alice stood there breathing heavily. Arms shaking. Fists clenched tightly.

"Take a swing. It might even make you feel better." Missy paused. "Won't bring Danny back though."

Alice's head moved back a fraction. She raised her fist. Tried to summon the strength to hit her best friend. But she couldn't. Pushed Melissa out of the way and walked into hers and Danny's bedroom.

The 3 woman were silent for a minute.

"Are you insane Missy? She could have killed you!" Shauna finally exclaimed.

Missy shook her head. "Would never have happened!"

"And your so sure how?"

"Same thing happened 20 years ago. With her mum. She didn't hit me then. Actually truth be told later after you had gone home we did have a scrap. I wasn't as controlled then. I don't know if you remembered but the 3 of us sorta disbanded for a month or two. Remember?"

"Oh yeah it was awful. I was lost!"

"Me and Alice caused it. Said some nasty stuff and punched each others heads in. We swore when we made up that we'd never fight again. I knew she wouldn't do it!"

(X)

The 3 woman sat down at the table. Heard something heavy hit the wall in Alice's room.

"How in the hell do we handle this?" Shauna asked.

Mrs Elliott frowned.

"Out of the three of us Alice was always the most controlled. Except when she was rattled or something major happened. Even more so when she lost someone she loved." Missy said. "Best I can figure we need to act normal." Missy told them.

"Miss…" Shauna started.

"No actually your right her normal is gone but don't you see she needs routine. Something stable she can hang on to. So how about we try and develop a new routine for her. Of course we should make it all about the kids at first and then bringing everything else slowly."

Mrs Elliott and Shauna stared at her.

"Who are you and where is Missy?" Shauna asked. "How do you know this stuff?"

"I attended a workshop years ago. Bought myself a couple of therapy books. Read them cover to cover quite a few times. They fascinated me. I act the fool but I'm not! I never thought I would use the knowledge though!"

"You'd make a good therapist Melissa. You read people well." Mrs Elliott said proudly. Mrs Elliott felt like the 3 girls were her daughters in a way. They had been close now for over 30 years watched them all grow up and blossom. She couldn't be prouder of them at the moment. Rallying around for each other!

They were soon discussing.

"Right she needs to spend as much time with the kids as possible. Starting now. It'll be easier for her to ignore them if we take over. She has to take care of them. It is essential she doesn't cut herself off. Physically or emotionally. If she does that then the kids are in trouble!"

"But Miss we came to help with the kids." Shauna told her.

"We will. But she needs to do this. We aren't here forever and she is a single parent with 2 kids under 3 and a busy vets practice. I don't wanna be leaving thinking she can't cope!"

Shauna nodded. "I can't stay long. The girls."

Melissa nodded looked at Mrs Elliott. It seemed she had been appointed leader and planner unspokenly.

"I'm retired. Can stay as long as I'm needed."

"I got about a month. There's nothing important in my diary. I'll ring my secretary and tell her to clear it and cancel all my outgoing visits. It's great owning your own company!"

"Right Shauna at first I want you to stay with her as much as possible but tell her you will be leaving. Coz she is gonna have to get used to people leaving her. Then I'll stay for a couple of weeks and follow you. Finally your mum. I think she'll be fine when she gets over the initial shock. She loves her kids and would never neglect them. The problem is if she isn't fine. With Danny gone there is only Ethan and Lexi."

"Strike that. Lexi only!" Mrs Elliott said.

Missy and Shauna looked.

"She suspects Ethan was on the flight too!"

"Damn! You know what I shouldn't be doing this. We need someone who knows what they're doing!" Missy panicked. "I shouldn't be playing amateur psychologist!" Missy declared.

"Actually I think we'll be fine between the 3 of us. We know her best. Love her. Who better to help her?" Shauna said. "Plus we aren't stupid. You can guide us in the right direction."

"I know Shauna but we're talking her husband and her son. Don't you understand the implications of that?" Missy asked. "If I'm wrong she could snap completely that'll be good. Sorry Lex but I sent your mother insane!" she said sarcastically. "Can we really risk her sanity?"

"Look we'll take it a day at a time but what you said makes sense. We can't let her distance herself from the kids!" Mrs Elliott said. "Let's go get her!"

**A/N i like serious missy. abit background on missy in the next couple of chapters :) poor alice isn't copin 2 well is she? mst importantly will she snap herself out of it?**


	7. Get Out Of My Life!

Missy Shauna and Mrs Elliott knocked on Alice's bedroom door.

"Go away!" she yelled.

They walked in her room.

Alice lay curled in the foetal position on her bed.

"C'mon Alice the kids need their tea." Missy said.

She turned her head away from them. "Can't one of you do it?"

"Yeah." Missy replied. "But you're their mother."

"I don't feel well!" Alice complained.

"Ok then." Missy said simply. "But they won't eat well. I mean all I can cook is microwave meals and we know James does the cooking in Shauna's' house coz she can't boil water without finding a way to burn it. And Mrs Elliott got real rusty. Brian told me she burnt the soup so bad the pan had to go in the bin. So between is they'll get a burnt microwave meal."

Alice glared at them. "Move!" she stalked from the room.

Missy grinned. "That ladies is how it's done. Score one to us me thinks." she painted a one in the air.

"You are an evil genius!" Shauna grinned.

"I know." Missy said.

"Master manipulator." Mrs Elliott added.

"Why thank you!"

"Right now, for the serious stuff. We get the kids in there with her. Around her constantly!"

They nodded and collected the kids. Sat them at the table. Alice peeled potato's. Not speaking.

"Moma." Daniel said.

She looked at him. "Yes Da…son."

"Fife." he said.

"Yes son five." she told him. And tapped his hand with her unenthusiastically.

She didn't look at Lexi at all. Mostly at Amie. Who of course was the smallest reminder of Danny as she didn't resemble him.

"Look at my gorgeous niece!" Missy said and picked her up. "No doubt she's the double of her mum. Defo got Danny in her though!"

Shauna glared but Mrs Elliott understood.

"Oh yeah look at her. She has his shape eyes, and she's definitely reminiscent of his features."

Alice looked down at her potatoes.

Amie looked around.

"Dada?" Amie questioned. Her lower lip protruded. Eyes filled. "Dada!" she started to cry. "Wa dada!"

Alice wiped her hands on a towel and took her daughter. "There we are sweetie!"

"Dada!" she groused.

"Not right now sweetie." Alice said a lump in her throat.

Mrs Elliott took over the potatoes.

Caroline walked in and saw everyone piled around the table.

"Shauna!" Missy motioned to tell Caroline. "If she gets upset keep her out of here! Alice has just calmed down!" she whispered.

Shauna nodded. Took Caroline in the living room. They heard a gasp.

Alice was singing softly to Amie. I'm a little teapot. When her daughter was calm she nuzzled her neck. "You do look like him!" she said softly.

Missy and Mrs Elliott looked at each other. Shared a small smile.

"Moma K?" Daniel asked. "Moma sad, Daniel hug!" he said seriously.

Alice gave a son a small smile. The innocence of a child where a hug and a kiss will make everything better."

"I'll be fine son. Am Am is ok too."

"Moma lov voo." Daniel smiled his adorable Danny grin.

Her breath caught. "I love you baby."

The phone rang.

She handed Amie to Missy and went to pick up the phone.

"Hello leopards Den. Alice speaking."

"Hi I am the coroner dealing with the crash."

"Yes!" she said sharply eyes darkening.

"We are notifying family that due to the intense heat and fire on the plane any individual remains may be impossible to identify. We are trying our best. We're extremely sorry!"

"Thank you for letting me know!" she said angrily. Slammed the phone down. Stormed into her room and slammed the door.

Melissa winced. "We'll leave her to cool off get whatever out of her system then we'll go in."

(X)

3 hours later

Alice sat in her room on her bed. Her knees pulled close to her body. Her chin rested on them. Tears slowly trickled as she contemplated life without Danny. She was listening to seasons by Good Charlotte over and over. The song spoke to her so much.

_Summer air reminds me of_

_All the feelings of your love_

_And what it was like_

_When we were together_

_Walking all along the beach_

_You were never far from my reach_

_And you held me_

_Through the stormy weather_

_And I wanna fall in love_

_Tonight_

_And I remember when you said_

_Everything's gonna be alright_

_(-)_

_Laying in the summer grass_

_You told me not to talk so fast_

_As I told you_

_How I feel_

_You made me feel right at home_

_You told me I was not alone_

_And you knew_

_Just how I feel_

_I know we talked about it_

_I just can't get around_

_I just want one more night with you_

_I wanna fall in love_

_Tonight_

_And I remember when you said_

_Everything's gonna be alright_

_(-)_

_October air reminds me of_

_All the seasons of your love_

_And what it was like_

_When we were together_

_The smell of fall is everywhere_

_And though it seems I just don't care_

_'Cause now you've gone away_

_I wanna fall in love_

_Tonight_

She thought of her kids as the song played. Daniel is only 2 and Amie 1. To young to remember who their father truly is. Ethan has disappeared off the face of the earth. Could have been on the plane for all she knew. And Lexi wasn't due her all clear for another year. If she got ill again Alice couldn't do it again. Without her husband. Losing more of her family wasn't an option. God she felt so heartbroken. Heart obliterated. Or simply heart gone. It flew up to heaven the second her husband had been taken from her. How did she go on without him? She had done it before but she knew he was alive then. Now though he was gone. They had always been a team. Alice AND Danny. Now she was alone. She couldn't even give him a burial. Tears fell faster. God she felt like she had cried herself out and still more came. She heard someone rattle her door knob. It was locked.

A few minutes later she heard voices.

"Shauna for gods sake help me!" Missy hissed. "Damn these high windows."

"Your freaking useless Shauna!" Missy added.

"Well your heavy!" Shauna grunted with exertion.

There was s squeak and Missy fell through her window with a clatter.

"2 Minutes Alice." popped her head out of the window. "OW! Shauna!"

"You told me to push you!" Shauna grumbled.

"Help Shauna. Help me! Push is not help. Push is push and people get hurt and fall on their heads!"

"Same diff!" Shauna muttered walking away.

"God give me strength or I will seriously strangle her!" she whispered rubbing her head.

She looked at her friends face and pulled up a chair. They sat in silence.

"Bad phone call Collins?" she asked. Her old affectionate nickname.

"Leave me Miss. I can't have visitors now."

"I'm sorry but I can't Alice."

"Yes you can Miss and you will. I don't break promises and I swore way back when that I wouldn't hit you but you don't understand!"

"Your right Alice I don't. But you've got 3 kids in there Alice who have lost their father. You moping in here isn't helping them. Have you spared a thought for what Lexi s going through. I mean the babies are too young but Lex. God she is 18. She knows what's going on and must be scared to death that she's gonna lose you too!"

"Miss if you don't get pout of here now I will no longer consider you my friend." Alice warned.

"It's a good thing your sill my friend then." Missy told her.

"Leave me. Just let me be alone!"

"No Alice you don't have that luxury. KIDS Alice, I never thought you'd abandon a responsibility."

Alice jumped up. "Don't tell me how to raise my kids!"

"Get in there and raise them then. They need you!" Missy told her. "Instead of leaving us to do it for you!"

"Go to hell Missy. I want you out of here and out of my life. I never want to talk to you again. You know nothing. You haven't loved anyone like I love Danny . You aren't capable of it!" she spat. "And no one will love you like he loved me either!"

Missy's eyes clouded over. The words affected her more than she let on. How could Alice of all people say those words to her? "Ok then. Goodbye Alice, you want me away. I'm gone and as for NEVER seeing you again that's fine too. I don't like you this way. You always knew what to say to get me away!"

Melissa stormed out of the room. Memories flooding her, she tried to help and that's what she got. Well Alice can go to hell. She'd ring Mrs Elliott and Shauna from the airport. She ran straight into Liv in her haste to escape.

"Lexi sent me! She's ill!"

**A/N well alice has angered missy who is now leaving bt most of all Lexi is ill omg wot is rong?**

**an the good charlotte song. aw i love it so much. i first heard it wen i was like 12 and still love it now sooooo it has lasted. :)**


	8. Pairs Of Guilt

Melissa walked in Lexi's room. Saw her lay on the bed curled in a ball.

"Oh God Lexi!"

"Liv….shut…door!" Lexi demanded.

"Screw that get Shauna and her Lexi's nana!" Missy said heatedly.

"NO only you!" Lexi said. "Or no one comes near me!"

She was shuddering. Shaking. Breathing heavily. Her arm covered her eyes.

"Lex we gotta get you to a doctor. I don't know what's wrong!"

"Withdrawal." Lexi said softly. "Shakes. Chills. Sweating Stomach cramps.…" Lexi said.

She gasped as more shudders wracked through her. And her stomach cramped painfully.

"Withdrawal from what?"

Lexi lay silently.

"She's stopped taking her remission medicine!" Liv spoke up.

"You freaking idiot Lex." Missy shouted at her. "Are you stupid?"

Missy walked over to Liv. "On the quiet get me tablets and water. And a cold flannel.

Missy went back to Lex.

"Can't take it!" Lexi shuddered.

Liv left the room.

"There's no can't Lex! You've got to take it!"

Liv returned.

Missy got up. "Anyone see you?"

She shook her head. "She won't take it!" Liv said.

"We'll see." she said to Liv then looked at Lexi. "Lex honey take the tablet!" Missy said.

"NO!" she replied forcefully.

"Last chance sweetheart take it!" she warned.

She shook her head.

Missy turned back to Liv and whispered.

Liv climbed on the bed beside Lexi. "What you doing?" Lexi asked.

Liv lay on the bed beside her. Wrapped her legs around Lexi's tightly. One arm around hers and one around her head. "Sorry Lex but this is for your own good!" Liv whispered.

Missy held her tablet. Lexi clamped her jaw shut. Shook her head.

Missy held her nose. She held her breath as long as she could. Then gasped. With Liv holding her head she couldn't turn and Missy put the tablet in her mouth. Liv covered her mouth with her hand.

"Swallow Lexi!" Melissa said.

She glared and swallowed theatrically.

"Yeah right Lex!" Missy said seriously.

They lay there for 30 minutes. Tears streamed from Lexi's eyes.

"Let her go Liv." Missy said.

Liv released her.

She was still having symptoms but they should subside as the pill worked.

"I hate you both!" she said softly. And you!" she spat at Liv. "YOU KNEW!" she shouted at Liv.

"Lex it's for your own good!" Liv replied. "I don't wanna lose my best friend."

Missy looked between them.

"There's more than one person to think about!" she yelled.

"What am I missing?" Missy asked worried.

Lexi curled up in a tight ball. Hid her face.

"She's pregnant." Liv said.

"You what?" Missy gasped. "And I just… why didn't you tell me?"

"Coz you'd tell her mum." Liv said.

"Why didn't you tell me? I wouldn't have forced the medication on her if I knew!"

"I didn't tell you for that reason. Pregnant or not she needs that medication and she stopped cold turkey. Hasn't had a tablet in 3 days!"

"That stuff can cause deformities. It's her decision! Its her body and her child!" Missy said angrily.

"What so she can chose to kill herself over someone who left her. Cheated on her?"

Lexi shot up. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing Lex." Liv backtracked.

She stood and wobbled. "Tell me Liv now!"

Liv exhaled. "Thabo mentioned that Ethan returned from the bar with a woman. She left the hotel the next morning."

Lexi bit her lip. Tears filled her eyes. "Leave me alone both of you!"

"Awww Lexi!" Missy said gathered into her arms.

She was going to fight but then crumbled. "He said he loved me!" Lex said as Missy hugged her. "How could he do that to me?"

"I'll be outside huh. Leave you in private." Liv said.

"Aw sweetie he's not worth the tears if he'll do that to you!"

But I love him!" Lexi told her through tears.

"I know sweetie I've been there too. But a cheater is a cheater baby. You'll never be able to trust him again." She murmured rubbing her back. "Does he know?"

"No he would have stayed. I tried to tell him before he left but he just drove off. The worst thing is what if he was going to Bristol? My baby might not have a father now!"

"We'll all help you. You know that." Missy said softly.

"But I need HIM Missy." Lexi hugged Missy tightly as she cried. Her tears soon subsided. Sat on her bed.

"I'm sorry about the way I gave you medication, I thought you were being a bit daft coz of what happened to your dad. Even if I knew about the baby I still would have advised you to take it."

"I can't risk it Missy." Lexi told her.

"Your no good to the baby if your leukaemia comes back and your gone too. Your mum has lost your dad. Possibly Ethan. If you get ill again she might snap. You've got your brother and sister to think about too."

"But what can I do?"

"I'll take you to the doctors tomorrow. On the quiet since you don't want your mum knowing yet. But ONLY if you take your tablet. They are a lower dosage you know. It might be fine."

"I'm 18 I don't need an adult there."

"But you DO need support Lex." Missy said. "One tablet is all I ask."

Lexi nodded reluctantly. Missy smiled.

"How long you here for?" Lexi asked.

"I'm debating on leaving tomorrow night. I was leaving when Liv told me you were ill and grabbed me."

Lexi frowned. "Why?"

"Me and your mum. I love her but she said something that I can hear. It hurt really hurt you know. We've been through a lot and she got me on one of my hang-ups. See I play the stupidly happy, insane person but inside I'm different. There is a dark place inside me and she hit me there deliberately. Best friends don't do that!"

"But she just lost my dad Miss."

"And I'm trying to help Lexi but you can't help someone who won't help themselves. And I can't take part in target practice if she's gonna say stuff like that. It took a long time to get past all that stuff. And what makes it worse is that your mum was the one who noticed I was different and helped me. At the same time helped me to hide it from Shauna and her mum."

Lexi had a feeling. "Who and how old?" she asked softly. "Only if you want though."

"Uncle. 12." she said simply. "She noticed I was different. I wasn't as loud then. But I turned severely introverted. Shauna noticed too. But she easily believed I was fine when I said so. Your mum though she knew something was wrong. Threatened to tell her mum if I didn't tell her. So I told her, it was really emotional." Missy remembered telling Alice. How she was scared that her uncle would do something to her younger sister if she stopped him. "Later we told my parents. What she said was similar to what he would say before he would…." Tears filled Missy's eyes and she breathed heavily. Dropped her head so Lexi couldn't see her tears. "It brought it back. I can't hear her say stuff to me like that Lex so I'm going!" she practically ran from the room and into her own bedroom.

Lexi stood up. Walked to her mothers room. Banged on the door.

"Go away Melissa I already told you to get out of my life!" Alice yelled.

"Let me in mum!" Lexi shouted angry.

The lock clicked. "You ok Lex?" Alice said as she opened the door.

Lexi walked inside and slammed the door.

"How dare you treat Missy like that!"

"O that, I don't care." Alice said sitting on the bed. Arms folded.

"Where do you get off? Treating friends who love you like that? Friends who help you. Friends you helped!"

Alice shrugged. Lexi hoped saying that would be enough. Less subtle hint time. "Think about what you said to Miss. The words you said!"

"I said she couldn't love anyone like I loved your dad and no one would love her like he loved me!" Alice said in a bored voice.

Lexi nodded. "Let's see. You called her unlovable. Worthless. Ugly horrible. Disgusting."

"I didn't say any of them!" Alice told Lexi.

"Someone else did. Although with that sentence you told her!"

Alice jaw dropped as realisation dawned. "Oh NO!" ran from her room into the kitchen. Empty. Living room. Her mum and Shauna sat at the table. "Where's Miss?"

"Dunno!" they said. She checked her room and saw her sat on the bed.

"Missy." Alice started.

Missy walked over to her. "Go away!" she pushed forcefully from the room. Locked the door.

"Miss talk to me!" Alice said through the door.

"WE have NOTHING to say to each other!" Missy yelled upset.

"About what I said."

"Didn't bother me. You know me happy go lucky. Fly by the seat of my pants. Everything slides right off my back!"

"I didn't mean it Miss. I'm sorry I didn't think. You gotta know I'd never say that and mean it!"

The door opened. Alice was grabbed by the collar and pulled inside. "You just keep going don't you! Is it your job to make me crack up?" she asked angrily. They were face to face. Missy's eyes which usually sparkled with humour were black with anger. "He didn't me it either did he? Didn't stop him doing it. Like it didn't stop you saying it!" she let go of Alice's collar and breathed calming herself.

"Miss ignore me please. I'd never wanna hurt you. I love you. We're like Siamese triplets the 3 of us!"

"Yeah well this triplet is gonna be surgically removed for good!" Missy grabbed her case. "You know Alice you and my parents are the only ones who knew what happened to me. And you know what else? I would have literally died for you after the way you helped me." a tear trickled. "I love you as much as my brothers and sister. More even. But I can't hear stuff like that. Not from you. Especially from you. Goodbye!"

"Miss please, we'll talk this though I don't wanna lose my best friend!" Alice pleaded.

Shauna appeared along with Mrs Elliott. A car drove up.

"Miss where you going?" Shauna asked.

"I'm gone Shauna. Alice will tell you why!" she walked from the house. Climbed in the car and was soon speeding away from Leopards Den.

Alice scrubbed her face with her hands. God she had been a complete bitch to Missy. No matter what happened to her she should have known not to say that to Miss. She could handle anything except that. It always got her. Problem was she hadn't even realised she said it. There had been a boy who had said a similar thing to her after it happened. Her first boyfriend and it had depressed Missy for weeks. Like Alice said. She can take anything you say to her except references to her abuse. She picked up her mobile and rang Missy. It went to voicemail.

_Hey Miss here sorry if I missed ya. Busy doing important stuff. Shopping ha-ha. Everyone except Alice Trevanion leave a message after the…."_

God she had already changed her voicemail!

"What's up Alice?" Shauna asked. Alice looked and they were alone in the hallway.

"The 3 musketeers are now 2." Alice said simply. "Missy hates me."

"Missy? Yeah right. She loves you. You can say and do anything to her. Call her every name under the sun and she'd laugh in your face. Probably agree to a degree."

"Not this time Shauna. I went too far. There's something you don't know about Miss. We kept it quiet only because she didn't want everyone finding out and feeling sorry for her, and I sorta inadvertently threw it in her face. I didn't mean to and didn't realise!"

"Ok Alice. If it's made her this mad it must be a doozy!" Shauna said.

"Like you wouldn't believe Shay! C'mon I gotta see to my babies."

Shauna smiled. Whatever lad been said missy had done it. Distracted Alice enough that her mind was off Danny and firmly on her kids.

Shauna text Miss.

_You did it Miss, I'll phone you l8a. Please pick up yeh!_

Missy text back. **TBH I dnt car. im glad the kids hav their mum tho**

"_Wot Ali say?"_

**So she hasn't told u? I dnt wanna tlk bowt it shay me n u cn still b m8s bt I cnt tlk 2 ali atm. Am jst bein flooded by memories and they rnt nice!**

_U know am always ya m8 miss jst tke care of yaself k I'll fone ya l8a mke sure ya ok!_

**Fanx shay x**

_Nb miss x_

Shauna walked into the living room. Alice looked up.

"You upset her bad Alice!"

Alice nodded. "Tell her I'm sorry."

Shauna text her.

"Easily said like everything else is the reply." Shauna told Alice.

Shauna shrugged at Alice. Who nodded sadly.

**A/N so now u know y miss reacted so bady and now shehas gone mayb neva 2 speak 2 alice agen :(**


	9. Missy's Nightmares

Lexi's phone rang.

"Hey Lex." Missy said.

"Hey Missy. You ok?"

"How's' your mum?" Missy asked softly.

"She's been better. But she's bathing the babies so she's out of her depression. Sort of anyway."

"Ok. I got you an appointment at a private doctors tomorrow." Missy told her.

"Aw thanks Miss."

"I'll meet you at Leopards Den." Missy said.

"I didn't think you wanted to see mum!" Lexi told her.

"Good point. I'll text you the details and I'll meet you at the doctors."

"Why don't I meet you at the hotel?" she hinted.

"Nice try Lex."

"I swear to you if you tell me where your staying I won't tell my mum!"

"Missy went silent.

"Or Shauna or Mrs Elliott either!" She said gaining her trust."

"You'd never break a promise to your Auntie Missy would ya?" Missy asked.

"Hey I'm like my dad…" Lexi went silent for a minute. "God I'd forgot for a while. How much of a rubbish daughter am I?"

"Lex." Missy said softly.

"Will I ever remember him without crying?"

"Of course Lex. Look I'm staying at the Marriott in Jo'burg. If you need me phone them and they'll patch you through. You know if you cant reach me on my mobie. I debated on going to Mara but I wouldn't give them custom. I have my loyalty to your mum still!"

"I'll see you there tomorrow them Missy."

"You promised Lex." Missy reminded her.

"Yeah I know Miss." she said and disconnected.

She had promised not to tell mum, or Shauna or Mrs Elliott. She smiled widely. But Liv could tell whoever she wanted! She giggled at her own deviousness.

(X)

Shauna was on the phone to James. Murmuring softly. Alice was just finishing a bedtime story to the twins. Mrs Elliott was reading in the living room. Alice walked into the living room. Sat next to her mum who put her arm around her. Alice felt like a child again and pretended this was her real mum hugging her like this. She wrapped her arms around her. Closed her eyes.

Liv and Lexi walked in the living room looking smug.

"I think Shauna and mum should go see Missy!" Lexi declared.

"We don't know where she is." Shauna said putting the phone down.

Lexi gestured to Liv.

"Marriott in Jo'burg." Liv declared.

"How did you find this out Lex?" Shauna asked.

She made a zip motion over her lips.

Shauna grinned. "Why you devious…God you have been around Miss too long!"

Lexi grinned back at them.

"I can't go I have the kids. I can't leave them." Alice said.

"Me, Liv and nana can look after them for an hour or two. Plus they are asleep for the night aren't they?"

Alice nodded.

"Well go then! I did the hard bit!" Lexi grumbled.

Shauna grabbed Alice and pulled her to the door. "What your mum is trying to say is thank you Lex."

"Your welcome." Lexi said graciously.

(X)

Alice and Shauna were driving to Jo'burg.

"Shauna this isn't the best of ideas. What if I put my foot in it again? What if what I say is worse? God she'll end up despising me!" Alice said sadly.

"We need this sorted Alice!"

"Shauna I can barely get myself sorted. How can I sort out all the rest of stuff. When I have no idea how I'm getting out of bed tomorrow!"

"Alice you'll find a way. You have got to carry on."

"I don't want to carry on. I've loved Danny since I was 15 years old. 21 years now. I know there's no one else out there for me so meeting someone new isn't a option. God I cane barely breathe with how much I miss him. I can barely even look at my kids coz they look and act so much like him. I feel like I don't want the reminders. Like if all traces of him were gone I could carry on but at the same time I want him everywhere surrounding me so I never forget a second of what we had, coz the thought of forgetting him makes me want to break down! And now to top it all the heartbreak and confusion I gotta find a way to make up with my best friend!"

They parked and paid for their spot. Walked to the reception and asked for Melissa's room number. They went up and Shauna noticed a cleaning trolley. Shauna looked around. Grabbed it. Walked to Missy's room. She made sure the trolley clattered.

"What you doing Shay you just stole a cleaning kart!" Alice hissed.

"Quiet!"

They knocked on Missy's door. Then held her nose.

"Yeah?" Missy said through the door.

"Room service." Shauna answered in a funny voice. Rattled the cart for effect.

The door was unlocked, "What? I didn't…" the door opened Missy dressed in a fluffy white dressing gown. "YOU!" she said to them and went to close the door. Shauna stopped it and Alice and Shauna walked inside.

"I'll get rid of that huh?" Shauna said and walked back outside. Missy went in the bathroom and changed into a pair of khaki shorts and a t-shirt. Then sat and grabbed her blackberry. Phoned someone.

"Lexi I will kill you for this. Traitor!"

She disconnected.

"Devious little witch!" Missy declared. As Shauna walked back in the room.

"She learned from the master Miss - YOU." Shauna chuckled. "If your wondering Liv told us after Lexi told her!"

"I know she just told me!"

"That's our Lex!" Alice murmured.

The 3 woman looked around.

"Your business must be doing well." Shauna commented.

"I'm actually going through an expansion. I'm needed at home."

"Look I'm abit of a third wheel." Shauna declared. "So why doesn't Alice start!"

Alice looked at Missy who was looking out of a window.

"Miss I dunno what to say to you!"

"I don't want you to say anything Alice."

"Missy." Shauna said.

"Shauna you don't understand!" Missy yelled.

"Well tell me. Make me understand!"

Missy looked at Alice, blinked then walked in the bathroom. Heard a tap running. She popped her head out.

"What you hear doesn't go beyond these walls Shauna." then closed the door.

Alice took a deep breath. "Look Shauna do you remember when we were 11. Missy went through a….. stage of being quiet and withdrawn?"

"Yeah when I asked she said she was fine. And she did perk up after a while. I thought she'd had her heart broken or something then got over it."

Alice shook her head. "Not quite. I spent a lot of time with Missy alone. Forced her to tell me the truth, what was really wrong. Her uncle. He…." Alice exhaled. "He'd been abusing her for 3 months."

"WHAT? Oh god. And she wasn't gonna tell no one?"

She shook her head. "Do you remember what it's like at that age? Feeling all awkward and stuff. He told her stuff like was wasn't attractive and horrible and ugly. She believed him. Threatened to go to her 7 year old sister if she said no. Then after the first few times he said she led him on and deserved it. Took me 2 weeks to get her to admit it to me. Whenever her mum and dad went out and her uncle babysat she stayed at mine. He didn't touch Ashley her younger sister I know that. He was obsessed with Miss though. I caught him with her nearly. She had just turned 12 and you were both staying at mine for a sleepover party thing. She took ages getting a bag. I walked upstairs and heard her crying. He was in there walking towards her she was backing away. He grabbed her as I walked in. Was pushing her coat off her shoulders. She was crying. Begging him no. He was saying he loved her and didn't mean to be so rough last time. He promised not to….." she exhaled. "He promised not to…bite her this time." she whispered distressed. Rubbed her face. "Anyway the look on her face I'll never forget it. Or his." Alice shuddered. "He saw me and backed away from her of course. Acted normal. I told him not to go near her again! He said it was just a friendly uncle hug he'd gave her. But his eyes as they looked at her were so sick as they ran over her body. I longed to hit him! She was stood there. Arms across her body looking at the floor. She'd pulled a baggy jumper on. He left and I telephoned her mum that night. After that Miss had her breakdown and was hospitalised."

Alice knocked on the bathroom door. Missy came out. Shauna went straight over and hugged her tight.

"O God Miss. How did you cope? You poor thing! You should have told us. We would have sorted this for you!"

She shrugged. "I was over it. Or I thought I was til Alice opened her mouth!"

Shauna frowned.

"She told me I'd love no one like she loved Danny. And no one would love me like that either. He used to say to me. You'll love no one like you'll love me and no one will love you like I do. I swear it was eerie how close it sounded. Thing was he was starting to convince me that I did love him. I mean he was doing all this stuff to me and I couldn't stop him. Was that love? I used to question."

I'm so sorry Missy. Please believe I'll never hurt you. "

"I know Alice. I've calmed down now. At first it was shock. Then it brought all the insecurities that I wasn't lovable. Plus I remembered that I'm here for you Alice. Forget the past we need to sort you out!"

"I'm sorta fine now. Hurting you woke me up to what I was doing." Alice told her.

Missy nodded and hugged Alice. "I'm sorry I was awful Alice."

"Me too." Alice replied.

Is what happened why you won't have kids?" Shauna asked.

"No yes. Look the reason why I was hospitalised wasn't coz I collapsed. I was pregnant. He found out somehow and petitioned the court to try and make me keep it so he could care for it. Of course the court wouldn't have let that happen but I didn't know that. Couldn't stand the thought of his child inside me. I had to get rid of it. I hated it so much. As much as I hated him. He wrote to me begging me to keep it. That we'd raise it together and be a family. He's seriously sick. He thought I was in love with him. Anyway I took a overdose. Had an abortion when I was in hospital. I won't have kids coz I got rid of that one an did don't wanna remember a bad time. And coz I'm happy with hew my life is. I don't feel maternal. I love your kids but can't picture having any of my own!"

Shauna and Alice hugged her tightly.

"I guess I'm the only one who didn't have a major trauma growing up huh?" Shauna asked. "At least we got each other to get through that stuff. Nothing kept you two down. We got to stay friends forever!" Shauna said.

Everyone agreed.

"So you coming back To Leopards Den Miss?" Alice asked.

"What about my luxury. My Jacuzzi"

Alice groaned. "O I miss my Jacuzzi me and Danny used…." she went silent. "This is hard, I mean he's been my whole life for 21 years and now he's gone!"

"It'll get better." Shauna said.

"Well I hope it never gets better in a way coz I don't ever wanna get over him I love him for eternity. I just miss him so much!"

The 3 woman hugged again tightly.

"You've always got us." Shauna whispered.

Missy looked at Shauna.

"Don't depress the poor girl. Like we're better. Well I am. Dunno bout you!"

Missy was out of serious mode and back to her playful self. Although the shadows remained. Reminders of the memories and emotions she kept locked inside.

"You know Miss you crack me up!" Shauna said sarcastically.

"I do try!" she feigned modesty.

They packed Missy's bag and made their way home.

**A/N all bezzie m8's agen poor missy tho that was awful 2 write :'( **

**and alice of course is slightly better bt will she b fine in the morn or revert to depressed alice? **


	10. More Loss?

A month had passed. Shauna had to get home to her girls. Mrs Elliott had to leave too. Brians sister had passed away unexpectedly. Alice had told her to go. Brian needed her more than Alice did. Missy was still here but was dropping subtle hints that the time would come for her to go home too. Alice had the feeling she wasn't only hanging on for her though. At first she'd been a wreck but now she got up every morning. Albeit reluctantly. But she did it. And sometimes she was so overwhelmed by thoughts of Danny that she wanted to cry from sheer devastation. And in the privacy of her room. At night when the kids were asleep she did cry. Deep heart wrenching sobs. She cried so hard her chest ached with the sheer magnitude of it. She missed him so much. Her love her life her everything was gone and she didn't know how to make herself feel better. Anyway to keep herself from sinking into the depression that loomed over her she kept busy. Planning a memorial for him at the moment. Just close family and friends. The coroner had been in touch a week ago. Saying they found some of Danny's…. Breathe Alice! Don't cry again. Focus and the feeling will pass. She closed her eyes and thought of her babies smiles. The intense emotion passed. Took longer every time though. It was still so raw. A jagged wound that would never heal completely. Anyway Danny was going to buried in warm African soil.

Alice meanwhile had 2 types of day. Bad days and really bad days. On really bad days. She felt suicidal and couldn't bring herself to get out of bed. She just wanted to curl up and die. The only thing stopping her was her kids. If anything happened to her they wouldn't have anyone. On her bad days she functioned mechanically. Forced smiles for the babies. Amie was forgetting her daddy already she asked for him less and less recently. Daniel reminded her more of Danny everyday but he to didn't mention his father. She found it painful to talk about him so she couldn't even talk to them about him at the moment. Anyway Daniel had this way about him. Dannyness she liked to call it.

Lexi was a tough call. She was weird. She cried all the time especially in the last week. Missing her dad Alice supposed. She seemed slightly depressed too. She hadn't been much of a mother to her recently. She had to make it up to her. Had to do something to perk her up. And Ethan. Still no word. No letters. No phonecalls. She didn't even know if he was even alive! She prays every night that he is. And that he's taking care of himself. And he is happy and just SAFE! She'd dropped the kids at nursery and now had to get to her surgery. She had animals to care for and money to earn to put food on the table!

(X)

Lexi lay curled in a tight ball.

"C'mon Lex you gotta get up!" Missy told her sitting on the bed beside her. Rubbing her back.

"No." she said softly. Defeated. Depressed. Dejected.

"Lex, it wasn't your fault. It happens sweetie."

"Yes it was. I wasn't good enough!"

"Lex it says in the book. Miscarriages happen. For no reason sometimes!" Missy tried to convince her.

"It was all I had left of him and now it's gone!" she pulled her pillow over her head.

"Lex sweetie you've been under stress." Missy said softly.

Lex looked out of the edge of her pillow and out of the window at the clear blue African sky. Thought of her dad in heaven. With her baby. She bit her lip. "I would have been a rubbish mother anyway. I couldn't even keep it's father home!" the tears she'd try to hold slid down. She decided to stop fighting and let them.

Closed her eyes and thought back to a week ago. She had woke up to excruciating pain in her abdomen. Her stomach felt like she was being stabbed continuously. Liv had came in and Lexi had only mattered to utter one word. Missy. Missy had seen her got her out of the house and in the car without her mother knowing. Drove her to hospital. They confirmed her fear. Miscarriage. Gave her a pill to finish It completely. Told her to take it easy when she got home.

Now a week later she lay in her room and cried. Then brooded. Then felt depressed. Sometimes all 3 altogether. She wanted normalcy back. Wanted her dad back. Ethan. Most of all she wanted her baby back. The angel faced child she'd never know. "Missy leave me alone please. I just wanna be alone."

"Did I tell you what happened when Dupe and Caroline came over for tea last night?" Missy asked.

"I was there." Lexi said blandly.

In body only Missy thought. Her mind and spirit was miles away.

"Well this story is going to be extremely boring then. Dupe was going off on one of his men can do everything better than woman tangents on the morning. Of course me being a woman was like NO WAY! He was doing my head in with his superiority. I told him I had something that could bring every man to his knees. He was like not this man. You never challenge Mellissa. It was like an affront to my pride so I repeated EVERY MAN!. Dupe looked at me and told me to do it then. So I said ok and climbed in the truck. I then gave your mum a cocky smile. Your mum went well pale and I heard her telling Dupe that he'd doomed us all! And that they definitely needed god on their side. Later I saw Dupe he looked worried but tried not to show it. Of course tea time came and Dupe was a nervous wreck sure I was gonna murder him or torture him. Anyway we were all sat down and everyone at the table had the same. Except me and Dupe. For which I coculd tell your mum was eternally grateful. Dupe was going off on one. Why did we have different to everyone else I told him I cooked his tea and asked if he was allergic to peppers. He told me no so I was like good dig in. I don't know if he realised I made him spicy food, his fork was piled high. Your mum tried to warn him saying I wouldn't Dupe but he ignored her and put the fork in his mouth." Missy giggled evilly.

"Almost instantly his eyes bugged, he gasped and grabbed his beer drained it, then a full glas of water. I even saw him eyeing the water in the vase of flowers. Me I was eating my food as normal. He then had the cheek to say my food wasn't as hot as his I was seriously insulted. I smiled at him cockily then your mum said that my food was hotter that I have a cast iron stomach. I pushed my plate across and told him to take a bite and I swear his eyes glazed over. I asked him if I won. He told me never. I said fine and went back to eating my food. Made this big display of adding more pepper. While he stared at his plate apprehensively. Took lots of small bites as sweat poured from his forehead. Your mum told him about halfway through you'll be delirious. She had nightmares for months about jalapeno peppers in her toothpaste. I told him that could give in at any time I'll give him that though he finished his food. Looked ill. I asked him if he wanted the recipe to ask me. He told me to go to hell. So I told him I'd give it to Caroline to keep him in line!"

Missy laughed. Lexi managed a small smile.

"I know it's hard darling and I know you wanted this baby but you got pleny of time for kids when your older and married. When you've got money and aren't alone."

"I know Miss but it was OUR baby you know. Something he couldn't take away and I wanted it so much. After I got over the shock I had actually got used to the idea of a baby."

"Aw darling I know. I know your sad and heartbroken but at the same time a little relieved now that it's gone. Your hormones are all over."

"Did you lose a child Miss?"

"No I didn't. But I do know how you feel that's all. Trust me I do! Just grieve your baby and your dad and then… well I was gonna say move on but you can't. Just find some closure and then take it one day at a time. You will make a brill mum one day but don't do what your mum did. You were a blessing to her but she was 17 and alone. While me and Shauna went clubbing she was at home with college work and you and trying to find time for her job. You are the best thing thst happened to her but she messed her teenage years being a mum. 18 first be a kid. Then in your late 20's be a mum."

"Thanks Miss. Your right you know." lexi said sadly.

"Was there any doubt?"

(X)

Alice sat in her room that night watching her and Danny's babies sleep. There slow soft breathing. Watched their little chests rise and fall with every inhale and exhale. They were gonna miss so much not knowing their father. He doted on his kids. Had a sixth sense around them. Ke knew they wanted a bottle or something before they did. She wasn't sure she was capable of being a mother alone. Sure she had did it before but that was before Danny. It had been a necessity then. Well do it again out of necessity! She told herself. They have already lost their dad. You can't abandon them too. They deserve more than some half assed mum who couldn't care. They didn't ask to be here but they were and she had to do her best to make sure they were fine. She left the room and checked on Lexi. Their oldest daughter. She was fast asleep. Tears tracks were evident on her porcelain cheeks. Poor baby.

"It'll be fine. We'll be fine. Somehow." She murmured and caressed her cheek. Then went back inside her room.

She pulled opened the door to her wardrobe and was confronted by Dany's clothes. Pushed them aside after staring at them a moment. His scent filled her head and she felt intoxicated for a second. For the tiniest moment he was in the room with her and she felt his arms around her when reality returned and she was alone again grief squeezed her heart. So much so she thought she felt her heart crumble into dust. She missed him so much. This lat month had been sheer hell! His warm smile. His strong chest. How her head fit his torso perfectly. His smell. Soap and aftershave and Danny. Even the way he corrected and fussed at her in the surgery. She sat on her bed and looked at the picture that had beem taken when Amie was born. Ethan and lexi were 17. Ethan behind her arms around her stomach. Head on her shoulder. Both smiling. Daniel was in her arms. Laughing at the puppet the photgrapher was waving and Danny held a newborn Amie. Everyone was stood up. Alice looking tiny compared to the other 3 who stood well over 6 foot. She ran her fingers over Danny's face. Closed her eyes and tried to imagine his voice. I love you echoed through her memory. We'll never part I'm always with you. Her tears fell.

"Where are you then Danny?" she whispered.

Silence echoed in her empty room. His remain were at the coroners in Jo'burg. Ready to be laid to rest. He was ariving here tomorrow. A final goodbye to the love of her life. Her kids no longer had a father. She was going to tell Missy she could go home after the memorial. She was alone in the world once again and she better get used to it. And fast.

**A/N awww alice :( and lexi lost her bby loads of tragedy in this story mre than usual 4 me. :( :( :(**


	11. Goodbye Danny

Alice woke up early the next morning. A familiar nightmare visited her. Danny on the plane as it went down. Couldn't today just not happen? Just disappear. Danny could walk in the door and tell her everything was ok. That wasn't going to happen. Nothing would ever be ok again! No more giggling over daft stuff. No more tender hugs and kisses. Or sweet loving smiles. She found a song for him. She was gonna go and see him later and sing it to him. Just him and her. One of the last times she would go and see him for a while. Not that she didn't love him. It was because she did love him that she couldn't go and see him. It would be too easy to listen to the voice that tells her to join him. But she had her babies. More importantly they had to be ok because they were Danny's babies. His legacy. The best gift he could ever leave her. She couldn't dwell on his death. She had to celebrate his life. Be thankful for all the time they had together. All the love they shared. It just wasn't easy when she missed him so much.

After the service she was then going to sort and get rid of his clothes. Keep little mementos like his Scotland shirt she bought all those years ago. His favourite shirt and jeans. His watch for Daniel. His aftershave and comb. All his jewellery. One loss she mourned was his wedding ring. It was lain in some field. Under a cloud of dust and ash and rubble. She wanted that ring just slightly less than she wanted Danny. But no she didn't have either. Best for her to get rid of this stuff now. She didn't want to turn into a spinster. Depressed looking at clothes as time passed. She had to teach her kids that you can't live in the past but embrace the future. Even if that future included a life without the person who was the reason you lived and breathed.

So she dressed quickly and dropped the kids off at day care. Word had finally got around. The family had kept it quiet as long as they could but the news of his body arriving had spread and now the workers in the nursery were spewing how sorry they were and they were offering their sympathy. Well she didn't want it. Couldn't they see what they were doing to her bringing it up? How it was hard enough when insensitive people felt the need to say sorry. Or even worse the gossips who wanted to pip their friends, find out when and how. So they could be the winner. Like her husbands life. And death was a freaking game! She walked from the nursery. Walked into the biggest gossip of them all.

"Oh Alice I am So sorry!" she said snidely.

"Yeah thanks." she murmured tried to walk passed.

"It must be such a shock." Darlene asked.

"Yeah it was look I need to go." Alice said.

"I'm sorry I am only offering sympathy. And the townspeople want to know what happened. He was one of them after all."

Alice lost it.

"No you bitch. You wanna know to satisfy your morbid curiosity. Well I'm not gonna give you any details. This is a hard family time and we can do without having vultures like you hanging round trying to get the latest information now move or I'll move you myself!"

Darlene looked shocked and stepped aside. Alice stalked passed her. Slammed the door to her truck and beat her hands on the steering wheel. Started the car and drove. Stopped a few times as tears blurred her vision. Swiped at those tears and then drove again. Stupid insensitive people. All she wanted was to grieve her husband in peace. She couldn't handle thinking about what happened to him never mind discussing it.

(X)

Everyone was sat in the living room. Shauna had phoned her this morning. Telling her not to keep it in. To cry and bawl get it out of her system. That Danny was with her. In her memory and in their 3 gorgeous kids. And his spirit would be closer than ever today. Which of course had her crying which in turn made Shauna cry. She felt such guilt at not being able to make it over. Alice told her not to worry. Just say a prayer for him before she went to sleep. She promised that both he and her would be in her thoughts throughout the day. Her mother had phoned too. Again apologising for not being able to make it. Alice had told her the same as Shauna just say a prayer for him. Mrs Elliott had then told her how no doubt Danny was now getting all the gory details as he as a child from her mum. How they would both surround her today and shield her from the hardest parts. Alice had cried again. And laughed at the way Mrs Elliott had described the way her mum would treat Danny at first. No one good enough for my baby girl sort of thing. She'd said goodbye quickly. Dawdled in the surgery for far longer than necessary. Then saw her daughter sat in the living room with Dupe and Caroline and Missy and Nomsa.

"I'll be 5." she whispered and walked into her room.

Alice looked at the clothes. White. Not black. Danny liked black on himself but not her. He loved her in blues and whites and yellows. She sat on her bed and thoughts flew through her head. Wearing her skinny jeans. White cargo pants. Her wedding dress. Her dress to renew her vows that hadn't fit. Wearing his shorts and t-shirts when she was pregnant. All different types of clothes and he loved her in all of them. But never black. So she refused to wear black now. White like innocents. Like his kids. She wore white as a metaphor to his kids. She dressed and went to join her family. With his old eternity ring around her neck on a chain. She hadn't wore it in years. It took on a more significant meaning now. He had wore it on a chain when he she was gone and now she wore it on a chain with him gone. God just get me through today. That is ALL I ask! She pleaded.

(X)

The song played for Danny. It was view from heaven by yellow card. It had quiet an upbeat tempo which was strange due to the lyrical content. She knew Danny would have loved the song she picked . As the song played she mouthed the words. Had listened to the song over and over till she learned them. It fit her feelings exactly.

_**I'm just so tired**_

_**wont you sing me to sleep**_

_**and fly through my dreams**_

_**so I can hitch a ride with you tonight**_

_**and get away from this place**_

_**have a new name and face**_

_**I just aint the same without you in my life**_

_**late night drives, all alone in my car**_

_**I can't help but start**_

_**singing lines from all our favourite songs**_

_**and melodies in the air**_

_**singin life just aint fair**_

_**sometimes i still just can't believe you're gone**_

_**and im sure the view from heaven**_

_**beats the hell out of mine here**_

_**and if we all believe in heaven,**_

_**maybe we'll make it through one more year**_

_**down here**_

_**feel your fire,**_

_**when its cold in my heart**_

_**and things sorta start**_

_**remindin' me of my last night with you**_

_**i only need one more day**_

_**just one more chance to say**_

_**i wish that i had gone up with you too**_

_**and I'm sure the view from heaven**_

_**beats the hell out of mine here**_

_**and if we all believe in heaven**_

_**maybe we'll make it through one more year**_

_**down here**_

_**you wont be comin' back**_

_**and i didn't get to say goodbye**_

_**i really wish i got to say goodbye**_

_**and im sure the view from heaven**_

_**beats the hell out of mine here**_

_**and if we all believe in heaven**_

_**maybe we'll make it through one more year**_

_**i hope that all is well in heaven**_

_**cause it's all shot to hell down here**_

_**i hope that i find you in heaven**_

_**cause i'm so...lost without you down here**_

_**you wont be coming back**_

_**and i didn't get to say goodbye**_

_**i really wish i got to say gooooodbye**_

The service was well under way. Alice couldn't look at the box. Knowing her husband was in there. She focused on a spot in the bush. Imagined Danny was stood there smiling. Waving. Half believed it was true. The minister droned on about life after death and how he was in a better place and Alice wanted to scream that the best place was at her side. Alice was strong. Stoic. Bit her lip when she felt the tears coming. Poor Lexi was in pieces. Silently crying throughout. Well over 6 foot and Alice was stood there with her arm around her comforting her. Missy beside Alice.

"Miss, go on the other side of Lex yeah. She needs you more than me."

Missy nodded and went. Caroline was in tears. Nomsa too. Dupe comforted them both.

Danny was lowered into the ground. Alice held some things. The minister motioned she nodded and stepped forward.

"Ok honey here we are. A few things I thought you might need. First of all a map, coz u always get lost wherever we go."

People smiled.

Next pictures, I know you'll be able to see us in heaven but I want us to be close. And I hate the thought of you lonely. So there are us all."

People said aww and wiped their eyes.

"Lastly is a blanket coz you always complain in the winter that your….. That your…. I'm sorry!" she said breaking down. Missy came over and hugged her. Alice wiped her eyes and composed herself.

"Here is a blanket Danny honey. Coz you complain of the cold." Alice eventually said then knelt on the African ground. And dropped each one in. They hit the coffin with a thud. Closed her eyes and said a silent message to him.

"I love you Danny." she told him. Stood up and went to rejoin her family.

The minister performed a final blessing and everyone walked towards the house.

(X)

"Missy will it be possible for you to go and collect the twins from day care. Then I know you need too get back to your life in Glasgow." Alice said.

"Alice I can stay here for as long as I'm needed."

"I know but it's not fair of me to keep you from your business so long. I appreciate everything Miss but it's passed time. I'm ready. All I need is a hour alone with Danny this afternoon and then I'll be fine."

Missy nodded.

Alice grabbed her hi-fi and the tape she had made with this song. She was gonna sing it for him. Tell him good bye and then get on with trying to live without him. She could try. that's all!

Alice arrived at her husbands final resting place. Sat on the dusty ground in front of the cross which held a brass plaque.

"I think I mostly wanna say I love you always and will miss you. Then I'll sing my song. Give you the serious goodbye and then I'll go see to our kids huh."

The crickets played their tune. She pressed play and waited for the singer to start.

_**Things'll never be the same without you... **_

_**What did I do to deserve this **_

_**I didn't even get one last kiss, from you**_

_**Oh baby God took your love from me**_

_**He needed an angel so it seems **_

_**I need to feel your hands all over me**_

_**I need to feel you kissing me**_

_**I need to feel you holding me **_

_**I need to feel your touch **_

_**Cause I miss your love so much**_

_**And I can't keep on living this way **_

_**I need you here with me **_

_**Why could he take you away, from me **_

_**It's hard for me to tell you I love you **_

_**As I'm standing over your grave **_

_**And I know I'll never hear your voice again **_

_**Why did you leave me **_

_**Why couldn't you just stay **_

_**Because my world is nothin', without you **_

_**Now I don't know what to do, with myself **_

_**I would've given you anything**_

_**Just to make you happy **_

_**Just to hear you say, that you love me one last time**_

_**I'd go to hell and back over and over again **_

_**Just to prove to you how much I need you here **_

_**There is nothing that I wouldn't do **_

_**I'd cry for you I'd lie for you **_

_**And there's no doubt that if I could take your place in heaven **_

_**I would die for you, yes I will **_

_**I would rather give up my life **_

_**Than to see tears in your eyes **_

_**I can't stand to see you cry **_

_**Cause it's hard for me to tell you I love you **_

_**As I'm standing over your grave **_

_**And I know I'll never hear your voice again **_

_**Why did you leave me **_

_**Why couldn't you just stay babe **_

_**Because my world is nothin', without you **_

_**Now I don't know what to do, with myself **_

_**I just don't know what to do with myself **_

_**I cant stand looking at those pictures on my shelf **_

_**Knowing it was just one month ago, i stood there and took that picture **_

_**There's just one thing that I wanna know **_

_**Why would God want to hurt me so bad, **_

_**Does He know how much it hurts to be missing you **_

_**Baby Im missing you **_

_**Baby Im missing you **_

_**I love you oh **_

_**Why did he take you away... from me**_

"I know that my singing is well rubbish but I thought it meant more coming from me rather than having some stranger sing it. This song is my life at the minute. Every word is how I feel and I …" she exhaled. Promised herself she wouldn't cry anymore. "I just miss you darling and wat you back so much. I would do anything to have you back. I don't know if you know how much you truly meant to me."

She went silent thought about the last thing she would say to him. Maybe in forever. Who knew if she'd be able to visit him and be fine.

"Well Danny. I'm sat here in front of you. Really seriously wanting to die. Coz this pain that is coursing though me has so be the sort of pain you feel when you die. It's not a physical pain. That can be helped with tablets or sleep. This is a deep pain in the recesses of my heart. Which is gone now. Its with you wherever you are. Take care of it well coz when we meet again I want it back so until then MY Danny. We'll never forget you. And I'll try my best to make sure your babies know you. I will love you for all of eternity….and a day."

She stood up and left the grave. Feeling more alone then she had ever felt in her life.

**A/N ok people my apologies 4 2 songs bt view from heaven is one of my fave songs eva and that missing you is jst so sad :'( and it just fit alice so well and i really couldn't decides so i thought wot the hell x thanks 4 reading more to cum x**

**A/N 2 sorry about the rubbishness of this chapter. it wasn't originally part of the story just typed straight up today as i heard the missing you song and decided to give danny a burial. i am so shattered so ignore the rubbishness please x**


	12. The Future

_**5 Years Later**_

"Daniel move your football boots please. Amie nearly tripped over them." Alice asked and walked into the study.

Daniel was sat on the computer and ignored his mum.

"Daniel." she warned. "Get them moved."

"No!" he said belligerently. Her 7 year old son glared at her.

"Do it or I turn the computer off!"

"No." he repeated. Alice pulled the plug from the socket. "I warned you."

His blue eyes flashed fire and he stood up. 7 and not far from his mums height. She stood her ground. He walked towards her. Pushed her and went to plug the computer back in. she grabbed his arm and he swung his free arm aiming at her head. She ducked then grabbed the arm he swung wrestled him into his room. Slammed the door just as he threw something. More things were soon getting pelted off the walls. She rubbed her eyes tiredly. He'd been diagnosed with ADHD a year ago and it felt like he got harder to deal with every day. She had strict rules and boundaries and was consistent but he always pushed her! And he lashed out often. He knew what he was doing. He's not stupid. Very intelligent actually. 2 classes ahead in school and they were discussing moving him ahead again. That's when they could get him to sit still and concentrate in his lessons. He had a very unique way of thinking and found solutions to problems easily. Too bad he couldn't give her hand with her one very big problem. His attitude and aggression which were escalating. She noticed his room had quieted. She opened the door a crack and heard something hit it. She wasn't stupid either. Her son was clever but very obvious! She opened the door quickly. He stood in his room. Arms crossed looking angry. It was trashed again.

"You calmed down yet?"

His blue eyes bore into her..

"Dee Jay when I ask you to do something then you do it!"

"Well then you aren't asking your telling!" he spat.

God this kids intelligence frustrated her sometimes! "Fine then when I tell you you do it!"

"If I don't want to?" he asked insolently.

"Then I punish you!" She replied.

"How about I chuck you out of a window?" he smiled cockily.

She grinned the same grin back at him. He'd never do it - yet.

"Try it wee lad and see what happens. So are you gonna move your boots or do I take away your games console?"

He stood a second. Stomped from the room and returned with the boots. Dropped them with a clatter on the floor in front of her.

"That's my boy." she ruffled his hair. "I'm going down the surgery. You wanna come?"

He smiled his baby grin at her and nodded. She didn't see that smile much anymore. Not since he'd become a angry child. The surgery always calmed him. He shared her and Danny's empathy for animals and was gentle and pateient with them. Was brilliant with them.

"So how did school go?" she asked walking down the surgery beside him.

He kicked a rock. "Stupid!"

She suppressed a grin at his tone. Could he sound any more like his father?

"What's up?"

The teacher yelled at me. Right in my face." he kicked another rock harder.

"Why?" Alice asked.

"Coz I got up and walked around. Tapped my fingers on the desk. See they put me in the bigger class to try me and she yelled so I yelled back. She got annoyed and grabbed my arm so I lashed out."

"Where was Jared your support worker?"

"He was ill today."

They walked into the surgery and he was looking in cages murmuring to animals. He looked intense. Like Danny used to. He was her walking talking Danny. Apart from the hyperactivity. It was good to see that he lived on in his son.

She went to the medication cupboard.

"Mum he's ill." Daniel said confidently.

She walked over. He looked fine. Walked back over to her mdicine. "He looks fine baby."

"No he's ill. He usually very restless like me. Pacing and pouncing when I dangle his string. He's still."

"I'll give him a proper check in 5." Alice murmured concentrating.

"NO Check him NOW!" he snapped.

"Daniel don't speak to me in that tone!" Alice warned.

The cub stood up. Took a step. Wobbled and then collapsed on it's side.

Alice ran over and lifted it from it's cage.

"Over there Daniel!" she pointed to away from the operating table.

She checked the animal over. Physically fine externally. Checked it's stomach. Rock hard. She shaved and got the ultrasound. Obstructed bowel. Right she had to operate. Puled on scrubs and gloves and got to work.

(X)

The cub lay in the recovery area. Daniel had watched. Paced. Sat and patted his hands. He could never sit or stand still. Always moving or twitching.

"Is he ok mum?"

She was washing her hands.

"Sure is wee man." she ruffled his hair. "You did good!"

He beamed at the praise. She reminded herself to do that more often. His other behaviour overshadowed the good stuff he did. It was just hard for her to be raising him by herself. "Your great like that you know. Your observant. Like your dad."

He shrugged at the comparison. It broke her heart. It wasn't that Daniel didn't care. They talked about his dad when he wanted to but the older he got the less interested he was. He just didn't know the man who fathered him. He knew stuff. Like what he looked like, and his birthday and music and films. But he didn't KNOW him.

"Hey how about we pull the barbecue out tonight? You can tell everyone about what you did today. Lexi is coming home too. She graduated. She can work on ambulances now you know." Alice said proudly.

"Lexi is cool." he murmured. "Even if she is a girl."

Alice checked her watch. "You gonna come to Mara with me to pick Amie up?"

"Do I have a choice?" He asked dryly. To him Amie wasn't cool. Annoying younger sister more like.

Alice sensed a confrontation coming on. "Not really son. I can't leave you alone."

He huffed. "I suppose so then!" he walked towards the car. She stared at his back. Wow he controlled himself there. That had never happened before. Usually she had to hog tie him and handcuff him to the steering wheel before he'd come. She hadn't actually done that but had considered it and came close once or twice.

(X)

They climbed in the truck. Daniel had a portable DVD player stashed under the seat and pulled it out. She made the quick drive to Mara. She greeted Vanessa. She was married to a man called Rowan and they had a daughter caked Lissa. Both games reserves had made peace since Alice had promised that Vanessa would never have to talk to Dupe.

"Hey Vanessa." Alice waved.

"Hello Alice."

"She been ok?"

"An angel as always. Although they were plotting on how to release the wildebeest I had quarantined." Vanessa told her.

"Oh God." She murmured.

"Exactly. I found Lissy stood on Amie's back. She was on her hands and knees. Stretched up for the dead bolt. Amie saw me and jumped up. Lissy fell onto the dusty ground. When I asked what they were doing they showed me various pieces of rope. Said they were gonna take the wildebeest for a walk like they did Grace's puppy."

"The wildebeest are twice the size of them!" Alice said laughing. Imagining her daughter trying to take a wildebeest for walk. She'd do it too.

"I don't think they'd thought that far ahead. Personally I think they were gonna sit on them and ride them like horses."

Alice laughed more. Although she shouldn't really.

"That child is my best friend Melissa personified. She's insane."

"They are in the kitchen having a snack."

"Wait in the truck Dan Dan." she shouted to her son.

He waved and returned to watching intently. They walked towards the kitchen discussing their kids.

"Next time we check the coast is clear!" Amie whispered. "And bring ladders to. Then we be able to climb on their backs with the ladders!" she giggled.

Lissy nodded vigorously.

"O Amie." A voice chortled.

"Momma!" She shrieked across the room. Alice scooped her tiny daughter into her arms. "Time for home."

Amie pouted.

"Lissy comes to our tomorrow remember."

Amie smiled. "Bye Lissy Bye Vanessa!"

Lissy waved at them smiling.

"I'll telephone you later." Amie said.

"Erm no you won't." not with that humongous phone bill she'd rang up. Discussing barbies!

"Thanks for having her Vanessa."

"No probs Alice. Keeps Lissy outta my hair." Vanessa looked at them. "It's eerie how alike you two are. I can't see any of her father in her. Then again I don't remember ever seeing him."

"No you didn't." Alice went silent.

Mark the vet walked in. "Vanessa I need you in the surgery to ok some supplies.""I'll be there straight away.""Hello Alice." He said smiling. "And Amie. Who drew smiling faces all over my clean surgery table with black marker."

"It was shiny and boring. I made it happy!" Lexi declared.

"I'm sorry about that." Alice said.

He smiled at her besotted. "It's fine."

"Ok then. I'll see you later." she said not noticing his lovelorn expression.

"See you later Vanessa. Goodbye…"

"Mark." he told her.

"Sorry I'm rubbish remembering names." She elaborated.

She put Amie on the floor and walked towards the car.

"When you gonna ask her out?" Vanessa asked.

"What?"

"Don't deny it. I can see it in your eyes when you look at her."

"She doesn't see me like that so never. She couldn't even remember my name."

She smiled and nodded at me for weeks before I realised she couldn't remember my name. Don't take it personally. You should go for it. Your both widows…"

He shrugged and walked towards his surgery.

Amie was talking a mile a minute a Alice. Giving her a second by second description of what she did today."

"Hey Ames, guess who's Back today?" Alice told her.

"Who?" she asked as she skipped towards the car.

"Lexi."

"YAY!" she squealed. "We haven't seen her in forever!" she bounced towards the car. Climbed in. Leaned over Daniel who rolled his eyes.

"What cha watchin?" She asked him. Put her face close to the screen.

He pushed her out of the way.

"Power Rangers."

Amie tutted.

Daniel made a face.

Alice smiled at her children and started the truck.

**A/N ok 5 years in the future. alice has a prob wi daniel bt mostly handles it...for now. and life seems to be bk to normal...again for now.**

**and this mark hmmmmm friend or foe? lover or hater? we will see :) x**


	13. Lexi is Back

Dupe was manning the barbeque. Caroline fussing. Telling him he was burning the meat.

"I'm charring it woman." he retorted.

"It looks like charcoal. Not charred!" she said. "I'm making a sandwich!"

"You do that woman!" he groused.

Alice smiled. She was sat on the stairs. A bottle of coke in her hand. She didn't touch alcohol. She always worried she'd drink too much and she had far too much to do without wondering whether she could do it hung-over! The kids were sat on the grass playing guess who. Getting along for a change. She thought of the last 5 years without Danny. They had passed surprisingly quickly. The single days had melded into one long passage of time. She learned to cope without him. It had been a long hard and winding road. With plenty of road signs telling her to give up. She still missed him. Not as much and as intense as before. But it was there. A candle in her soul which refused to go out. A few of the men at the township had asked her out on dates. She'd nearly passed out. I mean why? She told them that at the moment she didn't feel the need to date but would get in touch if and when she did. Didn't want companionship. She was happy with her life as it is. Why complicate it with a relationship?

And of course she had her sons ADHD to deal with too. That had sort of been a shock but at the same time not really. He could never sit still or concentrate on an activity. She seemed to flit from one to the other almost before he even sat down. And his sleep patterns were all out of whack. Like going to sleep at midnight and getting up at 4. Didn't mean he had ADHD though, she thought back then. It should have been obvious to her though. One incident stuck out in her mind. Daniel had been 4 and playing with a toy car. Running round in a circle. Amie who was 3 had went over and snatched it off him. He immediately lost his temper grabbed Amie's hand with one hand, and the door handle with the other and swung them towards each other quickly. They clattered. Amie hadn't half bounced off the door and landed on the floor with a thud. Daniel then picked up his car and ran around with it again. Completely unphased by what he'd done. Alice had sat there in shock for a minute. Yelled at Daniel and went to make sure Amie was ok. That incident had precipitated a visit to the doctors and all the observation sessions that had ultimately followed. After diagnosis they had tried to give her so many medications and stimulants. She'd said no way. They weren't a cure the child just ended up hooked on them. She'd did her research. She wanted normal remedies or nothing. Like rules and boundaries and behaviour therapy and support workers. She wasn't turning her son into a zombie to make her life easier. What sort of mother did that? So he kicked off at the littlest things. She'd find a way to deal with it instead of turning him into a mindless idiot!"

And Lexi. She had went off to University 3 years ago. To finish the last part of her paramedics training. She was so proud of her. She had passed with flying colours. Top of her class. Alice couldn't be prouder. Chuffed to bits. She wished Danny had been there to see his daughter graduate. It had been a great day. A little sad but mostly fantastic. Everyone had came. Her mum, Shauna, Missy, James and the twins. Arriving home there had been an altercation though. Charlotte had called Daniel an idiot. Amie had said no one calls her brother an idiot but her and told her to take it back. Charlotte refused and a fight ensued. As she and Shauna had walked outside they found 6 year old Amie sat on 8 year old Charlottes back rubbing her face forcefully into the mud. Shauna had been fine about it. Charlie liked to push people about. Amie was still told off and grounded until she was 30. He kids were gonna do her in.

She was about to ponder about Ethan when she saw Daniels face change from easy going to angry. Put her bottle down and ran across the yard. He flung the guess who across the grass. Amie yelled back at him. He raised his fist. Alice caught it before it connected. He pulled it back again.

"Daniel no!" Alice said firmly.

He glared at her.

"No." she repeated.

He kicked Amie's guess who board and walked away. Alice again rubbed her face tiredly. She resented Danny at moments like this. It was irrational she knew but she couldn't help it. She was raising their kids alone. It just wasn't fair!

"Mum it wasn't my…."

"Amie not a word please." Alice asked softly.

Amie nodded. A car pulled up. A tall blond woman climbed out. She had laughing green eyes and was the image of her dad. She had finally stopped growing at 6 foot 5 inches. Danny was 6 foot 2 so she had a good few inches on him too. Lexi was smiling widely.

"This place ain't changed. It's as dusty as ever!" she chuckled.

"Lexi!" Alice said smiling and walked towards her with Amie. Hugged her tightly. Then saw Liv climb out the car too. "Liv!" she said and walked around to hug Liv too. Lexi picked Amie up.

"Where's Daniel?" she asked her.

"Inside." Alice answered.

"Daniels a meanie. Boys are stupid. I'm never getting married ever in my whole entire life!" Amie declared.

Lexi smiled. "Boys are silly." Lexi whispered.

Daniel walked out onto the veranda.

"Hey little bro!" she said. Put Amie down and walked over to hug him. "Freaking hell how much have you grew since I last saw you? You defo get it from dad! You're the double of him too by the way."

"yeah mum tell me all the time." he said neutrally.

Lexi and Alice looked at each other. Lexi felt so sorry for her brother and sister. They would never know their dad. She had him for 14 years. Not counting the first four years of her life. Her brother and sister had him 2 and 1 respectively.

"You finished school Lex?" Amie asked.

"Yep all finished!"

"Mum told me about your job. It's cool!" Daniel said smiling.

"What's your job Lexi?" Amie asked.

Lexi bent down and looked at her sister. "Well I'm a paramedic. that's a person who take sick people to hospital where the doctors try to make them all better."

"How long you here for Lex?" her mum asked.

"Well I was wondering whether I can stay here. I did have a flat sorted with Liv but that fell through. Liv is moving in with Thabo and I don't wanna live by myself just yet." she mouthed engaged. Then put her finger to her mouth. Alice smiled and nodded.

"It'll be nice to have you under my roof again. I missed you."

"I won't actually be here much. I start work tomorrow at dinner time. I meet my partner and get thrown straight in. I'm nervous actually." Lexi admitted.

"You'll be fine honey. You worked hard for this. How you been feeling recently?"

"I'm FINE mum!" Lexi breathed. Every time her mum saw her she ALWAYS asked about her illness. It got annoying actually.

"Lex. Your too important to me. I'm not losing any more of you. Not after your dad and Ethan…"

"I know mum I promise I'm careful. If I even had an inkling it was coming back I would be straight to the doctors."

"I know Lex but I still worry. when you have kids you'll know."Lexi nodded. She was filled with sadness over her child. It would have been turning 4 soon.

"Is Evan here?" she asked innocently changing the subject.

"Yeah he is. He lives at the township but comes back here often to track with Dupe. He and Dupe are thinking of finding a new apprentice and starting a tracking business."

Lexi nodded. Alice recognised the gleam in her eye.

"What room am I in?" she asked.

"Your old one."

Lexi smiled, picked up her bag and walked into the house. Saw Caroline embracing Liv and hugging. Then Caroline grabbed her hand. She was chuffed her friend was happy. Then she looked at the door of Ethan's room. Thought of everything they had said and did in there. All the dreams they'd weaved. Over their 2 years. Till he decided to up and leave. For no reason. Just GONE! Well he could go to hell! She was over him now. All she felt was disgust that he didn't have the guts to tell her he cheated on her. Oh no, he just ran away like a scared little boy. She opened the door to her room with more force than necessary. Everything was pretty much the same. Except for a pile of junk in one corner she looked at her bed. Covered now in protective plastic. She and Ethan had….no she wasn't doing this to herself. It was just this place making her feel all sentimental and nostalgic. Ethan was gone. 5 years gone and as far as she was concerned he could stay away. She'd moved on. In her heart and her head. The hold he once had was gone.

She sat on her bed and started unpacking her stuff. Sorting it into piles. Evan meanwhile. He was lovely. He'd come to see Liv a while ago when they'd been at uni. Liv had been out and he had sat and waited. They had hit it off. They had loads in common. Talked for hours without even realising it. She hadn't laughed so much in ages. Liv had walked in and Lei had blushed crimson at the look on Liv's face. That was when she had first thought that he's really good boyfriend material. She had physically noticed how attractive he was 2 years prior to that. It had involved a argument. She thought back to 2 years ago.

**A/N first alice movin on. now lex has gt a little crush on evan. oooo this could all go really well...or horribly wrong. watch this space.**

**A/N2 the daniel/amie car and hitting off the door story is actually true. my lil bro did it 2 me :( he was the mst hyper child eva. except 4 my bby of course thanx 4 readin x**


	14. Leopard's Den Madness

Lexi was in the living room at leopards Den. Trying to mend Daniels blow up chair. Her 5 year old brother is a major pain the neck! Always bugging her. He's only little though so she forgave him.

"Stupid freaking tiny holes you can never find!" she muttered.

She'd usually never have agreed to do this but he had pleaded and she didn't see him much since she went off to Uni. She stuck the chair in a bucket of water and finally sat the bubbles indicating the miniscule hole. She pulled the chair out of the bucket and dried it. Lay the patch over the hole to remind her where it is. Evan came charging into the room. Was ranting about her flirting with Ash at the bar. Sexy smiles and winking. Nothing too serious. Wasn't like she flashed him like the other waitress did.

"Look Evan all that is none of your business." she said calmly. "You can't treat me like Liv I'm not your sister!"

"Too right your not!" he muttered. "He'll only use you for one thing!" Evan warned.

Lexi smiled cockily. "Maybe I'll use HIM!" she declared and opened the superglue.

Evan's jaw dropped and his heart stopped for a second. His eyes widened and turned to a liquid blue. He crossed the remaining space between them and grabbed her hand. Unfortunately it was the one that had been holding the superglue before she dropped it, it squirted over his palm. When he grabbed her hand it bonded to hers instantly. Both yanked their hands but they were stuck tight!

"Your clever!" she yelled at Evan. "Now I'm stuck to you!"

"I'm sure you'll survive! We'll find a way to separate!"

"This is superglue idiot!" she hissed. The pulled him so he sat beside her as Caroline walked in. Covered their hands with a pillow. "Act normal!" she hissed though her fake smile. "We'll find Dupe. He'll sort this!"

"You two ok? I heard shouting." Caroline asked.

"Yeah I'm just mending Daniels blow up chair." Lexi said normally.

"Yeah fine. Brilliant. Fantastic." Evan said drolly. Lexi elbowed him and smiled wider at Caroline.

Her eyes narrowed. "What is going on?"

"Nothing!" they echoed together. Matching innocent expressions.

"If there's something I'll know." Caroline warned.

"O we know, we'd never be able to hide anything from you." Lexi said seriously.

Caroline frowned and left the room. A few seconds later Evan was about to stand up.

"Wait." Lexi whispered. Picked the blow up chair with her free hand a second later Caroline's head appeared in the doorway.

"Hello again." Lexi said.

Caroline walked away grumbling.

"C'mon!" Lexi said dropping the chair and pulling him beside her.

"I'm gonna phone Ash!" Evan drawled.

"Why?"

"Coz if he knew you were my girl he wouldn't go near you!"

"I am NOT your girl!"

"Sweetheart your super glued to me. I'd say that's a big indicator your attracted to me!"

"That is your fault! You planned this didn't you? To make me look stupid!"

"No one has to try and make you look daft sweetheart, you do it well enough by yourself!"

"Don't call me sweetheart!" Lexi said angrily.

He smiled cockily. "O and about planning it yeah darling I just wanna hold your hand!"

Lexi's breath caught and for a second she stared at him. Until Amie walked from her bedroom and squealed. Lexi put her hand over her lip trying to quiet her. She knelt down.

"Amie be quiet!" she pleaded.

"Your holding hands and making kissy faces!" she giggled. "I tell mummy!"

"NO!" they both said together. Amie laughed louder. And Lexi gestured again for her to keep quiet. "Look if you be quiet I'll get you that Barbie rapunzel doll you wanted. But you can't tell anyone I held Evans hand!"

"Do you and Evan love each other?" she asked dreamily.

Lexi snorted.

"He's my friend and I hold hands with my friends. I hold your hand too." Lexi said softly.

"You're my big sister though is he like a big sister too?"

Amie hadn't grasped the differences between boys and girls yet.

Lexi grinned. "Yeah he is exactly like a big sister!"

Evan yanked her hand and she fell on her bum. "Anyway remember." she made a zip motion across her lips. "Or no rapunzel Barbie doll!"

Amie nodded and walked away making zipping motions over her mouth

"I am seriously offended here!" he told her.

"Well…." she said standing up.

"Hey I am all man. Maybe if your nice to me I'll show you one time!" he said cockily.

"In your dreams!" she retorted.

"More like in yours!" he quipped.

The reached the front door, walked downstairs and went to walk in opposite directions. They glared at each other,

"This way!" she yanked.

"No this way!" he yanked back.

Soon they were yanking each other in opposite directions pulling as hard as they could.

"Caroline is going to catch us!" he warned.

"Simple solution, go my way!" Lexi replied.

"What's so good about your way?"

"I picked it of course!"

"O and there's no arguing with that logic is there!" he said sarcastically.

"Actually no!"

They heard footsteps and ran in her direction. As soon as they reached the storage sheds Lexi whooped. "I win! I win!"

Evan rolled his eyes.

Dupe came out of the hut.

"So I was right!" she said.

Dupe looked at their joined hands. "Aw is it love?" he asked.

Lexi gave Evan a dirty look.

"He superglued his hand to mine coz he said he's desperately in love with me. When I tried to let him down gently he took drastic measures!"

"Evan I had no idea you were so romantic!" Dupe laughed.

"No it wasn't…" He glared at Lexi. "I'm gonna murder you!"

"See now he's saying he's gonna kill me if I don't love him!" Lexi quipped.

"Evan you need to work on your chat up lines." Dupe said laughing more.

"I'm glad your having so much fun at my expense meanwhile I'm superglue to chuckles the evil clown. Sent to torture me!" Evan said frustrated.

"Hey Ev you super glued us together. Your such a masochist!" Lexi laughed.

"This!" he pointed to their hands. "Is YOUR fault!" he told her.

"Excuse me? You grabbed my hand!" she retorted.

"You squirted superglue on mine!"

"You squeezed my hand which squeezed the super glue onto your hand. See your fault!"

"Don't argue with a woman Ev. You'll never win. You'll die a valiant but unnecessary death tying!" Dupe was having immense fun here.

"Please help me Dupe!" Lexi pleaded.

"Hot water and soap. If that doesn't work hospital."

Lexi was playfully disgusted. "You mean I have to be seen in public holding your hand. Heaven help my reputation!" she said dramatically. Smiling at him.

"You've been out with worse." he said dryly.

"What the hell does that mean?" she asked seriously.

"Back off Evan!" Dupe warned.

"Well you went out with Ethan and held his hand!" he told her all of a sudden they weren't playing anymore.

"Thanks Dupe!" Lexi said. "I'll sort this!" she yanked Evans' hand so hard he almost tripped.

"You're an idiot Ev! You should say sorry!" Dupe called after them.

(-)

They were soon both stood in the bathroom. She filled the sink with bubble bath and filled it with hot water. Squirted shower gel and shampoo in the nooks and cranny's between their hands. Thrust their hand under the water. Let the superglue soak for a while. Sat in a awkward silence. She was irate. Her eyes looked so beautiful when full of fire and passion. He mused.

"About the Ethan comment." Evan started.

She pulled at their hands. Sure she felt s slight give.

"SHUT UP! You shouldn't talk about something you know nothing about!"

"Your too good for him. If he's willing to up and leave you like that." he told her softly.

"You don't know anything about us! What we meant to each other!" she spat.

"I do. He used to talk about you all the time to me about you." Evan said quietly.

She dropped her head. "He left me. Didn't tell me why. I found that out off Liv. I still miss him sometimes. He was my best friend!"

He patted her free hand with his.

"I'm over him now. I think." she said. "I just can't have people belittling what we had. He was a big part of my life for years and I honestly thought we'd last forever. My immaturity showing I guess. The thing was I never doubted he loved me. And…." she trailed off.

"And." Evan coaxed.

"I was pregnant." she said softly. "We were gonna have a child and he didn't even know."

"Aw Lex, what happened?"

"I miscarried 3 weeks after my dad died. I was 8 weeks. I was a mess for a while."

"And you had to go through that alone?" Evan asked anger laced his tone.

"I had Missy and Liv." she told him.

"But they weren't who you needed huh?"

She shook her head.

"You want a hug?" he asked.

"I'm ok." she replied.

They pulled a little and their hands loosened.

"Dupe got something right for once." he joked.

She nodded sadly.

"Sod it!" he stood up and pulled her to him. Put his free arm around her. Making sure their glued hands stayed in the water." I am sorry about everything I said. And bringing up a sore subject for you. I don't wanna hurt you." he murmured in her ear as they hugged tightly.

She pulled back slightly. "Thanks Evan. I feel better now."

Lexi looked at his face then. Their eyes met and held. They both felt an instinctive magnetic pull and moved their heads at the same time. Then someone knocked on the bathroom door and the moment was broken. They jumped apart. The rest of the glue on their hands gave too.

"I'll be a minute!" Evan said shakily. God he's nearly kissed Lexi.

"Ok." Alice replied they heard footsteps receding.

Lexi ran from the bathroom quickly their non kiss spinning in her head.

(X)

Lexi smiled as his story came to an end. They had talked later. Blamed it on heightened emotions and it was a lapse. I mean they even like each other! She had never got over the urge of wanting to kiss him though. Wondered if his lips would be hard or soft. If he would be gentle or kiss her with passion and need. O she had kissed other men in university but his mouth, his lips intrigued her. She stared at it at times. Well anyway they spoke often face to face and on the phone. But weren't officially a couple well Liv told her no on was calling them that to their face but behind their back was another matter! And he hadn't kissed her yet! Serious frustration time. She was gonna talk to him when he got here. She was 23 and he 25. So they were mature and not kids. Maybe get to know each other better. a lot better. She was ready to settle down in a few years and although she and Evan were a long way off that he was nice and she cared so that's a start! She didn't love him yet but feelings grew over time. And she did like him A LOT!

Her phone rang. An unfamiliar number. Her thought of Evan had made her jovial. She picked up her phone.

"Hey handsome you changed your number?" she asked laughing.

No answer.

"Hello?" she asked.

The phone disconnected. Probably a wrong number and she had seriously embarrassed herself. She blushed bright red. She was thinking about getting her number changed. the only reason she had kept it was to see if Ethan called at first. And then it was just easier than changing. But he hadn't called. And never would! She hoped he was ok and happy. He'd had it tough as a kid and he still is and always would be her first love. A piece of her heart will always belong to him for that reason alone. But times changed, and she had to move on. Evan was part of her future now.

Her phone rang again. She did recognise this number. Evan.

"Hello." she said softly.

"Hey Lex, you home?" he asked.

"Yeah I am. In my room."

"God I'll be there to se you tomorrow."

"I go to work at 12." she told him.

"I'll on the veranda at 6."

"That's great. Quiet empty house." she murmured.

"I missed you. Haven't seen you in ages." he admitted shyly.

"Yeah. I missed you too."

"Look Lex I was gonna wait til tomorrow to ask you this but I can't wait. Now that your home for good do you want to….you know be in a relationship with me. Like exclusively me and you?"

Lexi smiled. "I was gonna ask you that tomorrow too." she admitted.

"Oooo a modern woman."

"Yeah and my dad taught me that if you want something go for it. Life's too short to mess on! And I decided that I want you."

"I agree with your dad. And you. Well I want you not me."

Lexi laughed.

"I'll see you on the veranda tomorrow."

"You bet!"

Lexi disconnected the call. Put her clothes away then lay back on her bed and smiled. Life was great. Everything was finally going her way. Now to spend some time with her mother, brother and sister.

**A/N a lil lex/evan memory chapter. does any1 think they cud go sumwhere?**

**A/N jst a lil side note it was actually evan who lexi was supposed to get with and have a relationship in ties that bind. bt then i dreamed up the ethan character in and liked him so much more. (i know evan is older, probs how she ended up wi ethan 2 tbh) thanx 4 reading**


	15. Stranger

It was late as a car winded it's way towards Leopards Den. A man sat in the car listening to Snow Patrol - You Could Be Happy. There was a line in the song that encompassed his feelings about a lady sleeping up there.

**You could be happy, I hope you are**

**You made me happier than I'd been by far**

But he had left of course. And then circumstances meant that he'd stayed away. The whole song reminded him of all of his family actually. Different lines represented different people. He just prayed someone was awake. The car slowed and came to a stop at the front door. The place was shrouded in darkness. He left his bag in the car thinking that with how dark the place was he'd have to go. He could just imagine everyone's face if they walked in and saw him asleep on the sofa! He stood at the bottom of the stairs. Checked his watch. 23:07. He supposed that was quite late but he'd known Alice to go to bed earlier when she was shattered. And there were 2 kids in the house too! As he walked in the house on soundless feet he inhaled and smelled familiar scents which had been washed from his brain. He felt like he was coming home. He missed everyone so much. He headed for the study to see if Dupe was awake. Ok he should have rang first give everyone advanced warning that he'd be here but firstly he had Forgot Leopards den phone number. And second he was just plain scared to phone them in case they had moved on and told him to stay away. He phoned Lexi though. He'd bottled speaking to her. She had sounded so happy and content he didn't wanna make her angry. Like all the times they spoke. He knew he had been wrong leaving her like that but it had been for the best at the time. They both had a lot of growing up to do. He had did it and now he felt calmer and clearer and content. The feeling that had eluded him for so long had finally washed over him. Yeah Ethan was happy, he thought. He hadn't been at first though. He had missed her so much. But at the same time hadn't been able to forgive himself for what he did to her! Cheating. God he wasn't a cheater. Never had been. The final reason why he hadn't phoned had been that he wanted to surprise them. He hadn't planned on coming back. He'd just woke up from being on his final shift at the FSNZ and his degree was finished too. He had worked nightshift and he felt like he was at a crossroads in his life and then he just thought I wonder how the weather is in south Africa. And then it steamrolled and he just wondered how much a ticket had cost. Suddenly he was buying one over the internet and had like an hour to get packed and get to the airport.

Anyway everything was quiet in the house so he decided to go and stay at a hotel for the night. He turned and was about to walk down the hallway when a voice stopped him.

"Excuse me!" a female voice said in a deadly tone. Then he was whacked on the head with something hard and metal. He was dazed. He was rugby tackled to the floor.

"You picked the wrong house buster!" she hissed as she turned him over.

"Huh?" he was soon lying on his stomach. And his hands were being bound behind his back. His head pounded. Ouch but they had hit him hard!

"A…" he tried to say Alice's name but she quieted him.

"Quiet or I'll brain you again!" she warned.

he went silent. He could do without a trip to the hospital tonight.

"Right your hands are tied, I am going to get up. You stay lying there till I say you can move. When I do that walk to the end of the corridor and turn the light on!" she whispered.

He nodded. Opened his mouth to speak.

"You were warned!" she said coldly.

She got up and he didn't move coz most likely she had a gun and she'd shoot him!

"right up and light!" she said menacingly.

He struggled to get up onto his knees. And then used the wall for leverage to get himself standing. It's hard to get up without using your hands. He then walked to where the light switch was. Had to use his forehead to turn it on.

"Right let's see who this is shall we?" she looked as the light came on. Her jaw dropped.

"Don't shoot me! I'd put my hands up but they are otherwise engaged." he said smiling as he looked at the gun in her hand. He was half serious.

"Oh God Ethan!" she put the gun down and hurried over to him. Wrapped him up in a hug. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried but you threatened to brain me again!" he said. "Untie me please."

She turned him and undid her knots.

She hugged him again. "Look at you. Your so grown up! And handsome too!" she touched his face softly. "Aw my wee man grew up!" she murmured.

Ethan was embarrassed.

"Wow it's so amazing to have you back! We didn't even know if you were alive!"

He frowned. "You didn't get my letters?"

"Not a one!"

Daniel appeared at the door of his room. Rubbing his eyes. His eyes narrowed as he saw Ethan standing close to his mum. Took a step forward. "Are you ok?" he stared menacingly towards Ethan.

"Wow that can't be…."

She nodded at Ethan.

"I'm fine Daniel. Go back to bed." she kissed his head.

"What about him?"

"This is your big brother Ethan." she said happily.

Daniel scrutinized Ethan for a moment. "G'night mum." he sent a silent she so better be alright in the morning look to Ethan.

Ethan smiled. So much like Danny.

He closed his bedroom door.

"Wow he is huge! And so much like Danny!"

"Tell me about it." Alice murmured.

"You mind if I crash here tonight?" Ethan asked.

"Sure thing. your room is empty. Your family you don't even have to ask!"

"Tell Danny if he's awake that we'll talk in the morning. I'll let you both get some sleep." with that he left the hallway and walked into his old bedroom. He hadn't noticed the way Alice stiffened when he spoke of talking to Danny.

Alice walked into her room. So he didn't know. He obviously hadn't been on the plane and somewhere they didn't get much coverage of English news. She looked at the family photo beside her bed.

"We got problems Danny. Big problems!"

(X)

Lexi climbed from her bed at 6am. And showered quickly. By the time she dressed Evan was stood on the veranda waiting for her.

"Good morning." she told him with a wide grin. "How is my handsome boyfriend?"

"Feeling handsome." he joked.

"Sleep well?" she asked.

"Like a baby. I knew I was going to see you so I was happy as a clam!"

They stood.

"You waiting for an invitation?" she murmured.

"Maybe." he replied.

"Well I invite you to come over here and kiss me!" she said softly.

"If you say so!" he told her and lowered his head to hers.

(X)

Ethan was lying in bed. God this was something he'd never get out of. Working as a volunteer fire fighter meant he'd have to be wide awake and ready to go at 4 so if a slight noise woke him he was alert and ready to go. He was surprised he's slept for so long actually. Him sleeping in till 6 was a lie in. he lay in bed and listened to the sounds of leopards den as it came live. The shower trickling and the pipes groaning. No noise from dupe, he was usually up with the first suns rays. Weird. Then he smiled a little. He missed this. Was gonna asked Danny and Alice if he could bring Natalie down with Bonnie and Chase. He wanted them to meet his family. He climbed from the bed and noticed his shirtless body in the mirror. Or shall he say the mottled scar and raised skin on his neck. Frowned at it. Didn't think about how he got it. Brought bad memories along with it. He knew it snaked along his back too. He blanked the scar from his mind. Left the room to shower quickly. When he was dressed decided to go outside on the veranda for a deep breath of African air. He walked out and was about to inhale deeply when he saw Lexi. Stood in a mans arms kissing as if there was no tomorrow. He'd been about to walk away when they pulled away and smiled at each other. Then she looked and noticed him.

His mouth was agape as he realised who she was kissing. Then he composed himself.

"Hello Lexi, Evan." he said calmly.

All Lexi did was stare at him. Wondering if he was actually there or if he was dreaming.

He was far to real. Far to hand…. She cut off her train of thought right there.

"Ethan?" she asked in wonder.

He stood and looked at her. "Yep."

Evan stood staring between them decided to give Lexi the space she so obviously needed. I mean she had just been caught kissing him by her first love she was bound to feel weird. He kissed her cheek and put his arm around her possessively. "I need to go inside for abit ok honey."

She nodded.

Gave Ethan a warning look. Who glared straight back.

Ethan jammed his hands in his pockets.

"Ethan." she said with a smile across her face. Took a step towards him then remembered all their history and stopped.

He saw the second her face changed.

"So how you been?" he asked making conversation.

"Good. Fine." she said stiffly.

He nodded.

"You?" she asked out of politeness. To be honest she couldn't care if he'd been in hell.

He shrugged. "I lived obviously."

They stood both feeling awkward. She was about to bring up the weather when she looked at his eyes. Those once warm chocolate eyes which had once looked at her with such love were now hard and cold. She forgot what she was going to say.

"I didn't…" he started.

"Why did you…" she said at the same time.

"Go on." he said softly.

"Don't matter." she said crossing her arms.

"I know you think I should apologise for leaving but it was for the best at the time!" he told her calmly.

"It was best to leave me. Alone scared and pr…"

"Yes Lexi it was!" he said interrupting. "I know you think it wasn't but is was the best thing I could have done at the time. And your obviously happy with Evan if that kiss was any indication!" he said nastily.

"And what the hell do you mean by that?" she shouted,

"Nothing at all." he said innocently in a snide voice.

"Don't bullshit me Ethan. I always knew when you were lying." she spat.

"Well you just moved on to the lad closet to you didn't you." he said and gestured his arm to around the land.

"YOU have NO right to criticize who I moved on with or when!" I waited till we broke up!" she fumed.

He blanched. "You know?"

"I have my ways!" how could you do that to me?" she shouted.

He put his hands up. "I didn't come to replay the past and argue with you. I'm gonna talk to your dad."

"That will be hard Ethan. He's dead!" she yelled meanly at the back of his head.

"What? No way I spoke to your mum last night. She would have told me!" he said turning to face her again.

She was steaming angry. "And you know what else? It's your fault!" she yelled louder.

He took a step back she had physically hit him. "Why would you say that Lex?" he asked upset. He was breathing heavily. His anger flowed. "It's sick lying about your dad being dead and even worse blaming me for it. I wasn't even here!"

She opened her mouth.

"Don't you dare Lex. Don't dare say anything else!" he warned.

"Why, you copying your dad now? My dad will be turning in his grave!" she spat. Knowing exactly how to hurt him.

"You know what Lex. Why don't you just curl up and die yeah?" he walked off fists clenched tightly.

**A/N and ethan is back will he throw a spanner in the works for the blossoming evan and lex relationship?**


	16. Anger and Truth

Lexi sat on the veranda a minute later still foaming. Why did he have to come back? She was fine and then he showed up and dragged up painful memories that were best left alone! And of course as soon as she seen him her emotions went haywire turning her into a freaking maniac. A screaming banshee!

She crossed her arms. Told herself not to feel guilty about what she said to him. He left you Lex. Anything you say is well deserved and overdue! Her conscience won. She shouldn't have told him like that. She shouldn't have blamed him and she shouldn't have compared him to his dad. He just got her so angry. Like he was so superior. The look in his eyes. And then criticizing her relationship. She wanted to lash out and hurt him and that's how she did it. She walked in the direction of the way he'd walked. Noticed him sat in front a wooden cross. Looking shell shocked. Looking upset. And another emotion she couldn't identify. Actually she could, it looked a lot like guilt. His face was pained.

She approached him slowly. Sat beside him.

"He died the same day I left." he stated throat thick with emotion.

She nodded.

"How?"

"Plane crash." she replied softly.

He looked at her. Eyes glistening. "What was he doing on a plane?"

"Your solicitor wanted to talk to you about speaking at your dads hearing. They said if you were there he'd probably stay in. My dad couldn't find you so he went to speak on your behalf. Plane went down 2 miles out of Bristol. No survivors."

"So it was my fault." he murmured to himself.

"No it wasn't Ethan. No one blames you. Especially not me. You just hurt me when you leaving and then suddenly reappearing again. And what's the first thing we did when we saw each other again? We argue. I jut wanted to hurt you too!"

"The fact remains…." he started. Wiping tears with the back of his hand.

"If you think like that it could be anyone's fault! My mums and dads for moving here. My dads for getting you into boxing so you were away. Mine for arguing with you sending you away... Forcing you to stay away."

He sat quietly.

"I never did find out if you won that fight." she said. "I'm sure dad wants to know too."

He nodded. "I won. In a minute. Lost it completely. Started on the other teams trainer. Even Thabo. I went a little insane. Fists flying everywhere."

"You found out about your dad's possible release then?"

"Messed me up big style. The only reason I wasn't on that flight to Bristol with your dad is coz I missed it by 10 minutes. The flight was taking off. I swore kicked off everything. They nearly ejected me from the airport I was ranting so bad!"

She gasped. Covered her mouth with her hand and without thinking grabbed him in a hug.

"God I nearly lost you." she whispered. Then realised who she was hugging and let go. Brought up a sore subject to cool her feelings.

"So is that why you - you know?"

"Partly. You also rang saying we were broke up. Not that I'm making excuses. I swear I loved you but it was a tough time for me. I had to get away. I got drunk in a bar. Woke up the next morning next to this random girl I felt ill when I realised what I had done to you!"

Lexi felt a pain when he said love in the past tense. Then berated herself mentally.

"How about we call a truce?"

He nodded. "I'd like that."

She stood up. "Regardless of our past I'm happy that your ok. And that you missed that flight." she looked down and saw the scar on his neck. "What's that?"

He covered it with his hand. Jumped up till he was standing.

"Nothing!"

"It looked nasty." took a step towards him. "Like you'd been bu…."

"I said nothing Lexi OK!" he yelled and stomped away leaving her standing there shocked at his outburst.

(X)

Ethan found Alice in her surgery. It was 10 o'clock.

After Lexi had noticed his scar he had walked for a long time. Fighting the panic he felt. He had no defences around her and she could easily get him to spill his guts. He hoped she'd have changed but she was still the same compassionate soul. With s smile for anyone. Except him.

Alice noticed him and waved.

"Kids at school?" he asked.

She nodded. "Look son, you need to sit down. It's about Danny." she started. Alice wasn't looking forward to this.

"Don't worry Alice. I know. I spoke to Lex. She told he how and when. And why he was away. I'm so sorry Alice!" he said full of guilt for what he had taken away from her. "If I'd been here he wouldn't have had to go and he'd still be here."

"Ethan don't think like that. Chances are he would have went with you and I would have lost both of you. In a way it's a good thing you were gone."

"I know but I left you when you needed me. We should have been together. A family."

"Don't think about it Ethan. I can't say I'm over it, coz I love him and always will. I still miss him but it's like a dull ache now as at first it was like a open wound." Alice changed the subject before he could berate himself further. "So where's my boy been then?"

"New Zealand."

"Explains your golden tan then. Haven't they got this thing where you can only stay there up to 18 months on a temporary visa?"

"Usually but I helped someone who helped me get my citizenship."

She nodded and sorted medication.

"So what did you do with your 5 years?" she asked handing him the jars to put away after she counted out pills.

"I was a volunteer firefighter. Studied physchology too. I'm a qualified therapist. I mostly wanna work with kids though. Did an extra year to specialise in children"

"Wow you have been busy firefighter and therapist. I'm really proud of you son."

He smiled at her tone. "I just needed to help people you know, prove to myself that I wasn't like him. Doing the degree helped me to settle a lot of my past resentments and hang ups. Like I used to swear that I'd never have kids. I was gonna break the cycle. But I realised that I already have broken the cycle."

She looked at him with every word he said her pride grew. "Your great you know. You'll be a great dad one day. And your nothing like him. You have never have been and never will!"

He nodded. "Thanks."

"So how long were you a firefighter?"

"4 and half years."

She walked over and hugged him as she finished dispensing medication. He hugged her back tightly. "It's just amazing having you home again son. Brilliant seeing you. You look great. Really healthy too!"

He thought about how healthy he looked now. How great he looked. It hadn't been like that when he first went over there. He'd been well over his head. New country. Didn't know a soul. Didn't even have a place to sleep. He hadn't thought it through. All that had changed though when he met Natalie.

"Do you mind if I invite my friend from New Zealand down. Her names Natalie. She might even bring her kids. Chase and Bonnie. Bonnie is nearly 4 and Chase is one."

"No bother son. I'll sort a hut for her."

"Thank you Alice."

"How long you planning on staying Ethan?"

He looked pensive. "To be honest I have no idea. I had unfinished business but I spoke to Lex. And I know your all fine. Well except…I thought I'd dealt with stuff but I haven't. and I can't have Lexi's new relationship in my face. I thought I was over it but I guess I'm not!"

"New relationship?" Alice questioned.

"O so you don't know? I'll be quiet then!" Ethan said.

"Do me a favour son. Next time your gonna leave let me know in advance. Don't just go. It was hard just having you up and leave. I was worried sick about you!"

"I'm really sorry about that. So what have I missed out on this end?" he asked enthusiastically.

(X)

Lexi walked towards the house. Angry again. Why did he always stir such intense emotions within her. What was wrong with him? Feeling angry and full of rage all the time wasn't fair to her. And having him talk to her like that wasn't fair either. She hadn't done anything wrong all she asked was a stupid question and he kicks off! Stupid Ethan! She thought about how he had changed. he was slightly taller and his face was thinner. He looked older, harder and infinitely more attractive. His eyes no longer sparkled with their usual playful light. A part of her longed to put that sparkle back. She squashed these thoughts. Sparking eyes and attractive Ethan. Remember Lexi he left you behind. You and your unborn child. Didn't phone write or email. Acted like you meant nothing. Like he had dropped off the face of the earth. All those things hadn't stopped her responding to him. When she first saw him her palms had started to sweat and her heart beat staccato. He'd had a little half grin as Evan had walked away and the sight of it made her heart beat faster. She'd never reacted to anyone in that way before. The thing was he hadn't changed so much that she was afraid of him. It was how she felt like she could goad him in the way she did. He'd never hurt her physically of that she as certain. Now emotionally he'd never get that close again. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts of Ethan she walked right passed Evan on the veranda and right into her room. Hadn't even noticed him there. He followed her and knocked on her door. She opened the door.

"Hello Lex."

"Hey Ev." she kissed his cheek.

"Everything go ok with Ethan?"

"Yeah. Although I was nasty to him and had to apologise."

She pulled her green paramedics suit on top of her shorts and t-shirt. Zipped it up. Straightened the Trevanion name sewed on.

"You look good. Green suits you." Evan said.

She smiled. "Thanks Evan.

I gotta get going. Gonna see mum then off to work. Finish at 10 tonight."

"You wanna come back to mine?" he asked.

"Maybe tomorrow huh?"

They walked from her room stood on the veranda. She walked into his arms. "How about you cook me a fancy meal after work tomorrow." she murmured and kissed him softly. His arms loosely around her waist.

"I think I could be persuaded." he said.

"I think I could persuade you!" she whispered.

Tickled him.

"Lex, I'm not ticklish!" he grinned evilly.

"Damn!" he tickled her sides and she wiggled all over trying to get away laughing wildly.

He stopped. And they shared a passionate kiss. Someone saw them. Ethan was walking up towards the house and saw Lexi laughing and then kissing Evan. God couldn't they get a room? He thought angrily. His face twisted with disgust. She did this deliberately. Not that he cared of course. He didn't acknowledge them just walked passed them head looking straight ahead. Walked in his room. Put on a old CD and rang Natalie. She told him she'd bring his stuff over straight away. Chase and Bonnie would be visiting her aunt in Jo'burg. He loved Natalie but that love was sisterly. She was the only one who knew what happened to his neck. Although she didn't know exactly how it happened. She was there. It was staying that way too. He wished his feelings for Natalie ran deeper. She was funny gorgeous clever and he loved her kids to bits but it just wasn't there. Never had been. He had loved one person his whole life now he was over her he didn't know how to fall in love again. He was doomed to be alone forever!

**A/N ok ethan knows about danny :( he is also jealous about the lex/ev relationship but is denying it. and i also think lex feels a tiny spark of feeling for ethan too. oooo trouble is brewing :/**


	17. Help

Ethan, Daniel and Alice were in the study. Daniel was sitting staring intently at the computer.

"Daniel, you've had your hour. Do your homework."

Ethan was sat sorting invoices. Alice had told him of Daniels condition earlier.

"I'm busy." he replied insolently.

Not this crap again. She thought. She dealt with this everyday. If she thought the computer triggered it she would stop him going on it but everything triggered it.

"Daniel, we had this discussion yesterday. I ask you to do something you do it!"

"I will mum later."

"Daniel NOW!"

"No."

She pulled the plug.

He picked up the wireless mouse and threw it at Alice. She ducked just in time.

"Dammit Daniel!" she was just about getting to the end of her tether.

Suddenly an elastic band hit Daniel in the face.

He turned and looked at Ethan angrily. "What you do that for?"

Ethan flicked another.

"Stop that!" Daniel demanded.

Ethan flicked yet another one. Daniel picked up the stapler and threw it. It clattered off the wall.

Ethan laughed and flicked another elastic band.

Daniel roared and launched at Ethan who easily restrained him.

"What's your problem kid? You threw stuff first. It looked like fun!"

"You don't throw stuff at me!" Daniel hissed. Ethan released him.

"Alice leave us alone please. Me and Daniel are gonna talk. Man to man. He smiled reassuringly. "Then he'll do his homework like a good little Trevanion!"

"I'll be outside." the only reason she agreed is because maybe Ethan is what Daniel needed. A strong male role model. Closed the door.

Ethan looked at Daniel he was his fathers son alright. His face pure Danny. Even with the blue eyes.

"Right kid, seems I need to teach you the do's and don'ts of what is acceptable to do and say to your mum!"

"I do and say what I want!"

Ethan flicked another band at him.

"Stop that!" Daniel yelled.

"Not nice is it?" Ethan asked. "Having people throw stuff at you when all they ask them to do is something reasonable. Like stop flicking elastic bands. And doing your homework!"

"She's stupid!" Daniel said.

"She's your mum!"

"SO!"

"You should love her. Take care of her. She doesn't have your dad. You're the man of the house now. You only get one mother and when she is gone. That's IT! And I WON'T allow you to treat yours like that!" he said the last sentence coldly.

"Nothing to do with you!" Daniel told him.

"See Daniel it is! Your mum and dad took me in when I needed love and stability. And now it is my chance to repay them! You'll treat your mother right if it kills me!"

"No I won't I'll do what I want!"

"Ok then Dee Jay, tell me this. How would you feel if your mum died right now? In a nasty and evil way. How would you feel if she was helping you when she died. And she died this second. And the last thing you said and did were nasty words and throwing things? You know something, your dad would be ashamed of you!"

Daniel stormed from the room tears in his eyes. Ethan sat thinking of what he said. He'd projected what he went through a little bit too much there! I mean the kid had ADHD so it wasn't something he could control. His training had came in handy at the beginning but had flew out of the window when he'd heard Daniel had talked about Alice. He just didn't get how lucky he was. He was about to go and say sorry when he heard Daniels voice talking to Alice. Saying he was sorry and loved her. And he was man of the house and was gonna take care of her from now on coz that's what men do. Alice appeared at the study door moments later. He was stacking invoices.

"Ethan what did you say to him?"

"Nothing just talked a little."

"Don't give me that Ethan. He apologised and hugged me. He hasn't hugged me in 2 years and as for saying sorry. He's never said that before."

"I just gave him a nudge in the right direction. The fact that I'm a therapist helped some." he went back to sorting invoices. "You haven't had it easy with him have you?"

She shook her head.

"He seems calm. 'Til he doesn't get his way. Is his type severe?"

"Moderate."

"Is he medicated?"

"No I won't do that to him!" Alice said passionately. "I just can't control him at the best of times."

"Your great with him. Give him what he needs. Even though you knew how he'd react you still turned the computer off. that's what he needs consistency. it's a slow log road but if you stick with it he'll get there! Your problem is he's 7 years old with above average intelligence. It's trying to control him without stifling that intelligence."

"Yeah I spoke to doctors. Tried to get him involved sporting activities. He just isn't bothered by them."

"What does he like?" Ethan asked.

"Animals. He loves going down the surgery with me."

"We could make him a reward system with that. Especially if it's something that hold s a high motivation for him. Like lashing out is an automatic no visit. But he gets ticks for like not yelling and doing as he is told and not hitting. Like maybe 1 tick is like one minute. But if he misbehaves his ticks can be taken away." Ethan was mumbling away to himself in full therapist mode. Lost in his idea. He than looked up at Alice. "Ignore me I've only been qualified 5 minutes. It's rubbish anyway."

"No Ethan I think it's a really good idea. He has something to work towards. Focus on. Instead of him being angry all the time. You don't even know him yet and you thought of something that will work. You already made him apologise."

He didn't know how to react to the praise so he shrugged.

"Alice have you got the number for the local fire department? I'm thinking of volunteering. If they need me you know. I may as well be useful!

"I'll ask Dupe he'll know." Alice said.

"Thanks. But I'll ask him. My friend Natalie is on her way too."

"And are there gonna be any wedding bells in the future?" Alice hinted.

"For Natalie maybe. Not for me. I am happily single and staying that way for the moment. You only need to be burned once before you learn to stay away from fire."

He cursed his loose tongue as he looked at Alice's sympathetic face.

"Look if Lexi hurt you you shouldn't cut yourself off from relationships."

"To be honest Alice I look at woman and they don't interest me. It really freaks me out. I mean I should be walking round drooling over woman and I look and think oh well she looks nice but I'm not bothered. I'm worried theirs something wrong with me. I was starting to worry that I was gay but thankfully I wasn't looking at men either!"

"You'll know when you met her!" Alice walked from the room.

He nodded. "He'd knew when he met Lexi. Maybe it was best if he left again. He couldn't deal with seeing her in Evan's arms. Or should he try and win her back? Did he want her back? That was the one thing he didn't know he'd know if he kissed her! One little kiss. He could imagine Lexi's reaction too oh Lex can I have a kiss. O why coz I'm trying to decided whether or not to steal you from your boyfriend. She'd stab him with a rusty knife! He was fairly sure he was over her but if that was true why couldn't he stand seeing her in Evan's arms. Maybe he could try and have a relationship with Nats? He shook his head. That was far too weird. She was practically his sister. Eeewww he creeped himself out there. He filed the invoices and went in search of Dupe.

Found him, they were soon walking through the bush.

"I should warn you the fire chief won't let you start. Even as a volunteer. Your young, sure of yourself and cocky. In other words a major threat. And that scar too proves that your willing to do anything to save someone."

"How'd you know?"

"I can tell by the type of scar. I burnt myself plenty but not to that extent."

"I just want to get busy with a job. I don't wanna be the leader of course not. But I worry if I end up bored then I might be tempted to leave again. I've applied for a couple of therapists jobs over in Jo'burg if not it'll have to be the fire department."

**A/N filler chapter really nothing important happened here except eth considering stealing lex away and telling daniel how it is!**


	18. Jealousy All Around

_**9 am the Following Morning.**_

Bob dropped Lexi off at Leopards Den and she walked up the dusty path. She was dead on her feet. Pardon the pun. She'd had to stay on for another shift and now all she wanted was her bed. She didn't hear the car approaching behind her as her Ipod was jammed in her ears. To stop her from keeling over and falling asleep on the dusty ground. Ethan appeared at the door as she approached.

"Hello gorgeous!" he said looking in her direction. She was shocked but hid it well. Ignored him. Ethan then walked towards her with a smile. Walked straight passed her and into the arms of a petite blond haired blue eyed angel who clearly belonged on a magazine cover.

"Hello handsome!" she replied warmly. "I can't believe you took off and didn't tell me!"

Lexi snorted.

"Ignore her she's sleep deprived!" Ethan said dismissively.

"Go to hell Ethan!"

"That's preferable to your company!" he put his arm around Natalie's shoulders and led her inside.

Lexi stood and fumed outside.

"What was that?" Natalie whispered.

"That was Queen Lexi!"

"THE Lexi, your Lexi?"

He nodded. "You weren't joking about her attitude. She doesn't wanna start on you when I'm here. I owe you a lot and I won't allow her to disrespect you. AT ALL!"

"Nat's you don't owe me anything. Honestly. Plus you didn't catch her at her best. She's not usually so short and I did provoke her."

Natalie looked at him. "Your feelings are still there then."

He didn't bother to deny it and nodded.

"You don't let her tie you up in knots. You're a good man. And I know plenty of woman back home who are ready and willing to help you forget her!"

He ignored her final comment. "Come meet Alice." he said stopping the conversation there.

(X)

Lexi stomped into the house. How dare he bring his girlfriends to HER home. That was just so wrong! So NOT fair! I mean that girl is so stunningly gorgeous and Lexi is just plain. Plain boring old Lexi! She hated him. Really hated him! No actually hate indicated a strong emotion and she felt nothing. Nothing at all! Truth be told she felt a little hurt. Why would he wanna hurt her like that? By showing off his super skinny super gorgeous super everything girlfriend. She stopped her thoughts right there. Shower then bed. She had her shift changed so she started work in a few hours instead of an hour ago which had been decided. She walked into the bathroom.

(X)

Alice was introduced to Natalie when Ethan's phone rang.

"I'll be back soon." he mouthed.

"Ethan has told me so much about you. And your husband!" Natalie said.

"Did he, all good I hope!" Alice joked.

"He loves you. And your husband. I'm sorry for your loss."

Alice nodded.

"He's very deeply in love with your daughter too! He was a mess when I met him." she said bitterly.

"I know his father…"

"Lexi." she said simply. "O his father too no doubt but it killed him leaving her. He had a death wish. It's the reason why he joined the fire service."

"He feels things deeply." Alice said. "How did you meet?"

"He hasn't told you? Typical Ethan. He does this great thing and tells no-one!" Natalie said. "My husband and son were trapped in a forest fire in New Zealand. He was still training at the time. I remember I was going out of my mind with worry. He saw me and asked what was wrong. I told him. He vowed that he'd keep his eyes open. Ethan eventually found their tent and of course took his hose and searched. After he found them he went against orders and gave his jacket to my 4 year old son. They had been told under no circumstances to take them off. A gust of wind came and caused a circle of fire to surround them. He ushered Chance into the black. An area which had already been burned. The fire jumps over it. Told him to stay under the jacket no matter what he heard! He and my ex fought the dire. Somehow got out of it and my weasel took the jacket from my baby and ran off with it trying to save his own skin. Ethan didn't tell me what happened next but he brought my son home safe and sound. Later on as he the last fire was put out he collapsed. Had 3rd degree burns all down his neck and back. My ex was found dead. My son later collapsed in hospital and died. Ethan was ill for a long time. I got to see my son thanks to him. Tell him I love him and hug him. Before he passed away."

"O Natalie you poor thing."

"I was pregnant with Bonnie at the time though. So I couldn't fall apart. Then I helped Ethan get his citizenship. Was the least I could do."

"I noticed the scar on his neck. He's very self conscious of it." Alice murmured.

"He doesn't like people making a fuss of it. There was a media circus over there when they found out what he did. See me and my husband are models over in New Zealand. We were the golden couple with the golden marriage and the perfect kid. It was all crap though. Because of who we were Ethan's name got pulled into it and they dug into his past thankfully he was unconscious when all this happened. And I ensured that no journalists got anywhere near him when he awoke. I wish my husband had been more like him. My husband was willing to sacrifice his sons life for his own whereas Ethan was willing to sacrifice his for complete strangers. What I believe happened is that a burning tree limb fell on him and he held it aloft. Giving Chance the opportunity to get away. Specially since its his shoulder. Like he hefted it or something!"

"OH my poor baby!" Alice gasped

"He told me you'd say that! That you say it often."

"Are you and Ethan?" Alice hinted.

Natalie shook her head. We dated for a little bit but nothing beyond that. He's a great guy but firstly I'm 28 and he's 23 and secondly he's not who I want. I love him deeply but I'm not IN love with him you know?"

"I'm glad he had you to take care of him. I worried about him so much. That he was alone or dead!"

"He mentioned to me that you lost your husband when he left." Natalie said softly.

"Yeah I did. This Ethan reminds me a lot of young Danny actually. His attitude." Alice told her.

"Ethan told me that he tried to act and live like him. He didn't have no other role model so used him as a template."

Alice smiled "He was a good man/ he lives on in his kids but I'm sure Danny would be chuffed that Ethan tried to be like him."

Ethan appeared. "Nats will you join me on the veranda?"

Natalie nodded. "It was nice talking to you."

As soon as they wee outside. "How soon can we go home?" he asked.

He heard Lexi on the phone laughing an giggling. Talking in low tones. He was off. A car pulled up. Evan climbed out with a satisfied smile on his face. They heard footsteps.

Natalie grabbed his face. "Respond!" she whispered. Then pulled her to him for a kiss. He stiffened for a minute then kissed her back. She melted all over him. As soon as Natalie knew Lexi was outside she pulled back and pout her hand on his chest.

"See." she purred. "Isn't that the hello you expected?"

Natalie's eyes raked over his body.

"I'm looking forward to our diner later. Me and you alone!" she lowered her tone. Still loud enough for Lexi to hear. "We never get time alone with the kids." smiled seductively and winked.

He was shocked. She was turning on the seduction and he was just in compete and utter disbelief. He played along. Smiled. "Yeah."

Natalie gave him a lingering kiss.

"I better phone mum. Make sure Bonnie and Chase are ok."

"Give them my love." he told her.

She nodded. Looked at Lexi and dismissed her.

Lexi glared at him.

"Problem?" he asked.

She ignored him. Walked over to Evan and kissed him. When she pulled back Ethan was no where to be found. She wasn't even aware of what she was doing.

"How are you?" Evan asked.

"Well I worked at 21 hour shift on my first day and I should be in bed but I can't sleep so…" she paused. "I'll crash tonight when I get home."

They sat and she rested her head on his shoulder. Closed her eyes.

"How'd your first shift go?"

"Ok actually. My partner Bob drove coz I don't know the area. I mainly just patched up cuts. A broken bone and suspected heart attack. Text book. Easy."

He snuggled her closer.

"When you next at work?"

"3 hours time." she mumbled.

Evan noticed the change in her straight away. Her breathing was slow and dep. Her body limp. He looked and her head was nestled on his shoulder. Eyes closed.

"Lexi." he whispered.

No response. She was very deeply asleep. He picked her up and carried her to her room. Turned on her alarm clock. Kissed her lips softly.

"Sleep tight. I'll call you."

He closed the door to her room and didn't hear her murmur I love you Ethan.

Evan had to talk to Dupe about their new business. But ran straight into Ethan in the hallway. They both decided to play it cool.

"Hello Ev, I never got the chance to greet you properly before."

He extended his hand. Evan took it and shook it curtly.

"You look good wherever you have been!" Evan said coldly.

"What's up with the attitude Evan? I try to be cordial and you give me attitude. When I actually I should be the one with the pissed off attitude!"

Evan frowned angrily. Looked at Lexi's door. "You left her!" and your child he added silently. The child was the reason for the attitude. "And now I have her. Jealous?"

"No, coz I know I could have her back anytime I want!" he goaded. "It's said that no woman ever fully gets over her first love."

"Is that a threat?" Evan asked.

"No it's a promise. Stay away from me and I'll stay away from you and Lexi!"

"Your deluding yourself Ethan if you think she'll go anywhere near you again. Not after what you did!"

"Hey I could still convince her. Soft words. Music. Maybe pull her in my arms and dance. Murmuring in her ear. I'd make it up to her. So BACK OFF Ev!" he warned.

The phone rang. They both went to pick it up.

"Go on then big shot!" Ethan said.

"Leopards Den Evan speaking." Evan said as he picked up the phone.

"Ok, you want a booking." Ethan went to get the book.

Evan grabbed the file off Ethan.

"2 weeks time. For 2 weeks. Yes that is just fine Mr Robinson."

"I'll just confirm then. A hut. 2 beds. For 2 weeks. We look forward to meeting you."

Evan out the phone down. "Peter Robinson. 2 weeks hut. He doesn't need picked up at the airport."

Ethan scribbled down the details "I'll input them in the computer too." Ethan said.

Evan went to walk away. "Take care of her better than I did Ev!" Ethan told him softly and walked into the study.

**A/N oh ethan don't provoke evan like that! silly person. he is a good person tho saving a young boy in a fire at new zealand. aww bless him :) x **

**my apologies if i havent reviewed any1's stories in ages. i'm actually uploading pretyped chapters wen i have 5 minutes unbeliavably busy atm gt too much to do. i'm runnin out of chapters too with no time to type :( will try to get 2 the reviews 2moro afta uni x**


	19. LoveHate

Lexi awoke an hour later. Feeling groggy, and weird. She'd dreamed of that long ago picnic with Ethan under the fountain. The one she had mentioned when she'd had her cancer. He sorted a fluffy blanket a CD player and food. They had the best time laughing and joking. She had loved him so much. One of the best things about it had been although her parents were watching from the veranda they were really alone-ish. she added the ish. Coz they were a fair way away and they couldn't hear a word. Although she wouldn't put it past her dad to have planted a bugging device! Ethan had kissed her softly her dad came over a speakerphone saying, I have a loaded gun children. 10 inches distance at least! Then he paused. Added Please as a formality. The face Ethan made had made hilarious. Starting playfully mimicking Danny.

Ethan I know what your doing her dad had then said. Her dad hadn't been too bad just concerned about them. With good right obviously. They ate and laughed then Ethan whispered in her ear that if she was ready he was and he'd text her later. She smiled at him. They'd been together 15 months and she was beginning to think it was never gonna happen. Not that she hadn't tried to make him lose control. He had just been to strong! Actually she was glad they waited. Made it more special. She knew him inside out. They had shared everything and there wasn't a single thing she hadn't thought adorable or cute or frustrating. Coz it was all him. Made him the person he was. It had beautiful. Her mum and dad were going out. They thought she they were safe coz Ethan was going boxing. He'd returned early and sorted a hut for them. He'd text her to meet him by the storage shed. Walked towards one and she looked at him in shock. He nearly collapsed in a fit of laughter. You think I'd…? laughed harder. You should know I love you far to much to waste our first time in a shed. I may not be a gentlemen but I have standards! He chuckled all the way down to the hut. He covered her eyes. When she walked in she saw the place covered in candles and flowers. Whenever she smelled flowers, any flowers she thought of Ethan. They had been so in love. So in tune. He should have trusted her. Confided in her. Except he left. Now though she was keeping a secret. She hadn't told him about their child. He had a right to know. Or was she being nasty telling him? She struggled to look at him sometimes. Knowing that he left her when she needed him most. Not that mattered to him. He was a father now. And in a relationship with Natalie. She'd given Ethan something Lexi hadn't been able to. She'd never felt so inadequate in her entire life. She climbed from the bed and changed into her green work clothes.

Lexi saw Natalie sitting on the veranda. Smiled at her.

"Hello I'm Lexi. We didn't get introduced earlier."

Natalie surveyed her. "Yes Ethan told me."

"You mind if I sit?" Lexi asked.

"It's your house." Natalie said.

They sat in silence.

"So ho old are your kids? If you don't mind me asking that is."

"Bonnie is 3 nearly 4. Chase is a year and a half."

She pulled out a photo. "My mum is bringing them to meet my Aunt in Jo'burg. Then picking me up here before we go home. They miss me and Ethan. And he's amazing with them."

Lexi looked at the photo, at a little girl who looked decidedly like Ethan. And a little boy who looked nothing like him.

"How long you known Ethan?"

"Just under 5 years. More than 4 and half less than 5."

Natalie saw Lexi doing the math with Bonnie. It was weird. Bonnie did look like Ethan. She was pregnant with her when they had met. People always said she could be his. Although they had never even slept together. Thankfully. That would have been awkward. The kiss hadn't been too bad. But that had been an act. But anything other than that. Gag time! Anyway her son looked like her with her current partners face. Adorable. Natalie saw her disappointed expression when she came to the obvious conclusion.

"He is brill with kids. Was great with Daniel and Amie."

"Yeah like I said the kids love him to bits."

Lexi nodded.

"Why all the preoccupation anyway, your with Evan aren't you?"

"Me? Yeah I am." Lexi told her.

"Ethan told me a little about you." Natalie admitted.

"Yeah?" sat up ears pricked.

Natalie nodded.

"Well?" Lexi prodded.

"He asked me not to tell." Natalie said smugly.

"Then why tell me then?"

Natalie smiled. "Coz he told me to. Knew it would drive you crazy!"

Lexi was annoyed at the way Ethan was messing with her.

"Excuse me!" she blasted at Natalie. Her mum would have her if she heard her speaking to a guest like that but at the moment she so didn't care!

Lexi stormed into the house. The phone rang as she passed.

"Hello?" she said shortly.

"Hey can I speak to Alexis. It's her partner Bob"

"Hey bob. It is Lexi. O and by the way if you call me Alexis in the house no one will know who your talking about!"

Bob laughed.

"What's up?"

"Well Lexi I swung us the rest of the day off. Told them we just worked 21 hours and it was your first day! Top brass is going wild. They went looking and found out why Chris and Claudia weren't in. they got a right rollicking! Anyways no work today!"

"Oh wow Bob thanks. I could have done without a shift today I need some more sleep. See you tomorrow at 2."

"Will do Lex."

Lexi put the pone down and smiled.

Til Ethan appeared and the anger returned.

"Dupe needs supplies out in the bush. Told me not to come alone and no-one else is around. That leaves you. And don't tell me your at work coz I heard you saying you were happy that you had time off!"

She glared walked into he room and took her green suit off. Appeared wearing shorts and a t-shirt. His mouth went dry as dust.

They walked downstairs. Climbed in the truck. Drove in silence through the bush. Bounced over pot holes.

"Can't you be careful? Do you have to hit every hole?"

"O so sorry Queen Lexi. Has your hair came loose?" he asked sarcastically.

"Just drive huh Evan. Oops did I just call you Evan. I better apologise in advance for that. See he's on my mind ALL the time!"

That angered Ethan. "I'm not surprised you moved on so quick. You never loved me at all. You were probably after him the next day. Actually why wait til then more like the next minute!"

She narrowed her eyes. No she was too busy scared outta her mind. Pregnant and alone! She opened her mouth but stopped herself. "Tell you what lets not talk huh?" she said though clenched teeth.

"Fine by me Queen Lexi."

She shook her head. She hated that name. It had been ok when she was a kid. She was about to blast him for it but bit her tongue or he'd call her it more and she really would lose it! The truck gave a lurch and rolled to a stop. He tried to start it but it wouldn't move.

"What the hell?" he jumped out and popped the hood. Looked. And saw the problem immediately. The fan belt had gone. He grabbed the radio and radioed Dupe.

"Dupe the belt has gone on the truck. We're a fair way away from you still. Evan should be able to get the stuff you need to you. You best phone him. Yeah and I know stay close to the truck in case of predators."

Ethan put the radio down and sat beside her in the truck.

"We stuck?" she asked.

"Unfortunately yes. For now anyway."

"What do you mean by unfortunately?" she hissed.

"Well you can't wanna be stuck out here with me." he smiled. "Sorta reminds me of old times. Do you remember when I sabotaged a truck so could have time alone. You used to love being out here alone with me." he lowered his voice seductively. "Just you and me." looked in her eyes intensely.

She felt herself being hypnotised by his tone and eyes. She jumped from the truck. He climbed out and took a step towards her.

"I thought I loved you then!" she said stubbornly. Her voice betrayed her as it shook.

"And you don't anymore?" he asked.

"NOT AT ALL!"

His smile turned cocky. "Liar Liar Lex. You still respond to me. Powerfully. I've seen you with Evan the best few days. You look at me and your breathe catches and your cheeks go red. You look at him and your normal."

"I care about Evan far more than I ever cared for you!" she spat.

"O I have no doubt you think that Lexi. Doesn't make it true though!"

"Why you arrogant…." she fumbled for a word.

"Freak show?" he suggested smiling. She went to walk away and turned.

"Why do you care Ethan. You have Nats and your kids now." she said Natalie's nickname with scorn.

"Don't talk about Natalie in that way. You know nothing about her. And for your information the kids aren't mine! She's engaged."

"What?" she asked.

"The kids are not mine!" he repeated.

"Why does she act all possessive over you and nasty to me then?"

"Coz I told her about you Lex. What you meant to me. Good and bad stuff. I met her during a bad time and I was a mess. She doesn't want me hurt again."

"I didn't hurt you. You left me!" they were yelling at each other now.

"Yeah and you went and moved on to the closest lad ever. Tell me how long did it take you to move on? Get together with Evan?"

"Don't even go there Ethan. He was a friend when I need one most!"

"I suppose you kiss all your friends like that then?"

"None of your business!"

He strode towards her purposefully. Didn't realise his intent till he was stood in front of her. Pulled her in his arms and crashed his lips to hers. She resisted for a millisecond and then felt a familiar rush of emotion. It coursed through her blood like a fever. Her arms found their way around him. Kissed him back heatedly. Her eyes were closed and she was filled with the smell and taste of Ethan. She had missed this. The kiss was hot and oozed with restrained passion. He'd never kissed her like this before. So restrained. Full of unspoken promise. She was more than a little excited at the prospect of him losing control. She wanted him to lose control!

Suddenly they heard a truck and bounced apart like someone had thrown a grenade between them. they were both breathing heavily. Chests heaving. Ethan jammed his hands in his pockets. Lexi acted all indigent as she remembered the way her thoughts had gone.

"You had no right to kiss me!" she hissed.

"I thought you kissed your friends queen Lexi. And you know what else I would have let you go but you were having a damn good time kissing me back! I wonder how far it would have gone if weren't interrupted? Would you have stopped me?" he said cockily. He knew full well she wouldn't have been able to stop him.

She straightened and looked at him. They stood face to face.

"I hate you!" she declared.

"You know I love your face like this. Green eyes flashing fire. Chest heaving. And your mouth just begs a kiss." his finger touched them softly. They tingled at the contact. She leaned in to him instinctively.

"Arghh!" she threw up her hands and stalked away. He grinned.

Dupe and Evan rounded the corer in the truck. Ethan stood and waited for the truck to come to a stop.

"Stupid engine just gave out on us. I looked and the fan belt has gone."

Dupe held up the spare. "Hope you know how to put this on!"

"Sure do!" he said and pulled off his shirt. He refused to wreck I getting it covered in oil. It's one of his favourites. He ignored Evans face when he saw his shoulder and back.

(X)

Lexi was a mess. That kiss…was nothing! She told herself sternly. Ok so she wanted to spontaneously combust but that was nothing! She heard Dupe's voice. Walked back towards the truck and saw Ethan take off his shirt. His muscular toned body stole the very breath from her lungs. Wow. He had been toned as a boy but now as a man, his body. "Whooooeeeee!" she whispered.

He turned and she gasped as she saw the snaking scar down his back. She walked mechanically towards them. What had happened to him?

Ethan looked at her and saw her horror stricken face at his back. His eyes flickered painfully then he didn't look again. It was then Lexi noticed Evan.

She felt a surge of guilt. Evan also had a funny expression on his face.

"Hello Ev." she said with false cheeriness.

"Hello Lex. He sounded false too."

She smiled. Walked over and kissed him. She felt nothing. Ethan slammed the hood of the truck.

"It's done. I'll ride with Dupe. The love birds can ride together."

He didn't look at Lexi at all. His chest was streaked with oil. Lexi hated that she hurt him. Hated that her feelings for Ethan were growing. And her feelings for Evan were slowing disappearing into obscurity.

This wasn't fair to Evan. Dupe and Ethan drove off. They climbed in their truck.

"Look we have to talk." both Evan and Lexi said at the same time.

"We're on the same wavelength then?" Ethan asked.

"I think so." she admitted.

"I don't know if it's coz Ethan is back. But it just doesn't feel right." Evan said. And because what Ethan said ran around in his head. People never get over their first love. She wasn't over Ethan and he wasn't over Grace! He was gonna phone her.

"I agree." she told him. "But it isn't coz he is back. I don't do stuff coz he is around.

"Wake up Lexi. You love him. You never stopped."

"No I don't!"

"Trust me. I know love. You look at him like your mum looked at your dad. You never look at me like that. Which is fine because I never look at you the way he does. You both look like you'd follow each other to the ends of the earth!"

"Well I wouldn't so there!" she said moodily.

**A/N the ev/lex relationship is now over. and lexi is still denying her feelings about ethan. poor eth wen he saw her face at his back. aww bless him :/**


	20. Admissions

They were home soon. She felt a lot better now that she and Evan weren't a couple. It was a nice thought but they should have known it wouldn't work. She embraced Evan tightly.

"Stay in touch yeah. You're a good friend." Lexi told him.

"You too." he smiled.

Ethan glared at them as he passed. She followed him inside.

"Ethan." she said.

He didn't look back. Slammed his bedroom door. She knocked. He ignored her so she walked in. He was putting stuff in a bag.

"What you doing?" she asked.

"I think that is obvious!" he stated

So he was leaving again. At least he wasn't leaving a little one behind. Suddenly she couldn't look at him. She stared at his bag. Took the stuff out he put in.

"I won't let you leave like that again. Think about my mum huh. She just got you back!" she fussed with his clothes still not looking at him.

"Lexi, I can't have you and Evan in my face. I'm over what we had but it's still hard ok!"

He put jeans in the bag and she removed them. He then realised she wasn't looking at him. He knew it. The scars made her sick. She was physically unable to look at him. He was repulsive to her.

"Lexi if you can't look at me why don't you just leave now coz they aren't going to disappear!"

"What you on about?" she asked looking at his CD stacker.

"My scars. They aren't going to disappear Lexi. And you won't look at me. Obviously I disgust you now!"

She was angry that he thought she was so shallow. She looked at him. Saw the hurt in his brown eyes.

"Sit down Ethan."

He heard her tone and sat on the bed automatically.

She sat opposite him. "Right. The reason I can't look at you has nothing to do with your scars. Ok. How fickle do you think I am?"

He looked at the bed and shrugged. "They aren't the nicest things to look at." he paused and looked at her. "Why then Lex, I don't understand."

She inhaled and exhaled. "The reason I struggle to look at you sometimes. The reason I can't stand the sight of you sometimes is because when you left me I was pregnant. You left me AND your child behind."

His face went blank. Devoid of anything. "What, how, when?" he spluttered.

"The what was a baby. The how I'm sure you don't need me to explain. The when, well it was conceived that night in the hut. Not our first time obviously. The other time."

"What happened? Where is it?" he asked.

"I lost it. 4 weeks after you left me. I was 8 weeks when I miscarried our child. See I lost my dad. The love of my life and our child all at the same time!" she said angrily. "You weren't there! I tried to tell you but you wouldn't hear me! I was desperate for you to stay but you walked away!"

"I was gonna be a dad. We were gonna be…." he said still in shock.

"Yes we were. WERE!" she repeated. Anger building slowly. Everything she'd bottled up for the last 5 years yearned to be released. She stood up. "God Ethan I was alone. My mum was out of it. Barely carried on only for Daniel and Amie. She missed my dad like crazy. The person who should have been stood by my side. Been as excited that I was was gone you have no idea what I went through. How I had my cancer medication forced on me!"

He stood up to hug her but she pushed him away.

"Where were you then Ethan? I don't even have words to describe how I feel about you. Really I don't" she felt the anger overflow. The festering venomous anger which poisoned her was released.

"Where the hell were you? When we needed you? When my stomach felt like there was million razor blades in there? When I lost our child in my room alone. Oh yes. Swanning around New Zealand. While I was ALONE! How could you do that to me? You betrayed me and your child. Abandoned us when we needed you and I hate you for it. I hate you I hate you. I HATE YOU!" she practically screamed at him.

The tears she'd held fell. She covered her eyes with her hand so he didn't see her cry. He pulled her to him. She didn't fight him this time.

"I lost our baby Ethan. I wanted it so much and then it was gone. Like you."

She sobbed harder. Wrapped her arms around him tightly. He was full of emotion himself.

"I'm so sorry Lexi. I should never have left you. I should have listened to you. I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."

His heart burned for their child. A example of their love. A perfect product of their union. Her and him together in a child. A lump lodged in his throat.

She pulled away from him. He felt bereft. She sat on his chair. Her head ached from the force of the tears. She sat and gathered herself. Wiped her eyes. She hadn't meant to unload on him but when she started she hadn't been able to stop. He sat on his bed. Eyes downcast as he thought of what might have been if he had listened to her. Lexi finally spoke.

"I don't blame you Ethan. Not really. You just weren't there and a convenient target when I needed one."

"I can't believe I was gonna be a dad and walked away!" he said full of self directed scorn.

"It's the past now. I think about it a lot though. Especially since it's getting close to the 5 year anniversary." she told him.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there to support you. It should have been me getting on that plane not him!"

"He would have went with you you know. Wouldn't of let you go by yourself."

"We'll never know that for sure." he said.

"Well you don't know my dad then!"

"I should have been here. But I ran away from all these responsibilities. Being a father and man of the house!"

"Doesn't look like you had the easiest time of it yourself." she told him looking at his shoulder. His scar was hidden by his white t-shirt. Her pressed a hand to it instinctively.

"What happened?" she asked softly.

Ethan supposed he owed her this.

"I worked as a volunteer firefighter in New Zealand. There was a forest fire there. They were trying to contain it before it could spread. We were trainees but only a few weeks from being fully fledged certified firemen and they needed every spare man they had. So we got sent in. Our team leader told us the usual stuff. If there's trouble head for the black. Never drop your pack and never take off your jacket. Never leave your partner either. We were battling this fire and I've never felt heat so intense in my life. It literally singed the hair off your arms. Anyway we were in the forest and I spotted this tent so I signalled to my partner that I was gonna check it out. No people so I walked further. I wasn't worried about running out of hose. I had miles of it. So i walked fighting this fire as I went. I found a man and his child. The heat was so unrelenting that I gave the kid my coat. Ushered him into the black the jacket around him tightly. Ensuring no nooks and cranies the air could get in. told him to keep as still as he could and not to move no matter what he heard. See I figured we were all screwed as a gust of wind had came from the east. Whereas the wind was blowing from the west previously. Which had caused an up draught in the opposite direction and basically we were all caught in a ring of fire. And I mean literally too. We were surrounded. But my coat can withstand intense heat. So thought well the kid will survive at least or I prayed he would."

"What's the black? And an up draught?"

"The black is an area which has already been burnt. There's no fuel there so the fire skips right over it."

She nodded.

"An up draught." he thought. "An up draught is…. You ever remember in school when the firemen used to come in and show you a chip pan fire and they put the water on it and it just goes up?"

She nodded.

"It looks like that. it's a gust of wind which causes the fire to combust because of the extra fuel. They generally occur in building fires coz of air vents and open windows. They are infinitely more dangerous there too. If your caught in one. That's it immediate. Thankfully with the wide open spaces we weren't in it's path!"

She paled.

"I fought as hard as I could and somehow I must have caught a thin wall. I cleared a path told the dad to get his kid while I battled to keep it clear. He picked his kid and the jacket up. Wrapped it around them and ran through he gap. I did too. As soon as we were out I started looking for markers for the way back to camp. While I was doing this the dad put his kid down. Took the jacket and ran!"

Lexi gasped.

"His son was hysterical at being left alone with a stranger. I tried to calm him but nothing worked. I gave him my hat and showed him my badge. Told him I helped the police too so he'd believe me. He did. Anyway here I was. No hat. No jacket. All I had was a t-shirt. My fire proof trousers and boots. I kept the kid in front of me. Below my hose. I was concentrating on ahead. Not above me. A burned smouldering thick branch chose the second the kid was below it to fall. I literally dived on him and it fell on my shoulder. Nearly knocked me clean out. I was on my knees the timber rested across my back. I could fell the heat on my back. Smelled it as it… the kid got out from under me but I could heave it off me. It just burned me hotter and hotter. I then decided to roll sideways. And it rolled away from me. I just wanted to lie there. Curl up but I had this kid, and that bit of timber to douse. So I pulled off my burned t-shirt dropped it. Picked up my hose with my good hand as my left one was useless put the smouldering branch out. This kid looked at me like I was superman. I felt anything but. He couldn't have been older than 5 and must have been scared outta his mind but he did everything I said. I got him back to camp safely. I snuck got my self a new jacket and helmet. Returned the kid to his mum and returned to fighting the fires. 36 hours later they had been successfully contained and extinguished. That's pretty good. Sometimes they last weeks!"

"How did you toss the tree?" she asked in awe.

"Honestly?" he asked.

She nodded.

"I imagined it was you under me. I was saving you. And if I didn't get the tree of me. You'd die!"

Lexi was shocked. "And the boy. What happened to him? And his dad?"

"His dad was found dead. Died of smoke inhalation. The boy died too."

"Oh no!" she gasped her eyes filled.

"He collapsed an hour after. His heart just stopped." he looked at the floor. "I didn't find out till much later though."

"What happened?"

"I was in hospital. See after the tree I had 3rd degree burns and had a concussion. Shouldn't have been running round. The doctors dunno how I stayed on my feet so long. I keeled over just as the fire was put out. that's when they noticed my burns. The boys mother broke it to me a few weeks later. Got me my citizenship for new Zealand."

"You still in touch?" Lexi asked.

He nodded. "We're extremely close. She'd like a sister to me!"

"Natalie?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Oh Ethan!" she stood up.

"I didn't tell you for sympathy Lex!" he snapped. "I don't want sympathy. I owed you coz you had to relive what you went through with our child."

He crossed his arms and turned his back. She walked over. Lifted the back of his t-shirt. Lifted it over his head. Traced the scar with her finger. Pressed a kiss to the angry bevelled skin at the top. His skin shivered under her touch.

"I don't feel sorry for you. Well except for losing the boy. I'm relieved your alive. Amazed that you'd do that for a kid you don't know." She turned him so he faced her and pressed a kiss to his neck. Touched his face. "I love that cared enough that you nearly killed yourself. And that I helped you get passed that hard part."

She hugged him and he hugged her back.

"I have to prove to myself that I'm not him." he whispered. "I can't be him!"

He sounded so tortured. She looked at him.

"You'll never be him. You don't hurt people. You help them."

"I hurt you." he said. Eyes troubled.

"And I hurt you too! I didn't tell you about our child. If I had you would never have left!"

"He nodded his head. "I would have stayed and we'd have our baby and be a family."

They hugged tightly and Lexi came to a realisation. Something that was glaringly obviously to everyone. She still loved him. Always would. He tried so desperately to atone for sins which weren't his!

"Ethan I'm sorry I didn't find a way to tell you!" she said softly.

"You've got nothing to be sorry about."

He caressed her face softly and before they knew it they were kissing each other. Desperately. Lexi pushed Ethan against his wardrobe. Her hands around his neck. Neither person was thinking straight. She dragged him to the bed. They tumbled on it together.

"Lexi." he said trying to put a stop to it.

As a response she thrust her tongue in his mouth and she felt his control snapped. He pulled her closer to him and kissed her heatedly.

(X)

They lay breathing heavily in the aftermath. The only thought that registered after wow she felt so good. Was what the hell have I done? He didn't say a word as he climbed off the bed. Pulled on a pair of sweat pants and left the room. Walked from the house. Down the stairs and outside. Good going Ethan like he wasn't already besotted with her he goes and sleeps with her. Idiot! He couldn't do this anymore. He felt the urge to run as far and fast as he could.

"Ouch!" he yelped. Felt something sharp stick in his toe. Checked and pulled out a splinter of wood. He better go and get his shoes if he was staying out here. There were all sorts of creepy crawlies not to mention snakes! Poisonous snakes. He made his way to the veranda. He had to put a stop to this madness! It was ok playing at a relationship when they were kids but they were grown up now. This had to stop. He didn't want a relationship with her. Yeah right Eth don't kid yourself. It was just the memory of her in his arms kissing him. Throwing herself into it like she used to in the past. That's all nothing else! This wasn't love just plain old fashioned lust!

(X)

God Lexi had the worst taste in men EVER! Like in the history of the world. She and Ethan shared this wonderful special moment. After all those years apart and what happens? He practically runs from the room. God she really could pick them! She meant nothing to him obviously. A mistake. A one night stand. She got dressed and then made his bed. Didn't want anyone suspecting what had went on in here. Smoothed her hair and walked out of the room. Saw Natalie's amused expression. Her mind went blank for a second but she quickly recovered. "Do you know where Ethan is?" Lexi asked in a cool voice.

"On the veranda. And he's shirtless too. Imagine that." Natalie said cockily indicating she knew exactly what had went on in the room. Lexi walked back in and picked up a white t-shirt. Walked outside.

"You want this?" she asked when she seen him.

"I'm ok thank you." he said politely. There awkwardness between them. It had never been that way before.

She sat beside him. "I dunno what to say." she admitted.

He nodded. "This isn't what we want though."

She frowned.

"You know, us arguing. We're physically compatible but that's all it is." he said calmly.

"Yeah." she agreed coldly.

"And we lost control. We just have to make sure we aren't alone together."

Coz the feelings she stirred in him was too powerful to ignore.

"I think that's for the best too." she said without argument.

So they were both decided on something that neither wanted.

**A/N why dnt they jst say they love each other and get it ova with grrrrr! well that wood b too easy and that nevert happens in my story lol x**


	21. Mark and Peter

_**2 Weeks Later**_

Alice was lonely. It felt deep and intense. She missed being part of a couple. Missed just talking. Cuddling. The closeness of having someone you loved near. The simple stuff. She missed her husband. Ok she knew 5 years had passed but she still missed him. Especially his dancing green eyes and his smile. She had always known she loved them but hadn't realised how much she would miss them til they were gone. Was it time to move on? Mark the vet at Mara asked her on a date the other day. She had rebuffed him but she supposed he was good looking. He was in his early 40's same as her. Widowed, same as her. What was stopping her? She made a split second decision.

"Mara Lodge."

"Hi. It's Alice Collins can I speak to Mark please?" wow that had felt wrong. She had called herself Alice Collins!

She was patched through.

"Hey Mark, it's Alice here. I am actually able to come out tonight. You know if the offer still stands.

"That's great!" he said enthusiastically. "When shall I pick you up?"

"Erm come to leopards Den at 8. I'll be ready."

They disconnected.

Everyone was sat eating dinner. Lexi was stood at the table in her work uniform. Piled a few forkfuls of food in her mouth and chewed quickly. Took a gulp of tea and then ruffled her brothers and sisters hair. She looked at Ethan.

"Try it." he warned. She reached and he dodged.

"Too slow!" he laughed.

"Right I'll have to love you and leave you." she said as her mum walked into the room.

Alice's looked and realised her daughter was at work - again. "Lex, all you do is work. I'm worried about you. Today was your day off!"

"They rang. They're short staffed mum. If I don't do these shifts people could die waiting for a free ambulance. It's no contest!" she picked up a Yorkshire pudding.

"Ethan you are a saint. Haven't had a decent yorkie in forever. No offence mum." she grinned.

"At least sit and eat your meal." Alice pointed to the still full plate.

"I can't. I'm there in 20 minutes. I gotta go. Love ya mum." kissed her mum.

Picked her helmet up for the little mo-ped she had bought herself. She rode it a little too fast Alice thought. Apparently she had got her licence while in Jo'burg.

Daniel waited til no one was looking and stabbed the chicken on Lexi's plate. Amie smiled and took the Yorkshire puddings. Ethan had cooked them all a traditional Sunday roast. Even Dupe Nomsa and Caroline came over. Dupe loved Yorkshire pudding. But wanted to rename them Leopards Den puddings since they weren't in Yorkshire. Nomsa kept stabbing hers. Dupe and Nomsa left the table after a while. Along with the kids. Leaving Alice alone to ask Ethan a favour.

"Ethan could you watch Daniel and Amie for me tonight?"

"Sure," he forked mashed potato into his mouth. Chewed and swallowed. Smiled. "I love mash!" he said allowing Alice to gather herself. Something was bugging her. He sensed she had something to say. And rushing her didn't help.

"It's just. I'm…I've…the vet at Mara asked me on a date and I accepted!" she blurted.

He smiled. "That's brilliant!"

"What?" she had expected a vehement no and a excuse to cancel! "I sort of expected you to….you know."

"Alice you're a gorgeous woman who's still young. Grab at happiness. Danny wouldn't want you to be alone!"

"I know but it still feels like I'm betraying him somehow!"

"Not al all. You still love danny. That's obvious. A part of you will always love him. And mourn the lost years. But a memory isn't going to keep you warm. Or make you laugh. Or talk about stupid daft stuff like he used to." he smiled. "I remember you once had a hour long conversation about scalpels."

He shook his head.

"I remember that they were blunt. We were discussing whether to have them sharpened or buy more. Danny wanted laser scalpels. I'm not sure they even exist!"

"It's understandable you feel this way. Perfectly normal. But it'll be healthy to get out there in the real world again."

"I hear therapist Ethan emerging!"

"Sorry since I started that new job I find myself analysing people. Lexi was putting her shoes on earlier and I wanted to ask her why she put the left one on first when most people put the right on first. Then I mentally slapped myself." he chuckled. "so if I'm staring at you ignore me. I'm just trying to work out why you do stuff a certain way!"

Alice smiled. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Remember Alice. Relax. Enjoy yourself. Danny won't begrudge you happiness."

"How do you think Lexi will take it?" Alice asked him.

"Lexi will be Lexi. She's a hard person to read. I dunno if It's coz I'm close to her but I can never predict her. She's not a kid though. She'll understand I think. She knows you love her dad but at the same time might need companionship. You let yourself grieve for a long time. Didn't rush straight into something else. Now is the time." he said softly.

"I'm never getting a leather couch. I'd end up lying on it and spilling my guts to you. It's your voice. It tempts you to tell everything."

"Yeah don't get that couch. One of two things will happen. I'd have to have you certified with the insaneness. Then Lex would never forgive me. Or I'd end up certified with all the insaneness!" he joked.

"Or third we'd both end up certified with all the insaneness!" she added.

"I agree with you!" Ethan got up to scrape his plate.

"It's really great having you home son. Danny would be really proud of you."

"I like to think so. I'm not so sure sometimes." especially with what he did and said to Lexi!

"He would. You're a good man. I just wanna know when your gonna make me a nana!"

"That will be hard. I'm not with anyone!"

Alice smiled. "Anyways thanks for watching the kids tonight. And for the talk."

_**Later that Night.**_

It was 10 o'clock. Lexi dragged her feet into leopards den. Shoulders slumped. Defeated. She tried to be quiet but failed. Ethan popped his head out of his room. He went to shush her but noticed her eyes. Red rimmed and glistening.

"Lexi?"

She looked at the floor.

"You ok?"

She nodded. Then shook her head.

He took her hand and pulled her in his arms. She burrowed herself into him.

"You lost someone?"

She nodded.

He hugged her tighter.

"First time?"

She shook her head.

"Child." her voice was hoarse. He felt for her. "You get told not to cry or get upset coz people die but I wanted so badly to save her."

"People die honey. Even children. It's the worst thing ever but it happens. Your not god. It was her time." He whispered.

"She was a 14 year old leukaemia patient. She had just went home that day. I did my best and nothing was good enough. That mother that child. They needed me and I wasn't good enough!" she cried softly into his shirt.

Lexi was physically and emotionally drained. The day had been hell from start to finish. Her tears subsided.

"C'mon Lex, jump in the shower then we'll talk. To be honest you smell." he joked.

"Not as bad as you." she retorted. Sadness rang in her tone. But she played along.

"Mine is eau de man. Yours is just eau de pong!"

She hit him playfully.

"Go on. You'll feel better. Have a cry in the shower. Then come in here and I'll kick ya ass at cards!" he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Never been done!" she told him.

Collected some pj's from her room and went into the bathroom. Cried again in the shower. Then pulled on her clothes.

When she went in his room the card were already dealt.

"Switch." he indicated as the game.

He inhaled deeply.

"There's my Lexi's smell. Fresh as a daisy!" he smiled at her.

She sat on his bed "I'll go first!"

He produced a 8.

"Miss a turn."

Then another. Then a ace of hearts.

"Pick up 5."

She did. Then he produced 4 2's.

"Pick up 8!"

He giggled.

"I win!" he said gleefully bouncing on the bed.

"You cheated!" she declared. "You rigged the cards!" she threw them at him smiling.

"Who moi?" he asked innocently.

"Oui!" she replied.

"No need to be offensive!" he said in mock disgust.

She frowned. "What?"

"You see wee!"

She laughed. Her mind taken off her bad day. They laughed and joked and acted like they did when they were kids.

"I have this person at work right." he dealt the cards after shuffling them. "He's completely sane but lonely. When he comes in he brigs in a tape recorder with valkyrie on and we play war games. He whistles then dives under my desk as bombs drop. Then we play battle ships. The other day we were ballroom dancing when my receptionist walked in. she walked straight back out. Later my boss came in and asked me questions. About 5 minutes later I realised he was analysing me. To see if I'd went loopy. I don't understand why he did that!" he said seriously. "Do you?"

"Your done for honey!" she whispered.

"Hey I resent that. Take it back!"

"No!"

"Last chance sweetheart!" the endearment feel from his mouth.

"And if I don't?"

He dived on her and tickled her.

"No1" she shrieked. Laughed loudly.

"Ok, I give!" I'm sorry. Please I'm sorry."

He stopped tickling her and lay on top of her. They looked at each other.

"I should get off you huh?" he whispered.

"You should…" she replied. Didn't mean he was going to though.

He lowered his head and kissed her softly. They both knew what was going to happen here. Both didn't care, both loved each other too much to stop it.

(X)

Lexi's telephone jingled at 5 the next morning. Her alarm clock for work. She was lain beside Ethan. She remembered going to leave the room but he had pulled her to him and asked her to stay. She drifted off feeling more content then she had ever felt. They had awoke once during the night. She savoured this new feeling. They had never spent the night together before. It was new and she liked it. His arm around her waist. His strong chest and heartbeat against her back. She snuggled closer to him.

"You gotta go to work?" he asked sleepily.

He nuzzled her neck.

"yeah. People need me."

"I need you." he told her.

She smiled and turned.

"Your so cute when you first wake up." she kissed him softly. Laid her head against his chest. Listened to his heart pumping. Smiled.

"What we we doing Lexi?"

"Hmmm?" she asked.

"Well I'm not the one for stuff like this. I care too much to just sleep with you every few weeks."

"What do you want?" she asked.

"What do you want?" he parroted.

She thought. "I want us to take this slowly." she told him softly. "Not as slow as when we were 16 though!"

He smiled. Yearned to tell her how he felt. But she wanted slow. "I guess you gotta go to work then."

She nodded.

"Go on the Miss Trevanion. I shall miss you."

She stood up. Had pulled on her pyjamas in the middle of the night he too with his boxers. She went to walk out the room.

"Wait." he pulled her to him for a blistering kiss. "I l…leave you so you can get ready for work." God he nearly said he loved her there.

She left the room. He dressed and went to sit on the veranda. As she was about to walk passed he grabbed her and kissed her again. "What time you finished?" he whispered in her ear.

"4 o'clock."

"How about I take you out tonight? Me and you. Restaurant. Candle lit dinner?"

"Sounds good!" she agreed.

They heard footsteps. He reluctantly went to release her. He knew her feelings on this.

"No." she whispered. Waited til someone came out kissed him softly on the mouth.

"I'm not ashamed of us. Now I gotta go. See ya mum!"

Pulled on her mo-ped helmet and waved before she rode away.

"See you Lex." Alice replied smiling widely. "You and Lex huh?" she asked Ethan.

He felt a little uncomfortable.

"Ethan if you two are happy then I'm happy for you."

He exhaled.

"So how long has this been going on?"

He shrugged. "Since I met her." he answered.

Alice smiled.

"Literally just now. She came home last night really upset. I cheered her up and I fell for her all over again. Not that I ever fully stopped. I dunno if she even loves me back."

"Whatever happens. Whether you stay together or break up. You'll both be fine. That kiss there proved how much you've grown up. She'd never have did that before."

He sat down. "I just feel so guilty for leaving them behind!" he whispered.

"Lex and the kids were fine. We got through it. You had your own problems to deal with. We didn't know what was going to happen with Danny!"

Ethan realised now she didn't know about his and Lexi's baby. He was thankful then that she thought he meant Daniel and Amie. "Anyway how did last night go?"

She shrugged. "Better than I thought. It was good. I expected to feel all awkward but it was good. It was weird coz even though Danny was in the back of my mind I didn't think about him at all."

He nodded. She didn't realise it but that was a sign she had moved on.

"Did you and the guy get along?"

"Yeah we had loads in common. The only thing Is he talked about his dead wife a lot. At one point I actually thought if he mentions her one more time I'll give him a one way ticket to a little reunion!"

Ethan chuckled.

"Anyway it was nice and felt good to be socialising again. I'm definitely not looking for a marriage proposal though. Which he hinted at. How eager he was to get remarried! Anyway I gotta get down to the surgery then get the kids to their out of school club since it's half term then….."

"How about I drop them off at their out of school club on my way to work?"

"Would you mind? I have a mountain of stuff to do in the shortest amount of time!"

"Then you had better get started then." he said grinning.

"I'm pleased you and Lexi are together. The last person she was with at University was a real loser according to Liv. I know you'll do right by her!"

"Bet you didn't expect this when you adopted me!"

"Never in a million years."

(X)

Alice was alone in the house. Her list of things to do had multiplied. The out of school club was on the phone. A boy had hit Amie so Daniel had held him against a wall until he apologised. It had taken 3 workers to restrain him. Now she was talking to Daniel on the phone.

"Look Daniel calm down son."

"If he lays one finger…"

"He won't son!"

"Hello?" a voice shouted through the house.

"2 minutes!" she yelled.

"Look Daniel I've gotta go. A guest has arrived stay calm and we'll have 5 minutes in the surgery."

"But I got 8 ticks!"

"I'm taking 3 off. One for hitting the kid. One for ignoring the workers request. And one for swearing at them."

He grumbled.

"Love you too son. Remember be good!" she put the phone down and checked the diary.

Peter Robinson. 2 weeks.

Daniel's chart really seemed to be working she mused as she walked outside. He seemed calmer although he still had outbursts.

She scribbled something on her clipboard as she walked outside.

"Hello. Welcome to Leopards Den." she spoke to a mans back.

He turned. Alice dropped her clipboard.

Moss green eyes. Messy brown hair which glistened with blond tips. Well over 6 foot. Right she was dreaming. Or hallucinating. Took a step back.

"There you go." he picked up her clipboard. "Sorry if I startled you!" he smiled at her.

"It was the voice that did it. She'd know it anywhere.

"Danny?" she whispered. Then passed out cold.

**A/N dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. so is this danny or is this peter? hmmm wot is going on r we in the twilight zone lol x keep reading!**


	22. The Past

_**5 Years Earlier.**_

Danny sat in the airport. He had a bad feeling. Felt sick in the pit of his stomach. He shouldn't get on this flight. He knows he shouldn't! The only reason he felt like this is coz he and Alice argued. He didn't even like going to sleep after an argument. They always made up. So actually physically leaving her felt wrong felt worse. They called his flight and he approached the terminal. The dread got bigger and bigger. God at this rate he was gonna have an ulcer. He took his seat and noticed he was sat next to stag lads. He tried to ignore them. Plugged his Ipod in his ear and made relevant notes on Ethan from the file.

He wanted to have every defence available. His father couldn't get out. It would put Ethan back years! Rehabilitated or not he should stay inside. An innocent woman died and an innocent kid badly scarred by what he saw. Danny would die before he let him get out of jail!"

He compiled a few pages of notes when he decided to go and phone Alice. "Especially since it was getting late and she had 2 kids to get up to."

He went to the phone.

"Ethan!" she asked panicked.

"No it's Danny."

"O Danny hello honey."

"What's up Alice?"

"It's Ethan. He phoned me from the airport a few hours ago. He's going travelling and he hasn't told anyone where he's going!"

"Alice honey he's a man now. If it gives me perspective then it might be good for him!"

"Yeah and he's away from Lexi too!" She replied nastily.

"I didn't say that!" Danny told her defensibly.

"You didn't have to. Danny admit it you never fully accepted their relationship!"

"Alice please I don't wanna argue. I phoned to apologise. I understand I have a save the day complex. But I'm not sorry for leaving. Ethan would be a wreck if his dad got out. I'm gonna put a stop to it!" Danny said stubbornly. "I was just listening to a snow patrol song and it just hit home that I hate arguing with you. He murmured the words to the verse of the song called make this go on forever.

_Please don't let this turn into something it's not_

_I can only give you everything I've got_

_I can't be as sorry as you think I should_

_But I still love you more than anyone else could_

_All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight_

_Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right_

_This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long_

_Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong_

_The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could_

_First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything_

_The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned_

_The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love_

"Oh I know honey. I didn't mean it either. I guess we've just been getting on each others nerves a little. It happens to everyone. We'll get through it. I mean we've been married for nearly 15 years and I can count on one hand how many times we've had a serious argument so I guess we were due."

"I know I love you and I know you love me too. And we'll have fun making up when I get back."

"I have more pressing things." Alice said.

"Like?" he asked.

"How I'm gonna sleep without you tonight."

"That I can't help you with. But it's only for one and half nights. The half comes from the fact that I arrive back in Jo'burg at 1 o'clock in the morning not tomorrow but the next day."

He looked at the flashing light on the phone.

"I'm sorry honey I gotta go. The phones beeping feed me and I don't have any more change. I won't phone you when I land as it'll be like 2 in the morning on your end. And you have Amie and Daniel. Not to mention Lexi and we both know she ain't a morning person. I'll phone you before the meeting. I'll definitely try anyway. Love you Alice."

"Love you too Danny."

The phone disconnected with an angry beep. He placed the receiver back in the cradle. And went back to his seat. Asked for a pillow. Tried to settle. The lads got rowdy. His head was splitting. He spoke to the air hostess. Asked if he could move anywhere. She disappeared and told him they had a spare seat at the back of the plane if he wished. O he wished alright. He picked up his stuff and moved to the seat. Put the luggage away and then plumped up his pillow. Was just getting comfortable when a baby beside him started crying. He opened one eye and was looking at bright red cheeks. Bless her she was teething.

"I'm sorry." the mother said.

"Don't worry my baby girl has just been teething too. It's not easy is it baby?" he crooned at the baby.

She smiled. "I'm not just saying this but it's a proven fact that daddies are the best when it comes to teething!"

The mother rubbed gel on her gums.

"Amie is at home with her mum sister and 2 brothers. Her top teeth were coming through. She's my youngest. My baby!" he said proudly.

She smiled at him. "Her dad isn't around. He was in the army. Died in a roadside bomb. It's just her and me!"

Danny winced realising he had put his foot in it.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"It's ok. She is all I need."

As the numbing gel worked it's magic. The baby smiled a toothless grin at him.

"She's cute." he said with a grin.

"Snap with the name. Amy."

"We spell it A-M-I-E." Danny told her

"O she is A-M-Y. you should be able to sleep now. She seems happier."

"It was nice talking to you." he closed his eyes.

(X)

Next thing Danny knew they were bouncing all over the plane. He was jerked awake by the jars. And by passengers shrill high pitched screams.

"Passengers we are experiencing turbulence. Please fasten you seatbelts.

Danny snapped his in place felt frozen with fear. And he wasn't even afraid of flying! There was a flash the plane shrieked and shuddered. Then the planes stopped. Just went completely silent not a sound and not a movement. He didn't knew how he knew it just felt different. The lightning strike had stopped the engines!

"O this is so not good!" he muttered. The plane lurched forward and went into a nose dive he gripped the arms rest tightly and asked God to take care of his family. There was shuddering and the squeal of metal. Then everything went black and silent.

(X)

Danny woke up. Could smell acrid smoke. And something wet on his face. He opened his eyes. And saw he was still on the plane, what was left of it anyway! The roof of the plane had been torn off and had crushed people to the right of him. There was a hot intense fire at the front of the plane. About where his original seat had been actually. He rubbed his head and pulled his hand back. Saw it was matted with crimson red blood. It was then he realised he wasn't sat up! His seat was lying back. He hadn't adjusted it back to sitting properly after his sleep. And had fell. Looked to his left. Saw bodies. Oh my God. He looked away quickly. What the hell. They had no…. they had lost….." he couldn't think about that right now. He had to get out of here! He pulled at his seat belt but it was jammed. NO DAMMIT! He yelled. Pulled harder and it finally gave. He pulled so hard he hit himself in the head with his fist. Just another bump to add to the rest.

He considered checking people around him but the people to his left were obviously dead as they had been decapitated. To the right had been crushed by the roof of the plane and in front had been burned by the fire. And so he would be too if he didn't move and quickly. He head a soft weak mewling. He looked and saw the baby. Her mothers hand rested on her chest. She was still alive in her car seat. The plane shuddered. And the fire burned hotter. Aw the poor baby was a orphan. He loosed her car seat. It wasn't jammed as his was. Grabbed the babies pick bag from the shelf.

"I'll get her to safety and find her some loving family. I promise you!" he told her mother fiercely.

He looked around. Balanced the car seat on his wrist and made his way to the door tried to open it. Locked and even if he had the key it was obviously jammed. He had to climb out of the plane and find a way down without breaking his legs or neck! He again walked to the back of the plane and weaved in and out of dead people. Apologising as he went if he nudged them. He was well aware he was teetering on the edge of hysteria. He had to keep calm though. Hysterics helped no one! Not him and not the baby. He made a promise to her mother and fully intended to keep it! He climbed up and balanced on the back of 2 seats. Putting the car seat on his shoulder. Reached up and grabbed the hot jagged edge of the plane roof. He winced and yelped in pain as it cut into his hands, blood poured down his arms. He almost fell back into the plane as a explosions shattered the silence. Shuddered through the plane. His left ear rang then went silent. He hefted his leg over the edge in turned slicing a gash into his left leg. He slid down the edge of the plane quickly. Not realising how high up they actually were. He tried to protect the child as much as possible. He kept his hand out poised to grab if it came into contact with anything. Grabbed the metal sheet with held the wheel in place. Luckily for him it had nearly been torn off. His grabbed it, his arm jerked and he swung. His side hit the edge of the plane and the breath left his body in a whoosh. He hung on the car seat. Barely. She had nearly went crashing to the ground below! One arm holding them up. One arm holding the car seat he looked down. O god if they survived a jump they were freaking lucky. But since they survived the initial crash he figured luck was on his side. For now! Her bag around his neck. He hefted the chair back on his shoulder he said a prayer.

"Wish me luck little lady." he whispered to the child. Who stared up at him. He braced his feet against the metal and then pushed and let go. Felt himself flying through the air. Then heat as the ball exploded into a ball of fire. He fell and fell and fell. It would have only been a few seconds but it felt like eons passed. He hit the ground with an oomph. His side that didn't hold the baby took the impact.

"Argh!" he groaned and rolled into a ball. The baby hadn't felt the impact. Protected by his chest.

Danny couldn't move. He breathed heavily. Felt cold rain drop onto his face. Heat from the plane inched towards him. He was about to let unconsciousness take him when he heard a cry. He opened his eyes. Remembered the child. He had to get her to safety! He picked himself up and steadied himself. Winced as he bent down to pick up the car seat. His ribs protested. He had to get her to shelter. The rain could make her ill. He walked through a field away from the explosion. He stopped to feed her once and change her into dry clothes. Made a makeshift hood from the plastic in her bag. Kept her dry. Then carried on walking. For a long time!

(X)

He was lain on something soft. He had to get up. He had to be somewhere this morning. But where? He opened his eyes and found himself looking at a unfamiliar ceiling. He sat bolt upright.

"Where am I?" his eyes glazed. "What happened?"

"We were hoping you could tell us." An old woman said. "You've been out for three days. Just showed up at our door and passed out. Covered in blood you were. Your poor daughter had been fretting the whole time."

"Where is she?" he asked worriedly.

They brought her in and he hugged her close.

"What's your name? We looked in your daughters baby book and just assumed you were Peter Robinson."

"Um yes. I'm Peter Robinson." I think he added silently.

He looked at the child. For some reason he knew she had been teething. "Has her teeth been ok?"

"Yes we found a teething ring in her bag. You were banged up when you arrived at the door. We couldn't get any sense out of you. We thought you were off that plane came down until they said there weren't any survivors."

The woman was obviously waiting for an explanation. "Um my head is still a little fuzzy right now!" he hugged the child tightly.

"I remembered cutting my hands and leg climbing off something. And I think I head my head, numerous times!" a thought struck him. "Have you got a mirror please?" he asked. She handed him the mirror. Looked at his reflection. He looked terrible but they thought scared him less than the first one. He didn't know this face. The green eyes which looked back were a mystery. He had a cut along his forehead which had been cleaned and had butterfly stitches. Same with his hands and leg.

"We deliberated about telling the police or taking you to hospital but we wants no pigs on our land!" the woman vehemently declared.

So this woman hated the police! He thought.

"Have you got any clothes I could borrow. I'll reimburse you for everything."

"Yeah my boy was as tall as you."

As she left he sat and looked at himself in the mirror. "Peter Robinson." he whispered to himself didn't feel wrong. Didn't feel right either. He looked in his babies book. Amy Robinson. Now that felt wrong! Not the name but the spelling! It was just wrong!

"Hey Ames." he said softly.

She stared at him solemnly like she didn't know him.

"I know the feeling kid." he told her.

The woman returned with the clothes

"Thank you. I'll take your address and send some money." the woman eyed his sceptically then nodded and left him to change. He removed the bloody rags than barely hung to him and looked at his chest. Purple green bruises littered his chest had a scar across below his neck too. Saw the flash of a knife in his minds eye. Jumped back in shock.

He quickly pulled the clothes on and took the baby downstairs. Saw a old woman, young woman and a teenage girl sat at the kitchen table. He figured he was probably a bad man. At best a criminal. He had a wallet in his possession. It had money and credit cards. Why would he have some random mans wallet unless he'd picked it! The name on all the cards read Daniel Trevanion. £150 in notes. The 3 woman smiled at him as he entered.

"Do you want me to take her?" the girl asked eagerly. He clutched Amy tightly for a second then realised that they had cared for her for 3 days so….

"Hey Amy Mamey!" the baby smiled at her.

He went in his pocket and pulled out £50. "For the bed, board and clothes. And taking care of my little girl. I found a…my wallet."

"Thank you Mr Robinson but it isn't necessary." the young woman told him.

"We could have died. It is necessary!" he replied.

He picked up the baby who grumbled. He made faces at her which coaxed a smile. He placed her in her battered car seat.

"We have a battered old stroller you could have. It's really old but it works." the woman told him.

"Thanks." he said gratefully.

"Do you want me to phone your wife?" the old woman asked.

"No it's fine. She'll be at work." he lied.

The stroller arrived and he placed Amy in it.

"Thank you all. For everything. What's the address?"

She rattled off the address. Bristol. Bristol felt right to him. He told her an address which stuck out in his mind. If he remembered correctly he lived there with his mum and dad as a child.

"You live there?" the old lady asked. "It's not too far from here."

"I know where it is." he smiled. "Thanks again." he said as he left the house.

He walked towards the town centre. He frowned. He couldn't remember his own name or face but could remember the way into town. He stopped and pulled out his daughters baby book. Right he is 40 and has one child. Checked the address. Not the one he remembered. He caught the bus to the one he remembered and stood across the road. Had a memory of a gorgeous blue eyed black haired girl it was a flash. A second. He walked away as a family walked out of the front door. Went to this new address he apparently lived at. Is he this Peter Robinson? He'd find out soon enough! He let himself in with the keys which were in the babies changing bag. The place was full of boxes. He must have just moved in. he couldn't even remember moving! He took Amy upstairs' as she was gristling. The nursery was painted in shades of pink. He supposed this is his life!

**A/N awwwwww poor danny :( cn i apologise 2 cloloveswah i tried so hard 2 convince her he was dead sowwy bt i wanted it 2 b a surprise x**


	23. Peter or Danny?

_**Present Day**_

Alice was drifting. She opened her eyes and was looking into familiar green eyes. And a frown on a smooth forehead. As she'd opened her eyes the breath was stolen from her lungs as he smiled a crooked smile at her. All this wouldn't have been a problem usually. If this man hadn't died 5 years ago!

"First time a woman has ever fainted for me before." he said with a laugh. A voice like velvet and a contagious laugh. Everything was familiar. The face. The eyes. The smile. Yet he died 5 years ago. They had had a service for him! She scrambled away from him.

"Are you ok? You said Danny then fainted." he asked concern evident in his tone.

"But you look…your…Sorry I didn't get your name." she asked in turmoil.

He extended his arm to help her up and she took it. They pulled their hands away as a sizzle of electricity ran up their arms at the contact.

He looked troubled. "Peter Robinson. You?"

"Alice Trevanion." she replied rubbing her arm.

She saw his eyes flicker at the words.

"Do I know you? I feel like I should! When I heard it it felt so….right to me! Why?"

"Daddy!" a shrill voice called from the car.

"Wait a minute Amy."

Her eyes were drawn to the car. Saw a hazel eyed child in the back seat.

Ethan drove into Leopards Den with the 2 kids.

"I swear Daniel you could have killed him!" Ethan grumbled as he climbed out of the car.

"Alice you won't belie…." Ethan stopped dead as he looked at the man on the veranda. He pointed at between Alice and peter.

"Is that? No it can't be! Oh God!" he whispered in shock.

Peter was too busy staring at the children which climbed out of the car. Particularly the boy who looked eerily like him. He was the perfect mix of him and the woman stood in front of him.

Ethan walked towards him. "Are you Danny?" he asked.

"Why is everyone calling me that? No I'm not this Danny!" he backed off. "My name is Peter. Peter Robinson and if you'll excuse me I'm outta here!" he practically ran to his car.

Alice ran down the stairs after him. "This is a misunderstanding." she said to Peter softly. "Why don't I show you to your hut."

Peter looked at her and Ethan. His daughter chose that moment to climb from the car and speak to the young girl who was identical to her mother.

"Hello I'm Amy!" Peters daughter said.

Alice's daughters face lit up. "Me too!" she laughed.

"Amy c'mon we're going to our hut now." he grabbed the bags. Alice tried to help. He shook his head. "My mother would go wild if she knew I let woman carry the bags." well he thought she would. He still didn't remember much!

"There's a telephone in the bedroom." Alice said as she showed him inside. "Press hash and it should patch you straight through to the main house.

He smiled and her breath caught. "I'm sorry I freaked out before." he said.

"I should be saying sorry for the way we freaked out at the sight of you. You look a lot like my husband. He died 5 years ago. But it's eerie your identical to him. Even your eyes are his exact shade. Wishful thinking I guess." she murmured.

"You still love and miss him." Peter stated.

"O yeah. Everyday!" she stopped herself there. "Anyway I hope you enjoy your stay!" Peter watched her walk away. He liked her walk. Graceful with a slight sway. She was also very beautiful. He always had a thing for blue eyes and hers were perfect. An endless ocean of clear blue. Of all the blue eyes he'd seen he'd never felt heat shoot through them before the ways hers had. He had damn near melted.

The boy though. That had creeped him out. He was a mix of him and her. There had to be a reasonable explanation for this!

(X)

Ethan and Alice sat in the kitchen after Alice had finished her chores.

"Is it him?" Ethan asked.

She shook her head. "I dunno. I'm pretty sure it is. I mean he helped me up and I felt this sizzle run clean up my arm. That only ever happened with Danny!"

"We're ignoring the obvious though. He died in a plane crash. I mean they sent bones!" he said softly.

"I know. That's what's confusing me. I feel he's Danny. But then feel he can't possibly be Danny. He's Peter. Here for 2 weeks and then we'll never see him again!"

"Alice I've got to admit. It's uncanny." Ethan murmured. "He is identical."

"Yeah well isn't there the belief that everyone has a doppelganger in the world?" she asked.

Ethan shrugged. "You should get to know him. You'd know."

"Yeah well Ethan that would be torture. It was hard enough losing Danny the first time without having to see him every day then watching him go again. I can do without having my heart trashed again!"

(X)

They had been down in the hut for 4 hours and Alice was already going out of her mind. How she was going to last 2 weeks was absolutely beyond her.

Lexi walked in the house. Alice made a zipping motion to him. He nodded.

"Well hello to my wonderful family. "I have a weekend off soon so I am ecstatic. Feeling in the best mood ever!" she danced around the table. "And I am having dinner with a handsome man tonight so all is right with the world."

"Hello Lex." Alice said. "I'll talk later I got to sort some stuff in the surgery."

As soon as her mum was gone she pulled Ethan close for a kiss. "I have yearned for this all day!" she murmured against his lips.

Daniel walked into the kitchen.

"Ethan yuck! Why do you kiss her. Firstly she's my sister and second she's a girl!"

"I like her. Its how men show woman they like them." Ethan said to Daniel who promptly rolled his eyes and walked away. It had been so hard for Ethan not to say love.

"You like me huh?" she asked. Pressed her lips to his neck. Then his jaw. "Only like?" she hinted.

"Ok more than like." he admitted. "And I definitely lust over you." he said voice low and intimate in her ear.

"Now that Ethan is more like it!" she replied.

"My room or yours?" he asked.

"Whichever is closer."

"Same distance." they both laughed. Ethan forgot all about the Danny debacle. They walked down the hallway into her room.

"Now what are you planning on doing with me?" she asked innocently.

He pushed her on the bed. He was quickly above her kissing her. When he felt her unconditional surrender he pulled back. "Absolutely nothing coz I booked a table for dinner."

He climbed off her and smiled at her. She looked shocked. And extremely frustrated.

"See you in abit honey!" he blew her a kiss.

"Mean!" she yelled.

(X)

Alice walked down to the hut with clean towels. Determined to prove to herself that this man didn't resemble Danny as much as she thought he did. She saw him sat on the deck.

Christ did he look like Danny. Like her son. Especially lost in thought like that!

"Here." she said smiling and walked up the stairs. "Clean towels."

"O we brought out own but thank you." he put them on his bed. His daughter was asleep on hers.

"Ok. I'd better be going."

He grabbed her hand. Ran his fingers over her knuckles. "Stay please." she pulled her hand away as another more powerful charge shot up her arm. She had this memory of when they were 15. He'd did the same thing then, asked her to stay and ran his thumb over her knuckles.

"Wow." he murmured. "Do you feel it too?" he asked.

She just stood looking at his face. Like she was trying to figure him out.

He forgot who he was when he looked in her blue eyes. Felt an almost irresistible urge to do something.

He began to lower his head instinctively. Her eyes widened and breath quickened in anticipation. Then her radio crackled and jerked them back to the reality. She jumped away. Then backed off again. Looked around then simply bolted. Leaving him standing there feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. This was a woman he'd met once. Known for all of 5 minutes and he'd wanted to kiss her and never stop! He was really losing it. Really.

(X)

Ethan and Lexi walked in from their date. She was giggling. She had a little bit wine tonight. She wasn't drunk but it had made her light headed.

"I had the best time tonight!" she whispered in his ear.

He could barely breath at the sight of her in the white dress. He'd felt daggers in his back from all the men in the place. The jealous looks. And he was so proud that she was his. She'd had pasta then he'd fed her this irresistible chocolate cheesecake. A stray bit of chocolate had dribbled down her chin and her tongue had swooped to catch it and he nearly dragged her into a dark corner. He wasn't a Neanderthal. He could control himself. Barely. She was just so gorgeous and stunning and everything. He just loved the whole package! They both hadn't stopped smiling.

"I'm gonna go change into shorts and a t-shirt." she told him

He smiled and kissed her saw Alice sitting in the kitchen. She looked pale.

"He's Danny!" she declared as she walked in. "Don't ask me how or why I know I just do! He's familiar and weird and he's Danny!"

Ethan had never seen Alice this frazzled before. He must have really shook her up!

Lexi appeared from her room as the phone rang, "I'll get it." she said. Her face went serious.

"Where are you?"

She paused. "How old is she?"

Paused again. "I'll be right there!"

"Lexi?" Ethan asked as she put the phone.

She ran in the study and was soon out of the house with the first aid kit.

"Dammit, she'll see him!" he exclaimed and ran after her. he was out of the house before he realised he didn't know what hut Peter was in!

Lexi was at the hut in record time. Didn't notice the man. Only saw the little girl on the bed. Her head and arms thrashing. "Get a cold compress!" she said eyes glued to the child.

"Your gonna be ok. Ok my names Lexi. And I can help you." she murmured in a soft tone. Her voice almost hypnotic. She grabbed the cold compress and placed it over the girls head. Checked her eyes with a light. Ok no sign of head injury. Pulse. Good strong. Temperature. Still a little warm. The thrashing subsided. Lexi had suspected this. Same thing had happened to her when she first came here. Fever. Lethargy. Sleepiness. Extreme changes in basal temperature did that to kids sometimes. Plus she looked like she had a few bites from mosquitoes on her arms. Bad reaction maybe?

"C'mon open your eyes." she murmured to her again. She was soon looking at unfocused hazel eyes. She smiled.

"You got any liquid ibuprofen or kids medicine? Something for fever?" she retook the child temperature. It seemed to be coming down.

"Daddy? The little girl asked.

"I'm here baby."

Lexi had the biggest feeling of de ja vu. Looked up at the man. "She's fine she…." Lexi was gazing into green eyes. Identical to her own. Jumped up. Stood slightly taller than him.

Both jaws dropped as they stared at each other.

"You look like…" Peter started.

"You're my…" she squeaked.

They stood for a second then Lexi came to her senses. "She'll be fine. Um. Fever. Medicine. Yeah medicine! Bye!" she ran from the hut straight into Ethan.

"Have you seen him?" she squeaked at him. "he looks like….how does he…what is going on here? Has mum seen him?"

Ethan nodded. "Calm down honey." he murmured.

"And no-one thought to warn me? If I had noticed him before I'd have been no use to that little girl!"

"We were as shocked as you Lexi!" he told her.

"Oh my god!" she gasped. Walked towards the house his hand in hers.

"tell me about it!" he said back.

Alice saw her daughters face as she walked in.

"You seen him then?" Alice asked.

Lexi nodded. "I need a drink!" she whispered.

"What is his name?" Lexi finally asked as they sat at the kitchen table.

"Peter Robinson. His daughter is named Amy."

"No way. That is plain creepy!" Lexi told them.

"Look I think he's Danny. The more I think about it the more it fits."

"NO way. Dad wouldn't just leave us for 5 years and then just show up pretending to be someone else with a child named Amy too!" Lexi said incredulous.

"Look I've been thinking what if your dad got off the plane before it burned. Like parachuted or something. Or I dunno. He like fell and hurt himself. He just got off somehow. Then he wakes up right and then wakes up and finds a connection to this name Peter and thinks he's him. Voila!"

"And the kid?" Ethan asked in disbelief. Couldn't believe what Alice was saying.

"His wife's daughter who died maybe. Implying that he married again of course."

"Aw c'mon stuff like that happens in films. This is real life!" Ethan scoffed. "You want it so badly your trying to turn this Peter into Danny but he's not him!"

"What other explanation is there?" Lexi asked.

"That he is Peter Robinson and just so happens to look like Danny!"

"Who looks the same age as dad. And has a daughter called Amy. Who is the same age as our Amie. Then just so happens to show up at Leopards Den. No way I agree with mum!"

"So he's your dad and has amnesia?" He scoffed louder this time.

"Yeah and I'll prove it too!" Lexi said stubbornly.

"I give up!" he muttered and walked to his room. Lexi and Alice were gonna get hurt if they kept up with this stupid idea! He took his shirt and jeans off. Pulled on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

"You weren't thinking of going to bed angry with me were you?" Lexi asked walking into his room.

"I'm not angry Lex. I just want you or your mum to get hurt."

"We won't." she assured him. "So C'mere and kiss me or you might get hurt!"

"I always follow orders." he said and walked over to her. She put her arms around his neck and they kissed passionately.

**A/N ok ethan isn't covinced. alice is half convinced and lexi is completely convinced. now comes the time to prove it.**


	24. Hurt

Lexi and Ethan lay in his bed talking. They had brought a bottle of wine through and had sipped it with strawberries. She was definitely more than tipsy. She giggled a lot when she was drunk. He wasn't sober either. They looked at each other and smiled lovingly. Telling each other how they felt with their eyes.

"So you trained to be a paramedic?" he asked.

She smiled. "I did." giggled though she didn't know why.

"I always knew you'd do well." he traced his finger across her shoulder.

"Some other man didn't." she muttered. The light disappeared from her eyes.

"Lexi?" he asked.

"My university professor." she said.

"You want me to find him and box his face off?" he asked seriously.

A small giggle escaped. He touched her face softly. She knew if she said yes he'd actually do it.

"What happened?" he asked.

"It was my final year of university. And had this new professor. He was young and handsome and of course all the girls were in love with him and thought he was Adonis. I thought he was good looking truthfully not as good as you but I thought I hated you at the time so I denied it." kissed him softly.

"I was immune to his charm at first. He just didn't appeal to me. He must not have liked that. He took a shine to me. Or enjoyed the challenge. He used to look at me and smile and wink in the lectures. It was annoying at first coz everyone around me would giggle like they were 5. He started asking me to stay behind after lessons told me my work was behind. I was top of the class and he knew it! We spent time together. He would talk to me about stuff we didn't have to learn. Extra credit stuff. I started falling for him slowly. Didn't even realise till I was there. I knew when I was looking forward to seeing him smile at me I was a goner. I ate all the attention up. We went on dates and spent time together in between classes but he never stayed at mine overnight and I never stayed at his. I was too much in love to notice. He used to get these weird phone calls too. But I didn't think anything of them coz he tutored privately. He told me he loved me and I trusted him completely. Worst thing I ever did! I fell for him so hard and thought he felt the same." she quieted.

"Married?" Ethan asked.

"New baby too. I was so disgusted at him. He said some of the nastiest things to me after I threatened to tell his wife. The little firecracker Lexi reared her feisty little head. He said there was no way anyone would believe me coz he was a respected professor and me a lowly student. He said if I told anyone he'd tell them I traded sex for good results. I had worked so hard and only had a few months left so I stuck it out and graduated top of my class. I know I earned it but it feels tainted coz of what he said!"

"Name." Ethan said coldly.

"Your sweet but no." she snuggled into his chest.

He controlled his breathing. Hugged her tight. Closed his eyes. They popped open at a thought.

"Lex are you on the pill?"

"Not recently." then she realised. "We haven't exactly been preventing a baby have we?" she asked.

He shook his head. Saw images. Lexi heavily pregnant. Pushing their child into the world. Smiling at him as she held their baby. A blond haired brown eyes angel. He smiled. He wanted that.

"If I'm…" she started.

"We'll deal with it ok. I'm here this time and I'm never leaving you."

"Never?" she asked.

Time to back track. She wanted slow. Never was forever which wasn't slow! "If your pregnant then I won't go. I won't abandon you again. Or our child. Is there much of a chance?" he asked.

"Could be." she admitted. "A few times recently. And a couple of times a few weeks ago but I don't think they'll count."

"Do you wanna get pregnant?" he blurted.

"What to you?" she asked. Giggled.

"Who else?" he said seriously. "Let me rephrase it. Do you want me to get you pregnant?"

"What? You wanna have a baby with me?" she asked.

He shrugged but his eyes never left hers. They were intense. "Do you wanna have a baby with me?" he asked.

She smiled at the thought of having his child inside her again. Him beside her as she it grew.

They had both drank too much wine earlier. They shouldn't be making a decision like this drunk.

"What if I'm not pregnant?" she asked.

"Then we'll make a baby. And it'll be perfect coz it's me and you together!"

She smiled at his words. She wanted his baby. Had wanted his child for as long as she could remember. She had always thought it would happen.

"Yes then. We'll have a baby!" she said smiling. "When do we start?"

"2 weeks ago." he murmured.

"Are you sure Ethan?"

"Lexi I've never been more sure of anything in my life!"

"Me too!" she said breathlessly.

She kissed him both waited for the other to say those important 3 words. But neither said them. They'd come eventually they decided.

(X)

Peter was asleep in bed. Not sleeping well. He thrashed about in his bed. He dreamed all these fractured images that made no sense to him. A blond haired girl knocked down in the middle of the road. Then in a hospital bed she looked dead as doctors worked on her. The tone shifted. Blackness. He saw a boy watching his father hit his mother. She was dead. Then the father started on the boy. Why couldn't he stop this? He had to stop this!

"Ethan!" he yelled as he sat bolt upright in bed. Jerked from sleep.

He exhaled a heavy breath. Those images were violent and scary. He'd felt genuine fear at the girl. In the hospital bed. Then red hot anger at the boy's father. And who is this Ethan? He didn't know anyone called Ethan. He felt sick. Amy turned and murmured. He was straight beside her soothing the hair off her warm forehead

"Daddy's here baby." he murmured.

He felt as sharp pain in his head. Saw himself saying that to another little girl with moss green eyes. And a boy who looked exactly like him. Dreams Peter, that's all. Dreams!"

(X)

Alice, Daniel, Amie, and Lexi sat at the breakfast table. Ethan and Lexi kept looking at each other smiling. Daniel and Amie disappeared in the sitting room watching cartoons.

"Mum how would you feel about me and Ethan sharing a room?" Lexi asked as soon as the younger ones were out of earshot.

"You mean you aren't already?" Alice asked.

Lexi blushed. "Officially."

"Your both 23 now. Adults. I can't stop you. Is this a sign that your both serious?"

"I think so." What they had discussed last night definitely hinted at how serious they were.

"I had a feeling this would happen when he came back. You two were always drawn to each other. Sorta like me and your dad."

Lexi smiled. "Do you mind if I pick a bigger room?"

"Go ahead. We have quite a few spares with Liv and Evan gone. Caroline and Nomsa and Dupe gone! Although he spends more time here than he did before!"

Lexi yawned widely.

"You ok Lex?" Alice asked.

"It's this Peter Robinson stuff on top of me and Ethan stuff. And my job which I better be getting ready for."

"Lexi this isn't on!" Alice fumed.

"What else can I do mum? They need me!"

Ethan came up behind Lexi.

"I'm gonna get some stuff sorted. Peter and I need to talk later!" Alice said. Walked away.

Ethan twined his arms around Lexi's waist. "Did we make a miracle last night?" he whispered and kissed her neck.

"We may have." she whispered. "You need to pack your stuff."

He frowned. "Why?"

"I asked mum if we could have our own room she said yes."

"Wow, you are serious about us. It's not like you to be so open about our relationship." he said in shock.

"Ethan I'm not gonna risk losing you again. Plus I figured we should have our own room for the time being, get used to being together a lot. As soon as the baby is here me and you will be getting our own place yeah?"

He nodded. "I'm so excited!" he said.

"Me too!" she agreed.

They smiled and kissed softly.

"I'm on a double shift tonight so I'll see you at 4am tomorrow morning."

"That's 19 hours!" he declared.

"I know honey but what can I do? I shall miss you terribly."

"O my Lexi sounding all posh!"

"I've got this weekend off." she smiled widely.

"I can hardly wait!" he said and kissed her. "Call a sickie. I will too and we'll spend the day alone together."

"Can't they're short staffed."

"You and your code of honour. When we're married that will have to disappear!"

"Married?" she asked smiling.

"Well you know…in the future…"

She heard the beep of a car. "I'm not taking my bike that'll be Bob picking me up!"

"Running off to another man. He sees you more than I do." he joked.

"Sorry but I gotta go." Kissed him quickly. "Bye."

(X)

"Daddy I wanna play with the girl today can I?"

"We'll see Amy." Peter told her.

So he was finally here at Leopards Den. It had burnt like a fire to come here for the last 5 years or so. He didn't know why. Something had just told him to get here. Like an uncontrollable urge. An unconscious yearning. He HAD to go there!

"I think it's funny the girl has the same name as me!"

"Yeah." that was weird especially considering the reaction Alice and her son had at him. They seemed like a nice family though. Even if they were a little but mad! The other thing he was thinking about was the attraction he felt for Alice. The mere touch of her hand caused electricity to streak through him. And when he looked into her eyes, he forgot his name. wanted to be whoever she wanted him to be. He'd nearly kissed her last night in the hut. Had wanted to kiss her last night in the hut. Her breath had caught. Cheeks flushed with anticipation. It was normal he liked her. I mean she's obviously a gorgeous woman, he just felt connected to her. Like he knew her on a bone deep level. That worried him. She seemed like the type of person he could fall in love with. And he was only here for 2 weeks so his heart had to stay out of it. The woman in question appeared.

"Breakfast is served at the house if you want some." she smiled and he forgot how to breathe!.

"Thanks."

"Can I play with Amie today?" Amy asked.

She knelt down. "if your daddy says it's ok." Alice was proud of how calm she sounded. Her heart was pounding like a drum.

"Sorry Amy is a little forward." he explained.

Alice stood up looked at him. "Better than being shy. You want something you go for it!"

His eyes blazed at her words. "What if that applied to a person?" he said without thinking.

Alice blushed. "Um, this way for breakfast yeah!" she walked from the hut as fast as she could.

He inwardly cursed his loose tongue. Grabbed his daughters hand and followed Alice. Caught up.

"Look I'm sorry I said that. You just…I dunno. I feel like I know you!"

"Sometimes you get that with people you don't know."

"Yeah." he agreed.

They walked away.

(X)

Daniel Jnr was having a bad day. He had threw something at Amie before which his mum had said was an automatic no for the surgery. No out of school club either so he stuck here all day hearing Amy talking to her Barbie dolls. He walked in the living room and stepped on a little pink brush she was playing with.

Amie walked in.

"You should move your stuff!" he hissed coldly.

"not my fault you stood on it." she said mumbling to her barbie.

He picked it up. Threw it at her but it missed. She grined and threw her babrbie at him. It hit him in the head. He was seething now. She was laughing.

"Say sorry!" he demanded.

"No you threw something at me first!"

"Say sorry NOW Amie. I'm warning you!"

"No stupid!" she turned to walk away.

He grabbed her. Had his forearm around her neck. "Say sorry!" he shouted. Amie was struggling against his tight grip. Fighting less. Growing weaker. Going limp. "Say SORRY!" he shouted louder. She hung limply in his arms. He hadn't realised how tight his hold was.

Ethan appeared. "What's all the shouting…..God Ethan what are you doing?"

Ethan came towards him and he released Amie who fell to the floor.

"Amie?" Daniel asked.

Ethan turned her over. "Oh God she isn't breathing! You get an ambulance now!"

**A/N all this will no doubt end in tears. Ethan and Lexi trying for a baby. OMG! And this peter/danny/alice love triangle people r gonna get hurt! And finally. AMIE! OH NO DANIEL WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!**


	25. Consequences

Ethan was doing chest compressions on Amie on the floor. Breathed into her mouth. It wasn't working and he felt panic rise. "Come on Amie don't do this to me please breathe!" He pleaded. Alice walked in.

"Amie!" she screamed.

She was beside her. Took over the chest compressions. Amie gasped weakly. Her pulse weak. The ambulance arrived. Lexi ran inside. Saw Amie on the floor. Panting softly.

"What happened?" she asked panic in her tone. Worry creased across her features.

"I'll tell you later!" Ethan whispered and glared at Daniel.

"Amie it's Lex. I'm gonna put this mask on you. It'll help you breathe. Your gonna be fine. I'll make you all better." Alice was by her side as Amie was rolled from the house on a stretcher.

Ethan stayed at home with Daniel.

"What the hell went on in here?" Ethan asked coldly.

"She threw something at me!" Daniel told him.

"You did that coz she threw something at you?" Ethan asked in complete disbelief.

"She wouldn't say sorry." Daniel tried to explain.

"So you choked her?" Ethan fumed.

"No, I grabbed her. She struggled so I held her tighter. I didn't mean to do that to her." Ethan had to say he sounded genuine. But that wasn't gonna cut it this time!

"Daniel you nearly killed her. You have gone too far this time!" he walked over to a phone and dialled a number.

(X)

Peter and Amy watched as the other Amie was wheeled out of the house on a stretcher. His heart almost stopped when he saw her pale. With a oxygen mask over her face. Alice looked ill. Her eyes never leaving her child. He saw Ethan talk on the phone for a little bit then he walked outside.

"Peter I'd appreciate if you could go down to your hut. This is a family thing you know."

Peter nodded. Worried sick about a child he didn't even know. "C'mon Amy."

"Is Amie ok daddy?"

"She will be honey." he assured her.

(X)

15 minutes later Ethan led some people in the house. He's in there. "Make sure you scare the hell outta him!" Ethan muttered.

They nodded. Put on serious faces.

They walked inside. "Daniel Trevanion." they asked coldly.

Daniel looked at them and nodded.

"We're arresting you for the offence of Actual bodily harm on Amie Trevanion." they picked him up and started to put cuffs on him.

"What?" his jaw dropped. "Where am I going?" he panicked.

"Jail of course! You can't do things like that and get away with it!" the other officer said.

"But…but…"

They led him outside in the car. Drove away. Alice was gonna be pissed at Ethan but something drastic had to be done. He'd nearly killed Amie and he needed the fear of God put into him! Ethan followed a little way behind.

Ethan walked into the prison. "Well?" he asked.

"We have someone talking to him at the moment." the officer replied.

Ethan nodded. An hour passed.

"We put him in the cells for half an hour. He's seen a real prisoner too. A mean looking prisoner!"

"think it'll work?" Ethan asked.

"Hasn't failed before. Not with the young ones anyway! He's a big lad Eth. He needs to learn to control himself. He's back in his cell. We'll get him for ya."

"Can I come?" Ethan asked.

He nodded and they walked to the cells.

"Let me in for 5. I wanna talk to him." Ethan said.

(X)

Ethan walked into Daniels cell. Daniel was sat on a bed with his arms wrapped around his legs. He looked up at Ethan as he walked in.

"Is Amie ok?" he whispered. "They wouldn't tell me." his voice wobbled.

"Dunno." Ethan said. Trying so hard not to go and hug Daniel. Hugging him wouldn't help him to control his temper. This had to be done Eth. Remember that!

"I really didn't mean to hurt her!"

"Daniel you're a big lad. Your like your dad coz he was big too. Amie is little, like your mum. Do you even realise how close you came to really hurting her, killing her?"

"I didn't mean it!" he repeated.

"It doesn't matter if you meant it or not. If you do it, it's done. Do you think the police care if you meant it. You still broke the law and have to be punished."

"I lost my temper." he said.

"So you throttled your baby sister who is half the size of you? Daniel I'm losing my temper now but you don't see me wrapping my arm around your neck do you?" he asked angrily.

A tear slid down Daniels cheek. "I am sorry!"

"Sometimes sorry doesn't cut it!" Ethan told him.

"I dunno how to control my temper."

Ethan had been waiting for an opening. He turned his face contemplative. "Are you willing to let me teach you how to control yourself better?"

He nodded.

"Are you gonna apologise to Amie and try to make it up to her?"

He nodded again.

"C'mon then."

"I haven't gotta stay here forever?" Daniel asked.

"No but they warned me that if you hurt any more of your family again they'll lock you up and throw away the key!"

Daniel paled and nodded.

They walked out and the police man looked fiercely at Daniel.

"Remember what I told you boy!" he said menacingly.

Daniel nodded vigorously.

"HOME!" Ethan said and then winked at the officers. They nodded and smiled.

(X)

Amie was home. Absolutely fine. If she experienced any blurred vision or nausea she was to go straight back. They had been more worried about the bump of her head than anything else.

"Ames you gonna tell mum what happened?"

Amie shook her head. Her usually bouncy happy talkative child was quiet withdrawn and still. They walked up the stairs on the veranda.

Ethan and Daniel appeared. Amie dived behind her mums legs and hid there.

"Amie?" Alice asked looking behind her.

She wrapped her arms around her mums legs tightly.

"Daniel has something to say." Ethan said. "Do it!" he told Daniel coldly.

"Amie?" Daniel said. Peeked around his mums legs at his baby sister. She ran from behind them. Ran to Ethan and put her arms out. He picked her up. She hid her head in his neck.

Daniel frowned.

"What do you expect Daniel? She's scared of you!" Ethan told him.

Alice looked between the 3 of them. "What happened?" Alice demanded.

"Tell your mother Daniel!" Ethan told him.

He looked at the floor. "Amie threw something at me and wouldn't say sorry so I…I put my arm around her neck."

"It was you?" Alice squeaked. "You did that to her?" Alice was shocked.

He nodded still looking at the floor.

Alice looked at Amie trying to burrow herself into Ethan's neck.

Anger built. "Get in that room right now! Not one sound! I'm warning you Daniel DO NOT PUSH ME!" her voice was tight and controlled.

Daniel walked into his room and closed the door quietly.

"You want mummy?" Ethan asked Amie softly.

He felt her nod against his neck.

He handed her over to her mum. She hugged her close.

"Did you see?" Alice asked.

"I was in the study. Heard them talking in the living room. Well couldn't hear them clearly. I was gonna go in there coz Daniel had been in a funny mood all morning. They weren't yelling so I left them and continued what I was doing. Suddenly Daniel was yelling at Amie. Telling her to say sorry. I walked in and saw her pale. Lifeless limp body. Her lips were blue. His arm still around her neck tightly. I was scared to death. I got him to release her and she fell to the ground. Not breathing."

Alice rubbed her daughters back.

"I don't know what to do with him Ethan. I mean I can't hit him. I'd never do that. But I'm so far outta my depth here. Taking his stuff away isn't gonna cut it this time!"

"I sorta half sorted it for you." he admitted. "Sorry."

"How?"

"I phoned a couple of school buddies. They're police officers."

"Oh Ethan you didn't you got the police to talk to him?" she asked.

"No I had him arrested. The works. Cuffs. Cell. Interview!" he stated simply.

Alice jaw dropped. "You had my 7 year old son arrested? He could be scarred for life. I want him punished but that was too far Ethan!" she hissed at him.

"No Alice I didn't. He needed to learn that he went too far! You're his mother and you love him but it's time for tough love. He could of killed her. She was limp in his arms and he still hadn't let go. She wasn't fighting anymore and he was still holding her tight. His face and eyes intense. He was completely focused on getting her to do what he wanted. Above all else. If I hadn't walked in when I did what would have happened? All I could get him to say was he didn't mean it. He needed to be taught that it doesn't matter if he meant it or not. When someone gets hurt you face up to the consequences. He's lucky she's still here!" Ethan said heatedly. Aware that Alice was still holding Amie.

"But the police!" Alice said angrily.

"Scared the life outta him. He knows he did wrong. Said he's gonna work with me on controlling his temper."

"I'm not happy. I'm the parent not you!"

"And you admitted you had no idea how to handle this!" he told her calmly.

"As a therapist you should have known the damage that would have done to him!" she told him angrily.

Ethan was losing it slowly. "And as a MOTHER you should have known the damage he could have done to her. What happens next time? If no one is there to stop him? Will it be Amie? Or when he's taller and more muscular and pushing you around? Don't bother going off on me when I did the right thing in the long run!"

"Go away Ethan. You shouldn't of done it. Simple as that!"

He shrugged and left her to fume. Alice took Amie in her bedroom.

"Mummy is Daniel gonna hit me again?" she asked in a small voice.

"No baby he won't." Alice vowed.

"How do you know?"

Alice had no answer for that. Amie took the quiet badly.

"I think I'll be really small and quiet and not bother him. Then he won't even notice me and won't wanna hurt me again." she told her mum.

"Amie you don't have to do that!" she said softly.

"What if he hits me again? I don't want his arms around my neck again. I was trying to tell him I was sorry but he held me really hard and I couldn't talk. I tried to get out but he held me harder and harder. My neck felt all tickly here." she pointed to her throat. "But on the inside. I saw black bits on my eyes too. Then it was really dark. I was really scared coz I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to see daddy in heaven and that made me sad coz I wanted to stay with you!"

It was the last sentence that got Alice. Her 6 year old daughter talked so matter of factly about her brother with his arms around her neck. How she thought she was gonna die. To see that through a child's eyes was heart breaking!

"Amie I promise you that he will NEVER do that to you again. I PROMISE. Have I ever broke a promise yet?"

Amie shook her head.

"So you don't have to be small or quiet. You can be noisy and big ok! Mum is gonna talk to Daniel. Will you be ok?"

Amie nodded.

Alice walked into her sons room. He was sat on his bed doing nothing. She slammed the door. Crossed her arms. He looked so much like his dad at the moment.

"Do you understand what you did?" she asked coldly.

He didn't answer.

"You know what your little sister just said to me? Your 6 year old sister?" she fumed.

He shook his head.

"She thought she was going to see your dad!"

"But I…" Daniel started shocked.

"Dammit Daniel don't you dare say you didn't mean it!" she yelled. "She thought you were gonna kill her!"

Daniels face turned troubled.

"I have made exception after exception for you. I understand you have ADHD but no more Daniel. You hurt her again. Threaten her again and I will phone the police myself. She's afraid in her own home Daniel! That is not acceptable! If you step one foot out of this room you will be in deep trouble. ARE WE CLEAR?"

Daniel nodded. His mother had never lost her temper like that before. She walked from his room. Closed the door and exhaled a breath.

"C'mon Ames." she said.

Amie peeked from her room. Then ran and grabbed her mums hand.

"It's ok sweetie. He won't do anything."

Amie nodded and they walked down to the surgery.

**A/N awwwww poor amie. and daniel learned his lesson. or did he? will he do it agen? keep reading 2 find out what he does next :O x**


	26. Danny

Alice walked into the surgery with Amie and saw a old yet familiar sight. Danny sorry Peter at the table operating. She ushered Amie into the office where the other Amy sat colouring.

"You need help?" Alice asked. Pulling on scrubs.

She pulled on gloves and sat opposite him.

She moved the forceps out of the way and swabbed at blood. He was digging in the lions side. Trying to find something. He pulled it out and grinned. It was a bullet.

Poachers again! She thought angrily.

She handed him stitches without thinking and he frowned.

"What? You need something else?" she asked.

"No, this is exactly what I need. At the exact second I thought of it. Weird!"

She smiled. As time progressed the same thing happened. She passed him things without being asked. Swabbed blood without being asked.

"Can you read my mind. I think to myself I need that blood swabbed or I need this or that and you do it or give it to me!" he asked in disbelief.

"My husband was a vet too. I'm used to anticipating stuff like that."

The lion was moved into the recovery area.

"I'm newly qualified." Peter told her. "Mr Du Plessis had a lion in the truck and I was passing. He nearly fell over when he saw me. Someone else called me Danny! Do I really resemble him that much?"

"You really do!"

Alice and Peter stood at the sink side by side and scrubbed their hands and took their aprons off. Their arms brushed and they both worked hard to ignore the sizzle.

"I'll show you a picture if you want."

She went to walk away and stepped on some water they'd splashed. She skidded and he grabbed her upper arms to steady her. They both froze. Stared. He leaned in Alice ducked.

"I'll get that picture!" she said shakily. She walked over and prayed this was Danny coz the feelings he evoked were more powerful than 5 years ago. She looked at him and felt herself falling for this Peter/Danny whoever he was. He seemed so familiar yet new at the same time. She walked in into the office and looked at the giggling girls.

"Amie."

Both girls looked up.

"We won't be long ok."

"Mum can Amy stay at ours tonight?" Amie asked.

"O sweetie her daddy doesn't know us. He doesn't know if we're good people or bad people. He loves his little girl lots and won't let her stay with strangers. I'll be back through in 5 anyway."

Went on the desk and pulled off her favourite picture. Smiled at it. They were all happy on there. Took it back to Peter and handed it to him.

"Wow, if I didn't know better I'd say he was me too."

Peter envied the man in the picture. The woman's eyes rested on him. She looked at him with such devotion. He didn't want her looking at this Danny like that. He put the picture down so she couldn't see it.

"I'm glad your little girl is alright."

He still couldn't explain the flat out terror he felt when he saw her on that stretcher.

Alice nodded.

The 2 girls stood at the office door.

"Daddy can I stay at Amie's house tonight? She's nice people."

Peter looked at Alice and smiled at the wording.

"Baby, this is our holiday. Can't we spend time together?"

"But I gots you for the whole of forever. I only got Amie for 2 weeks!"

"Baby…" Peter started.

"They're not strangers daddy. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Amy pleaded.

"Tell you what. If Alice doesn't mid I'll spend some time up at the house and then decide!"

Both Amy's jumped up and down.

"Girls!" Both Peter and Alice said at the same time. Then smiled at each other.

"Mummy, why you making kissy faces?" Amie asked.

Alice blushed bright red. "Um c'mon Amie. We'll see to them lion cubs."

(X)

Peter and Alice sat on the veranda. He had beer and she had coke. Daniel had been given a temporary reprieve from his room. He tried to apologise to Amie who had hid again. He now sat on the computer. 30 minutes only.

"The girls made friends really quickly." Peter said.

"It's hard out here. It's pretty isolated. Amie had a friend at the neighbouring reserve but we get so busy I don't always have time. So having your little girl here could be a help for me. I have to apologise about earlier too. Your on holiday and your taking care of our animals."

He smiled and she almost forgot to breath physically melted. "No worries." she smiled back automatically.

"Can we go to my room mum?" Amie asked her. Alice nodded absently. Still hypnotised by that sexy smile. They were alone. He had a funny look on his face as did she.

"I like seeing you smile." Peter said huskily. Touched her cheek. She felt tingles. "Ever since I first saw you at the house you've been on my mind. I mean it was only yesterday but I can't stop thinking about you. This has never happened to me before!" he stood up and pulled her gently into his arms. "Stop me now if you don't feel the same. I know I have no right but if I don't kiss you right now I'll die." he whispered.

Their lips touched for one brief second and they both jerked from the power of emotion that flooded them. Their lips fit perfectly. Feelings rushed though them. He kissed her deeper this time. He tasted an unnamed texture on her lips. Only knew that whatever she was feeling he was too. His hands plunged into her hair and he kissed her hotter. And deeper. She pulled him closer and hung on for dear life. She was being overwhelmed by desire. For Peter. Not Danny. But Peter. He pulled away reluctantly. Breathing heavily.

"Wow, that was weird. Familiar!" he gasped.

Alice had no doubts anymore. "Look your Danny. I know you think your not but you are. You really REALLY are." she spluttered. "There is only one man who has ever kissed me like that and only one man I respond too so unrestrainedly."

"Look I'm sorry but…" he started.

"I'll prove it you have scars!" she blurted. "One on your chest - here." she touched his t-shirt where his scar lay. "And one on your arm here." she touched his arm. "And a birth mark on your foot. The heel of you left foot."

He stood frowning. "How do you know those things?" he asked softly.

She smiled. "Danny?" he took a step back.

Ethan walked up the stairs. "Alice you ok?"

"I'm fine. Can I talk to you later Ethan?"

"Ethan?" Peter choked. That dream. He had shouted Ethan. Ethan looked at Peter's face he looked worried.

"Come inside." Alice said to Peter. Took him in the study. "Sign Daniel Trevanion for me."

"No!" Peter said.

"Please."

He scribbled it quickly. She went in a drawer. Pulled out the contract they signed to purchase half of Leopard's Den.

"Look." she said softly comparing the signatures.

The scrawl was practically the same. He sat frowning at it.

"Means nothing." he told her.

"What are your parents names?" Alice asked.

His face went blank.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" she continued.

"Quiet!" he yelled. "Look your off your head. I'm not Danny! I'm Peter!

He paced. "Coincidences that's al!" he muttered to himself. He had actually convinced himself he was this Peter Robinson!

"I'd never forget my kids and what about Amy?" he muttered.

Alice sat quietly while he paced. Let him work through things in his head. He sat on a chair with his head in his hands.

"Who AM I?" he asked. Voice hoarse. He wasn't sure anymore. He had always had this feeling that he didn't know himself.

"Daniel Lawrence Trevanion." Alice said simply.

"Explains the wallet I had. I woke up and had a black wallet with all sorts of cards belonging to a D Trevanion."

He was beginning to think that everything was beginning to point to him being this Danny.

"My date of birth?"

"4th February. Your 40 this year."

"What, I thought I was 45." he mused out loud. "My parents names?"

"Amanda and Daniel Senior."

He frowned.

"Does any of this sound familiar?"

He shook his head.

She grabbed two photo albums. One was their wedding album and the other was the album of the kids. She opened the kids one first.

"Our oldest child. Alexis Marie Trevanion. Born on the 17th May. She's 23 now."

He studied the picture. "She looks like me." he said quietly.

"Our second child is Ethan James Bell. he's 23 too. His birthday is 20th September." "Bell?"

"We adopted him when he was 13. He had a tough time. that's him."

She pointed a smiling boy with his arm around Lexi.

"Our third child is Daniel Junior Ethan Trevanion. He was born on the 10th October. He's 7."

He looked at him. "Do all the kids look like me?"

Alice smiled., "Our youngest is called Amie Amanda Trevanion. She was born on the 31st of October. She's 6."

"Daniel, you call him Dee Jay don't you?"

"Yeah." she said smiling.

"I smiled whenever I saw the letters d and j. I thought I was some sort of weirdo." Peter admitted.

"Anything else?" Alice coaxed.

"I remember Lexi. Queen Lexi. And sunlight or sun rays?" he asked.

Alice smiled wider. "Sunshine. Your getting it!"

"How do I know this stuff?"

"Coz you're their father." Alice told him.

"But I only have one daughter who is 6 years old. I was in the army. My last tour before I came home."

"How much of that do you remember? Or did you read it all from letters and other paperwork. Do you remember anything about being in the army. What about family and friends?"

He shrugged. "We had moved in a new house. No family ever got in touch."

"Look Amy, she isn't your….."

"NO! she doesn't get taken away. She is all I have left of my wife" he blurted.

It hurt Alice to hear him speak that way about another woman.

Peter would never admit it but he had no memory of his so called wife. A letter came through the door saying she had died in a plane crash. The first week in the house was blurry in his mind and anything before that is a blank.

"Look Danny we got told you died in a plane crash. I can't explain what it's like to have you back!" she admitted.

"That explains my panic attack on the plane." he murmured. He had a memory. Well it had been a reoccurring nightmare actually. It's fuzzy and unclear. He could smell the strong odour of petrol. And a fire so intense it singed the hair on his arms. The sweat evaporated before he even felt it. Flashes of faces. Mangled metal and upended chairs. A bright orange flame threatened to engulf them.

Alice saw the distant but panicked look on his face. "You ok?" she put her hand on his arm and he jerked.

"Is there any way to prove this you know definitively. It's not that I don't trust you. I just don't know you."

"We can have DNA tests done on the kids to prove you're their father. I think that'll tell you."

He nodded.

"I need proof." he told her.

She nodded.

"I'm sorry. I really don't wanna hurt you but I just…" he put his hand on his forehead.

"When did you marry…..me?" he questioned.

"19 years ago on the 22nd of July." she closed the kids album and opened the wedding album.

"We were happy?" he asked.

"Yeah. We had the best day. And every day after that only got better!"

He looked through the album. Smiled at the pictures. They always seemed to be touching in some ways. A hug. A kiss. Or the way Danny's eyes seemed to caress Alice when he looked at her.

"What about meeting the kids?" he asked nervously.

"Lexi is at work but tomorrow will be no problem."

"What does she do?" Peter asked.

"Paramedic."

"You must be proud." Peter told her.

"I am. You know if you forget everything, ho did you remembered vetting?"

"I'm newly qualified. I was an accountant at home and hated every second of it. The vets course was ridiculously easy for me."

Alice smiled at him. "I'll leave you alone. Let you process everything.

"No please stay with me. You calm me. If I'm by myself I might over react."

It wasn't like Danny to admit to being vulnerable.

"Ok. Do you wanna go back outside?" Alice asked.

He nodded in agreement.

**A/n alice is almost certain and danny is startin 2 believe now. the main question tho how r the kids gonna react? keep readin :) x**


	27. Daddy's Home

Everyone was sat in the living room at 8 the following morning.

"This better be worth getting me out of bed for!" Lexi said crabbily. Then yawned widely.

"It is baby." Alice told her.

Daniel sat beside Ethan who sat beside Lexi who was sat beside Amie. Every so often Lexi would lean against him and he would nudge her to wake her up.

"Can we get this show on the road?" Lexi asked. "Can I remind everybody of my 19 hour shift! And I've had about an hours sleep so I am seriously sleep deprived and getting angrier by the minute by people nudging me!" she said towards Ethan. Half playfully.

"Poor Lexi." Ethan said and kissed her head. She rested it on his shoulder. A few minutes later hew eyes were closed and her breathing slow.

"I'll be gone about 10 minutes. Let her sleep. God help you if you wake her up again. She'll likely to strangle you. Although you won't have to worry coz she'll fall asleep before you die."

Ethan chuckled. Then looked at Daniel.

"Are you ready to start your anger management later Daniel?"

"Yeah." he said.

(X)

Alice walked in the study the next morning. Found Danny fidgeting.

"Are you sure Alice. I mean really sure. It just seems out if the realm of possibility and I'm a pretty rational guy." he paused. "Am I a rational guy? God you know me better than I do!"

"I'm certain Danny. But I have the swabs ready to be sent off. I only need Lexi''s and Amie's" she took his and marked it clearly.

So here he was sat waiting to meet his kids. Possibly. Could they be his? I mean he wouldn't have forgot his own kids. That's just cruel!

"You ready to meet." Alice fumbled for the right word. Your kids. My kids. Or our kids? " the kids." she settled on.

He looked uncomfortable. "Not really."

"You don't have to." she said.

"I'm a soldier of the British army. Actually I'm not am I? this is so weird believing stuff about yourself that's not true." he quieted. "What I was about to say is if they are mine I've been away too long. And that's not fair. 5 years is too long."

He got up and walked towards the living room. Walked in and sat in a chair opposite the kids. He looked at them slowly.

The boy black hair blue eyes and his face was the double of him. His expression was one of boredom.

The young woman. Asleep. Undoubtedly him too. Her face was exactly him. The same shape. Same nose same eyes. Even her mouth was the same. Messy blond hair. She was like a female version of him. Far better looking than he could ever be though. She was gorgeous.

The young man beside her nudged her to wake her up.

"I'm awake." she mumbled. Rubbed her eyes. He looked at them. So she even had his eyes. Moss green, except hers were softer with her mothers sparkle.

The man sat beside her couldn't resemble him in the slightest but he felt a flicker of recognition.

The little girl. He couldn't help but think awwwww! She was absolutely tiny. She was all her mother. She had black hair and blue eyes. He saw his smile on her face though. It was adorable. Like her.

The young man nudged Lexi again.

"I'm awake!" she snapped. "Can we do this before I lapse into a coma!" her voice was irritated. She crossed her arms.

O yeah she was his daughter alright. He saw that face on himself often in the last 5 years. Frustration. He smiled at her sense of humour.

"Look kids." Alice started. "We have reason to believe that this man, is your dad."

The two young ones looked at him abit confused. But disinterested too.

"Look?" he said awkwardly.

The young woman who had just rubbed her face stood up. Extended her hand.

"Hello Peter." Lexi said.

He shook it. "Why?" he asked.

"I'm guessing you believe your Peter coz you wouldn't have left us. So Peter is your name isn't it?" she asked him softly.

He nodded.

She smiled his smile. He remembered that smile!

"Then that's what I'll call you!"

"Thank you." he told her. "For understanding.

"No problem." she stepped back. "Can I please go to bed now. I'm starting to forget what it looks like."

Alice nodded.

"Thank god!" she breathed.

Ethan got up and took Lexi's hand. Peters frown followed them.

"Some things never change. If I hadn't known before you just proved it to me." Alice whispered. To him.

Amie sat and studied him. "You look like Daniel." she said in her sweet voice.

He smiled.

Daniel glared at him.

"You may as well go. I'm the man of the house here!" Daniel told him coldly.

Danny glanced at Alice.

"Who needs someone who leaves their kids?" Daniel added.

"Daniel." Alice said softly.

"Well he did didn't he?" he shouted.

Alice whispered in his ear. Daniel left the room to go and clam down.

"Are me and Amy sisters?" Amie asked.

"No sweetie." Alice told her.

Amie looked confused. "But he's her daddy. And he's my daddy. Sp doesn't that make us sisters?"

"We need to make sure sweetie. Will you open your mouth for mum?"

"Why?"

"Coz I'm gonna take a swab. To prove he is your daddy."

"How?"

"Coz when mummies and daddies have babies. The baby looks like half of mum and half of dad. But in here." Alice patted her chest.

"So I look like daddy inside?"

Alice nodded.

"What about Lexi and Daniel and Ethan?"

"Yep. Well Daniel and Lexi look like daddy. Remember Ethan mum and dad are different but we take care of him."

Amie opened her mouth and Alice took the swab.

Amie walked up to Danny. "I bet I look like you in here!" she smiled at him and then walked away. Popped her head back in. "Can I play with Amy?"

They nodded.

"Should we have told them?" he asked.

"We, well I learned along time ago not to secrets from my family. They're good kids they'll be fine."

"Your that sure?" he asked.

She nodded.

"They're clever kids." he mused.

"Daniel is exceptionally clever. 2 classes ahead in school and getting moved up again. Amie understands things straight away. Lexi is a paramedic and Ethan is a child psychologist."

"Your obviously very proud of them."

"I am." she told him. "They're all my babies and for that reason I'm proud anything else they do or achieve is a bonus."

"I think I picked the right mum for my kids." he told her smiling.

"Thanks. I think." she replied.

"Was Lexi in hospital?"

"Yeah she was." Alice replied.

"She was knocked down by a car?" he asked.

"Danny?" Alice questioned.

"I keep having this weird dream. She's' stood in a road and a white car is going towards her and hits her. Then she's in hospital and the doctors are working on her trying to get her breathing."

"You're a bit mixed up. When Lexi was 15 she was nearly knocked down by a car but you saved her. You were knocked down not her. Scared the life outta me too. I couldn't get you breathing. Less than 6 months later she was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblast Leukaemia."

His eyes shot to her. "Cancer?" he said panicked.

She sat beside him. "Don't worry, she's been in remission for 7 years now. Got her official all clear 4 years ago."

He exhaled slowly.

"We did almost lose her but she is a fighter."

"I should be apologising for abandoning you." he said guiltily.

"You believe it then." she said simply.

"Everything points to it. I can't believe I forgot my kids." he paused. "You." he touched her face. "How could I ever forget you?" he murmured. "Your so beautiful I feel like you should be permanently imprinted on my brain. Tattooed on my heart." he leaned in. Alice didn't move. He kissed once her softly.

She smiled at him. She felt like that was all she did recently. Smile at him.

"I'll get these swabs sent off. The results should arrive soon and we'll go back to normal."

"But what about Bristol? My life? Amy I've been her father for the last 5 years I won't abandon her!"

"But you'll abandon our kids?" Alice asked annoyed.

"We don't know that yet!"

"I know Danny!"

"Don't call me that I'm peter!"

"I've been calling you Danny all morning and you didn't notice. You were responding to it. Doesn't that tell you anything?"

"Your rushing me!" he warned.

"You asked to meet the kids. And excuse me but my 2 babies lost their dad before they were even out of nappies. And your talking about leaving them again. I don't thinks that's fair to them!" she fumed.

"Well I didn't ask for this. I knew I should have ignored that voice telling me to come here for a holiday! I'm going home!" he demanded.

"So you tell them your there dad just to leave them again. You doing this coz you missed the heartbroken look on their face last time?" she asked angrily.

"That's uncalled for!" he hissed. "Of course I don't wanna leave them. I have Amy to think about!"

"What about our Amie? Daniel? Lexi and Ethan? Or is your 'real' child more important than your found ones?" she asked sarcasm dripped from every word.

"I can't remember them!" he told her.

"That's not their fault. If you hadn't left that day then none of this would be happening!"

"So it's my fault?" he yelled.

"Yes!" she shouted back.

Lexi stormed in the living room. Saw her parents stood up. Gearing up for more shouting. She was pissed. "I am TRYING to sleep in there and you two are arguing! I mean god you have each other back and your arguing like kids. Shouldn't you be snuggled up on the sofa giggling or something. There is definite tension in this room. Resolve it and keep it down!" she shouted at them. "GOD!" she breathed.

"She is so your daughter." he drawled automatically. "She's right. You are familiar to me."

"You're a stranger to me!" Alice said.

"We could get to know each other." he prompted.

"How do you suggest we do that? You don't know who you are." Alice's voice raised an octave.

"They heard a thud. "Mum!" yelled a muffled voice.

Danny looked at Alice.

"Hello, my name is Alice Trevanion. My husband died 5 years ago in a plane crash."

He took her hand. "Hello I'm Danny Trevanion. Your husband is right here!" he pulled her to him for a blistering kiss.

As soon as their lips met all his previous doubts melted from his mind. Ok so he still didn't remember but this wouldn't be a bad life. He got to bring up 4 amazing kids. He'd adopt his Amy and he got to kiss this beautiful woman every night. He could just wake up one day and pretend he remembered. Stay here and live the rest of his life happy. He deepened the kiss. Alice responded eagerly. Now he did remember this. How it had felt with her and only her. He pulled away thinking it was going to escalate.

"What did you say?" Alice said breathlessly.

"That your husband is here. And I always will be too!" he twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. "I'm getting flashes of memory. Like when I kissed you there, we lose control a lot don't we?"

He was blagging it here.

"And Ethan had a hard time with his dad didn't he?"

"You remember that?" Alice asked.

"I dreamt it." he admitted. "Look whether I like it or not I AM Daniel Trevanion. At least I think I am. Those tests results are preliminary."

It gave him time to convince her to fall in love with him while they were waiting for the results to come back. He just didn't want to leave her. If he was a bad man for lying then that's the way it was.

"I'll telephone the FCA and tell them about you and Amy. They'll be able to tell us better if there was any way you could have got off the plane alive. AND "I think we should take this slow." she told him.

"Slow yeah." he agreed. "Is there anything I can around here?" he asked.

"I dunno. It's just been me for so long I don't know how to share jobs anymore."

He looked at her. "Sorry." he looked at the floor.

She knew that look in his eyes. He was hiding something! "Right what you planning?"

"Huh?"

"I know you Danny. Better than you know yourself. And your planning! We promised no secrets and no lies."

"I remember that." he whispered. "We're sat in a room. On a royal blue sofa. And I'm singing a song to you. Um I miss you this is all I wanna say I guess I miss you beautiful. And when I finish we promise not to argue or fight or keep secrets. Even though we were keeping a big secret from….Dammit!" he fumed. "Lost it!"

"God you REALLY are Danny aren't you?"

"it's starting to look like it."

"What were you planning?"

"How to make you fall in love with me so I could stay with you. I didn't wanna stay at first. I'm still conflicted now. To be honest when I first met you I thought you were insane. Still do in fact. But I like it here. Like being around you. Your easy."

She lifted her eyebrows. "Easy?" she asked.

"I meant like just good to be around. You know easy. But I can't leave Amy! She was, is the only thing I remember when I woke up in that new house. SHE was there. Not you."

"I understand Danny, I do. It just scares me to death that I'm gonna lose you again." she admitted. "I feel like if you leave again then I won't be able to survive!"

He smiled. "I can't promise I won't leave but I can promise that I will always find my way back to you. I did this time and any other time too."

He could be so sweet sometimes. He leaned in.

"SURPRISE! HONEY I'M HOME!" came a voice.

"Oh no!" Alice muttered.

**A/N ok big tone shift at the end there but i was sik of the arguments and i wanted them to make up so... thanks 4 readin and reviewin x**

**and oh no who is visiting and who is callin alice honey (mara?) clue lol x**


	28. Bonding

"You not coming to greet me? I am seriously upset Miz Collins!" came the voice.

"Not her." Alice prayed.

"Hello!" the voice drew out the o so it lasted a long time.

"What?" Danny asked. "Have you got company coming? Friends?"

"Worse." she replied.

"Oh Alice it is your sisters here. Melissa and Shauna so show your face before we…."

Missy walked in and saw Danny sat on the sofa.

Missy looked between them. "Alice are you having a séance?" Missy asked seriously. "If not what the HELL is he doing here?"

Danny hadn't moved a muscle. "Is he real?" Missy asked. She walked over. Bent down and looked in his face.

Danny felt an urge. "BOO!" he shouted and smiled.

"Jesus Christ!" she jumped back them laughed.

"Why do you always do that to me!" Missy asked through her smile.

Shauna walked in. Gasped when she saw Danny. "That's…that's…." she stuttered.

"Right don't tell me!" Danny spoke up. Put his finger to his mouth. Then he pointed at Shauna. "Your name is…." he frowned. "Um, Sarah? Argh no nasty name. Your Shauna?" he asked.

Alice nodded.

"And I remember pink handcuffs. And feathers."

Shauna looked at Alice and burst out laughing.

Mrs Elliott entered.

"Alice dear…." she started. "oh my dear Lord!" she exclaimed when she saw Danny.

"Right you are." he thought "Mrs Carr no. Let me try again. Hmmmm. Mrs Elliott. Your Alice's mum. But not?" he looked at Alice puzzled. "How?"

Alice was smiling widely.

"Isn't someone gonna help me with the bags?" James grumbled as he walked in with the twins. "He's easy. No James we aren't."

James jaw dropped. "Your dead." was all he could say.

"I know. And I'm still better looking than you!" he quipped.

He turned and looked at Missy. "Right you."

She wiggled her eyebrows.

"You are Monica? No. Martina? I'm not sure." he lied.

"If you have forgot me Danny I will kick your ass!" she warned. "How can you forget the one and only…."

"Oh wait. Your Missy."

"I knew you'd never forget me. C'mere handsome!" Missy pulled him close for a hug.

One of the twins tugged at Shauna hands. "is he Auntie Alice's boyfriend?"

Both girls looked like their dad but with their mothers shape face. They were 8 going on 18.

"No this is Uncle Danny. You were 3 when you last saw him."

"Thought he was dead." the other twin said.

"He's a ghost Charlie." Missy said laughing.

Her eyes widened. "Cool!" she walked over to Danny. "Can I touch you? So I can see my hand pass through your body?" she put her hand on his stomach. Frowned. "Hey your hard!" she complained.

"Coz Missy is an idiot!" Shauna drawled. "Why do you lie to my kids Miss. They always believe you"

"Just coz you think I'm an idiot doesn't make it true Shauna!" Missy said playfully.

"It's true Miss." Alice told her seriously.

"No one asked you Collins!" she laughed. Alice made a face.

"I ran a poll. 99 percent of people voted you were an idiot who is completely insane. That one percent who said you weren't was you!" Shauna added.

"Ha ha Shay!" Missy groused.

"No way!" Alice said.

"What?" Missy asked.

"You didn't have a comeback. It took me 40 years but she hasn't got a comeback!" Shauna jumped up and down.

"And you say I'm insane." Missy applauded her sarcastically.

Danny watched the exchange with wonder. The dynamics between the 3 friends.

Missy turned. "Right Daniel what are you doing here?" Missy asked.

"Sitting on a sofa." he told her.

"I see your sense of humour has survived. Wherever you have been." she said drolly.

"We'll talk later Miss." Alice told her.

"You bet we will."

"Um, right mum you can stay in Caroline's old room. The twins can have Nomsa's old room. Miss your in Lexi's. and Shauna you and James are in the bedroom by the bathroom.

Ethan walked in the house. "Wow, you having a party Alice?"

"Ethan?" Shauna asked. "Wow look at you!"

Shauna hugged him. "How long you been back?"

"3 weeks."

"And you never told us?" Mrs Elliott said to Alice.

"She sorta told me." Missy said awkwardly. "And I told her I'd tell you. And I am now. Better late than never huh?" she said with her most charming smile.

Missy saw Ethan. "Wow you are handsome!" she said. "if I were 10 years younger…" she winked playfully.

"And if I were 10 years older…" he winked back.

Missy laughed and hugged him. "I missed you kid!"

Lexi opened her door. Her face angry. "What is all the freaking….nana? Missy?"

She ran and hugged Missy first. Then her nana and everyone else.

"What you all doing here?" Lexi asked.

"We came to surprise your mum. We got the surprise all right!" Shauna told her.

"We'll keep it down now Lex." Alice said. "C'mon we'll go outside."

Ethan hung back. As did Danny. He noticed the looks between Ethan and Lexi.

"You coming out Danny?" Missy yelled and winked at Lexi.

Lexi smiled at her. She'd spoke to Missy about Ethan being back. How they had made up.

Danny looked between Ethan and Lexi again. Then deliberately walked between the two of them. "I'm watching!" he muttered as he passed.

Ethan took Lexi in their room. Shut the door. "You having problems sleeping honey?" he asked.

She nodded.

"C'mon." she lay on the bed. He closed the curtains tightly. Then he lay beside her.

"I missed you last night. It's addictive falling asleep with you in my arms." he told her.

She smiled. His hands rested on her stomach. It was time to tell him the reason why she couldn't sleep.

"We might be making the decision to have a child a little quickly Ethan." she told him.

"What? You don't want to anymore?" he asked.

"Yes. But not now." she exhaled. "We made the decision while we were drunk Ethan."

"So." he replied.

"We'll we've been together a few days."

"But we've known each other for years." he countered.

"That's the point we haven't. I want a two parent family for my kids. Like I had."

"We'll do that Lex."

"For how long though? How long till we're screaming and shouting and yelling at each other? We're being irresponsible bringing a child into a relationship where we've only been together 5 minutes. We should get to know each other first. Have some fun. Kids can come later."

"I'll be irresponsible somewhere else then!" he climbed from the bed. Slammed the door as he left the room.

"I'm sorry Ethan but I told you the truth!"

Lexi closed her eyes and dreamed of the cover of sleep.

(X) 2 o'clock

Shauna, Missy and Alice were sat in the kitchen. So he has amnesia?" Shauna asked.

Alice nodded. "He remembers nothing except snatches. And it hasn't returned after 5 years. I'm worried it could be permanent." Alice sipped her coke.

"How do you feel?" Missy asked.

Trust her to go straight to the heart of the matter Alice thought.

"About?" Alice evaded.

Missy smiled. She was not easily deterred. "Him."

Alice knew she could speak freely here. "I don't know guys. See I love MY Danny. But I think I'm falling for this new Danny. Who is different to my old Danny. So I feel like I'm betraying old Danny with new Danny even thought they are the same person!"

Shauna and Missy looked at her with blank faces.

"I can follow gibberish. I coped well with the two of you while we were teenagers but even that had me Alice!" Missy joked. "Am kidding. I understand Alice. Look Danny died. Or so we all thought. So you moved on. Resigned yourself to a life without your husband. Probably got over him to a degree. So new Danny is here and your attracted to him coz he's familiar and you know him. But at the same time he's changed. He's your husband but not you know."

Amie and Amy walked into Amie's room.

"Whose that girl Amie is playing with?" Shauna asked.

"Amy." Alice said,.

"Yeah Amie your daughter, whose she playing with?" Missy said.

"Amy." Alice replied.

"Yes the girl with your Amie." Missy repeated.

"God miss your stupid." Shauna declared. "The girls name is Amy too!"

"Ohhhhh!" Missy laughed.

"She's Danny's daughter!" Alice told them.

"No way!" Both woman exclaimed. "He married someone else?" Shauna asked.

"No - best I can gather is she was on the plane too and he saved her when he got off." Alice told them.

They nodded.

"How does he feel about you?" Shauna asked.

"He wants me to love him." Alice admitted.

"And do you?" missy coaxed.

"Yes. No. Yes." Alice said. "I love Danny. And he isn't Danny. Can we change the subject. I'm getting a headache!"

"Ok tell us about the kids. How have you been coping with Daniel's ADHD?"

"Well he wrapped his arms around Amie's neck and choked her till she passed out."

"What?" Missy and Shauna exclaimed.

"Ethan got him arrested. The works. I wasn't too happy at the time but he hasn't had an outburst since so maybe it has worked. It's just so hard being a single parent to a hard headed kid." Alice said wearily.

"What about Ethan? What has he been up to?"

"He's a hero. A firefighter in new Zealand. Saved a young boy from a forest fire. He and Lexi are together again I think they'll go somewhere too. You know she kissed him in front of me and even asked if they can share a room."

"Are you ok with that?" Shauna asked.

"I have my doubts but they are in love and happy. That's all I want for them." Alice told them.

(X)

Lexi woke up and yawned. Looked at her clock. 13:00. Another 3 hours and she was at work. All this work was starting to catch up with her. Every time she checked the rota Martin seemed to have added extra hours though. What was she supposed to say o no I'd rather people die coz I can't get out of bed! Of course she couldn't say that. She was just shattered. Ran her hands through her hair. Yawned again. Rose out of bed lethargically and grabbed herself a glass of orange juice from the kitchen. Her dad…Peter sat at the kitchen table.

"Hey." she said as she padded in. still her pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt she pulled on. Her toes peeked from the edges of her pyjamas.

"Hello Alexis." he replied.

"Whoa." she paused. "Am I in trouble?" she grabbed some crisps. Not the best breakfast but she couldn't be bothered. And technically it was past dinnertime so….

"No." he said perplexed.

She smiled and sat down. "You only ever call me Alexis when I'm in trouble."

"O, sorry Lexi." he smiled.

"Where's Amy and Amie?" she asked. Wanted to check she wasn't having any side effects from what happened with Daniel.

"They're asleep on her bed. Alice told me she had to go in Amie's room at 12 o'clock last night as they were still giggling their heads off." he smiled wistfully. "I've been in touch with the social services in Bristol. They are looking for any surviving family for her. See I'm not her dad or any relative so she can't stay with me. And also your mum spoke to FCA they knew a baby was missing from the plane but covered it up because they didn't want a scandal!" he fumed.

"How do you feel about everything Peter?" Lexi asked softly.

"Why do you call me Peter?" he asked.

Lexi frowned. "I thought you preferred it."

"I do but I have this feeling inside that you should always call me dad. Especially you." he stressed.

"Do you want me to call you dad?" she asked.

"I dunno. I don't wanna upset you." he admitted.

"You haven't. I understand. You don't know me."

"You always keep me guessing. Some people would kick off if their dad said that to them! Your so laid back about it. Why aren't you freaking out?"

Lexi shrugged. "It's not that I don't care. I do. I suppose I'm just happy to have you back in any way I can have you. Plus my mum and you taught me that freaking out and kicking off helps no one. Just makes a normal situation into a really bad one."

He smiled slowly. "Your amazing."

She shook her head. "No, just Lexi."

He laughed.

"Were we…are we close?"

"Yeah I would say so." she told him. "I know you loved me and you knew I loved you so yeah we were close." she nodded. Her tone went serious. "How do you feel about my mum?"

His face turned thoughtful. "I dunno. I'm confused. Still processing everything. I mean I came here for a holiday and find my wife and 4 kids I didn't even know I had!"

"She loves you, just so you know. So please don't hurt her."

"She loves your dad." he replied.

"No. YOU. The new you. She only really yells at people she loves. She terrified that your gonna leave. I could see it in her eyes this afternoon when you were arguing. She loves you. She doesn't even realise it yet. So please don't hurt her."

"Did I mention your amazing?"

She rolled her eyes.

"So you're a paramedic then?"

She nodded "Yeah."

"That's a good job. Saving people."

Lexi shrugged. "I don't save people. I patch them up and get them to hospital. The doctors save people. I just try my best to keep them breathing, stop them bleeding." she gestured and so on with her hand.

"You got a partner?" he asked.

"What in my job? Yeah Bob."

"I was actually talking about Ethan."

Lexi grinned. "I know."

"I don't wanna…." he paused. "I don't know what I wanna say. I just have this feeling I can't explain."

"Yeah it's called protective father. You never did….well not approve but you were sorta weary of us getting together. You were worried that we'd hurt each other. But you don't have to. We're older now. He won't hurt me and I won't hurt him. I love him." she said simply.

"Does he love you too?" Danny asked.

"I think so.""Has he told you?"

"He has before." she evaded.

"But not now?"

"No."

Alice talked into the kitchen. "Danny can we talk?" Alice asked.

"Sure. It was nice talking to you Ale…Lexi." he saw the look on her face as he nearly used her full name.

"Same to you Peter." Lexi told him with a smile.

**A/N aw father daughter rebonding. i like lexi :)**

**amd missy is here so some madness will no doubt follow lol :) x**


	29. Together

**This song is Alice POV. How she feels about peter. (Not Danny oooooo lol :D) **

**I can feel the magic floating in the air**

**Being with you gets me that way**

**I watch the sunlight dance across your face**

**And I've never been this swept away**

**All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze**

**When I'm wrapped up in your arms**

**The whole world just fades away**

**And the only thing I hear is the beating of your heart**

**Coz I can feel you breathe**

**Its washing over me**

**And suddenly I'm melting into you**

**There's nothing left the prove **

**And baby all I need is just to be**

**Caught up in a touch**

**Slow and steady rush**

**Baby isn't that the way that love's supposed to be**

(X)

Alice pulled Danny into the living room. They were stood opposite each other. Closely.

"Look we…." Alice started but whatever she was about to say was drowned out when he kissed her. Full of heat, and passion. Alice just let go and devoured him. Fell into the kiss. It had been so long she had been kissed like this. And it was her husband too so the feeling was amplified by a million.

"We what?" he asked against her lips. Not wanting to move his head

"We um." she said. "Need to." he kept kissing her and it was turning her brain to mush. "Talk about." she took a deep breath but only succeeded in inhaling his scent which scrambled her brains more. "the bed….rooms."

He carried on kissing her. But injected less heat and more sweetness into the kiss. Made it more restrained.

"What?" he asked and pulled away.

She inhaled deeply and then exhaled. She felt wobbly weak. Even. "We, err shall I say I would like you to move into the house. With Amy of course. So the kids can get used to your presence. You'll have your own room. Amy can her own too. Or share with my…our Amie if she wants."

He nodded.

"Your being really nice about Amy. You don't have to be."

"She's an innocent child. Wrong place wrong time. She doesn't need to be blamed for incidents out of her control."

He felt emotion fill his chest. Held her hand in his. "I think that must have been one of the things I loved about you."

She blushed as he touched her face.

"Do you mind?" he asked.

"Mind what?"

"That I'm falling in love with you. It's weird coz I obviously loved you before but this feels all new and I love it." he smiled widely. "I've never felt this way before."

Alice melted. He could be so sweet when he wasn't even trying. Asking her if she minded that he was falling for her.

She leaned close to his ear. "I don't mind." she paused. "Coz I think I'm falling for you too."

"Really?" he asked grinning his adorable grin she loved.

She nodded and they giggled.

He pulled her close and kissed her softly. Then pulled away as an angry ahem interrupted them. They looked and saw an irate Daniel stood at the living room door. Fists clenched. Breathing heavily.

"Get your hands off my mum!" he warned.

"Excuse me?" Danny asked.

Daniel took a step towards his father. "You heard me. I'm not having you touch her!"

"Look Daniel I don't know what you think but I'm not gonna hurt her. Or you."

Daniel crossed his arms. "You'll leave again. So I don't want you near her."

"Daniel son." Alice said softly. Walking towards him.

"I'm the man of the house mum. I'm protecting you and Amie and Lexi from him leaving you again. I remember the way you cry when on his anniversary when you think we can't hear you. I won't have you hurt like that because of HIM!" he yelled the final word.

"Aw son. I'm sorry." she said and wrapped him in a hug. "You Don't have to do that. Just be a kid yeah." she coaxed.

"Daniel son…" Danny started.

"I'm not your son!" Daniel shouted and pulled from his mums hug. "I don't even know you!" he spat.

"Look Daniel like it or not I am your father. You look like me. Walk like me even sound like me when you talk. I'm sorry I left you all. I won't be leaving again." Danny tried to convince him.

"We don't need you here. So leave my mum alone!" he said in a low and deadly tone. Walked away.

Alice looked at Danny. "I'm sorry he thinks like a 10/11 year old but with the emotions of a 7 year old. He sounds quite mature but with his increased intelligence he just manages to freak out a lot. He over analyses things. His brain just jumps from one thought to the next. Not really thinking just reacting you know."

"Don't worry. I'm proud that….." he tried a phrase he'd never used before. "My son tried to protect you from me. Not that you need it. Coz I won't hurt you. Ever!" wow that had felt good. MY son. He smiled. He didn't think he'd ever have a son.

Alice shook her head. "Give him time. He'll come around. You're a hit with Amie. She always did love you to bits. Literally. I cherish the last memory I had of you with her. She'd been for a needle that day and cried for you all the way home. As soon as she saw you she stuck her arms out and yelled dada. Nearly jumped from my arms in her haste to get to you. You took her and she rested her head on your shoulder. Stuck her thumb in her mouth and closed her eyes. It was a unbelievably sweet father/daughter moment.

He frowned. "I don't remember her. I remember snatched of everyone. Except Amie." he said frustrated.

"Maybe your brain connected your Amy and our Amie?" Alice suggested. "It'll come to you. Spend time with her."

"It's just not fair on her that's all. I want my memories of my daughter!" he fumed. Exhaled angrily.

"They'll come eventually. You'll see." she encouraged.

"I want my memories of us too. It's like I have this feeling inside me that tells me that I'm missing some big important part of my life. I'm just astounded that I forgot us. The way we fit together. The heat and intensity we generate just by being in the same room!"

"I can try and help you remember." she murmured. Walked towards him. Was lost in the green ocean of his eyes. If being lost felt this good. Then she never wanted to be found. She twined her arms around his neck.

"How will you help me remember?" he hinted. Snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him.

"Maybe do a little practical research." she murmured. Reached up and kissed him. This was the first time she had instigated a kiss. He smiled.

(X)

Lexi was eating a sandwich. Crisps just didn't do it this time. She had to actually make something. Urgh. She wasn't a lazy person just couldn't be bothered at the minute. She was at in her work uniform. She lived in these clothes at the moment. Ethan walked in, saw her and went to walk straight back out.

"Ethan no. Stay talk please."

"What do you want!" he put emphasis on the words you want.

"You forever."

He lowered his voice. "Not my kids though huh?"

"You still angry about that?" she asked incredulous.

"Yes." he said simply.

"Fine you want a child we'll have one."

Alice walked into the corner. Lexi was angry. He wanted to push her in a corner lets see how he likes this!

"Mum me and Ethan are trying for a baby." looked at Ethan smugly.

Ethan's jaw dropped. Alice dropped her cup.

"What? But you've only been together about a week!"

Lexi shrugged.

"But your both young. Newly qualified."

Lexi shrugged again. "Feel free to jump in at any time Ethan!"

"Um." he struggled.

"How about you start with when you left when I was 18 I was pregnant then too. But I lost it."

Ethan looked uncomfortable.

Alice's jaw dropped further and she made funny squeaking noises in her throat.

"C'mon Ethan this is what you wanted!" Lexi fumed. Then heard a beep.

"Well I gotta go to work. Have fun peeps."

Alice grabbed her arm. "Ha funny. You think you can drop….bombshells like that and then leave me hanging to go to work?" Alice asked. Her voice high and shrill.

"Ask him! I told him my objections and he made me feel like I had to chose. He boxed me into a corner and we all know how much I hate that! I gotta go. Bye mum. Ethan. I'll be surprised if your still here when I get home." she told him dryly.

Lexi walked from the house and they heard a car pull away.

Ethan and Alice were stood in the kitchen. Ethan looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. He looked at Alice. She had her arms crossed staring at him. Waiting for an explanation. He felt like their were 100 sniper rifles aimed at his chest on a hair trigger. That was the intensity of her gaze.

"Ethan." she said.

"Alice." he replied.

"Don't get smart Eth. What have you got to say?"

"I plead the fifth. I refuse to say anything which may lead to me incriminating myself." he said seriously.

"Was she pregnant?"

"She would lie about that Alice. In my defence I only found out myself a few days ago. She lost it 3 weeks after Danny died. And before you berate me nothing you can say will make me feel worse than I already do ok!"

Alice could see he seemed genuinely upset by the loss of a child he didn't even know had existed.

"And you trying…" Alice started.

"Well to keep it simple. We were drunk and talking about the past and stuff and I mentioned it. Persuaded her coz she wasn't sure. She changed her mind when she sobered up. I didn't like it, we spoke today and then she blurted it all to you."

"But WHY Ethan?" Alice couldn't understand the rush.

"Coz I love her and all I can think about is the child we lost. And to prove to her I'll never leave her again."

"I know anther reason son. A big fat reason which is staring me right in the face. You never truly felt like part of your own family, or this family. You have problems fitting in anywhere. You and Lexi and your baby. A family of your very own who love you. But Ethan enjoy each other first. Kids put enormous pressure on couples. Even the strongest couples. No one knows this but me and Danny nearly split when I was pregnant with Amie. It was just too much for us. We had a child under one and I was pregnant again. And then there was you and Lex and we were ready to say to hell with it. Coz we bickered over stupid stuff even over the clothes we were dressing Daniel in that day. If your meant to have kids then it can wait. And you don't have a child to fix problems in a relationship. You're a therapist Ethan you should know that!"

"I know, I just love her so much and I want us to work. For us to be together forever. I don't think I could stand it if we broke up again."

"Ethan your thinking with your heart yeah. Look you know I love you both equally. And I support this relationship completely. But I can't support you and Lexi having a child this early. I was far too young when I had her. And fair enough you two are far older than I was but I regret all the stuff me and Danny hadn't been able to do as a couple without kids. I don't regret having her, I regret lost opportunities. Do you know what I mean?"

He nodded reluctantly. "You gave me a lot to think about."

"And incase your wondering Eth I won't be telling anyone about this yet."

Ethan knew she meant Danny. "So he's the real deal then?" Ethan asked.

Alice nodded.

"Look Ethan I got a little sidetracked but I wanna apologise for how I reacted over Daniel. You were right he needed to be punished. And what you did seemed to work."

"It scared the life out of me when I saw Amie like that. I just reacted."

"For what it's worth I think you'll make an excellent father one day."

"I dunno it's easier with someone else's kids. When you can hand them back. I just worry you know. Before I left 5 years ago my dad had sent me a letter wanting to get in contact. He told me I was like him attitude and temper wise. Said I'd know why he did what he did to mum if I had a girlfriend. Like he thought I'd hit my wife. I lost it. But I am like him. I tell myself I'm not but I am!"

"Ethan you know that isn't true." Alice told him softly.

"Isn't it. Then why do I feel like I'm manipulating Lexi into having a child? That's what he did with mum and Lauren. Mum didn't want another child with him. She had Lauren with a man she loved and told dad she was his. Poor Lauren suffered for it though." he went quiet lost in thoughts of his little sister.

"Ethan you can't think like this. Like your him when you do stuff wrong. Everyone does stuff wrong. No one is perfect. But because you make a mistake doesn't mean you're a bad person. Trust me me and Danny have manipulated each other before. Everyone does it . Probably not to the extent you've experienced. Like when you go to a market and you haggle with the owners. Then they won't budge so you go to walk away. That's manipulation coz you want them to call you back and offer you a lower price."

"I know all this stuff. But I'm not Ethan the therapist when I'm with her I'm just normal Ethan trying so hard to be perfect!"

"Just be you. She didn't fall for perfect Ethan. She fell for Ethan flaws and all."

"I started talking about Danny and we're back to me." Ethan said smiling.

"I'm not ready to talk about that yet and if I do I couldn't talk to you. Sorry but your my son you know. I have Miss and Shauna for that."

I understand. Thanks Alice. I will think about what you said."

Make sure you do. Don't rush please."

**A/N go Alice stop them making a mistake! Lol Lexi is mad though blurting all that out and is like bye peeps and her mum is about to keel over from shock. Lol thanks 4 reading x**

**watching DCI Banks wi the very talented stephen tompkinson :D ooo dark an brooding me like lol x**


	30. Big trouble

**A/N can I just say the charlotte in my story isn't based on the same character as the one in WAH just in case you were wondering.**

Amie and Amy were sat on in the living room playing barbies. The twins came in looking superior. They looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes smirked and nodded.

"You wanna play?" Amie asked happily.

"Not with you." Charlie said. She was the tougher twin. "Although if we do wanna play barbies then we'll just take yours."

"I don't think so!" Amie blurted standing up.

"How you gonna stop me little girl?"

Both twins were a good head taller than Amie. She didn't back down.

"Same way I did last time!" Amie said smugly.

"Why you little…." Charlie said stepping forward.

Shauna walked in. "Everything ok?" she recognised Amie's enraged expression. She had seen it on Alice many times.

"Right you two get out of here. Go play somewhere else!"

"But mu-um we weren't doing anything!" Charlie whined.

"No but's I know what your like."

"I'll get you." Charlie hissed at Amie as she passed. By the tone it was a vow.

Amie was scared but refused to show it.

"You ok Ames?" Shauna asked after the twins left.

"Why don't they like me? I done nothing to them. They always pick on me!" Amie said sadly. Sat beside the other Amy who hugged her.

"I'll talk to them. Make sure they leave you. Alone."

Amie nodded. "Thank you."

**But Later**

Amie was playing on her scooter by herself in the front yard. The twins appeared looking angry. Amie didn't notice them. Charlie ran up behind her and pushed her off her scooter. Amie went sprawling in the mud. Rolled over and picked herself up.

"What do you two want?" Amie was scared, they weren't happy.

"You told mum and we got wrong!" Cathy said angrily.

They took a step towards her and she took one back.

"You shouldn't pick on me!" Amie said defiantly.

Charlie grabbed her t-shirt. "This time your not gonna tell are you?"

"Yes!" Amie said. Wiggled from her hold and ran.

The 2 girls caught her. One on either side of her. Cathy pushed her towards Charlie who pushed her back towards Cathy. Amie was disorientated.

"Leave me alone!" she yelled. Tears gathering.

When Amie heard them laughing the tears dried and she got angry. Charlie pushed her hard and she fell on the floor. Amie looked at her from the floor and then launched at her. Hit her in the stomach with her head and they both went sprawling. Cathy jumped on her back and the 3 of them were fighting on the dusty ground. It was hard to distinguish arms and elbows and legs as all 3 girls were struggling.

"What's going on here?" a voice boomed. And picked up both twins who were somehow on top of Amie. The twins were looking up at Melissa. She looked angry.

"You two get over there and don't move. "she said darkly.

She watched Amie pulled herself to sitting. Her lips split and her nose bleeding. She had a red mark across her cheek. Her eye's glistened.

Missy sat beside her. Pulled out a clean hanky. Dabbed at her nose.

"You ok?" Missy asked softly.

Tears gathered and she shook her head. "They always pick on me" Anger came. "I hate you!" Amie screamed and tried to dive at them. Missy grabbed her.

"Whoa there Rambo!" Missy said. That was her mother in her. When she was upset anger followed quickly.

"Come on we'll go inside and get you cleaned up yeah. You two 2 steps in front of me. Hold that to you nose Amie."

They all walked towards the house. "Shauna Alice!" Missy yelled as she walked in.

Both woman appeared.

Shauna looked at her daughters faces.

Alice looked at Amie's. "Oh Amie what happened." She was on her knees in front of her moving the hankie.

"They're nasty mum!" Amie said.

"Come in the bathroom and we'll get you cleaned up."

As Alice and Amie disappeared into the bathroom.

"Right girls what happened?" Shauna asked.

"Well we walked outside and Amie was on her scooter. She fell. We went over to help her and she stared on me!" Charlie said. "So Cathy helped get her off me then Missy came." Shauna looked for Missy for confirmation but she had disappeared.

"Charlie do you think I'm stupid. 6 year Amie started a fight with 2 8 year olds?"

"She didn't start on me mum. Just Charlie. I tried to get her off and she hit me too." Cathy said innocently.

"You told us not to pick on her anymore." Charlie said sweetly. "We said we wouldn't!"

(X)

"Amie tell me what happened baby." Alice coaxed.

"I was playing on my scooter. I was winner of the big race and then I was pushed off my scooter. It was the twins. They were angry I told Auntie Shauna that they pick on me. They pushed me around and laughed. So I lost my temper and hit Charlie. Cathy jumped on my back. And then I felt them hitting but I couldn't tell who hit me. Then Missy came."

"You were wrong to hit them Amie." Alice told her.

"Mum they were gonna hit me. I had stop them."

"Not by hitting Amie." Alice stressed to her.

Daniel had been passing and had heard the exchange beside the door. O so the twins wanted to start on his baby sister? Let them start on him!

He saw them walking from the kitchen. They wore smug smiles. He stood in front of them. He was taller than them. He looked at them intimidating them.

"Hey you pushed Amie, try pushing me!" he pushed both girls hard with one hand each. They flew backwards across the floor.

Shauna saw it and rushed towards them.

"You leave my sister alone or you'll have me to answer to ok!" he growled.

Missy appeared from her room. Saw Daniel stood over the twins and grabbed him around the shoulders. "Calm down Daniel." she murmured.

Shauna was bent over the twins ensuring they were ok.

Shauna looked back at him. "Stay away from them!" She warned.

"Or what!" Daniel yelled.

Missy clamped her hand over Daniels mouth.

Alice and Amie emerged from the bathroom.

The twins and Shauna were stood up.

Ethan appeared. "Take him." Missy said and pushed Daniel towards him. "Lets all discuss this like…." Missy started.

"Tell your psycho son to stay away from my daughters!" Shauna hissed as Alice.

Missy paled. Oh God please Shauna didn't just call Alice's son a psycho! she thought in panic. Missy watched Alice's face change.

Alice bristled and felt anger rise. "You wanna rethink that statement?" she asked coldly.

"Oh no." Missy muttered. "World war three about to commence." See this was why she didn't have kids!"

"No actually Alice. He threatened my girls."

"If he did he had a right to. Your girls beat up Amie!"

"Amie started it she fell off her scooter and blamed them!"

"And started a fight with 2 8 year olds who tower over her? Use your head for once Shauna!"

"Don't start Alice." Shauna warned.

"Taking a leaf from your kids book Shauna. Or did they learn it from you?"

Shauna took a step forward and so did Alice.

Oh God! Missy thought. "Look if you two start fighting I'm gonna have to stop you then you'll both pummel me. Please just calm down yeah!" Missy said trying for some comic relief.

Danny and James walked out of the study.

"What's going on?" James asked. As he saw Alice and Shauna nose to nose about to scrap.

"Daniel threatened Charlie and Cathy." Shauna said.

"He was right to." Alice added darkly.

James took a step towards Daniel.

"Don't even go there James!" Danny warned stepping in front of him.

Missy saw Danny and James squaring up. Ethan let go of Daniel and stood between them.

Missy thought she was cracking up. If Danny and James got into it there's no way Ethan could keep them apart but she couldn't leave Alice and Shauna either!

"Am I the only sane person her?" she asked.

No one could hear her over the shouting.

Shauna was shouting at Alice who was yelling back. James and Danny were yelling at each other red faced. Ethan pleading with them to calm down. The twins and Amie and Daniel were screaming at each other. She looked at Ethan. He shrugged having no idea how to deal with this.

"Look can we discuss this like rational adults?" she shouted loudly.

"Shut up Missy!" Alice and Shauna said at the same time.

She took a step back. Oh no they didn't. O she was freaking pissed now!

Left Alice and Shauna and walked into the kitchen. Grabbed two pans. Stood at the door and clanged them together as hard as she could. Everyone quieted and looked at her.

"Right I'm angry now. So are we gonna shut up and talk calmly or do I start using these on heads?" she yelled the final sentence.

Everyone stayed quiet and stared at her.

"Thank you." she said calmly. "Now kids. You can go to your individual bedrooms. Ethan will you go with Daniel please. The twins go together and Amy is in your room Amie. And the so called adults in the living room and be warned I'm bringing these!" she motioned to her pans.

(X)

Lexi returned from work early. They had hired a couple new paramedics and he and Bob had been sent home. She heard Missy threatening to hit someone with a pan in the living room she chuckled. She was insane. But she loved Missy deeply. She had a package with her. It was ribbons for Amie. She went in her room.

"Hey Ames." she said walking in. saw her sisters bruised face.

"Who did this to you?" she asked.

"The twins but don't worry I'm gonna get em!" she vowed.

Lexi smiled. "Hey Ames. don't get mad, get even!" she suggested. "C'mere!" she started whispering. Both girls smiled.

(X)

The twins were sat on a bed in their room. Not at all concerned with what was going on. They heard a scratching noise at the window.

"What's that?" Cathy asked.

It grew louder.

Both twins went to check it out. They didn't notice someone slip into their room quietly. They lifted the net 2 figures jumped up and growled wearing werewolf masks. The twins squealed and turned. Ran straight into a 6 foot ghoul.

"I am here to exact revenge for Amie Trevanion!" the ghoul growled in a strange strangled voice.

Both girls were pale and looked up at her with slack jaws and scared eyes. They started screaming hysterically.

Lexi took a menacing step towards them. "Tell the truth or my friends will come and eat you!" she warned in a nasty voice. Lexi heard footsteps and dived from their bedroom window and sprinted.

Shauna and Alice ran into the twins room and saw the twins alone screaming.

"Mum there was a ghoul and a werewolf!" Charlie started.

"It wasn't Amie it was us!" Cathy yelled. "Don't let the ghouls eat us!"

"What you on about?" Shauna asked.

"We pushed Amie off her scooter and hit her." Charlie said quietly.

(X)

Lexi picked up the girls and ushered them into the bedroom window. Climbed in herself.

"Hide the masks."

She pulled off her black jumper and trousers. His them too. "Right sit on the bed and act normal. How about I put ribbons ion your hair?"

Both Amy and Amie nodded.

5 minutes later Alice and Shauna walked into Amie's room.

"Lexi?" Alice asked. Saw her sitting in her work uniform. "How long you been home?"

"Not long. I had an early finish. Bob gave me some ribbons for the Amie's' so I'm putting ribbon in their hair. What was all that screaming?" she asked innocently.

"Apparently a werewolf and a ghoul scared the twins. You wouldn't know anything about that would you?"

"Me no. I've just got in from work and the twins were in here the with me when the screaming started. I'm too tired to do stuff like that anyway."

"And Ethan and Daniel are out getting pizza." Alice added.

"It sure is a mystery. Leopards den haunted! Ooooooo." she said to the girls.

"We have no proof but I know your behind this Lex." Alice told her.

Lexi put her hand on her chest. "O mum you wound me!" she said dramatically.

Alice shook her head. "I know you better than anyone Lex!" she said and closed the door.

"Alright!" Lexi said 5 minutes later and put up her hands to high five both girls. "No one messes with Danny's or Peters kids huh!"

(X)

Pizza had been eaten and all the kids had been bathed and were in bed. Ethan and Lexi were having a serious discussion in the living room. Mrs Elliott was still at Caroline's where she had been all day thankfully and hadn't seen the kick off. Mrs Elliott and Caroline had become fast friends. Danny James and Dupe were at Fat anis. The 3 best friends sat at the table in the kitchen. Looking at each other. The distance between them was massive now. No one spoke for a long time till Alice broke the silence

"Right Shauna I'm sorry to tell you this but after your visit here I don't wanna see you anymore. I wasn't that the girls fought or that you believed them. Girls fight and parents believe their kids. And I can even understand you protecting them from Daniel he has got a temper." She leaned over eyes deadly. "But you NEVER call my 7 year old son a psycho that was too far!"

Shauna had no defence for her words.

"You gonna throw away a lifetime of friendship over words?" Missy asked. Trying to salvage this train wreck.

"Psycho Miss. Psycho! My son had problems no doubt about it but he doesn't need to hear that. I will not have him called that! By ANYONE!"

"I was protecting my girls!" Shauna said.

"And now I'm protecting my boy he doesn't need to hear that! Not by EX family anyway. Goodbye Shauna. Have a nice life. And forget we ever met huh?" Alice walked away.

Shauna put her face in her hands. "I screwed up Miss. And I can't fix it!" Shauna said.

"When you brings kids into it, it's unfixable. Good going Shauna. You know we'll never be a trio again!" Missy walked away upset that their friendship was in tatters.

(X)

Ethan and Lexi were sat in the living room

"I'm sorry I…." they both said at the same time.

"You don't have to say it" Ethan said. "I'm sorry I pressured you. Your right it's too soon. I wanted a baby to prove I care and that I wouldn't leave but time will prove that. I also wanted to ease my guilt over the one we lost."

"We will have them one day Eth, we could be having one right now. And if we are I'll be ecstatic but I still think we should wait. So have we made up?" she asked.

"I didn't realise we fell out." he said. Pulled her close to him on the sofa. She leaned into him. "Your mum spoke to me. She's stupidly clever about this sort of stuff!"

"Yeah." Lexi agreed. "That's my mum."

He was just about to tell her he loved her when she pressed her lips to his. When he came up for air he looked into her green eyes and decided to wait. Still a little soon! He decided.

**A/N right Alice and Shauna MAJOR fall out. And they don't talk again :( :( :(**

**Heartbroken Miss too. Awww :(**

**But eth and Lex have made up and they aren't having baby which is something huh?**

**Plus NEVER mess with Danny's kids. Hahahahahahahaha :D**


	31. Inner Turmoil

**4 Weeks Later**

Lexi was ill in bed. Common cold. She was off work. Felt like death warmed up. God she hated being ill. Reminded her of the worst time of her life. She lay in bed sneezing her head off. Sore throat. Head pounding. Her dad fussed over her. She still called him Peter but he had said if she wanted she could call him dad. She really did want to. But he hadn't said HE wanted her to. He said if she wanted. Meaning he was still abit funny with the whole extra 4 kids thing. Amie called him dad. Daniel didn't talk to him but he sat in the same room which was progress. Her mum was besotted but tried to hide it. Lexi was used to it which was abit weird coz he'd been 'dead' for 5 years. The other Amy had went back to Bristol a week ago. They had found an aunt and uncle who couldn't have kids. They had said they wanted her. Her dad had took her to Bristol her mum had been a nervous wreck the whole time he was away. He phoned Amy often. She was sad but settling. It was obvious her dad missed her but immersed himself in caring for her Daniel Amie and Ethan. His memories were non existent. He looked through pictures. He asked why hw wasn't in any of her baby pictures. Her mum told him about their separation. She'd left the room. Knew her dad wouldn't want her to see him upset. She had heard him pacing. Her poor dad. Her poor mum having to relive it all the time. Her mum too was miserable. She had seen her mothers face as Shauna had left. Alice had stopped her. Hugged her. Then handed her something. Her mum had walked away wiping away tears. Shauna looked down at her hand and saw the friends forever necklace. It was a 3 way pendant. Missy had one. Shauna had one and her mum had one. Her mum had gave hers back to Shauna. Shauna bit her lip and left it on the table by the phone. Refusing to take it. Then she had left the house quickly. Her mum had burst into tears as she saw it lying on the phone by the table. She had picked it up and took it to her room.

Lexi coughed. Oh god she just wanted to sleep. But whenever she did she awoke having a coughing fit. She thought of Ethan. They were happy together. He still hadn't said the L word though. Now she wasn't gonna say it in case he didn't fell the same and she embarrassed herself. Sure he said he cared. He said it a lot. But love and care were 2 different things. Her period had came last month. And they were being careful now. Hadn't slipped once. They had been drunk a few times but she was sure they had used something well 70 percent sure at best! He seemed happy to use protection. Thought of it most of the time. Thankfully, it was ironic she was the one who wanted to wait and he was the one who did the preventing. Anyway she and Ethan spent time together. Went out. Was how she got ill. They had spent a day outside. He had hired a little boat. Can you see where this is going? Had a nice float on a little lake. She had stood up when they arrived back at shore the boat wobbled and she promptly fell in! Ethan had laughed so hard as he fished her out till he heard her teeth chattering. Saw her covered in Goosebumps. Visibly shaking. He took her home straight away. Gave her his jumper as she took stripped of her wet clothes in the bathroom on the lake. She wrung out her jeans the best she could but still had to wear them wet. She wrung out her hair too but to no avail. She heard a soft knock.

"C'min." she said hoarse.

"I bought you a lemsip. Might help with your congestion." Danny said smiling.

"Thanks." she breathed and sipped. "You made it with lemonade. How'd you know I only like it that way?" Lexi asked.

"it's how I have it. I remember when you were 17 or so sitting in the living room me and you wrapped up in quilts. Sipping one. There were 2 straws in the cup. We sneezed alternatively if I remembered."

Lexi giggled and coughed. "I remember. Mum complained coz we complained."

Lexi put her cup down and rested her head back on the pillow.

"Have we ever had a falling out Lex. It's just you said we were close but I keep getting a flicker of a mans face and feeling dread. like a feeling where you don't love me anymore."

She blinked tiredly. "We were…are close. You're the best dad ever. I mean it too. We had our moments. Like when Josh came. See I was 15 and I found out you weren't my dad coz of what happened to mum."

"I'm not your dad?" he gasped. Face pained.

"Listen." she stressed. "We went through a rough patch. We made up by the time we found out that the original DNA tests you and mum had done were wrong. You are my father." she yawned. "I'm so happy your home dad. I missed you." her eyes closed.

"I'm happy I have you too." he whispered. Then left her. She needed her sleep. He hated seeing her ill. Always made him feel helpless.

(X)

Alice watched Danny leave their daughters room. Went to walk into his own.

"How is she?" Alice asked walking towards him.

"Ill." he paused. "And I hate it!" he muttered.

Alice smiled. "That's normal for you. You were always so protective of her."

"I want my life back! This is so frustrating!" he said angrily.

She was beside him in a second. "Hey." she whispered putting her hand on his cheek.

They both froze and held their breath. Looked at each other. They hadn't discussed it but both had came to an unspoken mutual agreement that nothing physical would happen hence the separate bedrooms. But with the house so quiet with only a sleeping child in it. And the look they were both wearing made it hard to remember his name let alone unspoken agreements.

He pulled her into the circle of his arms. "Tell me no and I'll back off." he whispered.

"I never could tell you no." she admitted.

He smiled a small smile. "You sure?"

They both knew this was gonna happen.

"You always did talk too much. Pulled his head down to hers for a blistering kiss. He responded immediately. Familiar but new feelings flooded him. Along with a sense of rightness that encompassed him. He slowed her fevered kisses. Wanted to take this slow and easy. He kissed her slow and deep and felt her melt. Wanted to seduce her till she couldn't think! He reached a hand behind him.

"No." she said. "Our room." pulled him towards it.

Alice hadn't realised she had referred to it as their room. Mostly she referred to it as hers alone.

They closed the door behind them.

(X)

Danny lay holding his wife as she slept. He rubbed her arm absently their union had been beyond words to be truthful. It was new but at the same time a familiar favourite memory. She snuggled closer to him and he smiled . Hugged her tighter. Danny she murmured. He looked down at her face. He'd call her beautiful but the word beautiful paled in contrast to her. He trailed a finger down her cheek and jaw he thought he loved her but everyday this feeling grew. Like when he walked in the surgery and heard her having a full on conversation with a baby leopard cub about milk. He smiled . He even caught her singing along to Tom Jones what's new pussycat badly. It had been so funny. She had walked over to the lion and sang. What's new pussycat whoa… The lion had snarled and she sang whoa again. She'd laughed then sang the bit in the verse which went

Pussycat, Pussycat You're so thrilling And I'm so willing To care for you.

Then she had laughed like it was hilarious. One of the things he loved the most was she didn't take herself too seriously. She could have fun at her own expense. A lot of the woman he'd been out with had been one hair out of place and they went into meltdown. He wondered if she felt the same about him. A month ago she had told him she was falling for him but he had fell completely in love with her now. Past tense. He was IN love now. Hypnotised by her sorceress smile. He looked at the clock.

"Alice honey." he whispered. Kissed her shoulder.

"Leave me. Sleep in your arms." she snuggled even closer. If that was possible. Too content to move.

He smiled. "Kids need collected from school."

She turned and opened her eyes. Smiled up at him. She was so sexy! She stretched like a cat. He couldn't hold it anymore.

"I love you!" he blurted.

She froze. Arms above her head. She stared at him. "What?" her smile had disappeared. Her arms slowly moved to sides and she sat up.

He sat up too. Grabbed her hands. "I love you." he repeated. "I'm not just saying that coz of what we experienced or because I think it's what you want to hear. I just do. It fills me. When you came here I was incomplete. Had no idea I was searching until I found you. I didn't just feel incomplete coz I couldn't remember my previous life. It went deeper. Like part of my soul was gone. Like my heart was missing. And then I came here and was drawn to you. I have been searching for you the last 5 years Alice. I wanna be a husband again. Your husband. Get remarried."

"Danny I love you too." he smiled. "But we can't get remarried or be together." she rose from the bed pulled her clothes on.

"Why?" he asked confused.

"How do you know that was your feeling is real? That it isn't infatuation or a forgotten memory of the love we shared before. I won't be able to stand it if a year down the line you decided that it's not real!"

"It is real!" he assured.

"How do you know? You don't even know yourself!"

That remark stung. "Why can't you believe that what I feel is real? Tell me please!"

"Coz I've got the feeling the penny is about to drop. Danny as far as I knew you died. I mourned. Grieved. Wanted to die with you. A part of me did die with you. Now your back and telling me you love me. Can't you understand. Everything I have ever wanted is happening and I just know there's gonna be heartache sooner or later coz I know along with the good comes a hell of a lot of bad!"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"You want examples? Ok, we found out I was pregnant with Daniel. A baby who was never supposed to be and what happens. Lexi got cancer! We had this amazing weekend together when we were young, we have our first time too and what happens I go home and my dad beats me up and I get attacked. Even the day I met you and fell for you. Sarah started on me. And the last time we were together. We had problems when you left. Were arguing. Which we never used to do. You rang me on the plane. I started with my awkwardness again. Nearly put the phone down on you without saying sorry or that I love you. We made up on the phone. Couldn't wait to get home and kiss and make up properly. It never happened. I didn't even kiss you goodbye Danny. You will never know how much that killed me. The absence of one kiss. We had shared countless kissed. Hundreds over the years. But the only thing I could think of was the one I didn't give you. I'm sorry I didn't kiss you goodbye!" she said clearly upset.

Tears crested and he stood up and enveloped her in his arms.

"Alice honey I'm here." he soothed.

She pulled from his arms. "But your not! Not MY Danny but I love you anyway and I feel like I'm betraying my husband."

"But I am….."

"Trust me your not. Sure there are little nuances I recognise as you. But there are little quirks that are new too. Like when your lost in thought you tap your chin now. And you comb your hair now whereas before you just used to run your hands through it and call it controlled messiness. And the second before you smile you get a devilish glint in your eyes. Which I completely love by the way but…." she tried to calm down. "The list goes on and on Danny." she told him.

"So explain this to me. What are you trying to say?" he asked perplexed.

"You have proved my point. MY Danny would have known what I was trying to say." she said calmly. "We're strangers who share kids. We don't know each other and rushing into a relationship because of the kids would be wrong. I love you Danny but it's for the best."

God that was eerie! she thought. How many times had he said that to her in the best. They had swapped roles. She left him in their room alone as she went to collect their kids.

**A/N awww i actaully feel sorry 4 alice coz she is so mixed up. she loves danny even tho he's not danny an shes scared in case he goes again and danny doesn't understand her problem. but there is love there so hopefully they can work this out x**


	32. Past fears Revisited

4 days had passed. Danny and Alice were barely talking. Which Daniel was ecstatic about. Lexi was all better now. But acted all mysterious. Lexi was training at the minute. Was at work at 10 tonight. It was 6 o'clock. Alice was sat on the veranda. A car pulled up. That's weird they weren't expecting anyone!

"Hello." Alice said politely. "My name is Alice Trevanion. Are you a guest? Or would you like some directions?"

"Neither." the man said gruffly.

His voice sounded familiar. Like she had heard it before. And his eyes were familiar too except they were flat and lifeless. Where had she seen him before?

"I'm looking for Ethan Bell."

Alice froze and stood up straighter. "Why do you want MY son?" she knew exactly who she was talking to. And he was getting no where near Ethan. She made her intentions clear as she walked towards him. "You won't be seeing MY son so leave!"

"Ethan Bell is not your son!" he replied coldly. He hadn't taken his meds in a week and she was annoying him. His fists twitched.

"I beg to differ." Alice replied coldly. "My husband and I have cared and loved Ethan since he came into our care 10 years ago. He's matured into a fine man. Better than some!" she told him.

Ethan's father took a step towards her and grabbed her by the collar. Raised his clenched fist. Ethan turned the corner. As his father grabbed Alice.

His jaw dropped. "What the hell is he doing here?" he hissed. He then noticed his father was raising his fist. Recognised the enraged look on his face. It was then his father seen him.

"Oh you didn't! you didn't go to hit her!" he bellowed. He face contorted with rage and he sprinted towards them . Ready to pummel his father for raising his hands to Alice.

Alice went towards him . Stopped him halfway.

"Move Alice. Coz I swear I'm gonna kill him! He killed my mum and he went to hit you." he was breathing heavily as he looked down at her.

"No son. Your better than that. You aren't him. Your far better that him. You are your MOTHERS son. Remember her. She protected you so you'd have a life. She wouldn't want you going to jail for him. Would she want that for you?" she lowered her voice. "She died protecting you so you'd do something with your life. Have a family and be a far better man than him. You've already made us and her so proud by how far you've come and what you've accomplished. Don't throw it away for him please son. I won't allow you to wreck your life. I promised her I wouldn't!"

He nodded. Her heartfelt plea penetrating his haze. He exhaled a few breathes. Alice moved.

"So she keeps you under the thumb Ethan?" his dad smirked. "You let woman tell you what to do?"

Ethan jammed tight fights into his pockets. "Say what you gotta say murdering scum." he hissed.

His dad surveyed him. "Last time I saw you, you were a scrawny 12 year old. Not you're a well built man. I'm impressed."

"Is that all coz your wasting my time!" Ethan said coldly.

"You make me proud to be your dad. The way you look anyway."

"I make you proud. YOU? What the hell did you do? I owe everything I do right to my mum, Alice, Danny and most importantly Lexi!"

His dad smiled. "Is Lexi my…"

"Don't dare mention her name. I'm warning you!" his dad quieted. Recognised the almost feral look on his face.

"Ethan son." Alice raised her hand and put it on his arm. "Come on breathe like Danny taught you to."

"Danny by the way is my dad. Who has never felt the need to lay his hands on me. Or his wife, or his other kids, no matter how much I pushed and provoked him and trust me I provoked him. I learned from the best!"

Alice's eyes widened at the dad comment. He squeezed her hand in silent message, he said it to get at his father.

"Ethan I was wrong I…."

"And here comes the excuses. The sob story. I'm outta here!"

He grabbed Alice's hand walked towards the house, escorted Alice in first then closed the door behind her. Jammed a chair under the knob.

"Sorry Alice but he's not getting away with raising his hands to you!" he shouted.

Alice rattled the knob. "No Ethan! Don't!" she yelled.

He turned and walked towards his dad quickly. Alice would be climbing out of a window or come out the back way so he'd have to be quick.

"Now Alice is out of the way let's skip the niceties coz we both know it isn't us." he raised his hands. "Look familiar dad? They should I inherited my big hands from you." his dad was backing off quickly. "Difference is my hands will never harm a hair on Alice's or Lexi's head. Or my kids. I'm gonna show you the last thing my mum seen before she died. See you don't scare me anymore. I have big hands now like you. And I promised mum if you got out I'd kill you!"

His dad swung for him. Ethan's boxing came in handy here and he ducked. His dad was shocked.

"O yeah dad. I box too!" he swung hard and connected with his jaw.

(X)

A mo ped pulled up. Lexi climbed off. Pulled her helmet off.

Saw Ethan punch a man hard. She was shocked. She had never seen him so angry before. His hand was going for another hit. She ran over. "Ethan, Ethan." she pleaded. Grabbed his fist. "Stop!" she tried to drag him away.

"Let me go and leave Lex, I don't want you seeing this!"

"C'mon the big man." his dad said rubbing his jaw.

Lexi glared at his dad who winked at her. "You have a pretty girl. You need to pull her in line. The way she looked at me. I should rip her head off! I know what I'd rather do though!"

That remark angered him more and he tried to launch at him. Lexi barely held him back.

"Look Eth you can't hurt him I'll be forced to help him it's my job! You really don't want me to touch him!"

"You can touch me at any time sweetheart." his father said to her. Lexi felt bile rise. Ethan pulled away and hit his father again. "Don't you say one more word about her!" he yelled.

His father went sprawling in the mud.

"You won't have to touch him he'll be past help!" he said and she put herself in front of him again. Put all her body weight against him pushing him back.

"You can't kill him. Look at me you can't!" she looked him in the eyes. Pulled his head close to her mouth. "Your gonna be a father I'm pregnant." she whispered.

He stopped pushing. Froze in shock.

"You calm?" she asked smiling into his eyes.

"You tell me this now?" he choked. His eyes went to her stomach.

"Well I did plan later but I sorta figured now coz I really didn't want you going to jail!" she said seriously.

He forgot his father was here. And laid his hand on her stomach. "Really?" he whispered.

His father was getting up and saw his son with his hand over her stomach.

"What your gonna be a dad? I'm gonna be…."

Ethan moved lightning fast in front of Lexi. "No your not. Not ever!" he spat.

Alice came running along with Danny. She was out of breath.

"Dad deal with him please." Lexi said.

Danny nodded stiffly. Looked at the man menacingly.

(X)

She held Ethan's hand tightly and they walked away. Sat beside the storage huts on a tree stump. He sat behind her. His hands around her waist and splayed over her flat stomach. "How we've been careful." he murmured.

"Obviously not as careful as we should have been!"

"Do you know how long?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I took the test this morning. I thought I was late coz I was ill. Bob came and collected me for training."

Ethan noticed Lexi was being sort of quiet.

"Aren't you excited Lex? I mean a baby. Our baby!" he said smiling. Rubbed her stomach.

"I am. But….I have reasons…" she exhaled.

"What?" he asked softly.

She removed his hands and stood up. "Why don't you leave and get it over with?"

"You think I'm gonna leave coz your pregnant?"

"No I think your gonna leave coz your father is back and driving you mental. You left last time. History is repeating itself!"

"That's not fair I didn't know you were pregnant then!"

"I would have stayed. You know that!"

"Do I? I thought you'd never leave me under no circumstances. Now your dads back. And for all I know you'll leave again."

"O my god you really think so little of me?" he asked.

"No Ethan I don't I love you. You and our child."

He shook his head, "You don't love me. You mess me around. I fall for it every time. How can you even suggest I'd leave our child!"

"See that's it Ethan. It wasn't leave you both it was just the baby. Did you use me? Get me pregnant as penance or something? Second chance to make everything better sort of thing? Leave me alone Ethan I know how you feel now. I told you how I felt and you….." her eyes filled and she jogged away so he didn't see her tears fall.

Ethan sat there. Feeling so happy at the prospect of being a father but at the same time so angry at the things she said to him. She still didn't trust him enough to believe he wouldn't leave at the first sign of stress. He loved her. Her and their baby.

She doesn't know that a voice told him.

Yes she does I told her. Ethan though in reply. Then realised that he actually hadn't told her he loved her. How important she was to him. He had to tell her now!

(X)

Lexi stuffed her work clothes in a bag and climbed on her mo ped. Started it and pulled her helmet on. Sped off towards Jo'burg general. The bush whizzed passed her. She had paperwork to complete there. Then her shift would start. She knew Ethan well enough he'd try to back track now. And she didn't feel strong enough to resist him. She'd took the plunge told him she loved him. She'd expected to feel warmth like when she told him before. O no all she felt was the icy sting of rejection. Ethan doubted her love now all she wanted was to be left alone. He didn't want her love then so be it. She had her baby. The best thing to come from daddy! She told it quietly. Her focus was off the road for a moment and a car appeared she pulled to the side just before it hit her. She struggled to keep her bike straight managed it. Idiot Lex. You need to focus! You could get yourself killed! There's more than you to think about remember that! She kept her focus 100 percent on the road. And chained her bike up at the hospital. Rubbed her stomach absently. "Daddies' not usually so stupid." she told it quietly.

She walked into the hospital and smiled at familiar faces as she passed. Winked at Tobias the hunky male nurse who kept asking for her number. She had expected the antiseptic smell to make her nauseous but she didn't. No morning sickness at all. So far. Felt full of energy and happy. Well until he put her on a downer! She walked into the paramedics office and grabbed a file with her name on it.

**A/N lex and Eth seem to continously have problems. i dnt know y i jst cnt c them happy 4 sum reason :( god news tho. i have finished writin this story woop woop and my next story is well under way :D u lucky people lol only jokin x**


	33. Ambulance

A few hours passed and Lexi was drowning in the paperwork she was supposed to be completing. All it said was refer to form 7c or attach to 32a. What? Or Quoi? As the French say. She was losing the will to live and was grateful when her shift started. She almost ran from the office in her haste. Paperwork was tedious but a necessary evil. She changed and met Bob in front of their ambulance. You'll never believe this. He called their ambulance Bertha!

"hey Bob." she smiled.

"What no hello to Bertha?"

"No coz that would make me feel like a fool!" she chuckled.

"Hey me and Bertha have been together for years. There's marriages that have broke up in less time than we've been together. She has never let me down!" he patted her bonnet.

"Hello Bertha!" she blushed crimson in embarrassment. "Happy?"

"Excessively. Bertha told me she likes you. She didn't at first but you have grew on her. She doesn't like to share me!" he added in a whisper.

"Are you sure Bertha is a she. She looks rather butch to me." Lexi said laughing.

Bob's jaw dropped and he put his hand over her headlights. "Don't listen Bertha she didn't mean it!" He looked at Lexi seriously. "She is a she! And we talk about you. And she has mostly nice stuff to say." he listened. "She said she'll still be cool as long as you cut out the man comments."

Lexi laughed loudly at him. "I still can't believe you talk to your ambulance. Your wife should get you checked for insanity!"

"hey it's therapeutic !" he said seriously.

She loved being around Bob for this reason. He was so funny and a lovely guy.

"You ok Lex?"

"Yeah, I leave my problems at home though. So you don't have to worry."

"Just worried your gonna crash my baby!"

"Tell you what you drive today. I know I'm suppose to but I'm always worried I'm gonna get lost. Even with the sat nav!"

He clapped. "Didn't I promise I'd drive today Bertha, I told you not to worry!"

Lexi laughed and climbed in the passenger seat. They drove to the spot they were asked to wait at. Talked about Bobs kids.

"You got 2 kids right?" Lexi asked.

"Yeah boys. Terrors. I'd be lost without them. Kids confuse the hell out of you but they bring you so much love and happiness."

Lexi smiled at the pride and love in his voice as he talked about his boys.

The radio crackled. Stabbing at a house. They rattled off an address. One woman wounded. 834 get there.

"Copy that." Lexi said. Bob turned on the siren and put the ambulance in motion. They drove through the dark night.

(X)

They arrived at the house. A woman lay on the floor in the living room in a pool of blood.

"Bob stretcher!" she yelled.

"Help my wife!" A man yelled. His eyes darted shiftily.

"Sir just back off let me do my job yeah." she said soothingly.

"Miss Miss can you hear me?" Lexi asked. Checked her eyes with a light which was standard procedure.

Bob wheeled the stretcher in. Lexi had put bandages on her wound and administered pain relief. She and bob rolled her on the stretcher. And she was taken to the ambulance. When she was in the ambulance Lexi placed an oxygen mask on her, checked her vitals. Which had weakened since they left the house. She worked methodically. Her husband watched from the spare seat with cold hard eyes.

The woman stirred. Fought Lexi.

"Miss it's ok. My names Lexi. I'm here to help. I'm an ambulance technician!" she told her softly and placed her arms down onto the stretcher.

"Help! Husband….. Knife…..stab me." she said weakly.

"Get away from my wife." waved a blood smeared knife under Lexi's nose."

Lexi stood up automatically "Whoa there sir!" she said and out her hands in the air. Felt a rush of fear.

"Talk to me Lex." Bob said.

"316!" code for man with knife and Lexi is in big trouble here! "Bob just keep driving yeah." she added.

The mans eyes narrowed. "Shut up!" the man yelled and punched Lexi in the mouth.

Bob was mumbling into his radio.

"Look sir, my names Lexi. What's yours?" his eyes narrowed.

"Please?" she asked sweetly.

"Steve." he said.

"Look Steve, do you know what her name is?"

"Monica!" he spat.

Lexi nodded.

"Look Steve, put the knife down yeah." she said softly her lip throbbed. "I'm sure this is all a understanding!" she went to take a step forward.

"Don't you move!" he hissed, waved the knife.

"Ok!" she said stepping backwards again.

"Look Steve I need to help Monica here. I can't let her die. She's someone's daughter you know. Is she someone's sister or mother?"

She was trying to get Steve to relate to Monica as a person. As a victim. Ethan had taught her how to do it in case she got in a situation like this.

"I know what you doing! I'm not stupid"

Monica stopped breathing. Lexi's fear disappeared.

"Steve I gotta help her!"

"NO!"

"Go to hell!" Lexi yelled. And started attaching tubes and administering CPR.

"I'm warning you let her die. She's a slut sleeping around!"

Lexi got her breathing and attached a ventilator in seconds. Ignored Steve's tirade.

"Get off her!" he screamed as he saw her chest moving with every breath she took. "Don't force me to hurt you too!"

"Lex back off. We're 4 mins eta. 212" Bob yelled at her. Code for police en route. He had to take an diversion. Road works ahead had closed the route they usually took. And no bothered to tell them. Idiots!

Lexi was checking Monica over when she was grabbed by the collar and flung back against the ambulance doors.

Steve stood above Monica as she lay unmoving. Knife raised above her heart.

"I can't Bob. He'll kill her!" She yelled. And jumped on Steve's back he backed off and sandwiched her between the door of the ambulance and his back. He hit her repeatedly.

"Ooph. Ooph!" Your not killing her!" Lexi said winded.

"Her or you." he warned and drove back with all his might.

Her arms loosened and she fell to the floor. He kicked her in the ribs and stamped on her chest. Went back to Monica. Was gonna pull her off the monitor Lexi had attached. Lexi went in a bag and pulled out a syringe and a bottle. Quickly filled it and stabbed him in the leg. He hissed.

"Bitch!" he turned stamped on her face. She lay dazed. He was stood over her and she kicked out at him. He dodged easily. She saw him wobbling. He knew something was wrong. "Her or you!" he repeated.

And threw the knife in her direction. She arched up slightly as the blade impaled her, she felt a piercing pain in her chest. Felt like she couldn't breathe properly. The man fell sideways beside her, knocked out.

Lexi lay there trying to control her breathing. She couldn't.

"Lexi!" the driver yelled.

She as panting. Blood gurgled in her throat. She spat it out.

"Chest wound!" she managed to croak. "Internal…." she blacked out.

The driver looked back and saw her on the floor unconscious. "Lexi!" he yelled.

The driver had his eyes back on the road and saw something which hadn't been there before. A truck. This was a one way road! Bob swerved trying desperately to get out of the way but the ambulance was still hit. The lorry far bigger than the ambulance hit it's side making it flip and the occupants all flew sideways. Momentum pushed the ambulance across the road. There was a screech of metal and a squeal as the ambulance slid across the tarmac. Then no sound. Not a murmur from the 4 broken bodies inside. The only movement was the eerie spinning of the ambulance wheels.

**A/N OMG!**


	34. Saving Lexi

Bob awoke. He lay awkwardly. His belt was the only thing stopping him from falling on his face. His air bag. Had protected him during the crash. Along with the belt. he radioed control told them his position and what happened.

"Lexi!" he yelled. Unsnapped his belt. "Answer me Dammit Alexis!"

He climbed to the back of the cab. Saw the 3 people. The man Steve. Clearly dead. You couldn't have your head at that angle and still be alive. He checked their patient. She was dead too Dammit. Lexi lay in a crumpled heap. Her blond hair streaked with burgundy blood. Which leaked from a wound in her head. Her left leg lay at a funny angle. She was face down on her side. He smelled the pungent odour of petrol. He had to get them out of here. He climbed over things which had fell from the cupboards. He was careful not to nudge Lexi as he had no idea of the extent of her injuries. He tried to open the door. It was jammed. He kicked it once. Twice. Three times.

"Come on!" he yelled angrily.

He kicked it again. It shuddered and groaned then fell to the ground with a clatter.

He grabbed a bag and tossed it as far as he could. He then turned and grabbed Lexi under her arms. It was then he saw the knife sticking out of Lexi's chest.

"Oh no Lex." he murmured. He left it and heaved her along the floor.

She groaned in pain.

"That's it Lex. Tell me if it hurts. Pain is good!"

She breathed slowly. "Says the man who….isn't being…dragged…across the ground… with a knife in his….chest. My shoulder….dislocated too!" she said between pants. Her voice low and weak.

"You and….your…lousy driving…bertha…pissed!" she said with a half smile.

"A sleeping beauty is awake then?" he asked. She was pulled enough to safety incase the ambulance exploded.

"Where this….sleeping beauty like?" she breathed.

He checked her eyes. They were glazed. Her breathing was slowly becoming worse. She was panting.

"yeah Lex your right. Defo not sleeping beauty. How about the beast?"

"Hey!" she said. Her eyes fluttered. Grew more glazed.

"Lexi I'm gonna undislocate you shoulder. This might hurt!"

"No might about it." she said voice growing smaller.

He turned it and then snapped it up. She bit her lip to stifle the scream of pain she felt.

"I'll get you back…for that…one day!" she vowed. Although her tone held no conviction. She felt an intense need to close her eye. "This not good Bob." she said slowly. "I feel like I need…" she sucked in sharp breathe." "need sleep! I know….shouldn't. But why?" she asked.

"C'mon Lex." his voice shook. "This is early even for you." he was trying hard to stabilise her breathing without moving the knife. He didn't want to as he didn't know if had hit and artery or her heart. If he pulled it out and she bleed out she'd be dead in seconds!"

She panted. Quick shallow breathes. And she was blinking a lot.

"My breathing…worse! Unconscious….intubate!" she advised.

Her eyes started closing slowly. "Lexi you dare!" he warned. He was panicking here. Pulled more stuff from his bag.

Her eyes flew open. "Fooled…you!" she panted. "Sorry Bob….should backed off….not let…her die." her breathing grew slower and shallower. Her head lolled to he side. Her eyes grew dim.

"And you being your fathers daughter doesn't help. Your mum told me how stubborn he is!"

"Tell mum…dad…sunshine…loves em….hope…proud….Daniel…Amie…love too….give em hell! She smiled blinked. Mumbled gibberish. Incoherent. O this was bad she was getting delirious. He worked harder. Felt his heart nearly beating out of his chest. He had to get her stable!

"Ethan!" she said clearly. Eyes wide. Sucked in a sharp breathe. "Ethan…sorry." she coughed violently blood gurgled and bubbled from her mouth. She went limp and her eyes closed of their own accord.

"Lexi?" Dammit she wasn't breathing! Where the hell is that ambulance? He had to get her breathing.

"Dammit Lexi you aren't dying on a cold dusty road. I won't let you!" he shouted.

(X)

Danny was driving home from the suppliers. Alice had told him to go since he'd reacted so badly to Ethan's father. He'd nearly got into a fist fight with the man. Poor Ethan, he couldn't imagine what he went through. He saw it in his dreams though. How he's not unbalanced is beyond Danny. He is level headed and calm and mature and he has Alice to thank no doubt! He saw a black plume of smoke. And slowed his truck to a crawl. He drew closer and saw a lorry. With an ambulance on it's side. No doubt Lex would be on her way. She was amazing when she worked. Focused. Gave it 110 percent. Like when she had treated Amy in the hut. He stopped his truck and climbed out when he noticed the driver slumped over his wheel, he opened the door and found quite a strong pulse. So he was alive. He dragged the man out of his truck. Luckily this man wasn't obese or they'd have problems here!

"C'mon mate I need to get you moved incase this truck explodes! Gimmie a hand will ya?" he heaved. The mans arm was around his shoulder. Danny's arm around his waist. Dragged the man away from the truck and saw a paramedic kneeling talking to another one who was on the floor. The paramedic on the floor was unmoving. As he came closer he saw messy blond hair. He edged closer and saw her face. O Christ that was his daughter! He put the man on the floor and ran over to her.

"O God Lex!" he said tears in his eyes. Her eyes were closed. Hair covered in blood. As was the floor beside her. Then he noticed the blade. He nearly cracked up. Was assaulted by images. Of Lexi at every stage of her life. A lifetime of images in a second.

"Look sir I need your help!" Bob said. Worked frantically.

"I'll do anything just help my little girl!" he pleaded.

The paramedic was alternating between breathing in her mouth with working on her. When he suddenly realised who this man was. He was stroking Lexi's face. He should have known by the resemblance alone!

"Look Mr Trevanion I need you to breath in her mouth for me continuously!" he said quickly. "I know your only a vet but you're all I got. I've got to got this blade out. I don't wanna move it coz it usually does more harm than good but quite frankly we're losing her anyway!"

Danny placed then centered himself. Nodded and breathed in his daughters mouth.

"Sorry Lex but you know I gotta do this!" he pulled the knife out. Her body jerked instantly. He ripped open her jacket an put pressure on her wound. Her heart was beating and her pulse was weak. The other ambulance finally arrived. She lay limp, unresponsive to verbal requests.

"What we got?" the other paramedic asked running towards him

"Female 23 good health. Weak pulse, shallow breathing. Stab wound to the chest. Guys it's Lex!" Bob said gravely.

"Our Lexi?" he asked.

"Yeah."

The paramedic moved Danny aside. "Look let us take over from here!" they had a stretcher over immediately and she lay limp. Unmoving. She had a oxygen mask placed over her face. They worked on her constantly, talking to her. Explaining what they were doing. They were in the ambulance speeding to hospital. The 2 paramedics over her talking quickly about possible course of action.

"Hey Lex when your better I'm gonna swing it for 2 weeks off in the sun. or south pole if that's what you prefer!" Bob said.

Danny sat in the ambulance going out of his mind.

"She'll be fine Mr Trevanion!" he tried to assure him. All Danny could think of was she was pale. Too pale. And too limp. And he wanted to hear her call him daddy one more time!

They arrived at hospital and she was rushed inside. People yelling information at each other.

He needed to phone his family. He was stood at the hospital entrance. The same hospital where her chemo had been administered, his fingers shook so badly he couldn't type the numbers to phone the house!"

(X)

Alice knew there has been a crash. They weren't saying what had crashed but she knew that 2 ambulances were on the scene. Meaning more than one casualty. Danny wasn't home yet! God what if he was involved. She couldn't lose him again! And Lexi. Of she was there they'd never let her treat her father. Like they could keep her away! She paced. Felt bile pool in her stomach. Her phone rang. Nearly cried in relief when she saw Danny's name.

"Oh thank God Danny. I was so worried I had lost you again. I love you so much honey I don't care about fears anymore I want us to be together for as long as you want me" she babbled.

"Alice!" he said voice breaking, "It's Lex." her stomach dropped. His voice was thick with emotion. It broke. "it's not good. They don't think she's gonna last the night!" Danny started sobbing on the phone.

Alice felt her heart stop beating. "I'm there!" and disconnected.

She rang Caroline immediately.

"Can you watch the kids please. Lex has had an accident."

"Of course."

"Thank you so much!" disconnected,

"Daniel! Amie!" she yelled.

Ethan appeared. "Alice what's wrong?"

Oh God Ethan! "Get in the car!" she said calmly. She felt anything but.

The kids were hurried in the car and strapped in. Daniel and Amie asleep in the back as they were in bed.

"Kids your gonna stay at Auntie Caro's and uncle Dupe's tonight kay?"

They mumbled an affirmative.

As soon as the kids were dropped off Alice resumed driving.

"Alice it's Danny isn't it." Ethan asked softly.

She shook her head stiffly.

He frowned. "Who then. Not you?"

She shook her head stiffly again. He exhaled in relief.

"It's Lexi." her voice wobbled.

"I don't know what happened but they don't expect her to last tonight! We got told to say our goodbyes. I debated on telling the kids but I couldn't put them through that. Watching their sister di…di…die!" she faltered.

He covered his mouth. His eyes filled. Everything he said filled his head. Tears slid from his eyes like soldiers going to war. They were inevitable. One after the other. Unrelenting.

"Look this is our Lex." he said voice full of emotion. "She won't…."

"We were warned Ethan. They don't warn you when it is nothing!" she said.

**A/N awww the poor family poor danny seeing his daughter like that. and poor lex and poor bob awww poor everyone :(**


	35. Gone?

Danny met them at the doors of the hospital. He grabbed Alice's hand tightly and they went to the waiting room. Ethan paced uncontrollably. Tears never stopped streaming down his face. Alice had her head bowed as if in prayer. Danny had his arm around her.

The doctor came in after an hour. Ethan had thought he was about to go insane. The 3 people converged on the doctor as soon as he walked in. his face was grave.

Oh god she died! Was Ethan's first thought.

"Alexis came through her surgery. She should have died by the amount of blood she lost but she hung on. Somehow. Every time we were gonna give up she fought that little bit harder. We lost her twice on the table. She's an extraordinary young lady. But it will be touch and go tonight and the next few days are crucial."

"Can we see her?" Ethan asked.

"Yes. And the baby is fine too. She had a ruptured diaphragm but we were able to repair it without harming the foetus. She isn't very far along."

Danny and Alice were shocked at the news. Ethan had already left the waiting room and was walking towards her hospital room with purpose. He opened the door and froze when he saw her.

"Oh God Lexi honey what's happened to you?" he whispered. Almost in tears. His hand covered his mouth. He thought he was gonna die from the pain of seeing her lain there. Grey skin. Her eyes closed but on of them was black. And she had the imprint of a boot across the left side of her face. Her lips was split and swollen. She had stitches across her forehead for a nasty gash. Her blond hair streaked with mud and blood. Her left leg lay in cast hanging. Her saw bruises across her shoulder. She was hooked up to a monitor and it beeped steadily. Danny and Alice appeared behind him and he heard Alice's gasp.

"oh baby girl!"

"What did they do to her?" Ethan whispered. Breathed heavily. Unable to control his emotions. He suddenly wasn't as concerned with things he said. More like things he hadn't! he hadn't told her he loved her. If she woke up he'd tell the world. The universe. She had to know that he loved her. They were all sat in silence. With their own private thoughts. A few hours had passed. They had all spoke a little bit.

Lexi frowned. "No." she murmured. "No more!"

Alice pressed the button for a nurse.

Tears slid down Lexis face.

"No more chemo. I can't!" she yelled. She began pulling at the bandages on her stomach. Her heart monitor was beeping loud and fast. She fought harder as the nurse tried to restrain her. "No!" she repeated.

She went limp and her monitor flat lined.

"LEXI!" Ethan yelled.

Danny grabbed him. Pulled him from the room.

"Lemme go!" Ethan yelled. "Please I can't leave her! I need to be in there. I need to see her I need…" he folded into Danny.

"Ssshhh son." he soothed.

Alice was pacing outside the room.

The doctor came out.

"We sedated her deeper. She started pulling at her bandages. Why her heart stopped is beyond us but she came back again." the doctor shook his head in wonder.

Alice looked at Danny they shared an identical look of relief. She then realised something. The way he handled Ethan in there. He was different. Old different. He had handled Ethan like a pro. Like he did when Lexi had had her cancer.

She looked at him. "You back?" she asked softly.

"Yes." he replied simply.

"Everything?"

He nodded. "Most I think!"

Alice went over and leaned on him. Tried to draw strength from him. It felt weird relying on someone again. Ethan left them and walked inside. Sat beside her.

"You can't scare me like that Lex. Please!" he pleaded. "I'll do anything you ask. Anything in the whole world but don't do that to me!"

He rubbed his eyes and talked to her. Continuously. He stopped at intervals for Danny and Alice.

"You 2 can go home. For the little ones." "Ethan said. "I'll stay with Lex."

"But…." Alice started.

"Please. I got stuff to say. I promise if she twitches I'll phone you."

Alice heard his tone of voice. Saw his look as his eyes rested on Lexi. "Did you know about the baby?" Alice asked.

Alice saw his face turn even more tortured and pained. Words escaped him for a second. He nodded. "She um, she told me today." he remembered the angry words he spat at her too. Oh God. He looked at the floor. His guilt eating away at him.

Alice knew at that second that she had to give Ethan this chance.

"We'll leave you. We need to see to the kids. Don't we Danny."

He looked reluctant and shot her an angry look. Then nodded.

Danny and Alice kissed their daughter.

"Keep fighting Lex!" Alice said fiercely. Squeezed her hand.

Danny leaned over and kissed her softly. "Daddy's back! So you better come back too!" Danny told her. Then caressed her cheek.

Lexi didn't move an inch. Nothing to betray that she heard a word they said. Danny and Alice left. Ethan was left alone with her. Emotion filled his chest. Thoughts rushed around quickly. With all those thoughts he still had no idea what to say to her. he listened to the monotonous beep of her machine. Watched the monitor red line spiked up and down. Monitoring her heart. It was still beating. Thank God. He picked up her hand and held it to his cheek. Needing contact. Closed his eyes. Felt tears gather.

"Lexi baby, I'm so sorry honey. I really am. I'm an idiot. A fool. Every thing you can say a man is. I was just so scared that I was gonna lose you. I didn't realise I was pushing you away. I know I never told you but I love you. And I hope you know that! It's impossible for me not to love you. We spend time apart and we fall out of love but as soon as we're together again we feel that familiar magical spark and it appears like magic. I'll always love you. So please, wake up for me honey. I need to see those gorgeous eyes and sweet smile."

She lay quietly. So he sat and talked nonsense to her.

A few hours later she was moaning in her sleep. They had supposedly sedated her deeply. Enough to knock out a horse they said. Obviously not coz she is frowning and moaning.

"No….not…..stab….her!" she murmured. Her arms and legs twitched. Her head moved. By the time he stood up to press the button she had quieted and was still again.

He decided to start telling her about his other interest he hadn't mentioned incase she thought he was geeky.

"I read literature. Poetry. My favourite being Edgar Allan Raven." He started nattering. "I love the line

_Take thy beak from out thy heart and take thy form from off thy door. Quoth the raven, nevermore._

Oh yeah I turned into a saddo. He's really good though. Poe I mean. spesh considering he is from the 1850's! I love the whole poem but there's another bit I love at the beginning. That is so powerful if you read it fast. I remember it gave me chills. It wasn't creepy or scaring but depending on how you read it. Whoo!

_Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,_

_"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;_

_But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,_

_And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,_

_That I scarce was sure I heard you"- here I opened wide the door;_

_-Darkness there, and nothing more._

When you wake up how about I bring the poem in and we'll read it together? I thought not. You always did have better taste then me. Except when it came to picking who you love. I know you could always do so much better than me." he looked at her. "God no wonder your still asleep. I'm nattering on to you about literature. SNORE! Eh? It's ironic that I mentioned the raven because in the raven the protagonist bemoans the loss of the leady he loves.

_sorrow for the lost Lenore-For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-Nameless here for evermore._

Ethan kissed Lexi's hand the radio was playing softly. He heard the strains of a disciple song. He had never paid much attention to this song before but he couldn't stop listening to it at the moment.

"Are you listening to this song Lexi? Listen and listen good!"

_If you fly away tonight_

_I want to tell you that I love you_

_I hope that you can hear me_

_I hope that you can feel me_

_If you fly away tonight_

_I want to tell you that I'm sorry_

_That I never told you_

_When we were face to face_

As the song played he held her hand inside his and prayed.

**A/N ok Edgar Allan Poe the raven. I would suggest any1 2 read it coz it is just an amazing poem. Full of angst and guilt but so good 2.**

**The disciple song. Things left unsaid again a really good song I wanted to include the full song but it wood have took up a large word count and im trying to cut down on my use of full songs tbh coz it can get stupid. Lol**

**Thanks 4 reading and hope ur enjoying and please leave me your thoughts. Good and bad :D x**


	36. Unrestrained

Danny and Alice arrived at home to an empty house. Walked straight in. Danny had an angry look on his face. Was barely restraining himself.

"What?" Alice finally asked.

"Why the hell aren't we at hospital with our daughter?" he spat.

"Coz Ethan is there and he has stuff to say Danny."

"She's our daughter!"

"And he's in love with her!" Alice retorted.

"So!" He yelled.

"Danny you have no right to be acting this way! You have no idea what they have been through he past 5 years. What the whole family has been through. Well if you even call us a family. We're dysfunctional and you know why?" she took a step forward. "Coz you." she pointed at him. "Had to play superman and get on that plane. Ethan and Lexi have been through a lot. And he has the right to tell her everything he has to say in private. So don't start on me Daniel coz I'm this close." she held her thumb and forefinger a tiny space apart. "To telling you to go to hell OK!"

She was breathing heavily. Pent up feelings fighting to be released.

"You act all indignant Danny. You forgot her! All of us. How is that fair huh?"

"O Alice you wanna talk about fair? How about coming home to a wife and kids I didn't even know I had to find out from my son that his mother has been out with another man. A vet from Mara!"

"I thought you were dead. I waited 5 years!" she said defensively.

"Well I wasn't!" he said jealously.

She crossed her arms. "Nioce of you to let me know you were alive then!"

"Did you kiss him? Hug him? Did he touch you at all?" he demanded pacing. He didn't wanna think about the other options.

"I refuse to comment!" she said.

His eyes darkened.

"Did you kiss him?" he asked slowly and clearly.

Alice refused to talk to him when he was like this. When he acted in this way he only heard what he wanted to hear.

Alice's silence was frustrating him. He wanted to go and punch the hell put of this vet at Mara. But since only Alice was here….

"Tell me if you kissed him Alice. Tell me NOW!"

"Maybe I did….maybe I didn't. I don't see how I should tell you anything!" she spat nastily.

He strode towards her and pulled her close and kissed her. Forcefully, but at the same time he was tender. She fought him, for a second them melted into his embrace.

He pulled back. His eyes glittered.

"Did he kiss you like that or like this?"

He kissed her softly this time. Full of passion and love. This kiss was like her Danny of old. He had kissed her like this so many times before. Alice could hardly breathe!

"I didn't kiss him. Ever!" she admitted finally.

He released her from his hold. "Good!" he fumed. Walked into his room and slammed the door leaving Alice feeling bereft.

(X)

Danny paced in his room angrily. She had the nerve to go off at him? Like his life had been all perfect. At least she knew who she was. Had family around her offering support and guidance. He used to feel so bad at night coz he would look at Amy and not even know his own daughter! The only reason he had a roof and food was coz a bank card and pin had arrived. He had of course assumed they were his. It had been ok for her. She had had her own roof, with her own money with her own family around her. He had been alone with a 6 month old child for company. For all he knew he had been an escaped convict. He had no memory! And she was angry that he had forgot her. Well he hadn't had a choice in the matter had he? If he'd known she was gonna change this much he'd probably would have wanted to forget her forever! She had no idea what he went through!

He sat on his bed and sifted through his newly remembered memories. He was gradually remembering everything. Slowly. She was different. His old Alice was gone. He didn't know that woman in there! Didn't even know if he wanted to know her with the way she is acting! He felt his anger rise. He stormed out of his room found her folding the kids clothes. She noticed him.

"Yes Daniel." she said in a infuriatingly calm voice.

"You go mad at me for not understanding what you went through. Have you spared a thought for me and what I went through?"

"I did actually. I thought of you every single day. Practically every minute of every day. I dreamed of you. Imagined your voice. It was hard not to think of you as I have reminders everywhere including the kids you gave me. Lexi, Daniel and Amie. Obviously you didn't think of ME everyday did you?" she asked coldly.

She took a deep breath a the thought of their daughter. "Look Danny I don't wanna talk to you right now. I can't take another argument. Our daughter is in hospital. By the grace of god and that stubborn mule headed attitude she inherited from you she's still here." her eyes filled. "It's killing me being here and not there but with everything that's passed between Lexi and Ethan I had to give him this chance. So if your gonna go offit and yell at me do it later ok coz I'm losing my daughter!" the tears fell. She was refolding the same t-shirt over and over again absently. "Leave me alone Danny, I don't cry in front of people anymore. Not since the day I buried you!"

"Oh Alice." he said softly. "You buried me?"

"They sent us remains. They told us it was you!"

She sat on the chair. He sat beside her. She moved to the sofa. "I asked you to leave me alone."

They were sitting on opposite sides of the room.

"I guess the family took the news of my death hard?"

She looked up at him. Her eyes which had glistened were dark. "Hard? Is that the best word you can come up with? You want the gory details? He goes. I alternated between depression and feeling suicidal for about 2 years. I only carried on coz I didn't want the kids to be alone. And killing myself would have been the easy way out. They all had to grow up and have the upbringing you had. A mother who loves them and is there and supports them. Your 2 year old son stopped talking about you within 6 months. When I said daddy he's get this blank look then point to a picture like he'd been taught to do. He didn't know you he knew a picture! Your year old daughter stopped asking and crying for you inside a month. This little girl who loved the bones of you. Doted on you suddenly didn't ask for you anymore. She forgot her daddy. Have you nay idea how hard that was for me? And you 18 year old daughter stopped talking altogether for a couple of weeks. Time passed and I missed you so much. But life was getting easier. We had settled into a routine until I received a letter a year later. Crash caused by pilot error and bad weather. Which put me back as I was reminded of what you must have went through when you died. The suicidal thoughts returned. You know Lexi is scared of lightning storms now? Hides in her room? That letter dragged everything back up again. So 2 year anniversary we get an invitation to the site. For a memorial, and again it gets dragged up! I lived with constant reminders of you. Reminders of what you went through. God I couldn't even look at our kids sometimes on the bad days when I missed you to much it hurt. So now this Peter Robinson turns up and my world goes wild again! So yes Daniel/Peter what ever you want. Your death was hard. On all of us! You had the luxury of forgetting. I wasn't ever allowed to forget how you died! And you don't even wanna get into my nightmares!" she breathed heavily. The phone rang. She snatched it up. "Hello!" she snapped.

"Alice you need to get down here immediately it's Lexi…." the phone beeped monotonously. That was Ethan his voice had been full of emotion before it had disconnected.

"Oh no!" she yelled and grabbed her car keys Danny hot on her heels.

"Lexi?" he asked as they climbed in the car and fastened their seatbelts.

She nodded and started the car. It roared to life and gravel spewed backwards as she sped away.

**A/N all of alice's resentment finally is released here. it's not good bottling coz this is what happens will the danice survive?**


	37. Help From Ethan

Danny and Alice arrived at the hospital in record time. Alice went straight to Lexi's room. Expecting to find it empty and to see Ethan in pieces. Him telling her lexi had… Alice's heart felt like it was going to stop right in her chest. A boulder lodged deep in her throat made speech impossible and her eyes were already glistening with what she was sure she was gonna hear. Danny had stopped and was taliin to a doctor. Alice burst into he room. Saw Lexi sat up Ethan mumuring close to her ear. Lexi's eyes were open only slightly and she looked groggy. Like she had too much alcohol to drink.

"Your mum had arrived." Lexi moved her head closer. "Look."

Lexi turned her head and saw her mum. "Hey." she said weakly and tried a smile.

Alice rushed over. "Oh my god Lex we were so worried. We were scared that you weren't gonna make it. They told us you might not and it broke my heart and I love you so much baby and…"

Lexi stuck her heand up distressed. Green eyes pained.

"Slow." she said. "Left ear nothing. Right ear partial." she said slowly concentrating. "Can't fast understand." shook her head. She was talking funny concentrating hard on every word. She frowned. "Can't understand fast!"

Alice looked at her sensing she was thinking of something else to say.

"Cupboard door on ambulance. Head fell on." her eyes were frustrated. "Fell on head. Heavy. Metal. Ambulance flipped. Last remember thing." Shook her head again. "Last thing remember!" Lexi was so angry at herself. Her eyes were full of rage. Barely restrained rage.

"How do you feel sweetie?" Alice asked slowly leaning in so she could hear her. She held her hand. Careful not to move the IV.

"Fine. Sore. KO." shook her head. "OK!" she said angrily. Ethan squeezed her hand. "My head jumbled up. Sentences out of sequence." she paused. "Got to think hard to get them right!"

"At least your ok baby." Danny said walking into her room.

Lexi didn't hear him enter. She was looking at Ethan. "Lexi." he pointed.

She turned. "What you doing here?" she yelled freaking out. "Go away!"

Danny looked behind him. "Baby it's dad."

She frowned.

"He said it's dad." Ethan supplied.

"My dad died 5 years ago. You I know don't!" she yelled agitated. "I know don't you, DAMMIT!"

"Calm down honey, Lexi he is your dad." Ethan murmured in her ear.

She eyes Danny wearily. "What song you sing me when I was little? My dad never forget."

He searched his memory. His memory still held blanks. "Baby I…"

"Knew it. Imposter! " she shouted. Her agitation grew. Green eyes venomous.

"Lexi calm down please." Ethan pleaded.

"Him out!" she fumed. "Not dad!"

"Lexi talk to him. You'll see!" Alice coaxed.

"NO!" she yelled.

"It's ok. I'll go. See you later. I'll prove I'm your dad."

Ethan murmured what he said to her.

"Just coz you look like him," she paused thinking hard. "Don't make you him!"

Danny sat on a chair outside Lexi's room. How could his daughter. His little girl forget him? Probably the same way he forgot her. 30 minutes passed. Alice came out. "She's asleep if you wanna go in."

"And if she wakes up she'll kick off. Why can't she remember me?"

Alice shrugged. "It's ironic."

"What?" he aksed.

"Like tit for tat. You forgot her, she forgot you."

"Your enjoying this!" he spat.

"What seeing my daughter distressed at the sight of her father? O yeah I love it! Wake up and grow up Danny!"

"I'll just leave shall I?"

"Yeah GO!" Alice walked back into Lexi's room.

Ethan looked at Alice.

"You heard that?" she asked.

He nodded. "You two gonna be able to work this out?"

"It's not looking good Ethan. He doesn't understand."

"If you want you can tell me about it. Confidentially of course. I might be able to help." he asked in his softest voice.

"Your trying to analyse me aren't you?" she asked.

"Not you. Your relationship. An outsider can see things you can't. And I'm a trained outsider!"

Alice looked at him and gave him a watered down condensed version of what happened at home. He sat back in his chair. Frowning deep in thought. He didn't release Lexi's hand though. His free hand rubbed the back of his neck. "Right both of your problem is your not listening to each other."

"I listen to him!" she said insulted.

"But do you hear what he is saying. Do you think about it? No you don't and neither does he. All I hear is he doesn't understand and she doesn't understand and point scoring. And I was alone and I had to bury you na na na na na like your experience was somehow worse than his. And vice verse. Both of your experiences were equally awful in your own ways. He had the trauma of the plane. You had your image of what happened and sometimes imagination can be far worse! You had to bury your husband and felt alone metaphorically. He was actually alone. Need I go on?" he asked patiently. "Look you talk but you don't listen, and that's not how it used to be with you two and to be honest your both not the people you used to be. You need to come together and find a way to make this right."

Alice stared at him. "Wow your good."

"That's my free diagnosis. Just wait till I bill you. Then you get full on therapist Ethan. At my very best." he grinned cockily. "What can I say, I'm a genius." his smile faded. "But seriously Alice you and Danny have got to resolve this. Lex can't see it in her current state. Amie adores him and wouldn't understand and Daniel will only encourage it."

"Do you know why Daniel hates Danny so much?" Alice asked.

"Daniel, he's a hard one. While I've been doing out techniques on anger suppression I've talked to him. Tried to get him to open up. Even get in his head. He shuts me out as soon as he realises I'm in there. See he doesn't know what I'm doing but he knows he doesn't want me doing what I'm trying to do. So he's subconsciously blocking me. Keeping me out of his head, He's a hard one." he murmured to himself. He thought then carried on. "See I get the sense that he has 2 things. One a festering resentment but he won't tell me what that is. So I can't help him with it. And the other thing is I don't think he fully knows or understands why he's angry with Danny he just is. It's an irrational anger. They are hard to read and predict. His ADHD makes him even harder to read see to a child with ADHD everything is heightened. The area of his brain which controls his impulsivity doesn't work properly. Hence the heightened energy and aggression. His brain just goes off in all these different directions all the time. So he can be thinking football one minute then clouds the next with no apparent connection. I think we're making progress though. He trusts me. Has confided some stuff that's bothering him."

"And?" Alice asked.

Ethan shook his head. "I can't tell you. I told him I wouldn't. Unless it endangered his life or the life of one of his family. He's the same as my other patients Alice."

She nodded. Looked at Lexi. "Do you think she'll remember her dad?"

He shrugged ran his thumb over her hand. His eyes rested on her. "I dunno. I think it's fear more than anything else. I mean she has had a serious accident which almost kills her. Wakes up and sees her dad who just so happened to die 5 years previous. That would creep anyone out. Especially someone who had had a near death experience. She freaked out she might be ok when she's feeling better."

She nodded.

"Look before you talk to Danny you need to sort out in your own head what you want. Like whether or not you wanna be with him anymore. Don't get me wrong. There is love there at least the way you talk about him indicates there is but it is starting to get squashed down by bitter rages and anger and that will only destroy you and your children if you let it."

"Ethan why don't you go home?"

He shook his head. "I'm staying." he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm never leaving her." Alice sensed a silent again at the end there. It wasn't spoken but she heard it all the same.

"Why don't you go and make up your mind about Danny? You know have some time alone to think?" Ethan suggested.

"How good is it having a therapist in the family? Free advice on tap. I know I've told you before but your amazing."

He shook his head. "I'm not that good really."

"You don't give yourself enough credit son."

"So you gonna go and have a think about this Danny dilemma." He hated when people tried to make him out to be better than he actually was so he quickly changed the subject.

"Maybe later. I'll sit with my daughter. The only thing that kept her he is Danny's stubborn never say die attitude."

He smiled. "I thought she got that from you."

She shrugged. "How do you feel, after seeing you dad and everything." including the baby. She added silently.

"I haven't spared him a second thought. Me and Lexi argued."

Alice looked sympathetic. "I'm all ears."

"Well as you know 5 years ago I left. I had no idea but she was pregnant at the time. She mentioned that the other day. And as you know she lost it about 4 weeks later. Anyway she saw me with my dad and she stopped me from losing it and killing him even though that's what I really really wanted to do! The way she stopped me was by telling me she was pregnant." put his hand on her stomach and smiled at it. "Then she told me to leave coz I was going to eventually. Coz that's what I did last time. I tried to tell her I wouldn't when she wouldn't listen I lost my temper, she told me she loved me and I said she didn't. I didn't tell her I loved her back. I guess I should practice what I preach about listening huh?"

"She know you won't leave her really. She probably just freaked out. Last time you had an issue with your dad you left. She was pregnant then too. She probably felt like history was repeating itself, and decided if she was gonna lose you it was gonna be on her terms this time. Just hang in there. She'll see you won't leave as long as you stay!"

"You'd make a good therapist yourself Alice."

"Na I just know my kids. And I'm gonna be a nana soon too. Daddy."

He smiled.

**A/N ethan trying to help the danice survive but will they? hmmm i cud tell u coz this story is fin...but u have to wait and see *evil cackle***


	38. Deception

It was morning. Danny had been at home all night alone. Brooding. It was 7:30 time to collect the kids from Caroline's and Dupes. He climbed in the truck.

"Hello." he said as he arrived.

Amie ran out. "Daddy!" she yelled. "I missed you last night. Was the suppliers good?"

"Boring without my Ames."

She beamed at him.

"Time to get you and Daniel home."

Daniel appeared at the door.

"C'mon son."

"They haven't had breakfast yet. I was just making it." Caroline told him.

"Don't worry about it Caroline. You jump in the truck Ames. I need to talk to Caroline."

She walked to the truck as did Daniel.

"How's Lexi?" she asked softly.

"She was involved in a crash and stabbed. She's awake. Even though they thought she was gonna die. I don't know much else." he didn't mention about the fact she forgot him.

"O Danny she'll be ok you know."

"Sort of ironic in a sick way. I just get back and I almost lose her." he shook his head to disperse the thought. "I better get the kids home and thanks Caroline."

"No bother Danny. They keep Dupe out of my hair. I swear he's as much a kid as they are!"

He was laughing as he climbed in the truck.

"Where is mum?" Daniel asked coldly.

"Daniel you shouldn't talk to dad like that!" Amie told him.

"I'll do what I want!"

"Not to dad you won't!" Amie warned.

"What you gonna do about it?" he projected a warning in his eyes. He lifted his arm a fraction.

Amie's hand flew to her neck and she quieted.

"What's going on kids?" Danny asked sternly.

"Nothing." Daniel said.

"Amie?"

"Nothing Daddy." she said scared.

They were all soon home. Daniel climbed from the truck. Amie followed slowly. Dragging her feet.

"Amie are you ok baby?" Danny asked softly.

"Can I move to another house by myself?" she asked.

Danny was confused. Took her hand and led her in the kitchen. Sat her on his knee. She hugged him. "When do you wanna move out? Do you not like living with mum and dad? It can get scary living by yourself sometimes."

She nodded. "I do like living with you and mummy."

"What is it then baby? I'm real good at keeping secrets."

"It's Daniel he scares me." she said quietly.

"He's your big brother. He might scare you but he'll never hurt you!"

"But he did daddy. That time in the living room remember?"

"What happened in the living room?" he asked calmly.

She frowned. "When he put his arm around my neck coz I wouldn't say sorry."

Danny saw red.

Amie remembered that she didn't know he was her dad then.

"He won't hurt you again baby."

"Mum promised but he lifted his arm in the truck and his eyes told me he was gonna do it again. So I wanna move out so he won't do it anymore."

Danny pressed a kiss to her long black hair. "I know you don't know me too well yet but I'll tell you that daddies only make promises they know they can keep. And I promise you that if I say he won't come near you again he won't!"

Amie nodded.

"Is toast ok for your breakfast?"

She nodded again.

"Did you have a bath at Caroline's last night?"

"No me and Daniel fell asleep in the truck."

"You wanna bath after breaky?"

She shrugged. "My mermaids and ponies need a wash." she said to herself. "We were playing in a muddy filed the other day." she elaborated.

"Well why you have your breaky I'll run you a nice bath. For you and your mermaids and ponies of course!" he said seriously.

"I'll go sort them while you make breakfast then daddy."

She jumped down.

Danny put toast in the toaster and plonked a bowl down in front of Daniel. "here." he said and gave him the milk.

He gave Amie her toast. She sat and nibbled at it.

"I'll be in the bathroom for 2 minutes ok."

Amie nodded. Daniel looked down at his bowl. He poured some Mr Bubble in the tub and swished the water around. The room filed with steam. Amie toddled in with her ponies and mermaids. Then walked back to her room and returned with more.

"Are they your favourites?"

"Mermaids are." Amie said.

"You know Lexi was little her favourites were fairies."

"How come you were there for when Lexi was little but not me?" she asked.

"Daddy bumped his head and forgot for a little while but I'm back now."

She thought then made a show of making her mermaids dive in the water then the horses make comical jumps.

"hey Ames how do mermaids ride horses if they don't have legs?"

She looked at him when he stupid. "They sit on sideways silly."

"Daddy could do that too." he said.

"You couldn't silly. They have special mermaid magic. You'd fall off." she said smiling.

"I wouldn't coz I have special daddy magic!"

"Really?"

"You bet!" he checked the water. Ok Amie here's your bath. Just give me a shout if you need anything."

She nodded. He heard her climb in then was talking and singing as she was cleaning her horses.

Danny went to see his son. "Me and you need to talk later Daniel."

"I have nothing to say to you Danny." Daniel replied insolently.

"Trust me Daniel I have a lot to say to you!" Danny walked away.

Right Daniel had to get rid of this clown once and for all. He picked up the phone.

(X)

Amie had been bathed. Then her friend Lissy had phoned and asked if she could go over to play at Mara. He was happy actually. He didn't want Amie to hear what he and Daniel were going to talk about. He wasn't going to go mad or hit him or anything but if there was shouting involved she didn't need to hear it. So he had taken Amie over to Mara and been introduced to Vanessa for the first time. She was married to Rowan but still looked at him like he was a piece of meat. Not in a bad way like she would cheat on her husband. He hoped. Just sort of like she was sizing him up. She had mentioned his resemblance to Daniel and Lexi. He had talked a little while then mentioned that he had Daniel waiting in the truck. She had smiled. He had thanked her for taking Amie for the day.

So now he was home again. Daniel was ignoring him. He went to get a glass of water. Then went in search of Daniel. He was in the study putting the phone down. He started typing at the computer.

"How about that chat Daniel?" Danny asked.

"How about you leave me alone Danny." or you'll regret it Daniel added silently.

"Turn off the computer Daniel!" Danny told him.

"I don't do that when mum tells me to. What makes you think I'll do it for you?"

"All that is about to change!" Danny said stubbornly. Pulled the plug on the computer. "I'm here now and you will do as me and your mother tell you to do!"

He lost his temper. All those activities with Ethan flying out of his head. "Whose gonna make me? You? How? Hit me til I do it?" he stood up. "Try it!"

God his 7 year old son was acting like he was 14. He'd had a very similar reoccurring conversation with Ethan at 13. Except now Daniel was playing Ethan's part.

"I found out what you did to Amie Daniel."

He turned shiftily. He felt nasty threatening her like that.

"What possessed you to choke your younger sister?"

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" Daniel asked bored.

"One of them. Why'd you do it?"

"None of you business!" Daniel replied belligerently.

"See your wrong Daniel it is. Coz that was my 6 year old daughter!"

"Like you even care!" Daniel yelled.

"You're a big lad Daniel like me. You choking her is like the equivalent of me choking you."

"Are you threatening me?" he asked incredulous.

"Of course not!" Danny said shocked. "I'm just saying imagine your Amie and I was you."

Daniel thought. Did scare him actually. Which is why he was doing what he planned.

He walked from the side of the desk to the opposite side and sat on the edge. Opposite Danny.

"What else you wanna say. I'm not gonna do that anymore. Ethan is helping me. And I am sorry. I'm just stupid. She gets in my nerves but she'd my little sister." Daniel shrugged.

"That's good to know." Danny paused. "I guess I wanna know why you hate me so much."

"You left us, I'm entitled. I'm my own person with my own thoughts and feelings which are mine and I don't have to explain them to you."

God this child was intelligent! Danny thought.

"No I guess you don't. I think I just want to understand my son."

Daniel face turned angry. "Don't call me that. I have no father!"

"You do Daniel and I'm home. If you give me a chance you won't regret it!"

Daniel looked at the floor and crossed his arms.

"Did you miss us?"

"Subconsciously yes, every day."

Daniel heard a car. Smiled . "Can I…will you…hug me?"

"If you want." Daniel walked towards him and Danny hugged him.

"Got you dad!" he hissed. Saying the name with a sneer. Spun moved Danny's arm so it was around his neck. "Danny no!" he yelled.

"Daniel what you doing?" he asked trying to move his arms. Alice appeared at the door. Saw Danny and Daniel struggling.

"Mum help me!" Daniel pleaded.

Danny got his arms from around his sons neck and raised them.

Daniel hit the deck.

"What the hell was that Danny?" Alice shouted angrily. She was beside Daniel making sure he was ok.

**A/N daniel is a nasty child with a devious mind. me finks he mite have ben swapped at birth? my next story maybe? na lol he's thiers trust me lol x :D**


	39. Truth or Lies

"What the hell was that Danny?" Alice shouted angrily. She was beside Daniel making sure he was ok.

"That was our son trying to get rid of me." Danny said calmly.

Alice picked Daniel up off the ground. Moved his black hair off his forehead. Looked over him. He looked fine. He looked at Danny with scared eyes.

"He phoned me saying you threatened him. I didn't believe him but I come home to find your arms around his neck!" she shouted.

Danny looked at Daniel. "So this was premeditated. Oh you are good. I actually believed you wanted a hug." he shook his head. "I should have known."

Daniel saw his mums' face change. Like she wasn't sure. She was frowning at Danny, like she didn't know whether to believe him or not.

"Mum get rid of him." Daniel pleaded. "Don't you love me?"

As soon as Daniel said that Alice knew he was lying. She looked between them.

"Have I ever hit them? Even provoked? Ever Alice?"

"O my god!" she said looking at Daniel. "How could you?"

"He choked me and I'm getting the blame?" Daniel asked incredulous.

"Don't lie to me Daniel!" Alice hissed.

Daniel quieted and glared at them. Walked over to a chair and dropped into it. Crossed his arms.

"I knew you loved him more than me!" he declared.

His face was that of a moody child. He finally looked and acted his age.

"What?" Alice asked.

"All I am is an extension of him. You love him more than me!" he repeated.

"Is that why your trying to get rid of him son?" Alice asked. "Why you hate him so much?"

"All my life all I have ever heard is o you are so much like your dad. Look like him, talk like him, walk like him. ARE HIM! But I'm not I'm me!" he yelled. "You didn't love me coz I was me you loved me coz I was him!" his eyes filled. "And now he's back you won't need to love me coz he's here!"

"Daniel that's not true." Alice said softly.

"It is. I heard nana and you talking once when I was little. You said you missed him so much and she said it was good I was here coz I'm practically him. And that I was a big reminder every day."

She remembered that conversation. It had been Danny's birthday and she'd had a rough day.

"Son it wasn't meant the way it sounded. I love your dad different to the way I love you. You're my son. My baby boy. I love you forever unconditionally."

"And him?" he asked.

"He was my husband. I couldn't love my husband the way I love my son. It's a different type." and she so wasn't getting into that right now! "Like a romantic love. I suppose."

"God mum urrrr!" he said. Face looking sick.

She smiled.

"So your not gonna send me away coz I'm hyper and I hit people and don't listen?"

Alice pulled her son to standing and hugged him.

"Look Daniel you are your fathers son. You can't get away from that. And there are gonna be comparisons drawn and similarities made. But that isn't why I love you. I love that your dad is your father but that's coz I love him and you have kids with people you love. I love you because of who you are. Yeah you say your hyper. I say you have an abundance of energy. You say you hit people. I say you protect your family although I don't condone it mind! You say you don't listen I say that sometimes you like to do stuff your own way except I really wish you'd do it my way sometimes. There's loads of stuff that's originally you coz you aren't a replica of your dad. I'm sorry if I made you feel like I only loved you coz of your dad."

Daniel looked at Danny who had watched the exchange quietly.

"Anything else bothering you?"

"Do you love Ethan more than me." he paused. "I'm not bothered if you do!" he added quickly.

"What made you think that?"

Daniel shrugged. "You had him for 5 years and only had me 2. So you must love him twice as much as me. More even."

"Are you jealous?" Danny asked hiding a smile.

"No." Daniel said coldly. "I don't even care!"

He definitely sounded like his dad there but Alice kept the observation to herself.

"Daniel I love you and Ethan both the same. Your both my sons."

"But…"

"It isn't about how long you have someone how much you love them."

"I love mum millions more than I love you. Actually I don't even like you." he said belligerently.

"Yes coz your mum has been the only one there. Look if I thought of it that way then I would love Lexi 3 times as much as you and 4 times as much as I love Amie."

Alice checked her watch. "Look Daniel we'll all cool off yeah. This has been abit emotional. we'll talk when we're calmer. We won't be forgetting what you did Daniel!" she warned.

He looked at Danny. "I'm sorry….dad."

Danny nodded.

"Sorry mum."

"We'll talk later. She kissed his head and he hugged her. The walked into his room.

Alice walked from the study. Left Danny standing there. He waited a moment then followed her. Saw her in the kitchen with her head in her hands.

"I messed our sons head up!" she muttered to him.

"No Alice you didn't."

"I thought by making comparisons it would be a way of him knowing who you were. But all it did was make him believe I loved him coz I thought he was you."

He sat opposite her. "It wasn't intentional. Plus he knows the truth."

"You know what else? If you hadn't of came back he's still believing it. Because of how clever he is I forget he is only 7 years old with 7 year old feelings. I should have known Danny!"

"Your not supermum!"

"I'm just tired of everything. Of the surgery. Of arguing kids. Of arguing with you. Of having to much to do with not enough time. But mostly of missing you!"

She put her heard on her arms and rested them on the table.

"Tell me about the day I left. I can remember mostly everything. But that day is still a blank." he asked.

She exhaled nosily and sat up. "We'd been arguing. Lexi and Ethan were having a tough time too. The day before you had said that they had fizzled out and it was good we had time apart or the same would have happened to us."

He winced. "ouch!"

"I took it that way too. Anyway I completely over reacted and started being childish about the whole thing. We had half sorted it but not by the next day. I had took Amie for a needle came back and saw you and Daniel packing a bag. You told me what you were doing and I accused you of riding off on your white horse to save the day and to hell with everyone else."

"You didn't want me to go?" Danny asked.

"That's a hard question. See I wanted you to stay at home. I was feeling all hormonal and I thought I was pregnant again to be honest but I wasn't thank god! But at the same time it was important for you to go to Bristol."

"Why was I going?"

"There was a possibility of Ethan's dad being released from prison. The solicitor told us it would be good if Ethan could speak at the meeting but you couldn't find him you decided to go. You tried to explain but I wouldn't hear it. I backed away when you went to kiss me goodbye. You told me you loved me. I didn't reciprocate. You left. At 10 o'clock that night you rang me and we made up. By 10 o'clock the next morning I found out that the plane had went down and you had died. How did you survive?" Alice asked.

"I dunno." he said and closed his eyes. Saw flashes. Felt rain. "I remember a field."

"A field?" Alice asked.

He nodded. "Then I woke up in a house with bandages on my hands and leg."

Alice grabbed one of his hands and looked at it. Saw the jagged red line straight across the palm. She ran her finger across it.

"After that?" she probed.

He shrugged. "I got a job. Put Amy in daycare. Went on with life. But I was so alone, I could be surrounded by people and I was still alone. And this is no lie but I used to look for a black haired woman with blue eyes. I don't know why but I had to find you. I met other people but something was missing. I even dated one of them but it felt wrong like I was cheating on someone so I gave up after one attempt. So I had my little half life alone with Amy. Then I came here and saw you which completely knocked me for 6. Blew me away. Coz at first I was like she is completely insane but she is who I've been looking for but I'd never seen you in my life. The rest you know."

She nodded.

"How about you?"

"Well 12 hours after you phoned we got told. I was busy in the surgery so Lexi picked up the phone."

"They didn't tell her did they?" Danny asked.

Alice nodded.

"Idiots!" he hissed.

"She was hysterical on the phone. then she went white and passed out. Turns out the operator had told her the specifics of how you died. You know how you …burned to death!"

Danny's jaw dropped. "If I ever find out who told her that!" he warned.

"Well I took the phone and was told and went into denial immediately. I phoned your mobile but it couldn't be connected. Then I phoned the solicitor so he'd confirm that you got there. He told me you hadn't arrived I knew then something was wrong built still I denied it. You'd got on the wrong plane. Or it had been delayed. You weren't dead. The rest is blur. I got stuff mixed up. Cut my finger but didn't feel it. I even cleaned the house so your mum could visit and she'd been dead for 10 years. My family turned up. Mum, Missy and Shauna. Missy was the best. Mum told me that she planned everything. How to make me better. I pushed everyone away when it hit me that you were dead. But she pulled me out of it. Then I carried on for the kids. The only reason I had to smile. I just missed you so much!" she looked him deep in the eyes as she said it and he could see she meant every word. It shined from her eyes. "The day I buried you was the worst day of my entire life. I remember thinking that I'd go through my nightmare with josh and my dad a hundred million times if I could have you back. It was a small service. Me, Lex, missy, Nomsa, Caroline and Dupe. I dropped in a map, pictures and a blanket onto of the coffin. So you didn't get lost, lonely or cold."

"A map?" he asked eyes laughing.

"You were always weird about knowing exactly where you were. Remember when we visited Glasgow?"

He frowned. "A little."

"I had you convinced we were lost?" she suggested.

He smiled. "Oh yeah I do! You had far too much fun at my expense!"

He thought. "I'm sorry I didn't consider your feelings Alice." he said seriously.

"Me too Danny. I was just too focused on my own."

They stood up at the same time and hugged tightly. He lowered his head. Pressed a kiss to her hair.

"I do love you Alice. Never forget that!" he vowed.

"I love you too. You wanna give us a go?" she asked.

He smiled and took her to his room. Went in his suitcase. Put his back to her and shoved something in his pocket. Stood up kissed her chastely. Took her hand led her in her room. Looked in her jewellery box and frowned.

"Where's your wedding ring?" he asked.

"You mean this one?" she lifted her hand and twiddled her finger.

"You never took it off?" he asked shocked.

"No coz you are my husband. Always. I never envisaged marrying anyone else." she admitted.

He took the ring off. Pulled her down so they were kneeling. Then said in solemn voice,

"I Daniel Lawrence Trevanion take thee Alice Marie Collins as my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold. In sickness and in health. For the whole of eternity!"

He slid the ring on her finger she smiled at him eyes glistening. He reached in his pocket and handed her a ring box. She opened the box and saw the matching wedding bands they'd chosen together.

"Your turn."

"You still have your ring? I thought it was lost forever!" she declared. He smiled.

"I Alice Marie Collins take thee Daniel Lawrence Trevanion as my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold. In sickness and in health. For the whole of eternity, and beyond!" she added. He stuck his tongue out. She slid the ring on his finger.

"Right since there is no priest to interfere I get to kiss my wife. Then go straight to the wedding night." he wiggled his eyebrows. She laughed.

He pulled her close for a gentle kiss. Hugged her close as he did before. "Forever." he murmured. "Mine forever. And I am forever yours! I'm definitely getting the better deal."

"You ready to move back in here?" she asked.

"You bet!" he said. "You snore?" he asked.

"Why do you ask?" she asked.

"Coz if you do and you wake up and I'm holding a pillow above you I promise I'm not trying to smoother you in your sleep."

"O course not!" she laughed.

He pulled her to standing. Sang the chorus to Hold me by savage garden.

_I might need you to hold me tonight_

_I might need you to say it's all right_

_I might need you to make the first stand_

_Because tonight I'm finding it hard to be your man_

"If you say so." she said as they tumbled 0on the bed. Turned sideways and snuggled into his chest.

"Bedtime isn't for hours you know. We have to get Amie from Mara and Daniel is exiled to his room." he murmured.

"Soon, I just wanna cherish the fell of you in my arms." she whispered in his chest.

**A/N rite daniel is sorted and cute danice at the end there for good measure coz i love fluff really i do belive it or not lol x**


	40. Memories and

_**Later that Night.**_

Alice and Danny eventually got to bed after a hectic day. They lay in bed discussed Lexi among other things, kissed a lot then drifted asleep in the warmth and comfort of each others arms. After an hour of being asleep though….

Alice was soundly asleep. Breathing softly. Her arm draped around Danny's waist. Her head rested against his back. Danny is also asleep. His hand rested over Alice's. sweating trickling down his forehead, his dream was nice. He was smiling. Alice was at hospital. It was Amie's birth. She was seconds old and placed on Alice's chest. Arms and legs flying. Her face all red. Then they took her. Cleaned her up he was sat beside Alice who was exhausted but happy. They had no idea what the babies gender was. Wanted a surprise.

"We got a little girl." he said in awe. He had never seen his child being born before. It was just wow. Amazing. She way place in his arms. So tiny even though she was born on time. She yawned and opened her eyes, looked up at him with these intense blue eyes and he fell in love with his daughter. Alice looked down at her. They were alone in the room.

"Our baby girl." he whispered.

She had baby Trevanion written on her identification tag. They hadn't been able to decide on a name. They had been certain that she was actually a boy and were going to call her Bailey Owen Trevanion.

"So what she gonna be called?" Alice asked.

He handed Alice their daughter. Reluctant to let her go.

"We didn't really think much on girls names did we? Even though we knew there was a chance she was a she." he said. "She needs a little girls name like Bethany."

She shook her head. "Amanda." she suggested.

He shook his head. "Amie?"

"Amie Amanda." they said together smiling.

It felt like 5 seconds later they were taking her home. Alice was carrying her into the house. As soon as he walked in it wasn't their house anymore. He was walking onto a plane feeling sick. Was being strapped into a seat with chains. Even though he was telling them he wanted off. The plane was shuddering and jerking. There was a dead weight around his waist! The plane nose dived. Was breathing heavily. Felt impact. Burning people all around him he was trapped! He wrenched himself free from something which had him pinned.

"Baby." he murmured.

Picked her up. Time to get off. But he could barely move. He was thrashing all over the bed at this point. He couldn't get out the door but he saw the roof had been ripped off. Balanced on a chair and tried to climb out. Dead burned people hung on his legs weighing him down. He kicked at them.

"STOP!" he shouted clearly.

"You'll die Danny!" the burned people taunted him. They were disfigured and made him sick. He was being shook and he hit out at the figure. He pulled himself out of the plane. Fell out the other side. He was falling and falling. Felt a jarring impact.

(X)

Alice was asleep. She felt Danny stiffen by her side, heard him mumbling. Get off. Want to get off! He repeated. He was breathing heavily. His legs moving. Hips wiggling like he was struggling and straining against something. His face was hid in his pillow.

"No not again!" he said grabbed her arm and flung it away from his body.

"Baby!" he murmured. "Save you promise."

Alice knew what was wrong. He was jerking. "No burning people!" he whispered. "So sorry!" tears coming from his eyes. "Can't get out!" he was thrashing all over the bed.

"STOP!" he shouted. "Leave me please!" he pleaded. His arms over his face covering his eyes.

"Danny honey it's a nightmare." she whispered shaking him.

"Bastard!" he snarled. His arm flew towards her head. She hit the bed a second before his arm connected.

He was rolling and before she could stop him he was rolling off the bed and on the floor. She was out of bed in a second but he was already out of the room and in the bathroom being violently sick. She heard a tap running. He walked back in their room. Saw her sat on the bed. He ran his hand through his hear.

"You ok honey?

He ignored her. Climbed in his side of the bed. Lay down with his back to her.

"Danny?" she asked.

He ignored her again.

"Do you…" she started.

"NO!" he said in a cold voice.

She lay beside him. Hugged him close. Letting him know she was there for him. He turned over and kissed her heatedly. She knew what he was doing. She responded. He needed physical closeness. She gave him what he needed.

(X)

Danny woke up again. Fell from bed again. Similar dream but not the same this time. He ran to the bathroom but he wasn't ill this time. Rubbed his face tiredly. Splashed water on his face then walked back to his bedroom. Passed the clock in the hallway. 4 o'clock. He'd been asleep for 28 minutes. It was the 3rd time the nightmare had hit. It was always practically the same. A nice memory then the plane. Burning people holding him down while a bright red hot orange fire came to engulf him. Or he fell into an inferno. The sight of the fires made him ill. Alice met him out in the hallway.

"You ok Danny?"

"O yeah I'm freaking fabulous!" he said sarcastically. "I'm sorry honey I don't mean to take it out on you." ran his hands through his hair.

"How much sleep you had?" she asked.

"I dunno." he admitted.

"Are you dreaming about the plane?"

"No." he lied. "I have no memory of the plane."

"Doesn't mean you won't dream it."

"I don't ok!" he said.

"What then?"

"Nothing." he hissed.

"Danny." she pleaded.

"C'mon, we'll go back to bed. You can grab a few hours before the kids get up." he took her back in their room and hugged her tightly. It took an hour but she eventually fell back asleep. He lay awake holding her. The best thing that had ever happened to him. He'd say his kids but she gave them to him so without her he wouldn't have them. No SHE was the best thing in his life. And he loved her beyond words. He kissed her. "I love you." he said softly. And climbed from their bed. Padded in bare feet to the kitchen. Brewed some strong coffee. Drank a full cup of it. Decided to look on the internet for some sort of stimulant to keep him awake. If he needed it. He checked that it could be bought in a pharmacy and that most importantly it was legal and not something he was gonna get addicted to. Nodded and wrote the name down. Walked back to the kitchen had another cup of coffee and made a start of breakfast.

Amie walked into the room.

"Did you sleep good daddy?" she asked sitting down.

"Not really starlight."

Amie frowned. "Why did you call me that daddy?"

"Well Lexi has a nickname called sunshine when she was little and Daniel is Dee jay and Ethan is eth. So I thought my baby girl needs a nickname too. Then I was thinking and was like well she's as bright as the stars and if I had a star for every time she made me smile then I would have the entire sky in my hand!" he said seriously. "Then thought yeah my Amie is as special as the stars." he leaned in. "Only better coz there's only one of you!"

Amie smiled. "Aw daddy!" she got up and hugged him. And kissed his cheek. "I got the bestest daddy in the whole universe and I'm really glad that you're here with me and not in heaven like mummy said!"

"So am I coz I get the spend time with my starlight." he smiled. "So what do you want for breakfast?"

"Just toast and milk."

"That was what you had yesterday too. Do you not eat much breakfast?"

She shook her head.

"Your like me. I don't each much breakfast either."

She smiled at the similarity.

Daniel walked into the kitchen. His hair looking like he stuck his fingers in a electrical socket.

"Morning son."

"Good morning…dad."

Danny smiled. He loved the pause it was so cute.

Amie nibbled her toast and nodded. Thinking her talk in the truck yesterday had worked.

"What do you want for breakfast?"

Not bothered." Daniel yawned.

"I kinda don't know what you like son." Danny said guilty.

Yesterday Daniel would have made a big deal of that. "Can you make scrambled eggs?"

"Can I make scrambled eggs? I make the best scrambled eggs in the whole of Africa. I made them for your mum years ago." he cracked open a couple of eggs. "I don't really think much of them. I pinch them off your mums plate to annoy her though." he smiled.

Daniel rolled his eyes. "Dad?"

"Yeah Daniel." Danny replied making his eggs.

"Where's Lexi and Ethan?"

He froze. Considered going and waking Alice to ask her what to say.

Danny put Daniels eggs on a plate. "Well here's the thing kids. Lexi had an accident at work not last night but the night before. She's in hospital."

Amie's eyes widened. "Is she gonna die?" her eyes glistened.

"No sweetie. She's awake and talking to people. She'll get better."

"What's wrong with her?" Daniel asked concerned.

"A broken leg and a cut on her head."

Daniel nodded. Danny didn't see the need in scaring them with unnecessary details.

"Can we go see her?" He asked.

"Maybe after school." Danny checked his watch. 8 o'clock.

"When your finished get dressed for school ok."

The nodded. Danny had more coffee. Daniel finished his breakfast.

"You make eggs the way I like them." he smiled.

Danny nodded. He and Daniel were making slow progress now he was sure that his mother didn't want a replacement Danny. Danny ruffled his hair.

"Aw c'mon!" Daniel said. Ran his hands through his hair trying to put it right.

"Let me guess. Controlled messiness." Danny asked.

"How did you know?"

"I invented it." Danny replied smiling.

"I suppose I can live with that similarity seeing as you invented it."

"It's easier than trying to control it. My hair always does what it wants."

"Mine too." Daniel admitted. "I'd better get my uniform on for school."

Danny walked into his old room. Not his and Alice's the one he had used alone. Got dressed in there. He planned on seeing Lexi later. Had a plan to prove who he was. He knew 3 things only she and he would know. Well 1 of them he was certain Alice knew and one he was kinda sure she knew. After he dropped the kids off he was going to see her. He'd gave her a day to get used to the idea he was around and now he needed to see her. He missed her!

**A/N awwww poor danny he remebers everything but gets the nightmares to go with it. but those are determined words. he was making sure lex remembers him will he succeed tho?**


	41. Family Harmony

Danny had dropped the kids off at school. Left Alice a note saying that he had dispensed medication but hadn't did any rounds. He then grabbed the bag he had prepared for the hospital. Drove to the hospital and as soon as he was there he walked to her room. Knocked quickly and entered.

(X)

Lexi and Ethan were playing a daft game. Asking each other random questions.

"So Lex what would you rather have a gorgeous lesbian woman checking you out or a short bald fat beer bellied man who hasn't washed in 3 months making a pass at you?" he was laughing.

"Is the lesbian just looking or will she want to do something?" her face looked pained.

"I'll tell you when you give me your answer!" he replied.

"Fine. I'll have to pick the man coz if I say the lesbian you'd say I'm gay coz 'd have to kiss her or something. Ewwww!"

"Honey I know your not gay." he said and kissed the back of her hand.

"I have an easy one for you Ethan. See I love you." she smiled as she realised her words were coming easier. She still had to concentrate but it was easier. "Define marriage in a word."

"Just one?"

She nodded.

"Us. I did wanna say me and you, it sounds better but I was only allowed one word."

"Aw really?" she asked.

"Who else is daft enough to have me?"

"True like." she answered.

"Lexi." he said seriously.

"Yeah."

"You complete me. Without you I'm not whole."

She smiled. "Daftie!"

"I'm serious Lex." he kissed her softly.

They heard a knock and Danny walked in with a bag.

Lexi didn't kick off today. Didn't look happy to see him either.

"Hello Lex." he said with a small smile.

"You can walk straight out of that door." she said dryly.

"Lexi, he is Danny!" Ethan told her.

"Has he proved it?" Lexi asked,

"Yes."

"Not to me." She retorted.

"Ethan if you want you can go home and get changed. I'll hang on here with her." Ethan heard the silent please.

"Yeah sure." Ethan said.

He kissed Lexi. "I'll be back after a shower and a change. And a proper meal. I'm wasting away!" he said dramatically.

"Your leaving me with a stranger?" she asked incredulous.

"He's not a stranger he's your dad. I'll see you later."

He walked from the room and winked at Danny as he passed. Lexi looked at him suspiciously. Her arms folded.

"Do you know the song you sang to me?" she asked smugly.

"Which one there were two." he quickly replied and confidently.

Lexi looked at him shocked. "Um, T Carter." her mum didn't know this one. She was sure she didn't so she couldn't have told him.

_You re my little angel_

_So baby don t you cry_

_It s time to spread your wings and fly_

_If there s one thing this father knows_

_The hardest part is letting go_

_But you will still always be...Daddy s little angel_

I also know that I sang abit of a disciple song to you but I didn't really count it as a song coz it wasn't often. It was just one of the lines in the line.

_Did I arrange the light of your first day?_

_Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?_

"Stop!" Lexi said. "Only my dad…" she was breathing heavily. Not sure anymore.

He pulled out a white box from his bag and handed it to her. She opened it and gasped.

"You remember that then?" he asked.

"But this is…."

"The first Christmas present I ever got for you?" he asked.

"Mum told you?" she asked.

"No your mum reminded you a few years ago though!" Lexi paled.

"And this." he handed her something wrapped in foil. She unwrapped it. Smiled. He had to be her dad. Only he and her knew what the ingredients were to a Lexi deluxe.

"Dad?" she asked.

He nodded.

She tried to get up. He went to her and hugged her tightly. She cried into his shirt.

"But you were dead I was told!" she sobbed.

"I know baby but I'm here and I'm never leaving again. God your 23 years old and I'm still calling you baby." he said. Rubbing her back.

"I'm sorry dad." she said into his shirt.

She pulled away and lay back down.

"So what's up with you?" he asked.

"Well my speech is getting back to normal slowly. But I've still gotta think. It's like if you could see a sentence in your head. My words are in the wrong places. Out of sequence you know."

He nodded.

"My hearing had returned in my right ear but my left ear is gone. They can't tell me if it'll come back or why it's gone. Everything looks normal apparently." she shrugged. "My stitches are looking good from my stab wound. No sign of infection. They did a good job if I do say so myself. And the leg!" she said in disgust.

"Your mother was like that with her leg. You know when she couldn't walk. You sounded eerily like her there."

"I get that a lot. People are always saying I sound like her."

"What about the baby?"

She smiled and laid her hand over her stomach. Looked down at it.

"It is fine."

"You really love Ethan?" he asked.

She nodded. "I always will."

"Well whatever happens you have my blessing. Both of you."

She smiled. Eyes filled. "Thank you dad. That means a lot to me."

Bob walked into her room.

"Lexi, your awake?" he asked. "They told me what they gave you. You should have been out for a month!"

"Not me Bob!" she said smiling. "I'd like you to meet…"

"I've met him." Bob shook his hand.

"Thank you so much. Without you my daughter wouldn't be here!" Danny said seriously.

"Mr Trevanion I didn't do it all."

"Danny." Danny interrupted.

"You should have seen him Lex. Breathed in your mouth like a pro." Bob told her nodding.

"You saved me too?" she asked in shock.

"I ventilated you. HE saved you."

"Ignore him Lex. I couldn't ventilate you and treat your wounds at the same time. If he hadn't turned up and breathed for you. You'd be dead."

They all sat and talked for abit. Lexi fell back asleep. Danny stopped bob as he left.

"I meant what I said Bob. I can't thank you enough for my daughters life. God I would have cracked up if I lost her!"

"I did my job Danny. But I was thanking God you turned up coz I meant what I said I couldn't breathe for her and treat her at the same time. If you hadn't helped she would have died on that road. She was minutes away from it when you arrived and there wasn't a thing I could do about it!"

Danny exhaled and nodded. Went back to sit with his daughter. The room was warm and quiet. His eyes grew heavy. He ordered them to stay open but they refused. They closed and the nightmare engulfed him.

(X)

Ethan walked in the room. Saw Danny frowning in his sleep. Muttering. Walked in and shook him gently. His eyes flew open and he was breathing heavily. Ran his hand through his hair.

"You ok Danny?"

He nodded. I just don't sleep well that's all!"

"Do you dream about the crash?" Ethan's tone was low and soothing. He hadn't realised he'd slipped into it.

"Yeah. It's not the easiest thing to dream about." Danny told him.

"No it's not." he agreed. "Have you spoke to someone a physiatrist?"

"What a shrink? You think I'm crazy?"

"Hey I'm a qualified therapist which makes me a physiatrist and I resent the term shrink! They aren't just for people who are clinically insane. They are with people who have extra issues which they need help with" he said with an attitude. "don't knock people who know they need help and ask for it!"

"I'm sorry Ethan I didn't mean it in a derogatory manner!" he said sincerely.

"You know I can ask one of my partners…"

"No Ethan I'm fine. I'll deal with alone."

"You know where I am then Danny."

Danny shook his head. "Thanks but it's fine."

Ethan shrugged. "Did you and Lexi sort it?"

Danny smiled. "Yeah we shared a Lexi deluxe which had to go three ways coz Bob came. That is one nice sandwich."

"Danny I'm gonna ask Lexi to marry me Are you ok with that?" he blurted.

Danny was in shock for a moment. His baby girl married?

"Wow." was all he said. "This is mad. I mean she is gonna be a wife and a mother and she still feels like my baby!"

"Is that you saying I can ask her?" Ethan hinted.

"That's me saying I would love for you to be my son in law. I know we haven't always seen eyes to ye when it came to Lexi but I know you love her and she loves you too. After what happened to me and Alice I'd never even dream of keeping you apart."

"Thank you Danny this means a lot."

Ethan got up to shake his hand. Danny pulled him close for a hug instead.

Lexi started stirring. "That's my cue." Danny whispered.

Danny quickly left the room. Lexi opened her eyes and smiled at Ethan.

"Where's my dad?"

"Going home to your mum."

She stretched then winced a little as her stitches pulled.

"Do you feel ok Lex?" he asked worried.

"I've felt better."

"Look Lex I've never done this before so I'm really sorry if I'm rubbish at it. I should tell you that I hopefully will never have to do this again so I'll never get good at it either! At least I'm hoping I won't have to ask you again."

She frowned but smiled at his words. "Ok." she said.

"I love you Alexis."

Wow he'd never said that before! She thought.

"And I want us to be a family coz I can't live without you. I want us to pass through life together. I want you to be the best part of me."

He puled out the ring stood up and the knelt on his chair.

"Alexis Trevanion will you marry me?"

Lexi's face creased with smiles. "Of course I'll marry you!" she smiled as he slipped the ring on her finger.

"Perfect fit. Like we were meant to be." he whispered. It was his great grandmothers ring.

"Why did you kneel on the chair Ethan?"

He made a face. "Well I wanted to go down on one knee but this bed is so high I wouldn't of been able to see you." he grumbled. "I didn't think it through. Well I thought a lot about the marrying you and having 25 kids. Just not the asking."

"Erm and who is having these 25 kids."

"Ok 20." he relented.

"O thank you so much." she said laughing.

"Can we set a date before Ethan junior is born?" he asked.

"Ethan junior?" she asked.

"I'm only joking. I have a feeling which is pretty certain that we are having a little girl. I dunno why but I see a little baby with brown eyes and blond hair in a pink blanket. And us just being beside ourselves at what we created together."

"I love you Ethan."

"Te Amo." he replied.

**A/N aww they r engaged and lex and danny have made up. the danice is good and the kids r all happy. can all this family harmony last? wot do u fink hmmmm? review please x**


	42. Choices

_**6 Months Later**_

"Lexi will you be ready to go back to work after the birth?" Ethan asked tying his tie for his job. They were in their room. She stood up. Her swollen stomach stretching her t-shirt. He walked over and rubbed their baby. Felt an answering flutter.

"I still can't explain how amazing that feels." he whispered.

She smiled. "What happens if I crack up again?" she asked.

"To be honest if I had my way you'd never work their again but I know you honey. Eventually you'll regret not facing your fear and you know you were rushed back last time. I think you'll be fine. But you might need new uniforms if you don't lose your baby weight." he patted his child softly.

She frowned. "I dunno Ethan. What if I go to see Bob and it gets hurt?"

"Not it she." he reminded her.

"We don't know that!" they had declined finding out what they were having.

"I know we are having a girl ok!" he said confidently.

"I think it's a he." she declared. "My little Ethan Junior."

Ethan shook his head. "Stop changing the subject."

"Instead of going to see him I'll ring him ok."

"That's all I ask my love."

"Our house is nearly built I'm so excited!" she said.

Danny and Alice had paid for half of the house as a wedding present and Caroline and Dupe had deeded them the land. It had 3 bedrooms 2 bathrooms and was a little way away from leopards Den. They had been already to move into town but Danny had insisted he wanted her close. He wanted to be able to see her when he wanted but they had both said they couldn't live there. Alice had mentioned building a house and it had just snowballed.

"Well I gotta go earn the penny's honey." kissed her and their baby. "I can hardly wait to meet you but you gotta stay in there for another 2 months!" he said to their child.

He stood up and engulfed Lexi in a big hug. "In a months time you will be Mrs Ethan Bell I can hardly wait for that too!" kissed her passionately. "I'll see you later and I'll bring gifts!"

"Liquorice and vanilla ice cream?" she asked eyes lit up.

He grinned. "Liquorice yuck! Dunno how you eat it!" he pulled a face.

"Blame your daughter….or son." she added.

"Daughter!" he said. I'm sorry but I've got to go."

Walked out of the house quickly.

Lexi walked out of their room and saw her dad sat in the kitchen. He looked terrible. He looked tired.

"You ok dad?" she asked.

He faked a smile. It was strained. "Yeah Lexi how's my granddaughter?"

"Not you too!" she grumbled.

"He's adamant your having a girl you know. Said she's gonna be as beautiful as her mother and nana too!"

"To be honest I think if I do have a girl she'll look like us!"

"Your far too stunning to look like me. You inherited your looks from your mum. Your face is softer than mine and you have your mums sparkle, you just naturally gorgeous. Like she is. I see a lot more of her in your face as you get older. Especially now. Your face is filling out with your pregnancy and I can see your mum when she was pregnant with Daniel and Amie."

Lexi smiled.

"I gotta get down to the surgery. I'll see you later baby."

Lexi was left alone. Thought about work. She wanted to phone Bob and tell him she'd be back after the babies born but last time she had been near an ambulance she had cracked up! She thought back.

(X)

Lexi was riding her Mo-ped. She was apprehensive about where she was going. She was all healed now. And to quote martin the paramedic manager they weren't rushing her back but she knew how short staffed they were. So she had caved. Told them she'd come back. Even though she knew deep down she wasn't ready. She climbed off her bike and chained it up. Walked into the hospital smelled the antiseptic and felt a sharp pain in the region of her stab wound.

"Breathe lei!" she ordered herself. She out her stuff in her locker. The manager saw her.

"It's good having you back Lexi."

Shut up don't kid me. If I had a choice I'd still be at home. You rushed me back she longed to say. Except all she did was smile and nod. Walked towards hers and Bobs ambulance. Looked at the floor as she walked towards it. Looked up and froze when she finally saw I. one hand over her mouth and she was frowning. Eyes troubled. Winced as she remembered being sandwiched between a hard man body and a unrelenting door. Breathed heavily as she saw the knife above her. The inevitable feeling last lasted forever when she realised what he was gonna do. She was assaulted by memories. She couldn't escape them. Bob cam up behind her and she jumped.

"Martin told me you were back. You ready to go Lex?"

She walked slowly towards the door. Lifted her hand and placed it on the handle. Couldn't opened the door. Couldn't climb inside. Her green eyes distressed.

"Lexi?" Bob asked worried.

"I can't." she squeaked and ran towards the staff room. Bob found her curled up on a chair her face in her hands.

"I can't Bob. I can see him in there. I'm sorry but I'm scared!" she admitted voice shaking.

Bob hugged her close. "I knew that bastard rushed you back. Coz your one of the best we have!" he steamed. Pulled out his mobile rang a number. "Alice tell Ethan to come and get Lex. She's freaked out!"

That's how Ethan found her. Wrapped in Bob's arms.

"Lex?" Ethan asked. He had walked out of work and arrived at the hospital. Looking handsome apparently a nurse had told him. Other nurses just stared after him. He had ignored them.

She jumped into his arms. "I can Ethan. I can feel him in there!" she said voice still shaky.

"It's ok honey. Your fine." he soothed.

He kept his arms around her. "Tell that bastard martin that if I ever see him I'll kill him for the state she's in! she wasn't sure about coming back then she spoke to him and was like yeah it's time but I knew she had been coerced! And now this could out her back longer. I swear if he talks to her again before she's ready I'll kill him!" he hissed. The softly "C'mon Lex we'll go home yeah."

She nodded.

"Thanks for getting me Bob."

"No bother Ethan. Tae care of her."

He nodded and took her home.

(X)

She was sat lost in her thoughts of that time. What if that happened again? Was she ready to say her career as a paramedic is over before it had really begun? She loved her job. Loved helping people. But she couldn't deal with getting hurt again. Right she had to visit work. Had to speak to Bob again if she was gonna tell him she wasn't sure if she was coming back then she had to say sorry for abandoning him to his face. She was gonna be a mother soon. She couldn't risk her life when she had Ethan and her baby to think of! The hours she worked were too long anyway.

She pulled on her helmet on her moped. It was ok to ride as long as she was careful she rode along slowly. Saw a car had come off the road. She pulled off her helmet and put it on the handle of her moped.

"Hello!" she shouted.

Saw a woman with bad wounds lying on the floor by a bush. It looked like she had been mauled by an animal. A large animal! She used her phone to phone an ambulance and give their location.

"Miss, Miss can you hear me?"

No reply. Then "Lion" muttered softly.

Oh no! not a lion! Lexi thought. All this blood wasn't good. They could smell it miles away! She had no supplies. Tore a strip off the bottom of her t-shirt. Grabbed 2 pieces of wood. She had an open fracture.

"Look Miss I'm gonna have to fix your leg. But it's gonna hurt badly. Ok. Then after that I'll put on a tourniquet and a splint." she paused. "Miss?"

No reply.

She kept talking even though the woman was answering. "I'll do it on 3 ok. 1,2,3" she snapped the fracture back into place."

The woman's screams echoed through the bush. "Right I'm just gonna go in your pocket and see who you are ok?"

She had her hand in her coat pocket when a man appeared brandishing a blood smeared knife.

"Get away from her!" he snarled.

Lexi scrambled backwards across the mud. "I'm…I'm…" she spluttered. Her eyes never left the knife.

"She's injured and you do that and try to rob her. Your sick!" he knelt beside the woman who was unconscious.

She wrapped her arms around her stomach in protection.

"I…helped!" she squeaked.

He jumped up. Lexi jumped too. "She screamed!" he shouted.

"Open fracture." she whispered.

The man frowned. "You're a doctor?"

"Paramedic."

"Help her then!" he demanded.

Lexi shook her head, "Get rid of the knife!"

"It's the only protection we have!"

"I can't help her then!"

"Yes you will!" he walked towards her menacingly.

She put her hands up. "Ok ok just don't come near me!" she pleaded.

She went to the woman her movements short and jerky. The man lifted the knife when he saw his girlfriends tears.

"I can't think with that next to me!" Lexi said defiantly. "And unless you pout it down I won't help her!"

The man moved quickly. Grabbed her by the collar. Pulled her close to his face.

"Help her!" he yelled.

Lexi looked at the knife then the man. "I can't think with that thing next to me. My help is more of a hindrance if I can't think!"

The ambulance turned up.

Bob saw Lexi. A man had a knife close to her face. Her arms didn't protect herself but her child.

"Look sir we're here now. Just pout the knife down and let me help the woman!" he murmured.

The man dropped the knife and Lexi. Lexi exhaled in relief. Bob and his partner worked on her she was being loaded into the ambulance. Bob checked Lexi over.

"I want you checked at hospital you look too pale. And you!" Bob shouted to the an. "If Lexi hadn't of set the bone she would have lost the leg!"

Everyone had climbed into the ambulance. Lexi got on her moped and drove to hospital, went to the paramedics canteen. Needed 5 minutes peace and quiet. She walked in and felt a piercing pain in her abdomen. Last time she had felt anything even resembling this pain she had lost the baby! She fell to her knees as more sharp pains overcame her. She was about to call Ethan when another hit her more painful than the last. She lay on the floor in the canteen alone.

(X)

Ethan got a phone call.

"Hello Ethan."

"Ethan it's Bob get to hospital now it's Lexi and the baby!"

He dropped everything and made it to hospital quickly. A doctor met him when he made his way towards her room. "We're about to go into surgery. She had a placental abruption and has went into maternal shock. That is extremely dangerous to mother and child they each have a equal chance of survival." Ethan nodded.

"Shall we save mother or child? If it comes down to it?"

"What you want me to choose?" he squeaked. "My fiancé or my child?"

"Mr bell there is no time!"

"You do it. I love them both!" he hissed. "I refuse to chose!"

The doctor hurried away Ethan was given scrubs and went in. to keep Lexi calm.

"Ethan, I stupid!" she said.

"No honey." he whispered.

"I love you." she said. Then she was whisked away.

"I love you too!" he called after her.

Then he phoned her mum and dad/ who arrived in record time too.

An hour ticked by. A doctor came in.

"Mr Bell you are a father. 4ibs 2 ozs. A little girl." he went silent. "Unfortunately…"

"NO! No unfortunately!" he demanded breathing heavily.

"We were unable to save Alexis. She passed away 30 minutes ago."

Ethan's heart stopped. Physically stopped. He was frozen. Alice burst into tears. Danny sobbed along with her. Wrapped up in each other.

"Would you like to see your daughter?"

"No." Ethan said coldly.

"But…" the doctor started.

"No buts. I refuse to set eyes on her!" Breathing laboured.

"Ethan." Alice started. Tears in her eyes.

The doctor left the room.

Ethan paced. Wouldn't allow any tears to fall. his chest felt hollow, like it was about to cave in.

"She needs you!" Alice said through tears.

"She took her mothers life away!" he crumbled. "I took her mothers life away!" tears fell.

"Ethan this isn't." Danny started.

"Don't dare say this isn't my fault! If I hadn't got her pregnant then she'd still be here. If I hadn't coaxed her to visit work she'd still be here!" he cried harder.

Danny enveloped him in a hug. "Look mate your hurt and grieving but your daughter needs you. Lexi's daughter needs you! Sp pick yourself up and be the father she knew you could be!"

Ethan swallowed his tears and walked outside to talk to the doctor. He took him to the neo natal baby unit.

"She's at the back." the doctor said.

He stood at the doors. Watched as parents gushed over their children. His child at the back alone. Go on. Lexi urged him in his head. He walked towards her slowly. He stopped and looked. 2 months early and tiny. Just slightly bigger than his hand. The nurse handed him a bottle.

"Do you want to feed her?"

It was his job so he took the bottle and picked her up. It was like holding thin air. She latched on.

"That's a good girl!" the nurse said. "Early babies don't usually feed too well but she's doing really well there. She's been an angel for us so far!"

"Yeah." he said looking down at her. He wasn't blinking just staring at his and Lexi's chid. Heart full of emotion.

She finished her bottle and Ethan put her on his shoulder to get her wind up. Danny and Alice walked in.

"God look at her. She looks just like…" a few tears slid down Alice's cheeks. Ethan handed her to Alice. The baby looked at her with curious green eyes. Eyes he couldn't look at right now.

"I need to get her some stuff. Clothes."

"Caroline is bringing the 2 kids over with a bag of things. She said she'd pop into the shop and get a couple of early baby things too!" Alice rubbed the babies cheek with her finger.

He nodded absently. Stared at the baby.

"We haven't even picked a name for her. She was so sure we were having a boy."

"Do you have any names in mind?"

He shrugged. "Beth." the first name that came to his head. "Bethany Alexis Bell." he finally said.

(X)

Ethan shot up. Breathing heavily. Looked around. Saw Lexi lain in her hospital bed. Broken leg and all. He nearly burst into tears at the sight of her. He grabbed her hand. Pressed a kiss to it and exhaled noisily. That dream had scared the holy hell out of him. He had lost her. That dream was his nightmare. She was never going back to work ever! Not if he had any say in the matter. He refused to let some lunatic take her away from him. No sirree! She could do anything in the world but not her paramedics job. He was putting his foot down! HARD!

**A/N I wrote this fully intending for Lexi to die then I realised she can't die you daft bat coz I need her in my next story. Dur dur head lol me and my lil convos wi myself they cn get a lil mad :D x**


	43. Changes

**3 months Later**

Lexi was ready to go back to work. She was fully healed. Mind and body. She had regained partial hearing in her left ear and she had a tiny hearing aid in there to amplify the noise so she was good to go. She knew if she didn't go back to work soon she'd be going on maternity leave. Plus Bob missed her. Hated his new partner. So now was the time. She was in their room pulling on her green uniform.

"I don't want you to go back!" Ethan said angrily.

"Why?"

"Need I remind you Lex?"

"And unless I go back now I never will!"

"Which would suit me just fine!" he told her. He hadn't told her about the nightmares that plagued him.

"Ethan why are you so dead set against me going back to work?" she tugged the zip up. It was snug over her abdomen.

"Coz I love you and I don't want you to be hurt!"

"Ethan I won't stuff like that rarely happens."

"I think you should change your career!" he said seriously.

"Ethan I'm a paramedic it's what I do!"

"Well do something else!"

"No I worked hard to get where I am and I refuse to give it up!"

"Even for me?" he retorted.

"Ethan don't do this to me. You know I don't react well to being pushed in a corner. I love you but I won't be emotionally blackmailed!"

"If you loved me you wouldn't put yourself or our child at risk!"

"Don't dare bring the baby into this. If there were any danger of it getting hurt you know I wouldn't be there! It was an isolated incident Ethan! "

They were silent.

"Did your mum work Ethan?"

"No, she had a job but gave it up when I was born."

"Interesting." Lexi murmured.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

"You want me to be like your mum. To be sat at home taking care of the kids all day and your willing to manipulate me to do it!" she said.

"No I'm not!" he defended himself.

A taxi beeped.

"Lexi please for me!" he pleaded.

"I love you." she said and hugged him. "But no."

"Lex if you walk out that door!" he warned.

She ignored him and walked out anyway. Ethan fumed. She had absolutely no consideration for his feelings at all. God every time his phone rang today he was gonna think it was someone telling him she was hurt he could see it coming!

(X) **Meanwhile**

Danny was sat in the kitchen. He watched Lexi storm out of the house and Ethan yell something. He ignored it. He took another tablet to try and keep him awake. Chased it down with strong black coffee. This wasn't working. He had to stop eventually. He was on the verge of collapse now. Alice walked in and kissed him.

"You didn't sleep well again huh honey?"

"I slept ok." he lied.

The nightmare just wouldn't leave him! It started now as soon as his eyes closed and grew more horrific and graphic. He shuddered involuntarily. Alice noticed it.

"Maybe you should see someone Danny." she suggested.

"Like a shrink. No way I'm not crazy!"

"Danny honey you need your sleep. I'm worried about your darling." she touched his face. "Life is good at the moment. I have you back! You can't even begin to understand what that means. Just getting to look into your green eyes one more day is a bonus. And you and Daniel are getting along so much better since he knows he's not your replacement. But Danny these nightmares are scaring me. Your shudders and twitches are increasing in intensity!"

"O yeah. Like they're a walk in the park for me?"

"Danny cut the sarcasm!"

"Well get out of my ear! I'm fine I can handle these nightmares ok!"

"How many times did you wake up last night?"

"Only twice!"

"Liar!"

"I swear on my kids lives I woke up twice!" spent the rest of the night awake but wouldn't tell her that.

"Danny…"

"Look Alice officially I don't even know if we're still married anymore so stop nagging me! You have no right coz your not my wife!"

"Actually officially I still am!" she said angrily.

"Well if you don't back off I'll have to remedy that!" he warned.

"Oh my god did you just threaten to divorce me?" she asked incredulous.

"Look honey please let me deal with this on my own!"

"And if I don't you'll divorce me?" she added for him.

"No."

"Well that's what you said my Danny would never have said that!"

"That's the point I'm not your Danny anymore. In a way he did die on the plane I'm a different man now! You need to get that Danny out of your head and learn to love me for who I am NOW!"

"I do love you!" she told him.

"But you don't know me!" he stressed.

"Yes I do!" she said. "I know enough!"

"Well you're a better person than me. 5 years is a lot of time and a lot of changes." he told her. "When you work in the surgery your different now. See unfortunately I stifled you. You always allowed me to lead. Now your much more likely to take charge of the situation. It has caused friction between us coz you've changed." he paused. "I don't know you anymore." he said softly.

"Coz your superman complex means you won't let anyone else save the day. Your right when I lost you I had to take charge. Be the head of the family. Be the head vet. I got stronger than I had ever been before. Without you. Coz no one was gonna do it for me. What was I supposed to do? Let our family fall apart? Let animals die? I did what I had to! And now your complaining about it, like it's an insult to you!"

"That's not what I'm saying at all. I just want you to know that we've both changed and I have an issue now but I can handle it!"

"I'm sick of arguing I want to help you but you obviously think you don't need it when it's so obvious you do!"

She left him with his thoughts then.

This was happening more and more. Alice had always been feisty and independent but since he'd been back they were getting in each others way. Or she got in his way! He had always been the one in control and suddenly she'd be right in there with him and it annoyed him. He understood but couldn't back off and neither could she. Until he told her to get lost out of his surgery. He'd seen her ready to go off then she had looked at the animal and stormed off. They'd had a steaming argument in their room that night which had quickly turned into something else. Lets just say that blouse. Ruined! That was the only thing they got right these days. He wasn't even sure if they worked anymore. Their changed personalities were far too similar. Take charge. Full steam ahead. While one of them needed to stand back. He couldn't do that and he couldn't expect Alice to either. It was a hard one. And his lack of sleep just exacerbated it. He wasn't sure about this talking lark anymore. Maybe if he told someone about this nightmare then it'd go away. He just needed to sleep once for a full night. He walked down to the surgery. The tablet wasn't working he felt heavy. He walked into the office and was looking at paperwork when the letters went blurry in front of his eyes. The paper slipped to the floor his head started nodding. He rested his arms on the desk without thinking. His eyes closed.

(X)

He and Alice were in their room. She looked at him with such love and passion. She took charge and kissed him. Thrust her tongue in his mouth. They were both wrapped up in each other. So much so he couldn't tell where he ended and she began. They were melded into one. He pushed her onto the bed and they tumbled giggling like kids. He touched her face. she looked like she was in pain then her skin turned black and fell off. She was fighting him trying to get him off her but his body was a dead weight and he couldn't move. He saw the devastation he was wreaking on her body. He looked at his hands, his arms and saw he was glowing. In flames. Alice lay still. Resembled the bodies on the plane. She was still. So still - dead. He was in shock at what happened. She opened her eyes suddenly. Looked at him with hate and malevolence.

"Look at what you've done to me!" she hissed as he climbed off her.

He was glowing red. Evil. She took a step towards him. Her once beautiful skin black.

"How could you?" She pulled her dark hair out and threw a chunk at him. he turned into ashes as it hit the floor infrotnt of him. Tore off her once beautiful soft porcelain skin and threw that at him too. It hung off places in her body. God he had destroyed her! Even her endless blue eyes were burnt. He was shocked. He felt sick. GOD!

He was unable to speak.

"Why didn't you die on that plane? We were happier!"

"What?" he asked broken.

"Yes happier! We never loved you. Ever!"

"Who is this stranger?" he murmured.

"I settled for you! I wish I hadn't! Look at what you did to me!"

"No!" he said heartbroken.

"Danny, Danny." a soft voice said. He felt his hand on his shoulder. "Careful honey don't…"

He went to turn and then opened his eyes.

(X)

Alice saw Danny asleep on his desk. She knew the instant his dream changed. he looked like he was in pain. Twitching. She knew she shouldn't touch him to try and wake him. She did that a few times and he always hit out. She hadn't told him this coz if he knew he'd move out of their room and she needed the closeness of his body. For however long they were together. She just had to be more careful.

"Stranger." he murmured.

Then no as a tear slid down his cheek. I'm sorry was torn from him. That was it she had to wake him. This wasn't going on any more. Her strong solid Danny was in tears. No she couldn't stand that! This dream was upsetting him.

"Danny, Danny." she said putting her hand on his shoulder.

She was expecting an arm to hit out. But the opposite arm hit to the one she was expecting. She was ready to duck expecting a right. But his left flew from beneath her and connected with her jaw. Sent her flying backwards across the room. Hit her head off the filing cabinet. Her back hit the cabinet with such force it made her fall forward she lay on her stomach still.

(X)

Danny's arm hit out and his eyes flew open. He saw Alice's shocked face as his forearm connected with her jaw. Watched her fly across the room. Saw her wince as the back of her head hit the corner of the filing cabinet. Her hands flew to the back of her head. Watched as her body fell to the floor in slow motion. She lay still. He was straight on his feet by her side. Checked the back of her head. A small cut which was surrounded by a bump. Turned her over. A red mark over her jaw. And a bump on her head.

Her eyes fluttered.

"Danny?" she asked. Softly.

"Your ok honey." he murmured.

"Why am I on the floor?" she went to sit up and grabbed the back of her head in pain. Her hand came away wet and she looked at the red blood.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Sit still." he coaxed. Picked her up and deposited her gently on the leather chair. Gave her a cold compress. She pressed it to the back of her head. Opened up the first aid kit. He felt like the biggest bastard alive. God he was hitting the people he loved now! She looked so pale. But then looked up at m and smiled. She smiled at him.

"I love your eyes when they are intense Danny. They look so gorgeous. Your gorgeous to me anyway! I love you so much" she said in low husky tones.

"Alice it would be best if you weren't anywhere near me!" he was sat behind her dabbing at the cut ion her head. God that sentence made the guilt worse. He brains almost into next week and she tells him she loves him!

She looked back at him and smiled blankly. Leaned back. "I'll always be near you. I'll never stop loving you. I'm gutted at the way we've been arguing recently and want us to go back to the way we were so badly!" still in her husky tone.

Maybe she was concussed. Should he take her to hospital? He used an antiseptic wipe on her head.

"Ow Danny that freaking stings!" her blue eyes cloudy.

He sat up and blew softly.

"How old am I 5?" she asked him.

He grinned at her tone. "Your definately not a child honey!"

The blood had stopped. She didn't need stitches.

"That's good to know honey." she told him. Stood up. Closed the blinds and the door and walked towards him.

"You know we never broke in our office." she murmured.

He dived behind his desk.

"No way Alice."

"Why not it'll be fun!" she murmured. Leaned over the desk and smiled at him seductively.

Danny felt himself falling into her eyes. She started moving towards her slowly. He blinked and came to his senses as she had him enclosed in her arms.

"Alice we can't anyone could come in. what if a animal needs us?"

"That didn't stop us in Bristol!" she murmured in his ear.

His face heated as he remembered that day. They just exploded. One second they were scrubbing the operating table and before they knew it she was sat on it and…

"Honey you have a possible head injury. You shouldn't be saying stuff like this!"

"Your no fun!" she grumbled. Opened the blinds and the door.

"So what happened since we're not gonna….play."

"I've changed my mind we'll play." he said.

She shook her head. "Tell me!"

His face which looked guilty to begin with turned worse. His green eyes full of self derision. "I hit you!"

Her jaw dropped. "No way. I don't believe you!"

"It's true, I hit you and you fell and hit your head off the filing cabinet. You were unconscious for about a minute."

"Did I…" God she nearly asked him if she deserved it. Like it condoned him hitting her. Just so they could forget about it and push it under the rug. Pretend it never happened. She had no idea what to do!

"Why?" she asked pained.

"You came behind me when I was asleep. Touched my shoulder. I lashed out and hit you."

She breathed in relief. So he hadn't meant it. "OH don't worry about that honey. You almost hit me before. I just mustn't moved in time!"

His face turned furious. "What? I've almost hit you before. And you never thought to tell me?"

"I didn't think it mattered!"

"O and if I had injured you would that have mattered Alice?" he fumed.

"No. coz I still love you. Coz all that matters is that you will never her me intentionally!"

"I can't stay with you if I'm harming you. Your too important to me for you ever to hate me!" he said passionately.

"I'll hate you if you go!"

"I'll hurt you if I stay!" he replied.

"Not if you confide in me. Make me understand!"

He looked at her. Opened his mouth. Then clamped it shut. "NO!" he demanded and stomped from the surgery.

**A/N oh danny danny danny typical tryin 2 deal with it alone wen he really needs help. silly bullheaded man grrr lol :D x**


	44. Returned?

Lexi walked in from work. Covered in mud. Filthy but happy. She couldn't wait to get a hug from her fiancé. His warm brown eyes heated her. His loving arms which engulfed her and made her feel safe and a heart that was hers and hers alone. From the day they had met. She smiled. God these hormones! She burst into tears for no reason the other day when Ethan asked her what was wrong she'd only been able to say that she loved him. He had told her he loved her too. Which had her crying even more. She looked in the kitchen. He wasn't there so she walked into their bedroom. He was probably out helping her dad with something. She opened their wardrobe her stomach dropped when she realised his clothes were missing from his side. She saw his deodorant, keys and junk were gone from his beside cabinet. His picture of their scan was gone from his side of the bed.

She started panting. There was nothing left of him in here. He'd left her again! Tears fell hot and wet down her cheeks. She cried silently knowing if her mum heard her she would worry. She lay down on their bed and curled into a tight ball. Grabbed his pillow and hugged it. How could he abandon them again? They both loved him so much! And he left them. Baby kicked so much just at the sound of his voice. It had kicked for him the first time. They had been lain in bed a month ago. He had his hand on her slight bump rubbing and they'd felt a flutter. They had both held their breath. Nothing. They were frozen.

"Rub again." she told him.

He did and they felt an answering flutter. They had smiled at each other.

"That's our baby in there!" he'd said in awe. He'd had tears in his eyes at the feel of his child kicking and now he left! It didn't make sense. Then it suddenly did. He'd spat his dummy. Warned if she walked out the door this morning. He'd obviously followed her straight out of it! She wiped away her tears and grabbed some shorts she'd bought which were bigger. And a t-shirt. Her old her clothes were snug. It seemed she and Ethan were expecting a big girl. Well daddy thought it was a girl. It seemed daddy didn't care about his daughter anymore though.

"It's ok baby. You'll always have mummy."

She went to shower. To get rid of the tears and heartbreak she felt.

(X)

Ethan was sat in his old bedroom. He had been thinking all day. Going round in circles in his head. He had finally came to some decisions. He loved Lexi. Loved her more than anything in the whole world. More than he would ever love anyone else ever. But she was hurting him and he didn't like it. So he was gonna give her a taste of her medicine. If she was gonna be stupid and work in a dangerous occupation then he was too! He had been mulling over whether or not to join the fire service in Glen Afric. Lets see how she likes it! Although she probably wouldn't care if he died coz she didn't care about his feelings at all! He had also decided that they needed a little space so he had moved back into his old room. It was gonna be so hard sleeping without her. It was scary how fast he had grown accustomed to having her warm body close. How much he was gonna miss lying awake feeling his baby move under his hands as it rested on her stomach. Awww his baby girl! God he loved her so much already. Don't ask how he knew he was having a little girl. He just did. He knew Lexi was carrying a little lady. That he put there. He felt a surge of purely male pride that he gave her their child. He got her pregnant and she would give birth to his child. He was gonna miss not being with them at night but he and Lexi weren't getting along so he had to move out. He didn't want her stressing. Worrying about whether they were gonna argue or not. She didn't need it.

Ethan checked the clock. Lexi should be home by now. His stomach plummeted. He left his room and walked through the house quickly. No sign of her. He had no messages on his phone. If she was staying late she would have rang him! Oh God what if she was hurt again? He walked into their old room looking for his trainers saw Lexi spark out on the bed in some shorts and a t-shirt. She was rolled into a ball. Hugging a pillow tightly. His heart swelled with love at the sight of her. Her sat on the bed lay down and hugged her tightly to him. He ran his hand down her arm and noticed a nasty purple bruise on her upper arm. He frowned. God had someone whacked her with a bat or something? Come to think of it, it wasn't like Lexi to sleep in the middle of the day either! She had been tired and grouchy a lot recently. Far too tired for it just pregnancy! She had a cold recently. Flu. Or was it just flu like symptoms. Fear rose up inside him. Made his heart pound with dread. Those symptoms were…..

He climbed from the bed suddenly scared to death. Was he paranoid or was she really pale? And did her face look drawn in instead of filling out? Oh no oh no oh no! he walked backwards from their room he stared at her in profile. Oh God NO please! He prayed. He walked blindly outside. Tripped over someone's shoe on the veranda. Fell to his knees. Dragged in deep gulps of air.

That's how Alice found him. Gulping breathes. Trying vainly to drag air into his lungs. Forcing air into his body.

"Ethan son are you ok?" Alice asked on her knees beside him.

He shook his hand in front of his face indicating he was catching his breath.

She got up and ran into the house. Grabbed a paper bag. Returned and handed it to him. He breathed in and out. Took it away from his face. Panting but he was breathing was calmer. Not better but calmer.

"Ethan?" Alice asked.

"I'm scared Alice."

She held out her hand and pulled him to standing. "O son all first time parents are scared. You'll be fine son!"

"Not of being a father." he paused. "Look we've all been distracted recently. I looked at Lexi before. She is shattered. Bruising easily and she has had flu like symptoms."

Alice paled. She knew the symptoms well.

"You think she…?" Alice couldn't finish the sentence.

He collapsed onto a chair with his head in his hands.

"No. She'd have told us!" Alice said trying to squash the panic she was beginning to feel.

"What if she hasn't realised?"

The woman in question walked out on the veranda. She was rubbing her stomach.

Her eyes bugged at the sight of Ethan. "Ethan? You're here?" she gasped. Threw herself in his arms as he stood up.

"Of course I am! Where else would I be?" he replied.

"How do you feel Lexi?" Alice asked. Calmly. Immediately.

Lexi pulled herself from Ethan's warm embrace. "A little sick. Tired. Pregnant." she twined her fingers with Ethan's. Opened her mouth to talk to him.

"You know when you feel sick does it recede when you eat or get worse?" Alice asked.

Lexi frowned. "What's up with the questions? Of course I feel sick. I'm pregnant!"

"Lex we're worried. We noticed you've been sick and sleeping." Ethan told her.

Lexi was annoyed. "Well excuse me for my condition which you helped cause!"

"And you bruise easily and have had a cold." Alice added pointedly.

Lexi's hand flew to her mouth as she realised what her mother was saying. "I'm gonna be sick!" she whispered and then dashed to the bathroom. Ethan followed her. Alice's mind ran with possibilities. Lexi and Ethan returned quickly. She looked pale.

"C'mon let's talk this through rationally!" Lexi told them. "When your pregnant you get sick and tired and all sorts of other stuff will not doubt come. Doesn't mean I'm ill!" Lexi told them calmly.

"We need to get you to hospital for a blood test. The earlier we catch it the earlier the treatment can start." Ethan said.

Lexi's head spun. "Treatment? If I'm ill you expect me to have treatment?"

"Erm yes Lexi. It's a no brainer!" Ethan told her simply.

"Excuse me. If I'm ill there will be no treatment till after the baby is born!" she said stubbornly.

Ethan stood ramrod straight suddenly. "Yes there will. I'm not losing you!"

Alice stood up realising tensions were rising. "Look we're getting ahead of ourselves here!"

"You can't make me have treatment!" Lexi yelled ignoring her mother.

"Wanna bet Lex? A few words to the right people and I can make it so you HAVE to have treatment! I'm a psychiatrist remember!"

Lexi's jaw dropped. "You would have me sectioned? That's sick!"

"Look c'mon people. Lexi will be fine!" Alice tried to say but they didn't hear her.

"I love you too much to…" Ethan started.

"NO your trying to control me and I don't like it. At all!"

"I won't let you kill yourself for a child. If it comes to choosing I'd pick you! Every time." his dream echoed in his mind.

"Well you shouldn't. Our child should be more important. And if I am ill I won't be having treatment I guarantee it!"

"Don't force me to do something rash Lexi." he warned. "Don't underestimate how much I love you. How far I'd go to keep you with me!"

"You can go to hell Ethan. Don't threaten me and don't threaten my child either. It's my baby and my body! Your bluffing like you can force treatment on me!" she scoffed.

"I believe the term in my profession calls it compulsory admission to hospital. I get you sectioned. Under a section 3. Means I can keep you there for up to 6 months maybe longer. Where you will receive the treatment you need whether you want it or not!"

"C'mon kids calm down please. Lexi c'mon baby. Think of the baby yeah. You shouldn't be stressing!" Alice pleaded.

"He's threatening our child. Or shall I say my child. If he thinks he's getting anywhere near it he's crazy!"

Lexi walked into the house.

Alice looked at Ethan

"Were you serious?" Alice asked softly.

"Deadly!" he replied.

"You'd have her sectioned?" she asked in disbelief.

"If I have to. Like I said don't underestimate my feelings for her!"

"Don't underestimate her feelings about your child."

"The way I'm gonna do it, it won't matter. I'll ensure she gets any treatment she needs!"

"Whether she wants it or not?" Alice asked.

He nodded.

"And the baby?" she asked

His eyes darkened. Filled with pain. "I love my baby but I love her more. I wouldn't be able to survive if I lost her. What would you do? If it was Danny? If you had a chance to save him?"

"At the expense if Lexi you Daniel or Amie? I couldn't. He'd never forgive me."

"But we are here. She is pregnant we don't even know what we are having? What it looks like!"

"Doesn't make HER any less real. That's your child Ethan. Think about her for a second. You're her father and your talking about her in such a callous manner. Think about your and Lexi's baby girl as a person except a unborn foetus. It'll be harder for you to contemplate if you do that. I'm gonna ring the hospital. They may want her in tonight. I suggest you clear the air."

He nodded.

**A/N family harmony gone poof. didn't last long did it? hmmm now how will they sort this out i wonder? x**


	45. Lies

Ethan knocked on his and Lexi's bedroom door. Then walked in. heard Lexi murmuring to the baby.

"Don't you worry, daddy won't get his way. You'll be fine coz mummy will make sure ok!" she rubbed.

"Lex." he started.

"Go away! We don't wanna talk to you right now!"

The baby kicked. "There, there sweetie." she crooned.

"She wants her daddy." he said.

"No she doesn't. She heard every word you said. Me and her are pissed at daddy right now!" Lexi told him.

"I was only thinking of you. Doing it for you." he said softly.

"At the expense of my daughter?" she asked angrily.

"Our daughter!" he reminded her.

"No. You forfeit any rights to my child when you talked about her like she is nothing. She is not nothing. She is everything!"

"I'm her father I have rights."

"Are you sure you're her father Ethan? I spent an awful lot of time at work!"

He took a step back. "I am." he paused. "I know I am!"

"Aah but your not sure. I can tell!" she said nastily.

"Stop this!" he yelled. "She's mine!" his anger rising.

Lexi shrugged. Rubbed her stomach. Sat on the bed.

Ethan stared at her small bump. His eyes full of pain.

"Lexi." he said softly.

She ignored him.

"Doesn't matter I know!" his voice wobbled. "I know!" he said forcefully.

Lexi leaned forward. "Who you trying to convince Ethan me or yourself?"

"Stop it! Tell me!" he yelled. Eyes glittered with anger. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Go away Ethan. I don't want hysterical people around my child!"

He paced. She crooned nonsense to her stomach.

He glared at her.

"What?" she asked calmly.

"I can't believe you'd use her against me like that!"

"Go away Ethan. Me and my baby are bonding!"

He walked from her room and slammed the door.

She exhaled the breath she had held and let the tears fall. God that had hurt her so it must have destroyed him. You so better not have been listening to that Mini E. If you were don't worry he is your daddy. 100 percent. She had been very careful not to say the exact words that he wasn't. She implied it but never actually said it. It had hurt like hell lying to him like that seeing his eyes as she put the doubt in his head. The doubt taking root with every word she said. With her refusing to acknowledge his denial. With her refusal to tell him that he is her father. She had to do it though. He was talking about taking their child away. So Lexi took their baby away from him metaphorically. She shouldn't have done it. She knew that. But he had at least backed off. Wasn't talking about getting her sectioned anymore. She loved her baby so much. The only way she could love her more was if she was 100 percent Ethan's. She loved her so much because she was Ethan's baby. Her little piece of him. She hoped that eventually he'd understand why she did this. She wasn't backing down though. This was their baby and he talked about her like she was nothing! She rested her hand on her bump and mumbled.

(X)

Ethan walked. Alice stopped him.

"Did you get it sorted with Lexi son?"

"O yeah we sorted it all right. She told me the baby isn't mine!"

"What?"

"O yeah. Have you any idea how that feels? And you know what if she's lying that's worse. No amount of talking is gonna make this better. It either she cheated on me or used my baby against me. Both instances are unforgivable."

"Ethan she is lying. You know she's yours."

"Is she Alice? Really? She sounded entirely truthful and I'm going a little mental right now. I need to be alone!"

"She's in hospital in an hour. They pulled her records up and she's till listed as priority with how aggressive her cancer was the first time. I actually spoke to her original specialist and he remembered her so he wants her in right away."

"Ok." he replied.

"You coming?"

He shook his head. "I'm all over at the minute."

"She's lying." Alice told him simply.

"Why would she wanna destroy me like that? I've gotta go Alice."

Alice watched him climb into a truck and drive off.

Alice walked into Lexi's room. Saw her in tears on the bed.

"We're at the hospital in an hour for blood tests."

Lexi nodded. Wiped her eyes. Went in the wardrobe and pulled out white tracksuit bottoms, t-shirt and jumper. Went into the bathroom. Quickly joined her mum in the car.

"It's weird seeing you in tracksuit bottoms." Alice started the car.

"They're more comfortable since I'm showing. What about Daniel and Amie?"

"It's your dads….Dammit."

"What mum?" Lexi asked.

"I haven't told him about you. He had to pick the kids up from school. Was taking them bowling after. He has no idea about you."

"He's gonna be pissed mum!"

"O you think?" she asked dryly.

They sat in silence.

"I know what you said to Ethan Lexi."

"What?"

"You told him he isn't the babies dad. You can't mess with people like that!"

"I did not say he wasn't her dad at all. I might of implied it. But I didn't physically say you are not her father!"

"That's semantics Lexi! It doesn't make a difference to him. It's ok for you. You know she is yours. He loves you. Trusts you. And this is how you treat him? You keep saying you want him to stay but a statement like that will only make him leave!"

"Well let him leave! At least our child will be safe from his and his psychology degree!" Lexi fumed." I thought her loved her as much as I do. Boy was I wrong!"

"You've blown it with him. You do know that. He will never forgive you for this!"

"What?" Lexi asked scared.

"If there is one thing you never do to a man you never EVER make him doubt if he's the father to his kids. And you lied. You know full well he's her father which in his mind is worse coz your deliberately using the child to hurt him."

"To be honest I don't care. He doesn't love me. Or our child. He's trying to control me and I won't be in a relationship like that!"

"I can see where's he's coming from. If it was your dad and he was ill and there was something that could make him better and he refused then I'd try and make him do it."

"At the expense of Amie or Daniel or me?"

"I'm not saying I would do it. I'd try. I'd even consider doing it. Difference is Ethan can actually enforce what he is saying while I couldn't. I can see his dilemma. See you say he doesn't love you but actually it is blatant that he does. He's reacting coz he's scared of losing you. Although if you ask me after the way he threatened you and after what you said to him this relationship is irreparable. Now you gotta come together as parents and decide what's best for your baby."

They pulled into the hospital parking lot. She stared at the building where she had her chemo all those years ago. She could still remember the feeling of the chemo being pumped into her body. She felt sick again.

"I've already decided mum. No treatment till she is born." Lexi said stubbornly.

Alice knew that and was hoping that these tests came back negative!

**A/N lexi that was mean and uncalled for grrrrr poor heartbroken ethan she is a freaking idiot! could alice b right. is this relationship unfixable?**


	46. Beliefs

Ethan was in the gym sparring with a kid. He was good. Showed a lot of promise and was a lot more focused then he had been at 17. Of course he'd been young and in love. The kid went to hit him. Ethan dodged and exploited his ribs which he left wide open. He didn't hit to hurt him just to show him. The kid lost his temper.

"You taking the piss outta me? Are you gonna box properly or what?"

The kid didn't know who he was. He and Thabo's name were on the wall beside tournament wins and dates.

"You sure kid?"

The 17 year old was cocky and sure of himself. "C'mon!"

"Wait there." took his gloves off. Opened his old locker. Removed the gloves Lexi had gave him years ago. Pulled on a old pair of tracksuit bottoms which were in there. Better than restricting jeans anyway. Pulled his trainers on.

All those yeas ago Thabo had put his gloves away and handed the key to his locker to Sid. As soon as Ethan had walked in Sid handed him the key. After the usual pleasantries Sid had pointed out Keon to him. Who was cocky and sure of himself. Ethan saw a lot of weaknesses. But a lot of potential there too. Sid wanted him taken down a peg or two. Ethan climbed in the ring. He asked a kid to record them.

"So who am I fighting?" Keon asked.

"Danny." Ethan replied quickly.

"Let's go then Danny!"

(X)

Ethan skirted the edge of the ring. Let the kid come to him. He was too eager to get straight in. He needed to learn patience. Speed and power could only take you so far. You had to use your head too. Keon swung. Ethan ducked. Swung again. Ethan dodged and weaved. This carried on.

"C'mon swing for me!" Keon yelled frustrated.

The angrier Keon on the sloppier his punches became. The less he protected his head and body. Keon was sweating profusely. Hadn't landed one punch. Ethan hadn't thrown one either.

"C'mon hit me!" he yelled.

"If you say so." Ethan murmured.

Ethan ducked and swung as he straightened. Hit Keon once hard in the head. If he hadn't been tired he would have stayed up. But he was shattered and caught off guard he wobbled Ethan gave him hard rib shot. Keon fell to his knees winded. Ethan took off his gloves and tossed them across the ring. Turned his back. Went to his corner. Didn't see Keon quickly get up and hit him in the back of the head. Ethan spun and glared at him. Keon swung again. Ethan dodged and danced to where his gloves lay. So Keon wanted to play it this way then? Ethan thought angrily. He had held back before. He managed to pull his gloves on although Keon was gloating coz he got in a few head shots.

"Right kid you asked for this. No one hits me from behind!"

Ethan quickly reverted to his old stance. The kid looked and paled. He know knew he wasn't fighting a novice. Ethan gave Keon some hard ribs shots which left him breathless. He was still swinging for Ethan. He had to have points for persistence and guts. Or sheer stupidity. Keon even landed a few shots. Ethan was gonna finish this now. He distracted Keon with his left and uppercut him with a hard right. His signature move, he hadn't lost his touch. The kid just flew backwards and lay on the mat panting.

"You gonna stay down kid?" he asked angrily.

Keon nodded.

"First rule of boxing you never hit from behind. It's bad sportsman ship for one! I wanna talk to you when your up to it!"

Keon nodded again.

Ethan showered and changed. Was talking to Sid.

"You showed him Eth. He needed that. I'm not getting good boxers like I used to. There's no one to challenge him."

"I agree Sid. He's good. But he's got as many skills as weaknesses. He needs work. Does Thabo come by?"

"Occasionally but he's engaged with a job. Same as you."

Ethan nodded.

"Right Danny what d'ya wanna talk about?" Keon asked walking in.

Sid looked confused. "Danny? Whose he talking bout Eth?"

"Eth?" Keon asked.

"My name is Ethan. Not Danny."

"Ethan Bell." Sid said nodding.

The kids eyes widened. "No way. Your practically famous in here. And I boxed with you!"

"Not very well kid." Ethan supplied.

"What about Thabo?"

"We talk from time to time." Ethan said. "Anyway." he pushed a video in the VCR pressed play. "Sit down kid." they watched the tape. Every so often Ethan would pause the tape and point out an error. "Look Keon your good right but your cocky and hot headed. You never hit in anger coz then your not focused on your own defence your focused on hitting the other person. You need to learn patience instead of going straight in there, let your opportunities open themselves up to you. They will come."

Keon listened intently hanging on every word.

"I'll be back down again next week. Spar with you. Watch the tape. Memorise it. Learn your weaknesses and work on em. Maybe Thabo will be here too."

Keon nodded and walked outside.

Ethan turned to Sid. "What the hell have you been saying to these kids about us?"

"Well you mostly. You're a boxing God around here. You went professional in under a year. Do you know how rare that is? You and Thabo won everything there was. I was hoping one of you would decide to go all the way you know. Be the next Ricky Hatten." he shrugged.

"You need to get someone in for that kid. The only reason I was so good so quick was Thabo."

"There is no one else Eth."

Ethan frowned. "Right I have a couple of ideas. But I need to talk them through with Thabo first. Might even drum up extra business for you. But I gotta get home now."

"Yeah. I heard your fiancé is pregnant. You gonna bring the kid down here when he's older?"

Ethan's mind had been taken off the baby but now again it was the forefront of his mind.

"I'll talk to Thabo and then phone you ok Sid."

Sid nodded. "See you Eth."

He left the gym and walked out to the truck. Drove home. Saw Danny on the veranda. Looking worried.

(X)

"Alice told you huh?" Ethan asked.

"Lexi is having her blood taken now." Danny said.

"I suppose she told you the rest too?"

He shook his head. "She was only on the phone a minute to tell me about Lexi." he ran his hand through his hair.

"I told her if she refused treatment I'd get her sectioned and then she would be forced to have the treatment. In response she told me the baby wasn't mine." his voice was crushed.

"She didn't?" Danny gasped. "You know she's lying. She loves you."

"Does she love me? Why do that to someone you love?"

Danny thought. "I'm not even gonna try and explain a woman to you. They think differently to men. What I think went through her mind was that she wanted to hurt you. And she was testing you, to se if you actually cared about the baby. She hurt you the only way she knew how. She needed to know."

"I love them both Danny I don't wanna lose either of them but Danny hearing her saying that to me. God next time she can just rip my heart out. Will be less painful!"

"It was supposed to son." he put his hand on Ethan's shoulder.

"How did you deal with it? When you found out Lexi might be yours then wasn't?"

"That's a different situation son. I loved Lexi before I knew she was mine. Then I found out I might be her dad. We both believed she was mine. When I found out she wasn't I nearly left. Then we found out she is my daughter so….I still have a few blanks so I think that's pretty much the story." he shrugged.

"This situation doesn't apply to you and Lex at all. She looks at you the way Alice looks at me. She'd never do that to you. She is completely devoted to you."

"Maybe." Ethan said quietly.

A car drove up and Lexi climbed out. Her eyes locked with Ethan's. His eyes drank in the sight of her. God she was stunning in white.

"Thanks for talking to me Danny but I gotta phone someone." he walked inside had to get away from the vision that is Lexi.

Lexi exhaled in resignation. Walked up the stairs dejected. Danny stood up and although she was slightly taller than her dad and pulled her close for a hug. She rested her head on his shoulder and he rubbed her hair.

"You'll be fine Lexi. Your just pregnant. You get all sorts of little bugs and stuff."

"Yeah dad. Thanks. I'm going inside ok."

He nodded. Sat back in his chair as Lexi walked inside. Alice sat beside Danny. Lifted his arm and put it around her. "Don't pull away Danny please." she asked softly.

He pulled Alice closer and she pulled up her legs and rested them under her knees. Closed her eyes and inhaled his scent.

"How was she?" he asked.

"WE spoke to her doctor. He's optimistic but he said you can never be too careful."

Danny nodded.

"I'm worried Danny She can't go through that again! I can't watch her go through that again. I know it's not about me but it killed me. As a parent it's like the worst thing ever watching your child be ill. Your baby waste away!" her voice wobbled.

"She'll be fine Alice. I'm sure of it."

"I warned you Danny Good always comes with bad. She's pregnant but could be ill again we get you back but almost lose her in an ambulance crash. I can't take it anymore!" her tears spilled. Her wrapped her in his arms. Held her tight as her emotions which were wound tight unravelled.

(X)

Ethan was sitting in his room. His mobile rang in his ear. He ignored a knock. He knew who it was and didn't wanna speak to her right now. What was she gonna throw at him next? Potential fathers? No way!

"Eth it's Lex, can I come in?"

He ignored her.

She strode in. "I always took silence as an automatic yes." she told him.

"Hello Thabo it's Ethan." he said.

"I wanna talk to you Ethan." Lexi told him pointedly.

Ethan ignored her. "I went to see Sid today Thabo."

"It's important Ethan." Lexi carried on.

"Yeah Sid does look good." Ethan agreed with Thabo. Continuing ignorance at Lexi.

Lexi grabbed his mobile from his hand. "Hello Thabo. Ethan will phone you back. Thank you." disconnected and threw his phone out of the window. "Now will you talk to me?" she asked annoyed.

Ethan stared at her. "No actually I'm not. You had no right to grab my phone like that. I was in the middle of a conversation!"

"We have important things to discuss Ethan."

"Like." he said coldly. She wants to play the hurt game? Lets see if she likes what he has to say!

"Our child!"

"Our child? She's ours now is she? A couple of hours ago she wasn't mine. Just yours. What's wrong. Did you talk to her real dad and he doesn't wanna know?"

"Ethan you know you are her father!"

"Do I? if I remember correctly we were careful Lex. Every time. And now your pregnant. Plus you told me. What am I supposed to believe huh? Yes you are no you aren't. It messes with your head Lexi!" he fumed.

"I wanted to hurt you Ethan. I thought you didn't care. I was right huh?" she fumed back at him.

"Lex don't give me that crap you know how much I love her. God we don't even know what we are having and yet I'm calling her, her. Coz I know we are having a girl and how do I know that? I feel it in my heart. I'm already bonded to her but you took my daughter away from me and she isn't even here yet." his eyes glistened. "You did too good a job Lexi. You wanted to hurt me mission accomplished. The worst thing is I'm truly not sure anymore. See in my head I'm like Lexi loves you she wouldn't cheat on you. But then I think well if you love me then why would you lie like that? So you mustn't love me so you might have cheated. Then I'm like no Lexi loves me. It goes round and round in my mind driving me mad!" he swallowed the lump in his throat.

Lexi finally saw what she did to him. He was in pieces. He actually believed….

"Look Ethan I love you. I'd never do that to you. " she told him softly. Trying to convince him. "She is your daughter Eth. Your little girl. Yours and mine."

"How long till you change your mind Lexi? I can't live like that. I love her too much. I want to her dad."

"You are." she stressed.

"According to the person who told me I wasn't. Lexi get out of here please. You don't need to be stressing it's not good for your baby."

"I know it doesn't mean much Ethan but I'm sorry. I am so sorry."

He nodded and she left. He went and stood next to his door. Sat with his back on the door so no one could walk in. Lowered his head and covered his face with his hands.

Lexi stood on the other side of his door. Heard him trying to cry silently she heard gulping breathes and sniffles. She hated herself. For what she had did to him. God this was like the worst thing she had ever done in her entire life. She had ruined them. Lost the best thing that had ever happened to her. She slipped off her ring and looked at it. Exhaled a breath when she realised that this didn't belong to her anymore. She went to the study and grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down a message. Slipped the ring in a envelope with the note and then slid it under his door.

Ethan saw the envelope and heard footsteps walking away. He frowned. Opened the envelope. His ring fell into his hand along with a note saying 2 words. I'm sorry.

**A/N awww ethan actually believes the bby isn't his. lexi this is wot lies do! poor ethan. poor lex. and poor danice having to go through the belief and trauma of lex bein ill agen :(**


	47. Different Problems

3 days had passed. Lexi was ill and depressed. For someone who hadn't suffered morning sickness at all. She was ill now. Couldn't keep anything down. Ethan had asked how she was. She snapped that he didn't care. That she and her baby were fine. He replied that he was glad her and HER baby were fine. Then walked away. She'd barely made it to her room before bursting into tears. Now she was lain awake at 11 o'clock at night unable to sleep. She got up in her shorts and t-shirt walked to the kitchen to make some warm milk. The house was quiet. She was alone with her thoughts, her headache which was never ending and her stomach which was warning her if she took one sip of that milk then she was gonna pay. She hadn't eaten any tea earlier so her stomach was telling her it wanted food. Everything she had made her ill.

"What do you want then lil miss?" Lexi asked her stomach. "It's toast or crumpets." the baby kicked at the crumpets.

"Is that a yes?" she rubbed her. "I see you like the sound of those crumpets. Me too."

She walked to the cupboard and pulled out the crumpets.

"Now you keep these down huh?" she said softly. "You should coz you picked em."

She poured her warm milk onto a cup. The smell wafted up and assaulted her nose. She covered her mouth, closed her eyes and breathed slowly.

"You ok?" a voice asked.

She nodded. "I'm ok Ethan."

"You having problems eating?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm ok Ethan." she repeated.

Her crumpets popped and she put a tiny amount of butter on them. Felt her stomach tie itself into knots.

She went to take a drink of milk. Let it wet her lips at first. Licked it off. Her stomach rolled. The smell of the melted butter on the crumpets was her undoing. Her hand flew to her mouth and dashed to the bathroom. Ethan followed her and held her hair away from her face as she was ill. She flopped back onto the floor. Arm across her stomach her eyes closed. He handed her a cold glass of water and a cold compress. He sat beside her and held it to her head. He sat back when she took a mouthful of water and swished it around her mouth. She exhaled tiredly. She went to get up and he helped her up. Put his arm around her waist. She leaned into him. Bone weary.

"C'mon I'll sort something." he whispered. Sat her down in the kitchen. She rested her head on one hand. He went into a cupboard. Opened a tin and poured it into a pan. Stirred.

"When was the last time you had a proper meal?" he asked.

She shrugged. "She's a little fussy at the minute." To be honest Lexi thought the baby was punishing for pushing her daddy away. But she of course kept that to herself.

He smiled a little. "How you sleeping?"

"Ok." code for not a lot.

He nodded. Grabbed a bowl. Poured the contents of the pan into it. Looked in the cupboards. Damn no ginger. You put it in water and it eased sickness.

He grabbed another glass of water and took the bowl and took them to her.

"You don't have to take care of me Ethan." she told him tiredly.

"I…" he stopped. "I'm 50 percent responsible for your condition so I do have to take care of you."

She looked in the bowl. "Chicken soup?"

"It's nice. You'll be fine."

"I hate chicken soup!" she complained. Then smelled. Her stomach growled appreciatively. He grinned. She picked up the spoon and sipped a spoonful tentatively. It eased her stomach almost instantly and before she knew it the whole bowl was gone.

"So we need more chicken soup." he murmured.

"Thank you Ethan." she said softly.

"I gotta keep you healthy till my little lady is here." he looked at her stomach. "She IS mine isn't she."

"I promise you Ethan she really is."

He nodded.

"I'd better be going to bed. I'm at work tomorrow. Not on early's at least."

"Goodnight to you both."

"Night Ethan. From us both."

(X)

Danny lay in bed. Battling to keep his eyes open. Blinked constantly. Alice lay breathing softly by his side. He longed for sleep. He was gonna close his eyes. He thought drowsily. Just for on minute and then he'd be fine. It wouldn't hurt…..

His dream was different this time. He almost cried in relief. He was walking off the plane. At Jo'burg airport. He was gonna be fine! He was going home thank God. He walked away. Something made him look back. He saw his family go through the terminal doors. He ran back towards the terminal but the door was locked and he couldn't get passed. He pleaded with the staff telling them not to take off. To tell the pilot not to take off. They did nothing. The plane went down the run way slowly. Rose up in the air then suddenly went into a nose dive. He saw the impact and watched the plane burst into a ball of flames.

"NO!" he shouted sitting up. Jerked awake. His hands rushed to his face.

"Huh?" Alice asked sleepily. Looked around. Saw Danny sat up awake.

"I'm sorry honey. It's ok." he lay back down beside her.

"Bad dream?" she asked automatically.

He nodded. "You sleep honey."

She pretended. Lay awake in the darkness. Waited till he was asleep. She knew it would happen eventually. When she was sure she turned over and gathered him close.

"Danny." she whispered. "Your not on any plane. Your at home in bed with your wife. Your fine. I'm fine. Everyone is fine. I love you. I have you. Your safe. I won't let any harm come to you, I promise. Just sleep easy honey. I'll protect you."

She kissed him softly and snuggled into him.

He exhaled and she felt the tension in his body ease and he slept.

(X)

Alice rose from the bed at 6. Danny was stretched out on his stomach. She didn't want to disturb him. This was the first full night sleep he had in months.

"Alice." he murmured. Felt her leaving him.

"It's ok honey go back to sleep."

She leant over and kissed him. He responded in his sleep.

She pulled back. "I love you."

"love you." he replied sleepily and then was out again. She smiled at him lovingly. Then went about her business.

(X)

Danny came awake slowly. He was on his stomach a pillow bunched under his head. He stretched. Feeling more relaxed then he ever remembered. He smiled as his dream came to him. He and Alice having fun together. God he loved her. Somehow last night she'd knew when a nightmare was starting and she calmed him he heard her soft voice. Telling him he was at home. Not on a plane. That he was safe. She was taking care of him. In his dream she'd came. Took him off the plane. Kicked people's asses when they tried to stop her. Then they left the airport and they had fun. Laughing at the beach. Or just sitting holding hands. The woman in question crept into their room.

"Well hello sleepyhead. Your looking handsome this morning!" she closed their door sat on the bed. "How'd you sleep?" she leaned in and kissed him.

"Really well." he admitted turning over and sitting up. Pulled her in for a proper kiss instead of the chaste touch of lips she gave him.

When he finished kissing her he rubbed his hands over his hair and smoothed it down.

She grunted in frustration and messed it back up. "Me like! Your cuter with messy hair."

He jumped up and tried to mess her hair up.

"Ha-ha my hairs in a bobble!" she stuck her tongue out at him.

He pulled her to him again. Kissed her softly. She melted he pulled her bobble out and then messed her hair up.

"Argh!" she squealed then giggled.

"War!" she declared and dived on him. She was straddling him leaning over and was messing his hair up. Laughing manically.

"I gotta great view from down here!" he murmured and went to lift her top up.

"Argh!" she squealed again and dived back off him.

She was kneeling at the foot of the bed. "Truce?" she asked.

He got up to his knees. "Never!" he said and soon they were rolling on the bed having a messy hair war. They eventually called a truce and lay on the bed on their sides looking at each other.

"We're worse than the kids!" she declared and kissed him once.

"What have you done to your hair?" he asked in mock disgust. "It's a mess. I just woke up, what's your excuse?" he joked. Kissed her once too.

"My adorable husband is a cracker!"

His laughed rumbled. She lay her head against his chest wrapped her arms around his waist. "Finally you got a decent nights sleep honey."

"I did thanks to you. How did you do it?"

"I stayed awake and anytime I thought you were going to a dark place I hugged you tight and talked you through it. You had nothing to worry about."

"You stayed awake for me?" he asked.

"Just a couple of hours." she said stifling a yawn.

He lowered his head and kissed her with so much love that it overflowed from her body between them. "Have I told you how amazing you are? And how lucky I am to have you and how much I love you?"

"Not today but you would have eventually." she laughed.

"Well you are amazing and I am so unbelievably lucky to have you and I'm crazy in love with you and always will be!"

"Tonight will be a problem though." she told him.

His eyes went cloudy. "I think your right. I need to confide in someone but I dunno if it's something I'll be able to tell you."

"I'm stronger than I look Danny."

"I know but it's…..very graphic!"

"Hey I can handle it honey."

"People were burned Alice and decapitated. And crushed." he said seriously.

Alice was shocked but worked on keeping her face impassive. "Danny honey what on earth did you go through?"

He inhaled a large breath.

**A/N the danice cuteness is back awww me love danice cuteness :D next chapter is gonna be hard for danny tho .**

**and lex and ethan are at least speaking now soooo...**


	48. Lean on Me

He inhaled a large breath.

"If you decide to tell me and you need to stop I understand honey."

He nodded. He couldn't look at her face when he told her so he sat up and pulled her back to his chest wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her neck. Then put it up.

"I guess I'll start at the beginning huh? I….." he faltered. She kept quiet knowing this was gonna be hard enough without interruptions. She twined her fingers with his giving him silent support.

"I was at the airport. I felt ill. Uneasy. See I knew something was wrong. I knew I shouldn't get on that plane. I wanted to be sick. See I thought it was coz I left you at home after an argument. It wasn't that at all. My plane was announced and that feeling of dread just grew. I settled on the plane and it receded somewhat. I was sat near to some stag lads. They were loud and raucous. Poor kids." he murmured. Paused. "I plugged in my Ipod pulled out paperwork on Ethan. Making notes. I remember thinking I would die before his dad got out of jail how close did that statement come to being true? I did my notes then I phoned you." lifted her hand a pressed a kiss to it. "I love you." he murmured. "After that I asked the air hostess for a pillow. She got me one but these lads were being really loud so I asked if there was anywhere I could move. They moved me to the back of the plane next to a mother and her baby. I just about to go to sleep and the baby cried. Amy had teeth coming through. I spoke to her mum who apologised. I was like it's fine see out Amie had just had her teeth coming through too. I went to sleep when Amy quieted. I have no idea how much later but I was awoken by the plane bumping all over the place and the shrill high pitch of woman's screams. We were told to put our seatbelts on. We were experiencing turbulence. Bullshit! There was a flash and we literally stopped in mid air. Not a movement or a sound for what felt like hours but it was only a few seconds. I had an inkling of what happened. Lightning had struck the plane and fried the engines. The plane lurched forward and we catapulted to the earth. I said a prayer to God to take care of all of you and then everything went black."

He was breathing heavily and was silent for ages. Alice didn't think he was gonna start again.

I don't think I wanna tell you the next bit Alice. It's hard, graphic and…" he exhaled she felt something warm and wet hit the back of her neck. "I hate thinking of it. It's what I dream about."

"Ok honey." she told him. "That's fine." he nodded and held her a while needing her closeness to settle him she calmed him. He felt a build up. Something built inside him. Demanding to be released!

"Fire!" he blurted.

"What honey?"

"The plane it was on fire! And there were burning bodies everywhere" he was talking quickly. Fragmented sentences fell from him. "Crushed people to the right! And the top of the plane had been torn off. And to the left people had been…they had…" he couldn't say it. "Amy's mother still had her hand on her chest. God I had to move her hand and it was still warm." his hands twitched.

"And I survived by sheer dumb luck. I had been asleep and lain my seat back right but when I sat up it hadn't latched properly. The impact must have jarred it loose again and it fell. Otherwise I'd have no head either! The one seat that saved my life was the one I wasn't even supposed to be in. I mean talk about a lottery. Everyone died and I mean everyone!" his breathing was extremely laboured. didn't hold back.

"My seatbelt was stuck and I fought to loosen it. I didn't even know why I tried. I figured I was gonna die. I mean how in the hell do you get off a burning plane huh? I noticed Amy was alive and I unlatched her seat. Promised her mother I'd find her a new family. That was if we even got off the plane. Like I said I thought we were screwed! I was so overwhelmed by the smell of burning bodies felt sick. I couldn't get the door open though. C'MON OPEN!" he said reliving that moment. "Not that it would of helped. I put Amy's chair on my shoulder and climbed out of the side of the plane. The metal was all jagged and hot." he looked at the scar on his hand. "I pulled us up. Blooding oozing down my arms. An explosion shuddered through the plane. And I nearly fell back in. I'm so glad I didn't coz I know if I went back in we wouldn't have got out. I got over. Added a gash to my leg. Slid down the side of the plane. Not realising how far off the ground we were. Probably would have fell to my death if I hadn't crabbed the metal clamp that attaches the wheel to the plane. It had nearly been torn off. I nearly crushed my entire left side when I hit the edge momentum. I hung there for a minute nearly dropped Amy's car seat. Knew I had to jump. Knew It was gonna hurt. I braced my feet against the plane counted to three then jumped. Literally a second later the plane just exploded into a ball of fire. I fell though Alice. I fell and fell and fell. For an eternity. Landed. On my side or back id don't remember. All I remember is pain and I wanted to die. But I had a baby to look after so I walked in the pouring rain covered in blood and debris through a field. I had to stop to change Amy and make her a make shift cover to keep her dry. Then I walked."

He hid his face in her shoulder. Alice was in shock. She'd had no idea how he had got off that plane but if asked to dream up a scenario she'd have never came up with that in a million years. The fact he was still here was luck. And not just once. If he was a cat he'd be short of abut 5 lives here! She turned around and faced her husband. Drew herself up onto her knees and enveloped him in her arms. Wrapped her arms around his neck. His around her waist. She felt tears fall from her eyes.

"How close did I come to losing you forever? How lucky are we that we have this second chance? We're not gonna waste it Danny! I can't lose you again. Not ever. I love you Danny!"

"I love you and you'll never lose me. I am forever yours. My heart body and soul." he vowed.

They held each other tightly and pledged their love over and over again!

**A/N hopefully danny will sleep better now he has released it. aww cute daniceness at the end aww :D**


	49. Results

Lexi sat bolt upright in bed. Dashed to the bathroom. Ethan was just walking out of the bathroom. She pushed passed him. The chicken soup she had enjoyed last night came back to haunt her. She leaned back against the wall.

"I hate chicken soup!" she murmured weakly.

Ethan gave her water. After she sipped it he helped her up. Took her to her room and lay her down. He sat beside her. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"A little." she lied.

"Lexi." he encouraged.

"No I did get a little sleep." about an hour. Maybe less.

He lay beside her. "C'mere."

"I gotta get up for work." she told him. Although she had protested she leaned into his chest and sighed.

"Not for a couple of hours. I'll get you up."

She turned over so her back was against his chest. Her head was pillowed under one of her arms. His hand rested on the swell of their baby. He rubbed it.

"I'm sorry Lex. I always knew she was mine. Well nearly always. I guess I just freaked."

Lexi nodded. "I'm sorry for even thinking about hurting you in that way never mind even implying she wasn't yours. I do love you Ethan."

"Yeah I love you too."

But both people knew that love couldn't keep you together if you were badly suited. And they were badly suited. Neither wanted it to end this way but that's the way it was!

Lexi was asleep in no time. Deeply asleep. Ethan kissed her head softly. Rubbed her stomach.

"Daddy's back!" he vowed. Then went to phone Bob.

Ethan spoke to Bob on the phone. "Yeah Bob it's Ethan. She's ill. Not eating. Barely sleeping. No she won't be in. I couldn't say when she'll be back. Yeah I'll get her to phone you. Thanks for understanding. What? Your wife's been pregnant twice? They can go canny mental like. Yeah I'll tell her. Thanks man."

He then went to the study and began designing flyers for Sid's upcoming events. He and Thabo had spoke about it and they were gonna raise some money for charity by having a boxing match. A fancy dressed boxing match. Gonna get the local school kids involved by asking them to design some costumes. The details were still being ironed out they were doing this and were having a few free boxing lessons taught by him and Thabo to get some youngsters into Sid's. Like a group teaching session. Hopefully they'd see a couple of kids with potential. He had the rest of the week off he'd taken them as a holiday coz all this stuff with Lex had scrambled his rains and he was no use to anyone!

Lexi awoke. Felt great after a sleep. Glanced at her clock and shot up

"Damn I should have been at work an hour ago!" she yelled.

Dived from her bedroom into the shower and was in there for 5 minutes. Literally. She was barely wet and then she was back out again was back in her room pulling her dressing gown off and pulling her clothes and work uniform on. Smiled slightly when the she struggled to get the zip over her abdomen. She really needed new uniforms!

She heard a knock and then Ethan walked in. smiled at her when he saw her. Then frowned when he realised she was flustered.

"Your awake." he said

"yes I am." she said annoyed. "You said you'd wake me!"

"You needed your sleep." he shrugged. "Bob was fine with it. Told me he'd sort it with Martin. He is pissed by the way."

"You should have woke me!" she said pulling her brush through her wet hair.

"Lex you needed your sleep. I did it for you and the baby!"

"And coz you don't want me working there anymore. I actually thought you cared that I wasn't getting any sleep." she yelled and tied her hair back.

"Don't even start saying I don't care when I do! I phoned him didn't I? told Bob you'd phone him later!"

"I am needed at work! You don't pick if and when I go into work I do!" she fumed.

"And your not eating or sleeping! You have our baby to think about!"

She walked out of her room and went to the phone.

"What you doing?" he asked.

"Phoning Bob. Telling him I'm coming in."

"Why you have the day off now. Relax."

"Coz I wanna get away from you!" she said nastily.

She picked the phone up and he pressed the disconnect button so she couldn't ring out.

"Dammit Ethan it's my choice!" she told him angrily.

"C'mon Lex we spend the day together. You me and the baby. We'll talk names. And what pram you want and look on the internet for baby stuff." he said softly.

"No I don't wanna do that stuff with you I wanna go to work."

His eyes darkened. "Fine!" he took his finger off the button. Walked down the hall.

He turned when he heard a gasp and the receiver hit the floor. He saw Lexi almost bent double. Arms around her stomach panting. Her face contorted.

"Ethan!" she said breathless. "The baby!"

He was by her side in a second. "Lexi!"

"Ambulance!" she panted. "Baby."

"It'll be quicker if I drive you myself." so he picked her up and carried her to the car. Put her inside and pulled her belt over her.

"Ethan it hurts!" she told him.

"You'll be fine. The baby too. Believe me!"

"This isn't good Ethan. I'm losing her. I can't lose another baby!" Tears streamed from her eyes.

"No your not Lexi. Your NOT!" he said panicking.

They arrived at A and E and she was immediately whisked into a cubicle. He was asked to wait outside. Her records pulled up. He was pacing his mind whirling with thoughts of Lexi and his baby. He prayed his little girl was ok. Not his baby girl! An hour passed. He felt sick with worry.

"You can go in now Mr Bell."

He was straight in there. Lexi was on a drip.

"Lexi?" he asked softly.

"They wanna perform a scan Ethan." her eyes glistened. "They couldn't find her heartbeat."

His stomach dropped.

"I'm so sorry Ethan!" she said tearfully.

"Lex this isn't your fault so no apologies." he clutched her hand.

They waited a little until they were transferred to the maternity unit. They clutched hands the whole way there. They were soon in a private room next to a machine. The cold clear gel on her stomach. They placed the ultrasound on her stomach. Ethan and Lexi held their breath, they heard the whooshing of their babies heartbeat and she appeared on screen. Arms flying. Lexi burst into tears. Ethan felt all choked up. He leaned and kissed Lexi's cheek.

"She's fine Lex. Our little girl is fine."

The doctor took his measurements. "Yep your daughter is definitely fine. Big for her age too."

"Daughter?" they both gasped. "You mean we're definitely having a little girl?"

"You didn't know?" the doctor asked nervously.

"We guessed. Well her dad guessed she was a girl."

"Yes your having a girl who is healthy and like I said very big for 18 weeks. Hence the reason why I could see her gender."

"And she is definitely ok?" Lexi needed reassurance.

"Yes. You will need to be monitored closely. I can see that your placenta came away from the uterine wall slightly. That in itself can be dangerous for both mother and child. It was a very small perforation. I have made some notes. You are to take it easy. Rest often and be careful to stay away from stressful situations"

"I'll make sure of it." Ethan looked at her lovingly.

"Right I see in your notes you had blood taken. You need to go over to Ward 17 in the S.I.U. I know they need to speak to you."

Lexi paled as did Ethan. She was handed a printed sheet of what she had to do and steer clear of to avoid it happening again. Ethan didn't leave go of her hand as they walked to Ward 17.

"I'm here Lexi. I'm always here and whatever happens we'll deal with it together ok." he lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to it.

She nodded and gave her name to the receptionist. They went and sat down in a chair. She sat ramrod straight stiff.

"You'll be ok Lex."

"Alexis Trevanion." the doctor said.

"Will you come with me please?" she asked Ethan.

He nodded and refused to let go of her hand.

They were led into a cold sterile room. The doctor tapped away on a keyboard. Reading her notes. Looking intense. God the waiting was killing her! She needed to know! The doctor turned to Lexi. His face serious. Lexi's stomach dropped.

"Miss Trevanion I have good news. Your cancer has not returned. Your bloods were completely normal."

Lexi exhaled a breath. Her shoulders slumped. "Really?" she questioned.

The doctor nodded smiling. "Your still in remission."

Lexi bit her lips so tears didn't fall. Ethan squeezed her hand telling her he was still there.

"Thank god!" he breathed in a shaky voice.

Ethan and Lexi stood up and left the doctors office walked towards where the car was parked. Before they reached it they turned and hugged each other tightly. Each person needing the contact.

"I was so scared I thought I was gonna lose both of you today. That can't happen. I love you both so much! When we were told our baby was fine and your cancer hadn't returned…." he held her tighter. "I nearly cried in relief. I need you both." he breathed deeply.

She nodded. "I'll speak to Martin. Tell him I'm cutting my hours. Within the next month I'll go on maternity leave. I can't just up and leave them in the lurch."

Ethan nodded. Opened the door to the truck for her. Shut the door when she was inside.

He climbed in beside her.

"You gave mummy and daddy a big fright today sweetie." she rubbed her stomach.

"She sure did." Ethan agreed and put his hand over hers.

"How about we go home, talk names and look at pink frilly dresses?" she asked excitedly.

"Sounds good." he replied.

He was driving.

"You got any names in mind?" he asked.

"Dunno, I like Daisy. Haven't really thought of it."

"I like a few. Katie. Ebony. Zoey."

Lexi smiled. "I like the sound of Zoey." she said the word a few times. "Zoey, Zo Zo, Zoey Bell."

"Zoey Skye Bell." he murmured.

"That has got a nice ring to it." she agreed.

Zoey Skye Trevanion Bell, She thought.

"Lexi, Ethan and Zoey." he said.

"Is that her name then?" Lexi asked. "Are we agreed?"

"I think so."

"You know if we have another scan she can still be a he!" she told him.

He shook his head. "I told you. She's a girl. Takes a man to produce a daughter." he said proudly.

"And us?" she asked.

"We take us one day at a time. We both said things that were unforgivable. We need to work through stuff before we jump back into a relationship. That was always our problem. We jump straight in. Are way too intense. We should go slow and steady. The existence of our daughter proves how fast we go. I want us to work. I promise I'll never leave you Lex. And I mean YOU. Not Zoey. I will never leave you again. I love you."

"I love you." she said tears in her eyes. The one thing she had longed to hear from him. That he'd never leave her.

"Are we telling mum and dad they are having a granddaughter?"

"Well my mum knows so we'll tell yours too."

The car pulled into Leopards Den. Alice was doing paperwork on the veranda. Frowning. She looked up when she heard the car.

"Lex baby you ok? You look pale?"

She nodded. Decided not to tell her mum the real reason why she went to hospital. Why worry her unnecessarily.

"Where's dad?"

"Down in the surgery."

Danny walked up towards them.

"Dad we have news." Lexi said smiling. He stood behind Alice.

"We been to the hospital and my blood tests came back. I'm fine my cancer isn't back!"

"O baby that's amazing news.!" Alice got up and hugged her Danny wrapped his arms around them. "I've been so worried baby."

"I'm good mum I promise." she murmured and kissed her mums cheek.

Her mum and dad released her.

"That's not all. Me and Ethan have had a scan too. It's official we're having a little girl!" she was grinning from ear to ear.

"Lex Ethan congratulations!" Alice hugged her again.

Danny shook Ethan's hand. "Congratulations son."

"Thank you Danny."

Alice hugged Ethan. "I can't believe it. You still feel like my babies and now your gonna have your own baby!"

"Who'd of thought it huh?" Ethan asked holding Lexi's hand.

"Not me in a million years!" Danny admitted. "Of everything we thought of adopting you we never envisaged this happening." Danny admitted.

"How are you two?" Alice asked softly.

"We have stuff to sort out." Ethan told her.

"But we're hopeful that we'll be fine." Lexi added and looked at him out of the corner of her eye. Gave him a small smile. He did the same back. Everything was good!

**A/N ethan and lex have made up awwww an the family harmony is back once agen yay! ****one more final chapter after this one then we get the next story started which i am nearly finished writing woop woop :D**


	50. Birth

Exactly 4 months later 2 weeks early Zoey made her appearance. To the delight of her exhausted but ecstatic parents.

Lexi was in the delivery room. Ethan by her side. Holding her hand.

"That's it Lex. Your doing great. Absolutely great." he encouraged. Her head was back against her pillow blond hair stuck to her head. He handed her her Lucozade sport which she drank deeply.

"I'm tired Ethan." she said softly.

"I know honey but not long and she'll be here."

She nodded.

"Right Alexis. We need a big push ok."

Lexi nodded.

"You can do this Lex." he murmured and kissed her head.

She pushed again. Focused and put all her energy into it.

"The babies crowning" the doctor said. "Ok Alexis another big push!"

Lexi did. Panting as she did so.

"Your doing great Lex. Your so amazing." he murmured. Smoothed her hair off her forehead.

"Ok then Alexis. Once this shoulder is out it'll be easy. One more last big push and you can meet your baby!" the nurse told her.

"Hear that Lex. One more and we can meet Zoey. You can do it!"

She nodded tiredly. Smiled at him. "I bet she looks like you!" she murmured.

"Na, beautiful like her mum." he replied.

She felt another build up. She panted and inhaled a deep breath and pushed with all her might. Felt something shift then give. She exhaled and collapsed back. They heard a high pitched cry. They looked at each other in wonder as their daughter was handed to them.

"Our daughter!" he said as Lexi held her. She lay there making no noises. With her eyes closed. In her mothers arms. Content. Wrapped in a pink blanket.

Ethan had tears in his eyes. Kissed her. "Thank you so much!"

"I didn't do this by myself." she told him.

"I did one tiny bit. You did the important stuff. I can't explain how much I love you at this second. You gave us our little girl!"

They were moved to the maternity ward. Zoey was dressed in her pink suit and lay in her crib. Ethan had taken a million and one pictures. Zoey had slept continuously. Ethan and Lexi sat on the bed and watched her.

"She's so perfect isn't she?" he whispered.

Ethan was so adorable. Lexi thought. He doted on her already. Was always looking at her. Watching ready to spring if she needed anything.

They saw her little face scrunch up. Could tell she was gearing up for a wail. He went over washed his hands and sorted a bottle the hospital provided. Picked his daughter up. She latched onto the teat easily. She opened her eyes. Ethan was shocked he was looking into his own eyes. He smiled at his baby. God he was a daddy! "You know I never did particularly like brown eyes. But on my baby girl they are gorgeous." he murmured.

"I knew she'd be like you." Lexi gloated softly.

"She's like you just as much. She's gorgeous like you."

Zoey drank an ounce. He rested her on his shoulder and patted her back softly. "You're an old pro." Lexi said as soft wind passed their daughters lips.

He changed her nappy. Snapped up her suit. And settled her back to sleep. He placed a pink teddy beside her. Alice and Danny had bought it a few weeks ago.

"Your mum and dad are on their way you know. Eager to meet their granddaughter!"

"They're gonna be chuffed to bits with her." Lexi said.

"And with you." he added.

"Both of us. You keep talking like I did this by myself. She's both of us!" Lexi stressed.

"I dunno. You can tell she's a Trevanion. A Trevanion through and through like her mum. She's got that stubborn jaw! It feels like I'm dreaming! I'm a daddy!"

"yeah the best daddy my baby could ever have and you know why? Coz you learned how from my dad you love us and we love you!"

Alice and Danny burst in as Ethan kissed Lexi.

"Enough of that! That is how she's here!" Danny joked.

Lexi blushed bright red. Ethan grinned.

"Aw Ethan Lexi she's gorgeous." Alice said as she picked her up. The baby as if on cue opened her brown eyes. "And she has the look of her daddy!" Alice gushed. "Aw Danny I'm a nana!" she said smiling. Holding the baby tenderly.

Danny touched the babies face softly.

"How do you feel granddad?" Ethan asked.

"Proud of you both. She's so beautiful. Well done."

"Thanks dad."

"Thanks Danny."

"Stay close kids. Life doesn't get better than having your family around.

"Amie and Daniel walked in followed by Dupe and Caroline.

All the family was now here. Alice thought that this was perfect. She had her husband holding their granddaughter talking to her in baby language. The husband she had believed was gone forever. And her other two babies crowding crowd looking at her in amazement. Danny looked up at her and smiled a secret smile. The smile that he reserved for her alone. Lexi and Ethan who had been looking at their daughter did the same. The love in the room overflowed. And everything was perfect.

**A/N and there we are another story finished. But do not fret. My first chapter for Another Life, Another Time will be up ASAP.**

**Thanks to everyone who had read and reviewed and I sincerely hope you have enjoyed.**

**Your all great :D**


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